Suburban Rebel Mom

A Soren of Fire & Ice

2012-01-27T13:20:00.024-05:00

Unless you've been living under a rock, by now you would have heard about the HBO tv series "Game Of Thrones." This is a series based on a fantastic story, "A Song of Fire and Ice" written by James. R.R. Martin. If you haven't read them, I highly suggest you do. Even though it's considered Fantasy genre, it's less fantastical and more about political intrigue. The coolest aspect (in my very own "humble" opinion) of these stories though, is that there really is no such thing as a "Good Guy" or a "Bad Guy". The way Martin writes about the characters, you learn why they do the things they do, and you begin to understand from each perspective that they choices they make are quite logical.

I started reading this series back in 1998, waaaaay before I had kids. In fact, while waiting for book 5 to finally come out, I had two of them. It's been a long journey with Martin, and while I cursed him for the 6 years I waited for the latest book to come out, I still come back for more.

When the show finally aired on HBO last year, depite the fact we don't have cable, J & I worked to find it online, a hard thing to do with HBO shows. We ended up watching the series online with grainy images. We didn't care! We just wanted to watch our favorite book hero's kill each other and toss sarcastic retorts to the camera!

Ever since I started reading GoT, my all time favorite character has been Tyrion Lannister: a dwarf noble with an endless supply of witty quotes, utterly sarcastic, and a heart of gold. I'd have to say that he is my favorite book character in general, and as I read about a book a day, that's a huge endorsement. His personality is so much like my own I feel like he is the male version of me.

Imagine my surprise and delight when we began to watch the series and I saw Tyrion (played by Peter Dinklage) for the first time, and I thought he looked pretty damn familiar. It bothered me for awhile as I just could NOT place where I might have seen the actor before. I looked through his resume on IMDB and couldn't find anything that stood out to me as to why I felt like I *knew* this guy. J had the same feeling, but neither of us could figure it out.

Awhile later, while the kids were wreaking havoc on the house as they are wont to do, Soren raced by and it hit me like a bolt of lightning. THAT'S where I knew the face!!! Soren looked just like Tyrion Lannister! Granted he looks 40 years younger, but still, it was uncanny. I mentioned it to J and he agreed. Since then, anytime I asked any of my friends who were GoT fans what they thought, bolts of lightning would hit them too and 100% of them agreed wholeheartedly with us.

The photos I used are not the best to show you, but it was the best I could come up with for now to try and show the similarities. Take a look at Tyrion Lannister and Soren side by side:

It's now become a running joke amongst my circle of friends that we should have named Soren Tyrion. He's even begun to answer to that name. One of my best friends said we need to get him a teeshirt like this:

Unfortunately I've yet to find one in size 3T.

Housework Horrors

2012-01-25T09:00:00.084-05:00

I think we can all agree that housework sucks. In general, it's one of those things that you HAVE to do, but really, all you want to do is cuddle up on the couch with a glass of Brandy and read a good book. But alas, at least once in awhile you have to suck it up and try to complete.

But doing housework for a family of 5 is something that should be in its own category. It is not the housework most people recognize. You would think that a family of 5 would create 5 times more housework but you would be dead wrong. Without exagerating, it's more like 20 times the amount. And when you add in little boys who are learning to use the toilet (or still learning how to aim corrctly) it's a whole 'nother ball game.

I wrote awhile ago about doing laundry for 5. Today, after a few close encounters of hit and run activity while I tidied up the house, I thought I'd add more to that lament.

*Vacuuming*

Try and imagine yourself in the middle of a battlefield. Instead of landmines you deal with Lego pieces. Of course, you bribed your kids to clean up before you start, and when that didn't work, you threatened to suck up every toy on the floor with your giant vaccum. But still, you're going to find a Lego piece or 5 forgotten in the haste to clear off the floor so that Mom doesn't trash a beloved stuffie. Trust me.

Next, imagine one kid has a sensitivity to loud sounds. This is a kid who freaks out sobbing at the thought of fireworks, and constantly asks me to turn down the volume of -42 because it's too loud. This is the same kid who screeches to me when his younger brother is playing with one of is toys every 5 minutes. I don't get it either. But anytime the vaccum gts pulled out he races to the couch in utter fear.

Now, add in another kid who used to be afraid of the vaccum, but now realizes that it's it the coolest freaking game ever. He races to the toy box and throws everything out (that he just finished picking up) to find his toy sword. And the moment that vaccum goes he charges, sword thrust out in front of him, ready to slay the vaccum. Then he ruuns away, tripping on the cord, only to circle around and try again.

NOW add in the freaked out kid who sees his brother having a ball, and decides to join in. He races off to the toy box, hauling out more toys, to find his sword, and the game is on. All I want is to vaccum my "almost white" carpets in peace. And maybe to be able to see said carpets for at least 15 minutes. But nope, by the time I give up, the floor is covered in toys, the boys have tripped over the wire at least three times each, and I can't even tell that I had a clean room a mere 5 minutes ago.

/sigh

*Dishes*

Aside from laundry, dishes are the bane of my existance. I hated doing them so much my dear, dear husband has kindly taken over the majority of that chore. Still, even knowing I am not doing the lions share of dishes they still suck.

We have a smallish dishwasher and it doesnt matter ow frugal you are with cups and dishes over the day, it will fill up at least once. I tried for the longest time to give each boy one cup to use per day, hoping that it would cut down on dishwashing. it didn't. Somehow those bastards multiply faster than rabbits.

I have now convinced myself it is cheaper to buy paper plates and plastic cups at BJ's and use those for breakfast and lunch, than to pay the water bill for the ungodly amount of dishes we have to clean for a family of five. But now I'm running out of silverware each day. Maybe I should add plastic forks to the next shopping list....

*Bathrooms*

Really, this one doesn't need much clarification. I live in a household with four males, three of which are young. All I have to say is, none of my children will ever be the winner of any type of accuracy contest, like archery. Ever. Did I mention we have four bathrooms? Yeah.

I can't be the only one with household horror stories. Let's hear yours!

Weighty Subject

2012-01-24T12:16:00.000-05:00

All of my life I have had issues with weight, although not always in the same vein. When I was a kid, up until I left high school I was skinny: too skinny. Dr's thought I was anemic or even anorexic (although I promise this was NOT the case).

But once I had Xavier my weight went into a tailspin the other way. I gained a lot of weight with Xavier and post partum, I was determined to get back to something healthy. Despite determined efforts, no matter what I did I could not lose it. I went to the DR then and he set me up with a nutritionist. After 4 months of severe calorie counting and daily exercising I went back to find out I lost a total of 4 pounds. I was told by the nutritionist I was screwed.

This caused a bout of major depression for me for awhile. But then I realized I could sink into my own personal hell and wallow in it, or I could say fuck it, and live my life with my beautiful new baby. I chose the latter. Oddly enough, a year later, with no changing in my diet or activity I lost the weight.

Fast forward to the (kind of) present: I have had an issue in finding a good Primary Care Physician in this area. I loved the one we had back in MA and I'm always comparing the ones here to him. My first DR told me I was chubby (I wasn't at the time and my BMI was great). I walked out and never returned.

The most recent DR I found I initially loved! However about 6 months ago, for no known reason I gained 30 pounds in three months. When I went to him for help, he put me on a weight loss medication that was ,and I quote, "99% effective! I guarantee you will lose weight!"

Even with a calorie counting diet, meds, and a lot of exercise, I still did not lose weight. When I went back for a check up he told me, and I quote, "You must have the fat gene. I read about that. The gene can turn on and off at random. Basically, there is nothing you can do. You're going to be the kind of person who has to work out 5 days a week and eat practically nothing, just to stay the same weight."

I walked out of there in tears.

And then I got pissed. Really pissed. Like I wanted to punch a fucking wall (or a certain DR). Because I'm sorry, but while I can agree with the fact that it's genetically possible for people to be more prone to gaining weight, I do NOT believe there is some fucking "Fat Gene" that can blink on and off like a traffic light on it's own random pattern. I DO believe that there is something else that has to have caused such a significant weight gain in a matter of months with no obvious reasons. I mean look. I would take full responsibility for any weight gain if I was sitting in my ass eating Ho HO's all day long. But I haven't been. And I feel like this weight gypped me of the pleasures of Ho Ho's dammit!

So I called him back and ordered him to test me for everything he could think of. Alas, he couldn't think of anything aside from testing for tumors and thyroid. I haven't been back since.

My point of bringing all of this up was because of today: I went to a new office for women for an annual exam. While there I asked them if they did anything else aside from OBGYN, and explained my sob story. I admit, this hits close to home and while talking it brought back all the pain and humiliation I've felt over the years. Fortunately, when I got to the part about the "fat gene", the DR gasped and said that was ludicrous. She was angry on my behalf and seeing that... it gave me a sense of peace. She also said that yes, gaining 30 pounds in 3 months is a sign of something up and she is bound and determined to find out what.

So the deal is I have to fast and go in for blood work. She's going to run the gambit on all tests she can think of. If they all come back normal she is sending me to an endocrinologist for more work. In other words, I have hope. I'm not roadblocked anymore. I'm cautiously optimistic though, because I really fear being let down again. This last time hit me more than I expected and I can still feel the grief when I even lightly think on the subject. To have this come to nothing or be told I'm screwed again would probably finish off what little self esteem I have left in regards to my weight.

So.... keep your fingers crossed for me that I found someone who might actually listen and do some detective work. I'm hoping this one won't give up on me. I really need all the good thoughts I can get.

Well Fuck

2012-01-23T12:23:00.000-05:00

I was perusing the news the other day when I came across this article regarding children swearing. I had to laugh at the group grumbling, anti-indecency Parents Television Council, because first off, I don’t think most parents would be watching the show with their toddlers on hand. Then again, I don’t know the show and could be totally off base. Since we don’t have cable I watch things of interest on Hulu or Netflix, and usually when the kids are passed out in bed.

But I found this article interesting for a few reasons. The first being that I immediately thought “DUH” when researchers claimed that by age two, kids are starting to learn adult language. Hell, all three of my kids were saying fuck by the age of two. And if you’re a parent and had this happen in your household, you know how both shocking and amusing it is. Of course we parents need to teach our kids that it’s not fucking ok for them to swear. I learned how to circumvent the “Do as I say, not as I do” without looking hypocritical and it has worked very well so far (knock on fucking wood.) My kids have been raised to understand that some things kids get to do and some things only adults get to do. It’s a right you EARN when you hit the age of majority. I’ve told my kids that I have earned the right to use “Adult Words” as I am a grown up. When they turn 18 they can swear all the fuck they want and I won’t bat an eye. But they cannot use adult words until they are an adult. Fair? They seem to think so.

But another reason I found this article interesting helps to argue against those who feel that parents shouldn’t swear at all in front of their kids. Now, I’m not condoning all parents start swearing up and down on a daily basis in front of their kids. That’s for after they’ve gone to bed. But in the average world, it is ridiculous to hold the parent to a standard where swearing at all is awful.Why? Because of this nifty note:

Swearing also makes it easier to bear pain, according to a 2009 study in which volunteers submerged their hands in a tub of ice water, a common laboratory method for inducing pain. Some were told to repeat a swear word of their choice as they submerged their hands, while others were told to repeat a boring, nonobscene adjective.

The volunteers who were swearing a blue streak kept their hands submerged longer than the other participants, suggesting the profanity helped them cope with pain. It's possible that swearing increases aggression and thus pain tolerance, study researcher Richard Stephens of Keele University told LiveScience at the time.

Swearing also serves a purpose of expressing emotion more deeply, succinctly and cathartically than any other type of speech, Jay said. But this positive side of swearing gets little attention, he said.

"A lot of people don't realize that swearing represents an evolutionary leap, in that it allows us to be verbally aggressive without being physically aggressive," Jay said. [10 Most Destructive Human Behaviors]

Two things stand out here. The first is pain. Pain is part and parcel of being a parent. I’ve had more toys thrown at my head than I can count, and I’ve stepped on countless amount of fucking Legos left on the floor that hurt like hell. How about when you’re dealing with a tantruming child and they wallop you hard with their kicking feet?

The other one is more common and less thought off. Swearing serves a purpose of letting us vent frustration without being physically aggressive. How many times have your kids done something to royally piss you off? How many times have you felt your adrenaline kick in and you stand there shaking, trying to calm down so you don’t lose it? Wouldn’t swearing under your breath be far better than to grab your kid in a moment of anger and do something you would sooo regret later? Yeah, me too. I would rather cuss up a storm in front of my kids when I see a trail of chocolate milk spilled over the entirety of my (almost white) carpets than to focus that anger in any other way.

So parents, I say to you, go ahead and swear without feeling guilt. We as a society put too much negativity on these words. They are, after all, just a combination of sounds we piece together, and they don’t hurt our children. And if it makes you feel better when you step on a damn Lego, isn’t that better than holding it in and seething for much longer than is needed? Just remember to teach your kids that they are not for kids. They have to earn the right to use them. Just like you earn the right to a glass of wine at 5pm. But if they do swear, don't panic. Just stay calm and give them an alternate kid friendly phrase to use. Just don't forget to video tape it for future blackmail purposes ;)

Schooled Out

2012-01-20T09:40:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I went to Xavier's school three times. By the end of the night I was starting to feel like I should have bought a backpack and a bagged meal with me.

The first time was for a meeting. I finally met up with Xavier's teachers to discuss his focusing problems. His main issue is that he won't stop talking about his "flavor of the month" during any transition period. This month it's Minecraft. I asked what the teacher did when this happened and I swear, she blushed and looked down, saying she feels bad but she will ask him to stop. I tried very very hard to keep my eye rolling to a minimum, realizing that she may have met a parent or two who would freak out and yell "YOU DON'T SAY THAT TO MY BABY!!!!" And I gave her permission to tell that to my baby as many damn times as she needed to. I told her what I did during homework: if he starts talking about anything nonhomework related it sounds like this:

Me: "is it about homework?"
Xavier:"....um no...?"
Me: "Then I don't want to hear about it until your homework is done."

5 minutes later......

Me: "Is it about homework?"
Xavier:(sighs) "No."
Me: Then get back to homework and tell me when you're done."

The teacher looked both grateful and hopeful after I told her I was totally ok with her doing this in class, and to also let him know that non class related subjects were not to be talked about unless it was during free time, lunch or recess. We also got his homework cut down. Everyone 'round the table agreed 2-3 hours of math was ridiculous. While I know Xavier will be happy I have to say I am beyond excited to know my weeknights will stop consisting of hours of long division. I did that crap when I was his age. I don't want to do it again.

The second reason was to pick Xavier up from school early. I was called by the school nurse to come pick him up. While he didn't have a fever, she said he looked pale. We ALL look pale! My nickname as a kid was Snow White, and while I may have moved down to a sunnier climate, I can still blend in with paper. But I went to pick him up, and he spent the rest of the day lying down reading or watching movies.

And finally, I had a special education session in the evening. I was asked to be a guest speaker for parents with children with ADHD, and to tell Xavier's story. It was a great experience to meet other parents in similar situations, and to watch peoples eyes light up as I spoke about what we all go through as a family, to see that realization that they weren't the only ones who had seriously crappy mornings before the medication kicked in. It is very very true that misery loves company.

Yesterday reminded me how much I appreciate being an adult and parent. I am so glad I don't have to go to school anymore like the kids do. And I loved the fact that, as an adult, I could (and did) banter with the teachers about it being 5pm somewhere. If I tried that when I was younger, it might have gone on my school record ;)

I Was Bored

2012-01-19T22:26:00.000-05:00

not really. But after two years of having "worked" (i.e. did not get paid) as promotions manager for a cool support site for moms, I have recently stepped down. While I loved the role, it was a lot of work and I was getting burnt. And a burnt SRM is a bitchy SRM.

And as it's been a long time since I had had time to blog, I decided to dust off the cobwebs and pull this sucker out for some air. Annnnd I got bored of seeing the old background. And decided to make myself an actual logo. And a FB fan page.

Mah New Logo!!!

Im still not sure if I'm completely happpy with the look, but it will do for now. I do <3 my new logo though!

So here's the deal. I promise to keep the FB fan page updated. I promise to keep the blog updated. I promise to not censor myself in any way regarding warped humor. All I ask you is that you read, comment, like my FB page, and help spread the word by sharing.

Let's see how well we can do together. Do you think we can get 100 people to like the page and blog by say, my birthday? We've got until May 1 peeps.....

Ready. Set. GO!

FOCUS!

2012-01-16T08:00:00.001-05:00

Murphy's Law can suck my middle finger. I had just hit the publish button for my "Morning Miracles" blog when I received an email from Xavier's teacher requesting a meeting. It seems that he is having difficulty in paying attention in class. We set up a meeting for January 19th, and I emailed Xavier's Special Education teacher, asking if she could please join us, to which she agreed to.

That afternoon when I picked Xavier up from school, I mentioned the email, and asked him if there were any areas he was having trouble concentrating on. "MATH" he yelled from the backseat. So I told him that we were going to sit down that day together, and I would not leave his side while he did his math homework. I would be there to answer any questions and help him. I would not DO it for him though.

So we got home, and going through the mountain of paperwork that always arrives on a Monday afternoon, I saw one possible issue that could cause focus issues in class. Xavier is starting to learn long division. And the teacher is showing the kids multiple ways on how to do it. Now. For a normal kid, this would probably work just fine. But for a kid with severe ADHD, the more possible ways to do something, the more confusing it can be. It clicked why he was having issues. And frankly. reading the explanation the teacher sent home made my own ADD kick into high gear. I couldn't follow it at all.

So I sat down and showed Xavier how to do division the way *I* do it. And after a lot of questions, it seemed to click. So we grabbed some paper and pencils, and sat down to get to work.

This kid focused his ass off. I will give major props to him after this day of homework. He didn't lose track, he didn't get up a lot. He sat there with me by his side, and worked hard. Even knowing this, it took him 3 hours to finish 1 1/2 pages of homework. 3 fucking hours with the both of us sitting there, working on long division. He never lost focus. I, on the other hand, started daydreaming about alcohol around the 45 minute mark.

Finally by 7:30 I had had enough. Even though we didn't get to any of the other homework, I sent Xavier off to play for the last hour before bed. I wrote a note to the teacher, explaining the situation and letting her know I was totally ok with him not finishing his homework that night. She wrote back the next day to let me know she agreed and was cool with it as well.

The following day I called my friend Sabra, both to crow about Xavier's ability to sit and focus, but to also bitch about 3 hours of long division. She gave me a great idea on how to make it easier. You flip the paper sideways so that each number has it's own column and it's easier to see. I tried it that afternoon. With the combined efforts of having it starting to really click for him, and the sideways paper, we cut it down to 45 minutes.

Xavier has an IEP that allows for his homework to be scaled down if needed. We haven't used that yet, but I think I'm going to bring that up at the teacher meeting. While I want Xavier to succeed, I also want him to have time to play too. I'll update after the meeting

Morning Miracles

2012-01-15T09:00:00.001-05:00

DEEP AND SAPPY BLOG AHEAD!

Throughout the past several months while I haven't been blogging, we've been working hard to help Xavier with his ADHD issues. We had a point where we had to call the Dr and say "you know what? We think something else may be going on. The meds aren't working, and he's sometimes acting like Curious George on crack."

We were referred to a psychiatrist who thought that it might be possible that Xavier may have Bi-Polar, but it wasn't concrete enough to give an official diagnosis. it does run in the family. After talking to family members so I had enough information to hand over to doctors while we tried to figure things out, I found out my paternal grandmother was Bi-Polar. I knew she had been in a mental hospital at one point in time, but never knew the official diagnosis.

That said, we're still working with severe ADHD, and if things start to change again, we will revisit it, as suggested by the Dr. He is too young right now, and too low on the spectrum for it to be diagnosed anyways. We (combined minds of several doctors and parents) think that his Curious George Mentality happened when he outgrew his medication. So over the past few months we have been trying to find the right medication, and the perfect dose.

Yay that we finally found it! It took awhile and we had some rocky moments, both in school and at home. But the special education resources at his school are amazing, and I have developed a bond with his special education teacher. We're actually now working together with other parents to create informational sessions for new parents with children with special needs. Its amazing how much help it can be to know you are not alone when you have a child who is not "typical."

But still, the mornings and evenings can be tough, even with the right meds. Before meds kick in, Xavier is like to bounce all over the place, unable to focus for more then three seconds on one thing. He bothers his brothers by getting in their space, which causes epic tantrums from all three (add four if you want to include J who deals with the kids in the morning.) And at night when the meds have worn off, he's again, all over the place.

Until two weeks ago, when, one morning, Xavier woke up at 6:15, an hour earlier than his brothers. J gave him his booster meds with breakfast, and without anyone around for him to bother, Xavier was quietly able to get his school stuff ready, and had plenty of time to play before we had to leave for carpool. By the time the two younger boys woke up, he was engrossed in his own thing and didn't bother them while they had breakfast. It was a huge change. Normally I wake up to everyone yelling or screeching, and J losing his patience. This time I woke up to happy smiling faces.

It was such a profound difference that J decided to try it each morning. Xavier got a Lego alarm clock for Christmas, and we set the alarm for 6:15. J sets his for the same time, and each morning, they quietly walk downstairs together, have breakfast, get things ready for school, then Xavier goes off to play quietly.

And every morning, EVERY morning, it has been...peaceful. It's odd and wondrous at the same time. At one point you want to smack yourself upside the head and wonder why you didn't think of trying this before? Could it truly be that if we had tried this years ago, we would have had a more peaceful morning?

Not only are the mornings great, but because he gets his booster early in the morning, Xavier can take his real medication a little later in the morning, which allows it to last longer through the day. Which means that he can focus better on his homework, and he is calmer, and more able to socialize with the family without anyone going crazy!!! It's a freaking miracle!!! I finally have this kid, whom I adore but could never really have a conversation with him without him being silly or losing focus, BUT NOW I CAN!!!! I can sit with him, and we can talk, and we can listen, and we can joke together, and it's not hard!!! It's amazing! And I can see it in him too, that he is loving this new found ability to really join in on family stuff without losing his ability to control his impulses. He can play with his brothers without ticking them off. He's become this big hero to Soren, who now follows him around like a puppy. Soren will now do anything to make his brother laugh. And where once Ashe and Xavier were always playing a metaphorical tug-o-war, the bickering is so much less and they are really beginning to create a bond of friendship.

Xavier has always had a hard road to walk. Even with parents who would do anything for him, and friends, it's tough having to deal with stuff like this, things you would not wish on anyone. And the sad aspect is that most likely, he will always have to deal with ADHD and how it will affect his life. It will affect everything: work, home, social, love.... Things we take for granted on a daily basis are a hundred times more difficult for him, even with medication and a lot of support.

BUT... I gaze in wonder at my oldest son lately, my husband the genius who put two and two together, and my happy family, where the quarrels are almost nonexistent now ( ok well, lets say normal for a family of five...) and I am filled with such gratitude and hope. Hope that no matter what we go through, we go through it together, and as a team, there may always be new things to find to help our son on this path called life.

Sorenese

2012-01-13T08:00:00.003-05:00

Soren is now two and a half and still can't talk. Strike that, he won't talk, at least not in English. He does talk non stop, and he's quite understandable if you speak HIS language. He has an amazing language all his own, which family and friends alike have dubbed Sorenese. Most people who don't know Soren very well believe the he must have some issues, some impairment the does not allow him to use the English vocabulary. Those who do know him well laugh their ass off at this suggestion, knowing very well that he could if he wanted to. The key phrase here is if he wanted to. And he has made it abundantly clear that he does not. Despite concentrated efforts in trying to get him to use real words like cat or dog, he uses equally concerted efforts to teach everyone else the Sorenese version of these words.

Our Pediatrician suggested that we have CDSA come out and evaluate him, just in case there was something going on. Having had a child who needed speech therapy, (Ashe, for Apraxia) comparing the two kids I honestly didnt think Soren had an issue. I think it was just my genetic stubborn trait shining through. But after discussing with J a time table in which Soren learned to talk, and passing that time table with no results in English, we decided to call them and see what they said.

As fate always decrees, the moment you make a call like that, things start to ramp up. I had recently gotten Soren potty trained using M&Ms as a reward. He was fully trained in two weeks. One day I got the idea to see if his favorite candy would also prevail in getting him to talk. If I was right, and he was just being stubborn, it should be easy. If he couldnt even with the carrot on a stick attempt, then I knew we had a problem, and calling CDSA was the right decision.

Yeah. In one week I got him to spell SUPER MARIO, say I love you, please, and thank you. BLESS you M&Ms! ( I now keep a giant stash on hand in case the boys need a good ~~bribe~~ reward).

CDSA still came over and they brought a speech pathologist to test him. In order to be considered for the program he had to fail certain tests. He didn't. In fact, he aced them with flying colors. The only issue was verbal expression and even that did not score low enough. The speech pathologist did mention that it was very uncommon for non twin children to develop their own language, and he was convinced that Soren was unique in this aspect. I told him about my M&M trick and he felt that while he could do well with speech therapy, M&Ms would work well too.

It was nice to know we're not dooming our child, and that he really can talk if he wanted to, but chooses to have his own enriched language. I also know that when he starts to really talk, there will be plenty of times I will wish he would just shut up for a bit. So Im not going to push his language. I'll offer him treats once in awhile, but Im pretty sure that by the time he hits kindergarten this will all be forgotten.

Either that or he will start teaching his classmates and teacher a new language. And that's not all that bad, to be considered bilingual at age 5 ;)

Wine Bottle Battle of 2012

2012-01-12T08:00:00.077-05:00

I love me a glass of wine. Or three. I'm a huge red wine fan and if you come to my house you'll normally see about 4 bottles of red hanging out on my kitchen counter, waiting to be delved into and appreciated once the kids go to bed.

My friend Kelly knows this, and sweetheart that she is, she bought J & I a bottle of red for the holidays. The other night I decided to pop it open after a long day and relax with a glass of red and a good book. I grabbed our trusty cork screw, which had uncorked countless bottles over the years, and started the process.

I didn't know it at the time, but the cork was not actual cork. It was some kind of weird rubber material. And it bitch slapped my cork screw. when I say bitch slapped, what I really mean to say is that it dragged my poor tool into a dark alley corner and beat the shit out of it until it was in 4 pieces. Literally

The first handle snapped off when I tried, and it resulted in me bashing my knuckles hard on the counter. J came over to make sure I was alright, then took over. I told him I didn't need wine *that* badly. I could always grab some brandy or Vodka, but he wouldn't hear of it. "I will get this wine for you!" he declared, and went to battle.

And a battle it was, of epic proportions.

The second handle snapped when he made his first attempt. Then the screw itself snapped off when he tried to pull it out. That's when he pulled out the full armory: knives of assorted shapes and sizes, screw drivers, meat thermometer (ok that one was my idea), and the tool box. I jokingly asked if he wanted to try the electric drill. Deadpan, he told me he had already thought of it.

The situation was just so funny, I started posting regular updates on FB, along with snapshots of the battle. Towards the end, I had to record the final moments, and post it on youtube to share, because it was just so damn funny to see the lengths J would go to so I could have a glass of wine. This people, is true love. Screw flowers and jewels. When your husband pulls out the tool box in order to ensure his wife has alcohol, you know you found your soul mate.

Here is the video:

Three bent knives, one broken thermometer, a sliced knuckle, and 30 minutes later, J finally won as the cork gave up from the brutal torture it endured. After tending to wounds, burying the casualties (I had to trash my meat thermometer and knives), and cleaning up the battlefield, J and I sat down with 2 giant glasses of red, and celebrated the victory while playing Words With friends. While it didn't turn out to be the relaxing evening of wine and book that I had originally envisioned, it was a fantastic night of humor, to see how far one would go for love.... and alcohol ;)

P.S. Kelly, the wine was very good!

Domesticating SRM Round 1: Cookies

2012-01-11T13:41:00.000-05:00

Growing up I never learned the every day stuff of keeping house. My mom didn't cook, didn't bake, etc. I grew up on McDonald's drive thru and thinking that steak had to be cooked to almost burnt before it was done. I wasn't taught laundry skills. To this day I still shove loads of clothes into my washer willy nilly, slap a bunch of detergent in there, sit on the lid to make sure it stays down, etc. I never had home ec class, to teach me how to sew, or balance checkbooks, or anything life skill-esque. And I NEVER learned how to bake cookies. Cookies from scratch in my language means grabbing the precut Tollhouse Cookie dough, warming up the oven and tossing it in.

My friend Sabra, on the other hand, is what I would call a domestic goddess. When I go over to her house, she is constantly puttering around in her kitchen making goodies from scratch. I fell in love with her all over again the day she made me home made strawberry scones. Usually I go to her house since her idea of clean is not mine. She likes to iron her curtains. I don't have curtains to begin with. I used to tell her she wasn't allowed over my house, but I've rescinded that decree as I love to watch her eyes gaze around my living area, and see what project she will offer to do for me. I haven't taken her up on any of them, but I love hearing what she will come up with next.

In the next few days I will be retiring from a volunteer management position at a moms support group. I've been managing promotions there for two years and it eats away at a lot of my free time. Knowing that I am nearing the end, I got this crazy idea that I need to learn something new. And thinking of Sabra I decided I wanted her to teach me how to bake from scratch. I don't know what drugs I was on when I came up with this crazy idea. But there has always been a part of me that has wanted to learn domestic stuff that many people take for granted. So many of the moms in this area bake cookies. I wanted to bake cookies too dammit! So I asked her and our mutual friend, Sarah (another cookie baker) to come over and let our kids destroy the house while they taught me how to bake.
I thought it would be a simple thing. You get flour, you get sugar, salt, butter, etc. Scoop the ingredients, mix them together, toss in the oven and voila! 30 minutes later home made cookies.

Holy hell was I totally off base!

Sabra brought over her Ipad with a "Simple" sugar cookie recipe. She thinks simple. I think you need a degree in rocket science (see whut I did thar, Sarah???) But they were the teachers, I the student, and so we started off.

The first thing I apparently did wrong was that I didn't read through the recipe ALL THE WAY before starting to get out the ingredients. Sarah asked if, when I put something together, like a book case, don't I read through the instructions first then go to square one? I said hell no! J usually puts those together, and when we do it as a team, we go step by step. I found out that was the wrong answer.

After reading the recipe ALL THE WAY through (and reading it aloud so they both knew I had, and to lovingly piss them off) I made my next mistake. When I went to get the flour, I scooped into the flour bag with my measuring cup. I kid you not, Sarah had a look of complete horror on her face and Sabra had to walk away from the kitchen. I noticed her consumption of coffee started ticking up by that point. She did refuse a shot of vodka to calm her nerves, but I think it was a near thing.

I learned you need to FLUFF flour, when you measure it. Not like you fluff a pillow (as I mentally thought of beating the flour bag as I do my pillow at night). No, you have to scoop little spoonfuls and shake it into the measuring cup. Because if you don't FLUFF your flour your cookies will taste like shit.

I learned you don't FLUFF your sugar or salt, but you do MASH your butter. Oh and I got reamed out for not having unsalted butter. We don't use real butter most of the time. We use margarine. I thought my two friends were going to die right there and then when they realized I didn't own any REAL butter. I mentally made sure I knew where my cell phone was in case I had to call 911 for a heart attack.

Then I learned I need to buy parchment paper. Because parchment paper ensures that whatever it is you're cooking wont stick to the pan. Between you and me, I don't even know what the hell parchment paper is. I toyed with the idea of asking if they wanted to use college lined paper instead of the tinfoil I had, but I was scared that by this time in my lessons, Sabra was going to come after me with the new rolling pin I bought, if I made any sarcastic comments.

The cookies came out decent, if I say so myself. They're edible. They didn't poison anyone. And the kids asked for seconds. I did notice that neither Sabra nor Sarah tried one. Hmmmm.

Next week we're going to make Turtle cookies, yay!!!!

Glasses Revealed

2012-01-10T09:00:00.016-05:00

I promised an update once we got Ashe his new glasses, so here it is. Ashe has now had his glasses for a week and he is in loooooooooove with them. I posted a photo on FB while we were at the Eye Doctor, picking them up. To all of you who left a comment, THANK YOU! he got the biggest kick out of all of your praise, and I don't doubt that it helped cement his love for his new look.
So without further ado, here is Master Ashe with his new Sponge Bob Squarepants glasses:

We did have to go get them adjusted a little bit this past Monday. Unfortunately they kept sliding down his nose. But within ten minutes they were able to adjust them accordingly and they fit him perfectly. So far this week, there have been no Asheidents to report.

Black Out

2012-01-09T12:48:00.000-05:00

Some days when you're feeling sick, or the weather sucks, you indulge your kids to keep the peace (and much needed quiet) by allowing them more electronic time than usual. At least I do. I'm not a perfect parent (never said I was) and there are just times when it's too crappy to go out, or I feel like shit, and really, all I want to do is lie on the couch while I try to survive a killer cold. And the last thing I want to do is play play dough with the two little ones, which WILL result in many minutes of me muttering curses under my breath while I try to scrape the red goo out of my "almost white" carpets.

However there is a boundary that shouldn't be crossed. And that is when the kids start showing signs of addiction. Now. My kids come to their glee of electronic devices and computer games naturally. I myself, am an avid gamer. J is one as well. So the kids hear us talking about the previous nights raid in our game, and they want to be like Mom and Dad. Xavier has his own mini MMOs's that he gets his school friends into so that they can play and chat together online after school (once homework is done). Ashe is an avid Zelda lover. He frequently comes up to me with his big blue eyes and tells me how I am Zelda, and he promises to rescue me from the evil Gannon every time I am kidnapped. Soren, well, Soren doesn't talk English much, but he makes it very clear that Super Mario is his BFF.

But that doesn't mean that a love affair of electronic games means that you drop everything else for that. That is when it becomes an issue. And the issue happened this morning, after 2 weeks of me being KO'd by a cold, and crappy weather out today. I woke up this morning to Soren screaming at J for a DS. Soren doesn't own a DS. But he wanted his brothers. And J told him no. Hell broke loose.

Getting in the car to take Xavier to school, Soren flipped out when I told him he couldn't bring the family Nook with him so he could continue playing Angry Birds. (On a side note, what is so freaking addicitng about this game???? I don't play it but my mom does and somehow she got all three kids hooked on this. They even got angry birds stuffed animals in their Christmas stockings). I'll fess up here and now and say that there have been a few days where I have allowed Ashe and Soren to bring an electronic device with them to pick up Xavier at carpool. But in my defense, you try sitting in line for 40 minutes with two young children listening to kids songs every Monday through Friday, and tell me that if you could have a little bit of piece and quiet you wouldn't have done the same thing too! It makes for a very happy family when we each have something we like while we wait for so long in the car. But waiting for that long and just dropping off are two different things.

So today when we got home, and the whining continued I laid down the law. We were having an electronic black out today: NO Nooks, DS, TV, Xbox, etc. TODAY we were going to play with REAL toys. TODAY we were going to have face time. TODAY we are going to remind ourselves how much fun other things are that don't hook into a plug.

It took them about 5 minutes to realize Mama wasn't joking. They tried whining, screaming, cajoling, begging, promising me their favorite stuffed animals as hostages for good behavior. And I stuck to my guns. Initiating play, I told them they could ransack my bedroom and bring down blankets to make a fort. And huffing off, they went. And brought them down. And started working together as a team to build a fort. Next came the bean bags to make the fort cozy. Then came the backpacks for their adventures. Books to read, our stick horse Epona to ride around the fort. And before they realized it, it was lunch time and they had been having a blast. We made a game of cleaning up, and taking down the fort so we could eat.

Sometimes, despite it being easy to ignore an issue when your kids are happy and quiet, you have to Mom up, and force your kids to find another source of fun. Like the other times when I had to redirect Soren to draw on paper and not our "white" walls with flat paint. You have to deal with their tantrums, sometimes epic ones, and say "Not Today".

Now just don't tell the kids I snuck down here to use my electronics to type this ok? It might get me in trouble. ;)

The Talk 2.0

2012-01-06T08:00:00.000-05:00

If you been following me for a long time you remember the time I had a talk with Xavier. Well Xavier is 9 and a half now and his brother Ashe is following in his footsteps. Recently I found myself yet again in a position of awkwardness as I was asked questions about sex, this time coming out of the mouth of my 4 year old in the backseat of the car. And of course the weather was miserable so it was doubly difficult to pay attention to the road and to answer the questions of sex piping from the back seat.
I don't understand why it's always me that gets asked these questions. I mean I'm not the only parent in the household. And you would think that the boys with gravitate towards their father with these types of questions. But oh no it's always me, and always when I am alone without my partner in crime to help give me back up. I remember the last time Xavier brought up sex to me J was on a business trip up in Massachusetts. Somehow his questions when from sex to learning about the female cycle. I swear that 9 year old boy knows more about menstruation the most teenage girls.
But this time it was Ashe to ask the awkward questions. As he asked the inevitable where do babies come from, I at least felt a little bit more confident in answering as I'd already gone through it once before. So I'm driving along in the rain with the kids in the backseat talking about sperm and eggs, the spiel on a man and women loving each other getting married and how sex equals babies.
I decided this time around to really push the importance of responsibility. I explained how sex can make babies and how babies are a lot of work. I told him that he had better be ready and responsible before having sex and making babies. First he had to be a grown up which in our household equals 18. Then he had to have a steady job, and his own place to live, before he could even consider sex and there for babies.
He grew quiet in the backseat as he contemplated this vast responsibility. And then he almost made me drive off the road as he said don't worry mommy I will practice a lot before I start making babies.
It took all my will not to slam on the brakes and scream the hell you will! Fortunately before I could react this way he clarified by saying I will get myself a good job and be responsible before I have babies.
I hope you do kid I hope you do.

Glasses for 1

2012-01-05T08:00:00.000-05:00

Both J and I are blind as a bat. We need either contacts or glasses to see clearly on a daily basis. So we knew the chances that 1 or all 3 of our children would need glasses at some point in their life was inevitable. What we did not expect was that 1 of our children would need them now

Ashe has always been clumsy. He falls down so often that we call his accidents Asheidents. It's a common term in our household. However we always assumed that he had gained his clumsiness from his father, who also has a bad sense of balance.

When I ask him to find things Ashe always has a hard time. He could be looking right at the object in question and still not see it. However I also have a tendency to do this. Even with my contacts I tend to not be able to see things right under my nose. J constantly mocks me for this. So I always put Ashes inability to see things as part of my genetic traits.
He has had both of these issues ever since I can remember. It was such a common thing that I never gave it much notice. But then Ashe had his 5 year check up to get ready for kindergarten and we realized that there was an issue when Ashe failed his vision test.

His left eye seemed to see clearly But his right eye failed miserably. The pediatricians office used 1 of those giant posters that has lots of different shapes and numbers on it. The top picture was of a giant ship. Standing 30 feet away Ashe could not tell me what it was. Despite multiple tries he could not figure it out. Our pediatrician referred us immediately to a pediatric eye specialist. I made the call that day and within 3 days we were at the office.

Since this with Ashes first time at the eye doctors he had to have is eyes dilated. Getting your eyes dilated as an adult sucks. Having to watch your 5 year old get his eyes dilated for the first time sucks times 10. I was disgusted as I watched a pediatric eye doctor walk out of the office wringing his hands because he could not handle Ashe when he started to panic. J and I have come to realize that everyone our pediatrician referrs us to pretty much sucks. I should've known better after dealing with the pill pushing psychiatrist we recently saw for xavier's ADHD. Fortunately the assistants were fantastic and helped as I held on to Ashe while they placed drops in his eyes. After we finished with the eye drops we had 30 minutes to wait for them to kick in. Ashe and I decided to go to the craft store next door look around and grab some snacks.

After the examination was complete we realized how bad Ashes eye really was. Perfect eyesight is 20/20. Ash is right eye was 20/150. His right eye is worse than my eyes and J's eyes. Glasses were a must. Fortunately Ashe thinks that glasses rocks since his dad wears them and insisted on finding a pair just like J's. In fact as we searched the racks for the perfect pair of glasses Ashe decided on a pair that was the same color as his dads. The only difference is that Ashes glasses are sponge bob square pants. Unfortunately they did not make sponge bob square pants glasses for adults.

So in a week or 2 Ashe will start wearing glasses everyday. He was pretty miffed that he couldn't walk out of the eye doctor store with his brand new glasses. He's been bouncing around in excited anticipation ever since. While I feel bad that 1 of my children has to wear glasses at such an early age I have to say I'm both proud and happy that he is so excited for this. And maybe I'm being biased since I am his mom but damn did he look cute in them. He reminded me of a human Theodore chipmunk. I'll post photos of him once the glasses come in. Knowing how much of a ham he is I'm sure he'll love posing for that.

PSA: Sick Non Parental Units

2012-01-01T13:01:00.001-05:00

This PSA goes out to all of you non Parental units:
In general being sick sucks. Your nose is stuffy, you get headaches, aches and pains. All you want to do is lie in your bed wishing the day would just go away. If it's bad enough you even call in sick to work.

BUT... When you become a parental unit there is no such thing as calling in sick. Ever. There is no ability to go hide yourself under the covers and just wait for the day to go by. Nope instead you gotta crawl out of those covers, get dressed, make breakfast for the kids, make sure the homework is in the folder, get in the car, drive to school, come home, and take care of the other kids who are not school age.

I reiterate there is no such thing as a day off when your parent.

I was fortunate enough to get sick when my kids were at the grand parents for the weekend. And you know what? It was fucking heaven! No joke. I just had the best sick day I've ever had since my 9 year old boy was born. I lavished in the ability to call back under the covers when I wanted to. I could sit on the couch in my pj's all day long and watch tv while I skipped my tea. I could nap whenever I wanted to without having to worry about the house being destroyed. I had no kids clamoring for attention, no one whining for a snack. No fight to break up, no clashes to referee. It was just me my drugs my pj's and my tea.

I have decided that all of you non parental units are absolutely never ever ever allowed to whine complain when you're sick. You have no idea how easy you have it. I wish I could send my kids to my mom's house whenever I'm sick but that's not an option. This time was a fluke. And it was wonderful.

But if I ever hear any of you non parental units whining when you're sick, even if I love you, just understand I'm going to give you the finger. Because seriously you have no idea how good you've got it. Embrace your sick days, and raise your teacup in honor of us who don't get a chance to crawl back under the covers.

Family Photo Video 2011

2012-01-01T08:00:00.006-05:00

Happy New Year friends!

Every year instead of pasting photos into photo albums that invetiably get ripped up or damaged by the childrens hands, I opt to make a virtual album, complete with music, of the boys throughout the year. So here are the boys from 2011, a damn fine year for us!

If you're interested in checking out the past videos, or you enjoy gaming vidoes of my sexy avatar killing pixellated monsters with friends around the world, you can visit my youtube channel at

http://www.youtube.com/user/Meiune?feature=mhee

Just make sure to post some comments!

A New Era of Blogging

2011-12-29T12:20:00.000-05:00

One thing ultimately sucks about having 3 kids is the fact that I have so many ideas on what to blog about and not enough time to actually sit and type them all out. Often times I would find myself driving down the road or hanging out at a playground when I have a great idea for a blog going to my mind like crazy, and wish I had the ability to post it then and there. Just watching my kids, thinking in my head all of the things I want to write about. Then I lose my focus as I have to chase one kid or another away from the parking lot. By the time I get home, have the kids all settled, and actually have a moment to sit down and write what I wanted to, I would be too fucking tired to even contemplate typing. And yet another blog would be lost.

However as time passes by, there are more advances in technology And after the fat man visited us this past christmas, I received an amazing gift. I received a new smartphone from my family. A smartphone where I can do voice activation. A smartphone with the blog application where I can sit here talking, and it will post what I say. Granted it's not perfect, and I'll have to go back and fix some of the mistakes it makes. But now my friends, I have no excuse not to write blogs. Well there is one excuse. I still can't talk and blog while the kids are running around screeching like heathens at a pagan festival. I still need some semblance of quiet in order to talk/blog.

But like life, nothing is perfect. So I'll work with this is best as I can. A new era of a blogging has arrived my friends, and I shall embrace it with open arms. I can get back into the swing of things regaling you with stories of my children, the amount of alcohol I consume on a daily basis to keep sane, keep you up to date on how many new gray hairs I get as my children drive me batty.

So happy holidays to all, and thank you fam for my awesome new voice activated smartphone. Rock on

Best Bedtime Story..... Ever

2011-08-08T19:07:00.000-04:00

If you're a parent you've been there: it's 90 minutes past your childs bedtime and yet you find yourself in a staring contest with your wee one, trying to find and use some hidden psychic power in your mind to force their eyelids to get heavy and close, so you can get the hell downstairs and do whatever it is that you have been DYING to do all day but couldn't with the children underfoot. But they resist, some mutation in their genetic ability has given them the ability to overcome anything mental you throw at them and they stare. You. Down.

You cannot win, no matter how hard you try. You have read the entire shelves of books on hand, even desperately grabbing the Websters Dictionary you had out on the kitchen table to help you cheat at crossword puzzles. If anything can make your child pass out from utter boredom it is to hear you read outloud definitions of the words geomotry, adjudicate, or erroneous.

Obviously Adam Mansbach has been here, and wrote a book to help compensate and save our sanities from those nights where you just want to bang your head on the wall over and over and over as you try to lay your little ones down to sleep. And if you're a parent and don't know what I'm talking about, it's time to sit the fuck down and listen to the best bedtime story ever, narrated by Samuel L. Jackson.

Just in case it needs to be said though, I wouldn't read this particular bedtime story to your children. At least not within earshot.

Words Not Needed

2011-08-01T19:15:00.001-04:00

I was going through photos looking for images for my next blog and I came across this.... and I nearly pissed my pants laughing. A picture speaks a thousand words, and no words could truly describe this photo. I should really make this my new graphic logo of the boys

Crafting With SRM....hahahaha

2011-07-27T14:03:00.001-04:00

Yesterday after listening to Ashe whine about how little energy he had while we played at an indoor play place (because you know we’re on day 33 or something of 100 degree days and a slide will melt your ass by just looking at it) and being bored out of my mind being cooped indoors I decided to do something stupid. I decided to try a craft with the kids.

Why is it stupid? For two reasons: Number one it doesn’t matter how frikking cool the craft is or how excited the kids are, somewhere between the suggestion of crafts to a finished product, the kids lose interest, leaving me alone to finish the damn thing. It’s usually right after I hear CA-CHING of the cash register after I have handed over my debit card. It’s like they have this internal radar that lets them know Mommy spent $40 so let’s ditch her and commandeer the Wii remote yeah!!!!

Number two, I suck at crafts. No really. I have these great IDEAS for crafts and I get into crafty moods. I’m a creative person. But for the most part when it comes to ideas on kids crafts I fail epically.

So with that out on the table, as I listened to Ashe whine more and more, I scrambled for a craft idea that would keep us all entertained and was something unoriginal because it was 10:30 in the morning and originality is NOT going to happen with only 1 cup of coffee in my system anyways. Somehow my very tired, overworked brain decided to hook onto a project I did in school when I was little. I couldn’t think of anything else. It was making a stuffed dinosaur. I figured, hey my boys like dinosaurs, I have a furry boy, it will take all day…. Let’s do it!

If I EVER mention to you I am thinking of crafts before 11:30 in the morning, bitch slap me and I’ll be grateful.

We head to the fabric store, pick out cheap soft fabric (purple for Ashe, blue for Soren), get cut in line while we wait for our fabric to be measured and cut (thanks bitch who cut me in line even seeing that I was with two young kids and you were all by your lonesome. I hope there is such a thing as karma) find a glue gun, and head home.

The boys are hungry. I get them lunch. They want to stuff the stuffed animals NOW! I explain I still have to find a pattern, outline it, cut it out and glue/sew it shut. Not good enough for them so they go and start opening the fluff I bought and throw it around the kitchen while I’m downstairs frantically searching for T Rex patterns (Ashe insisted on T Rex instead of the Brontosaurus I know how to do). I come upstairs with a print in hand to find my kitchen snowy white.

After cleaning up the mess I sit down to stencil out the pattern while Ashe continually asks when he can stuff his T Rex. Giving up with an eye roll he leaves the table to go play Wii while I start cutting out the pattern. Soren tries to help me with the glue gun so I accidentally glue a leg shut and the fabric to the table as I try desperately to keep the VERY hot instrument out of his reach.

Finally we’re ready to stuff T Rex One. Ashe and Soren come over and start shoving fluff up the dinosaur’s ~~ass~~ tail and then, like clockwork, they get bored and wander off. I’m left alone to anally probe the fabric blob in my hand. Once he’s stuff to the gills I glue him shut and look at him and realize….

OH MY FUCKING *** I JUST MADE A BARNEY WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING IT!!!!! WHAT!!! THE!!! FUCK WAS I THINKING?????????????

Shit shit shit shit shit! Sigh. On to #2

THIS time I decided not to screw with a potentially ER inducing implement like a glue gun and go old skool with thread and needle. While I start from scratch, Ashe is cuddling with his new stuffed animal and wants to know why I made him blind, mute and with no nose? Can I add those on? I explain I will after I get Soren's stuffed since Ashe was being beaten by Soren trying to take his dinosaur away and roaring in his face. Sewing worked better despite the fact it took a little longer. I can’t even remember the last time I sewed (and I don’t have a sewing machine so it was all manual labor). By the time I was done sewing, stuffing, and sewing Soren’s dinosaur I was racing against the clock to get Zavi from school. Fortunately I finished in time to sew on an eye, nose, and smiley face to Barney in order to stop the whining about a malformed stuffed animal.

Never again, I said. Next time the kids want to do a frikkin craft I am going to give them markers, a wet washcloth and their tummies’s and tell them to draw faces on their chests or something. But no more glue guns, no more needles, no more Barneys. Nope, I’m through, I said to myself as I picked up Xavier. Until he saw the dinosaurs and with puppy eyes asked if I would be kind enough to make him a Pokémon stuffed animal this week since he missed out.

I said yes. *Grumble Grumble*

Fairy Bra Mother

2011-07-05T16:25:00.001-04:00

Wanna hear a funny story? Me too! Too bad you’re on my page and reading my blog. Summer boredom is the pits, huh?

But maybe this topic will keep you slightly entertained. I know it has for several of my friends. Today we’re going to talk about breasts and bras. Mine, in particular, and how at the age of 32 I finally met my Fairy Bra Mother and learned more about bras in 1 hour than in the rest of my life.

Plus, I now have the breasts I’ve always dreamed of.

Let’s backspace a bit for history’s sake to give you an understanding of how it came to be that as a woman, I have been completely clueless about anything bra related until my poor, laughing friends took pity on me.

First off, I somehow missed out on all those girly moments with my mom when it came to learning those important life lessons as I turned from girl to woman. You know those after school specials they used to show, where parents would lovingly sit down with their daughter and explain about periods, puberty, bras, tampons, and all that shit? I got nothin. I learned about periods in 6th grade at school, and what to really expect (and how to use maxi pads and tampons) in the girls bathroom in between classes in middle school. Bras are laughable. My mom never had an issue in the breast department so compared to her, she decided I didn’t have anything to worry about. I was always smaller than my friends and all of us were fairly clueless, so since no one took me under their wing I did what any girl in that scenario would do: I tried a few on by myself, thought whatever kind of fit worked, and left. With this said, I have always thought BC I was a 38A. Growing up I only had a small handful of female friends, all of whom had breasts by the time they were 8. None of my guy friends knew anything about bras, unless it was how to unclasp them with one hand. Yes, people, I learned how to unclasp a bra one handed, but not how to properly size one. That should explain a lot to you.

FF to pregnancy. My breasts grew. And they were hawt! Yes, I am one of those women who (since I never had them and pined for them silently) thinks that penis = male, breasts = female. Yes, I felt less feminine with small breasts. I felt more feminine with my pregnant and nursing breasts. Im sorry, pregnancy sucks. So please excuse me if I thought the coolest thing about pregnancy (aside from that whole fact that I had a mini me developing) was that I had a REASON to wear a bra. I. Loved. It.

But after 3 kids born, all weaned, they deflated again. And by this point I had given up trying to find a good bra that fit my nonexistent boobs. I tried, folks. Seriously, for years, I wandered blindly through the bra department, trying on my very own. Nothing felt right. Nothing fit well. It was depressing. And frankly, I gave up. I wore camisoles or sports bras, or doubled up my tanks. Because I wasn’t going to pay good money for bras that pissed me off when I saw how little I had to fill them with, let alone never fit right.

/cue the tiny violin

Yet over the past few months I had some friends take pity on me. It started off as a joke, as they giggled that I didn’t wear a bra. They joked about it, throwing comments into conversations once in awhile. Little comments here and there that we would laugh about. And finally someone took the bull by the horn and said “You need a bra.”

“No, I don’t. I don’t have anything to fill them with.”

“Sweetheart, you’re an idiot. Tell you what. I’m going to take you bra shopping.”

And that’s how I found my Fairy Bra Mother.

Suddenly everyone started taking bets on what size I was. Anywhere from a 34A to a 38C. The betting got heated as the day of bra shopping got closer, and everyone was excited to see what the result could be. It reminded me of horse race betting, minus the actual flow of cash. How big are B’s boobs and who will win???? Tune in Monday afternoon to find out!

My friend S is the sweetest woman. She will give you the shirt off her back if you asked, will bake you homemade scones when you come over for a play date, and can now add to her list of coolness factor, that she will take you bra shopping, and make sure you got the right fit, even if you’re a grown up. And she does so with a huge dose of humor.

I wont go into the details of measuring, pushing, lifting, hefting, and all of that, but lets just say my Fairy Bra Mother left no inch of potential chest to be forgotten as we tried bra after bra after bra. Adding to the hilarity factor, we had 3 kids 5 and under with us and they had a ball playing in the fitting room hallway as she tossed me bras to try on.

In the end I have to get on my knees and thank S. I snickered when she guessed I was a 34C but she was close. Officially I am a 36C, the size I kept telling J that after kids, I wanted a boob job to get to that size. And yet here I had them all along, unnoticed, disregarded, unknown.

It sounds weird to know that I went through my life having no clue about something you would think every woman on the planet knows. But simply put, if you don’t teach your kids these things, who will? I still barely know how to do laundry (no I do NOT sort. See what I mean???) I suck at cooking since meals consisted of McDonalds on an almost nightly basis when I grew up. It sucks knowing that I missed out on these lessons, and because of it, I went through many years of having a self esteem issue with my body. To think of those years spent wanting something I already had but didn’t know. It kind of sucks. BUT… it’s also incredibly cool that I have a nice wrack that are happily perched up where they should be and I can’t see my toes when I stand up straight, and I’m not pregnant either!!!!! I donthave to go through life wanting anymore. I just needed friends to say something and help a girl out. And I appreciate that type of friendship.

So thank you Fairy Bra Mother, and thanks to my friends who ribbed me enough to get my head out of my ass and show me that while breastss do not truly equate to femininity, it can make a huge difference to treat the ladies well when you are filled with the correct knowledge (and your chest fills the right cup size).

So Moms, take your daughters bra shopping when the time comes. And get them professionally fitted so they have that knowledge. And since I do not have daughters I promise you that I’ll be teaching the boys how to unclasp them one handed ;)

Warning! No, wait....

2011-06-29T09:00:00.057-04:00

“What becomes commonplace in our life, we take for granted….most of the time”

-Me

Since I was a kid I have always been intrigued by weather, storms especially. I remember being an idiot at the age of 5 and dancing on the lawn in the eye of Hurricane Gloria. Then dashing my ass back into the house and watching from our picture windows as the trees began to bend to breaking point.

I remember being an idiot and swimming in our backyard during Hurricane Andrew (no, we did not have a pool, we just had three feet of water from flooding) until a tree cracked and almost landed on my head, coming very close to snuffing out my pathetic little life. Now granted, these Hurricanes were nothing major compared to Hurricanes that reach our southern shores. Both Gloria and Andrew had petered out compared to what they originally were once they reached us. Normally, living in Ma the fiercest storm we ever had to deal with on a yearly basis was blizzards. And you learn as a native that with those fuckers you just hole up inside, play card games and snack on s’mores you roast in your fireplace waiting for the generator to kick in. The next day you put on 23 different outfits at once, and stomp outside to make colossal snow forts, and snowballs packed with ice.

I have a love/hate relationship with lightning storms. When I was a kid our house was struck by lightning and the attic went up in flames. The firefighters of my small, backward town, decided the very best place to put us kids while they put the fire out, was in the middle of a giant open corral… during the lightning storm. Despite us being fairly small, we were still the largest standing objects in roughly 2 acres of field. I may have been young but I did remember learning in school that wasn’t very smart. And yet the adults dumped us there while they worked on the attic. Idiots.

I think it dates back to that time that I have always had some issue with lightning storms. I love to watch them and will sit staring avidly from my window as a storm blows by. But it took until I moved to NC and storms are so damn common, that I would actually venture from my house to the car during a storm. I remember a few times back in MA I would come home hours late from work, simply because a thunder storm was going on and I would refuse to step one foot outside until the thunder stopped rumbling.

Now because they are so commonplace, I’ve begun to take them for granted. Kind of. I can saunter from my door to the car with only a little hunch of my shoulders. I’ve even got past the “dashing” phase, where you make yourself up into the smallest target ever and run as fast as you can those 3 feet. I don’t look like a turtle on speed anymore.

BUT……

There is one aspect that has totally changed and I lament the loss of my “ignorance”. In MA it was almost unheard of to have tornados. In fact, in the 28 years I lived there I never once had a watch or warning. Down in NC, watches are almost yawn worthy they happen so often. J and my mom can't even figure out which one to worry about. I keep getting asked which time "Which one is better?"
"Better how?"
"I mean worse."
"You mean which ones should you keep in the back of your mind and which ones mean iminent danger?"
"Yeah... I think"

In case you also have this confusion, a watch means that it could happen. A warning is when you dash your ass to safety. With a mattress over your head if possible. Or blankets. And belts to tie your kids to you.

Granted, we’ve only dealt with two warnings (one a funnel cloud that never touched and another that hit less than 10 miles from our house but J and I were flying through that storm and holy crap that was scary). But even though it doesn’t happen often, I’ve now found myself glued to the computer or radio anytime a storm is overhead, waiting, listening for that shockingly loud MEHHHHHH! MEHHHHHHH! Sound to tell us to run our little asses into the nearest bathroom to take cover.

Gone are the days when I could pass out in bliss to the sound of a thunderstorm at night. Oh no. NOW I charge up my phone and find myself checking the weather radar (stupid smart phone) until its passed, or waiting for the local news station to call me and tell us we have a twister inc. I paid money for them to call me hoping that would make me sleep better at night. It’s now my form of a safety net for me and the kids. They know there is nothing to worry about unless Mommy’s phone rings at 2AM during a storm so go back to bed and let Mommy be anal watching the radar by herself!!!.

I can’t sleep anymore during a storm and I miss that. I used to have a CD that played a thunderstorm that put me to sleep in seconds, now I hear thunder and my mind is off racing wondering why I keep putting off making the damn emergency kit. What are you supposed to put in that anyways? I mean aside from a flashlight, a radio, and water. I keep thinking I should put useful things in there, like a set of clothes. I have this mental image of a tornado hitting our neighborhood in the dead of night and of course I don’t always sleep with granny PJs. Wouldn’t a set of clothes be a good idea? Or along with water, what about Brandy? Your house has been shattered by wind. Do you want to drink water, or help calm your nerves while celebrating your survival with a shot of Brandy? I woudl think Brandy would be a good thing to have in the emergency kit. Problem is I may find myself having a different emergency and the Brandy would need to be restocked. Multiple times.

I’m writing this as a severe thunderstorm is flashing all around me and I’ve got my headphones on constantly listening to the live weather radar, waiting to hear about a possible curl in the clouds that indicates a tornado. Fortunately it’s the middle of the day so I won’t miss out on sleep tonight. I should go charge my phone just in case.

A New Milestone

2011-06-27T13:20:00.004-04:00

Last week Soren, my youngest, turned 2. It was a low key event on the outside, with a play date in honor of his birthday, basically just adding cupcakes to the mix. He got a mini arm chair which he adores jumping off of, a mini doodle kit for the car (and crib), and a plush Mario which he carries with him everywhere. Nothing major, since he already has a ton of toys from his 2 older brothers.

But lately it hit me that being a mom of three children, our family has officially hit a milestone: we have no babies in the house nor will we unless there is some major cataclysmic event that brings fate to intervene and I become the next “virgin” (haha) Mary since surgeries have taken place and it has been decreed that the Beaulac family is complete. So unless this happens, after 9 (10) years, I am officially baby free. What does this mean?

Well, it means that

• Gone are gummy grins, unless I live to be 103 and my children join me in wheelchair races in the nursing home. However, gummy grins on 80 yr old children are nowhere near as cute as on newborn children.

• Gone are the open mouth French kisses to your cheek when your baby starts learning how to kiss

• Gone are those awesome vibrating chairs you use to soothe your grumpy baby, while also placing your feet on top for a free massage

• Gone are those AWESOME baby excersaucers you could place your baby in and not worry about tripping over them while you cook dinner

• Gone are the days you could place your baby down, go to the bathroom, and come back to find the baby in the same place…. Instead of drawing art on your hallway wall (or even worse, climbing the counters to get that cookie you said no to)

But it also means that

• Gone are the days of 45 minute cat naps instead of actual sleep for 6 months (WOOHOO!)

• I’m nearing the end of my diaper shift. Do you know that aside from a 2 year break, I’ve been changing diapers for roughly 9 years? 9 flipping years with only a 2 yr break in between. Holy crap, I can’t WAIT to be done with diapers!!!!

• Soon when we want to go out to dinner as a family we can actually go OUT to dinner as a family and not just do drive through because we have no baby’s who like to toss their mashed potatoes at the customers beside us

• No more baby sitting backwards in a car seat pissed off because he cant watch the movie playing on the DVD on our way to Grammys.

• No more baby food. Thank you!!!!

So there is good and bad for no more babies in this household. I will seriously miss some aspects, but I am also looking forward to the time when the kids are all old enough I’m not stuck in the shallow end of the pool and can join in splash wars and underwater races. Happy Birthday Soren, and welcome to a new milestone fam!

As they Grow: 2011

2011-06-18T14:10:00.000-04:00

Hanging By A Thread

2011-06-17T15:28:00.000-04:00

I'm going to assume it's bad that I've gained weight recently due to my increased consumption of alcohol. Right?

Kidding aside (well not really) I am about to finish week one of summer vacation with all three children home at the same time. Add to that a new medication that Xavier is trying for his ADHD and the wonderful roller coaster effects that has on us all and it's been an interesting week. So interesting that about twice a day I walk into J's office and ask him to shoot me in the head, please. He just laughs.

So far this week I have wrangled the kids out to:
* A nature walk, where Soren cried for about 2/3 of the time wanting to be picked up and carried, while Xavier clung to me with desperation as he popped his head this way and that seeking out those evil flying bugs solely out to get him and his blood. Actually, despite bug spray, he did get a few decent bites. I joked that his blood must be super sweet.
* 3 trips to the playground, which included Soren booking it multiple times the nanosecond I turned my head, bumping into an old neighbor of mine whose name I had forgotten (and wracked my mind in vain trying to remember it so as not to look like an idiot. I failed miserably). Ashe asking to go home every 3 minutes because he was tired, and Xavier screaming for 45 minutes like a Tyrannosaurus Rex at all of the kids on the play ground.
* A trip to Monkey Joes, to let the kids get their energy out. Which upon the minute I put Soren down to pay he fell completely apart, assuming I was going to leave him like I do at the Drop Off Day Care centers when I have DR appointments for Xavier. It took me about 5 minutes to fully calm him down, but even then it took him 90 minutes before he ventured away from me.
*A trip to World Market ( my new addiction) to purchase a small thing for the boys to play with, where Soren broke a jar of jam, and the older boys refused to listen to directions. It didn't hit them that I was REALLY serious about my warning of being on best behavior until I held my ground and took their new toys away until they earned them back. Which created Xavier to have an EF5 meltdown in the middle of the store. Suffice to say he did not get his toy until hours later.
*Daily trips outside to our new mini pool in our driveway, allowing the boys to play as loudly as they wish, so long as they do not scream or kill each other. Or squirt Mom with the hose.

On top of this J and I are watching Xavier with his new medication. We're supposed to know within 4 days if it works. I think waiting 4 days is utter hell when off medication, Xavier is like Curious George on Speed. I can't keep him home because he is SO LOUD that J cannot concentrate on work, being even an entire floor below us, with the door shut and white noise machine on. I can't take him out (much) because he cannot behave long enough without getting into trouble. I'm damned either way.

But we survived. And I am lucky enough that my mom is going to take the two older boys to her house for a week+ on Monday. I'll only have Soren and he's so totable we can go anywhere without worry. Please let me make it to Monday!

Bribery is So Sweet

2011-06-11T15:29:00.000-04:00

I am not ashamed to admit that sometimes I bribe my children for good behavior. If I am going to a store where I want to wander a bit and I have two mini persons shadowing my every move I will do what it takes to ensure nothing gets broken, shattered, altered, and my ears continue to function by not hearing piercing screams and whines.

The other day I stopped at a store I had heard great things about. This was not a dash in kind of store, and I wanted to check it out in its full glory. Besides we had time to kill and it was too damn hot to go anywhere outside. So upon entering I told the boys if they were on their bestest behavior they could pick out one treat to have after lunch.

The boys decided this was a good deal, and were on their bestest behavior ever. They ooohed and ahhed at the cool toys, but scampered back to me when I told them it was time to check out another aisle. Their eyes lit up and the cool paper lantern lights, but didn't touch them. They pointed eagerly at funny glass bowls, but 3 feet away where their pointer fingers wouldn't push over breakable items.

So for their reward I let them pick one treat out. And both boys wanted the same thing. A lollipop. But not just any lollipop:

That is not a trick of the camera angle, my friends. That is the actual size of the lollipop. These things here HUGE. And inexpensive ;) Soren and Ashe had a ball the rest of the day trying to lick those damn things down to a manageable size. My only rule was that they had to stay at the table and enjoy them. This rule was clearly stated and observed after Soren dropped his lollipop on the usedtobewhite carpet and left a pretty sugar rainbow mark. Despite massive amounts of scrubbing I still see a slight tint of radical red.

There Goes My Sanity

2011-06-09T20:07:00.000-04:00

I am so not ready for tomorrow. I always brace myself and prepare for this time of year. I always think I’ve got it under control. I always try to have a good list in my head of things to help make it easier. But that’s my own survival skills kicking in, trying to deny the utter truth of what is about to happen in just a few hours. Because it can never be easier.

My oldest son is going to be on summer vacation. And I will have 3 boys in the house for longer than a weekend.

I was the mom who turned the music way up and danced to the car the day I dropped him off of school for the first time. Does that make me a bad parent? No. It just means that I was confident in his ability to take on a new adventure and enjoy a new aspect of life…. while I had a few hours to myself to recapture my sanity and maybe even sit down to read a few emails uninterrupted before picking him up. I know I will also be doing the happy dance and getting glares from other moms dropping off their babies when I bring Ashe and Soren to their first day of school. I'm an equal parent kind of gal. While some moms may wonder how they will fill the time for a few hours a day while their little one learns math, science and writing, I already know what I want to do: run errands by myself, read in peace, and dance to my music without being yelled at to knock it off from a 4 year old.

However with two kids under school age I only got one year of having that freedom when Xavier started school. I’ve learned to adapt to having two kids at home for the most part. I can handle two kids at home. It's crazy but doable. But when you have three kids stuck together longer than a weekend hell tends to break loose and my sanity goes down the drain.

I could tell my survival instincts were kicking in as I opened my big fat mouth while offering up ideas to get us the hell out of the house most days when I mentioned camping. I haven’t camped since I was 9 years old. J’s idea of camping equates to a Red Roof Inn. Of course the kids jumped on this idea and decided that we HAD to go camping this vacation!!!!! Then, as they were screaming gleefully about roasting marshmllows over an open campfire, the logistics hit. Me, outside in the middle of the night with a flimsy canvas above my head, dealing with a 9 year old scared shitless of flying insects. Two boys poking each other at 2AM, dividing the tiny tent living space into his space and "his" space, then whining at me to intervene when a brothers toe brushes against that invisible boundary line. The mosquito bites. The fear of a copperhead curling up in front of our tent entrance and accidentally stepping on it when I step out to pee. Uh huh. That’s gonna be AWESOME!

I already promised Xavier we’d go looking for a tent next week. Fuck.

It’s not that the boys kill each other (much) when they are together. It’s more like having 3 small territorial animals trapped in the same living area for 4 weeks. Try taking 3 badgers and putting them into a small house size setting, giving them 1 item they all want and watch the fur fly. That’s what my household will turn into starting tomorrow.

I do have a back up plan though. My mom has been dying to take the kids for an extended stay. I jokingly offered to give them to her for 3 weeks and she didn’t bat an eye. I may have hope here. Please, let me have hope!

Send me good vibes, folks, and let’s hope the Beaulac family can survive summer vacation sans any ER trips. Slainte!

Swimsuit Season Sucks (A Whine)

2011-06-04T09:00:00.001-04:00

I’d like to think that even after having three boys my body looks pretty ok. I totally understand that my body went through hell and back three times and there are battle scars to prove it. I’m ok with not having that perfect teenage body where the stomach is conclave when you stand up. I’m a little bit ok with the conclave effect I have due to my lower body being stretch 3 feet forward three times. It’s gonna happen and even if I work out 5 hours a day 5 days a week, it will always be there.

I’m ok with that.

I’m kind of ok with the fact my boobs are on the smaller side. They always have been. In fact I didn’t have what you would call boobs UNTIL I got pregnant with Xavier. I love my boobs when I’m pregnant or nursing. In fact it’s the only time where I can stand in front of a mirror and feel like a real woman. Causein my warped mind boobs means female. Just like penis means male. Alas, most of the time I don’t have much boobs. Maybe that’s why I’m not a girly girl. I must think more on this theory.

I’m ok with that.

I tell myself I’m ok with my not so perfect body for 9 months out of the year when I wear my jeans and tank top, or jeans and long shirt. And then I hit the pool. And each year as I sit in the shallow end, having water splashed up my nostrils by one boy or another, I wipe my sprayed sunglasses off and watch those women who wander around in bikinis, holding the hand of a child or two. And then I glance down at my tummy poof and small boobs, and I’m not ok with my body anymore.

I can honestly say it’s not long I get to have my tiny pity party. I get a moment or two to let out a melancholy sigh and straighten my top to cover my pooch (again) before I get rammed from behind by Soren trying to dive bomb me into the 3 inches of water I’m sitting in. Or a water torpedo gets chucked at my head while Xavier and Ashe play catch a little too close. But dammit I want to whine right now. It’s my blog and I can whine if I want to.

I’ve tried the diets, Ive tried the workouts, blah blah blah. I’ve lost most of the baby weight. I look ok. But swimsuits suck. They just suck. I’ve never had the boobs to pull off a bikini. I wouldn’t even dare try one now. The two piece tankinis (which I currently own) suck because the moment I sit in the water the bottom of the shirt starts riding up. I can act like an idiot, drawing attention to myself as I keep shoving it down every 5 seconds, or pretend to ignore it.

I’d love to find a nice one piece swimsuit that doesn’t cost two thousand dollars, and when it gets wet, doesn’t cling itself so tightly to my torso that it gets sucked into my belly button like a mini black hole. I’d also like to go swimsuit shopping sans kids, so I can take my time and not be half naked in the dressing room when Ashe or Soren decide to go exploring and crawl under the door. I did it to my mom at their age, cause the local Marshals to go on lock down in case I had been kidnapped. They found me 2 hours later asleep in a cupboard. I know if I take my kids swimsuit shopping, the genetics will stay true. There is not enough alcohol in the world for me to deal with both the horror of swimsuit shopping AND little kids.

I think though, if I’m going to be swimming as often as we have been (at least twice a week and school will be out next week) I need to pony up and find something I can live with. I really don’t feel like going to the pool that often and having a mini moment pity party every time I see those women who look like they never birthed a child (yet did) with their perfectly toned bodies in a bikini holding up size C boobs.

Wish me luck on finding something decent.

Soren's Napkin

2011-06-02T14:45:00.000-04:00

I don't know where he learned it, or why it started, but I'm getting really tired of Soren using his hair as a napkin. He has started doing this for EVERYTHING! A drop of juice on his finger? Wipe it dry on his hair. A smear of chocolate on his hand? Wipe it in his hair. Family member has a sticky hand? Grab said hand and wipe it on his hair.

EWWWW!

I can't keep up with this kid! I try handing him a baby wipe to wipe his hands or face. Before I can turn around he's already got his hand up in his (used to be blonde now depends on what's already in there) hair. He thinks it's hysterical when I yell "NOOOOOOOOOOO" as I'm turning around to grab his hand before he causes more damage. He just laughs. And wipes his hand in his hair.

None of my other kids did this! Of course none of my other kids seem to be as OCD as he is with stuff on his hands. But still, my other kids knew to come to me and I'd clean their hands off. But with Soren I'm going to have to invest in the baby shampoo companies the amount we need to wash his hair lately.

And I think I may need to stop making dinners that involve ketchup or any other type of sauce. At least until he grows out of this phase.

The Toilet Paper Incident

2011-06-01T13:40:00.000-04:00

I have got to stop thinking that little people, a la 4 and under, can actually perform what I would consider a simple request without massive destruction to the house, household products, or at the very least, do not need a 50 page document explaining the step by step process in order to help around the house. While I think in that moment of NOW what I may ask is so damn simple anyone can do it, I am continuously reminded that no, anyone can NOT do it. At least not without destroying something, especially my children.

Take toilet paper for instance.

The other morning as I was rushing around like a chicken with its head cut off I realized that my body was telling me to get my ass into the bathroom pronto. I dropped everything and ran. And once the door shut closed and it was too late, I realized my mistake: I didn’t look closely enough at the toilet paper roll before sitting down to make sure there were enough paper products.

Of course there wasn’t.

Now I offer the excuse that I was precaffeinated. It was early in the morning, J was already downstairs with the office door shut pretending he works in an office far away from us (haha) and Xavier was already sent on the adventure of finding school clothes that both fit him and were clean. So in my sleep fogged mind I felt I had only one person I could turn to: Ashe.

So I called him over sweetly and asked him to go upstairs to Mommy and Daddy’s bathroom and to please grab the toilet paper roll and bring it downstairs. He gave me an angelic grin, and excited to be doing something to help Mom, he ran off.

I waited. And waited. And waited some more. And after 2 minutes I finally wondered where my son went. “ASHE WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”

“PLAYING LEGOS”

“I SENT YOU TO GET ME TOILET PAPER.”

“OH YEAH!!!!... I FORGOT.” Of course.

Another minute goes by and he dashes down the stairs so proud of himself carrying……

One square of toilet paper. I look at his offering, ponder the situation I’m in, and shake my head.

“Ashe, hon, I need more than one square. Can you please go back upstairs and bring me the whole roll of toilet paper?”

“Oh sure!” He races off and I wait again, noticing that my butt is now beginning to fall asleep. Another minute goes by and Xavier starts bounding down the stairs, dressed in a clashing outfit that makes my eyes hurt. I figure I have one battle right now; I’m not energetic enough to take on another. Let the teacher wince every time she glances at the jarring colors. But I grab his attention and ask him to help his brother help me by bringing me some toilet paper. He races off to my upstairs bathroom and almost the moment his foot hits the master bedroom threshold I hear him shouting.

“ASHE WHAT ARE YOU DOING?????”

“I’M BRINGING TOILET PAPER FOR MOM.”

“YEAH BUT NOT THAT WAY!”

Uh oh.

I’m too scared to look up. I mean really, it’s just too early in the morning for stuff like this. There should be a rule against shenanigans before 10AM on weekdays, and noon on weekends. But I am a mom, and it is my job to look after my children, even if I’m stuck on the pot. I glance up.

And there is Ashe, proudly marching down the stairs with a fistful of toilet paper in his hands. Trailing behind him is half a mile of toilet paper, which I guessed (correctly), was still stuck to the actual roll upstairs in my master bathroom. He stands directly in front of my with a giant grin on his face, so proud that he was able to help me in my moment of need, and tossed a mini mountain of white Cottenelle into my lap.

“Thanks, sweetie” I murmur.

“YOU’RE WELCOME MOM!” He marches off, happy that he has done his good deed for the day.

Batman Does Not Wear Underwear

2011-05-15T17:35:00.003-04:00

So proclaimed Ashe this afternoon. We were sitting down for lunch preparing to head out to the Super Hero’s event at a local museum. I was not expecting to butt heads with a 4 yr old on wearing underwear underneath his Batman costume when we went out in public.

Ashe’s costume from last year is a bit small now. In fact we had to use a safety pin in the back to ensure his entire, ahhh, backside, was put on public display. But as we went to pin him in, J realized Ashe had forgotten to put on undies. Ashe was told we would not go if he didn’t put on any before we left.

“But Batman doesn’t wear underwear”! he whined.

“Yes he does” we parents replied. “Everyone wears underwear. Even Batman.”

“No, only fake Batmen wear underwear. The real Batman does not. He doesn’t need underwear.”

“We’re not going if you don’t put on underwear.”

“I can’t put on underwear. I am the real Batman!”

And around it went, Ashe stubbornly clinging to this (mental?) image that the real Batman does not wear anything but his costume. This is not the type of conversation I expected to ever have when I signed up to parent. I completely expected taking my kids dressed in crazy outfits out in public (I was willing to pick my battles) . I was ready to hear that my children have taken on the persona of their favorite Hero. What I was not ready to hear though, was that my 4 yr old thought Super Hero’s went around without skivvies and he wanted to do the same.

In the end we came up with a compromise. Ashe, I mean Batman, would wear underwear but they had to be Super Hero undies. It was ok in his mind that they were The Incredibles. And only once while we were out, did I peek those Super Hero undies poking through, covering Batmans bottom.

Wookiee

2011-05-14T09:00:00.001-04:00

Words are interesting things. Some words are direct, straight to the point. Others are elegant, eloquent, capturing an image in your mind filled with color, innuendo, etc. And others are just damn funny. I love the funny words. Like shampoo. I remember once as a kid I said the word shampoo over and over again until it virtually lost all meaning and became just a combination of funny sounds until I couldn’t stop laughing whenever I said it. Even to this day I smile when I say the word shampoo. Now in my defense I have never once said I was totally sane, but have you ever done that? Taken a word and repeated it over and over until it becomes not the definition of something you know, but an entirely alien word, it’s meaning lost and insignificant?

Shampoo. Shampoooooo. Shampoo…..

OK I’ll stop.

There are other words that fit this description but none have ever made me giggle as much until yesterday when my kids introduced me to the fun of repeatedly saying another one:

Wookiee.

It started off as a normal afternoon as I picked Xavier up from school with Ashe and Soren. After he launched himself into the rebel van Ashe, desperately trying to get his older brothers attention yelled “HEY ZAVI! I GOT A WOOKIEE!!!” Xavier turned around and looking at Ashes action figure of Chewbacca yelled in horror

“ASHE! YOUR WOOKIEE IS BROKEN!”

“MY WOOKIEE IS NOT BROKEN!”

“Uh, yeah, your Wookiee is missing a leg.” I looked in the rearview mirror as I waited in line and watched his mouth drop in horror.

“OH NO!!!! MY WOOKIEE IS MISSING A LEG! MOM! MY WOOKIEE’S LEG IS BROKEN!”

“I can fix your Wookiees leg, Ashe” Xavier offered.

A moment of fumbling around and I hear “OK Your Wookie is good now.”

“YAY! YOU SAVED MY WOOKIEE! HEY, WANNA HOLD MY WOOKIEE?”

And at that point, I lost it. I mean seriously, I think I did a good job holding it in until then. I showed restraint of a saint. But when Ashe asked if Xavier wanted to hold his wookiee it was just too much for me. I burst out laughing. And behind me I hear Soren start laughing too, which makes me laugh harder. And then the boys join in and the 4 of us are just cracking up.

For the 10 minute car ride home Xavier and Ashe tried to outdo each other using the word Wookiee. And every time I would burst out laughing. This kept Soren belly laughing behind me, thus causing this never ending cycle of laughter, a few snorts, and tears rolling down my eyes. Juvenile? You betcha! It was awesome.

Wookiee. Woooookieee. Wookiee.

Cheap Labor

2011-05-13T12:45:00.001-04:00

Our home has 3 levels and the middle level is what I fondly think of as ground zero. It's where the boys and I basically congregate when we are in the house. The ground level is our entry way and J's office so we can't really hang there with him working. The top level has our bedrooms. And bedrooms are for timeouts or sleep, something 2/3 of my children seem to be allergic to during the day. But ground zero hosts our kitchen, dining room, and combo living room/playroom. And because the main activity is centered on one level and I have 3 rambunctious boys, it gets messy fast. We're talking nano seconds here, people. We clean it every night and I work on it throughout the day, but Im getting to the point where if I wake up and I have to walk the Lego path of Doom strewn with PJ's and a half eaten waffle from an escaped toddler just to get to my damn pot of coffee, I want to just say screw it and head back to bed.

But the boys do clean. Sometimes with minimal argument. Sometimes under dire consequences threatening over their heads. Sometimes with bribes. If you're a parent you know that the same tactic is not always going to work and you work with what you got as you guage the atmosphere around you.

Well the other night the place was a DISASTER! I'm talking Olympic size mess here. I dont know what the boys were doing and frankly, I dont think I want to. But when it was time to clean, the shock and awe of how big of a mess they had before them silenced all three boys for a good 30 seconds.

That in itself is a miracle.

So to help them look at the bright side, J made it into a game, and sweetened the deal by offering them a small prize to the one who put away the most toys. Both Xavier and Ashe love to compete with each other and this was fair game. With a glint in their eyes, they set to work. They bantered, they taunted, they rushed, they cleaned. And in 30 minutes I could see the floor again. J and I sat on the couch offering encouragement to the boys, reminding them of the elusive prize as they started to slow, which prompted them to pick up the pace again.

At the end both boys did a phenaominal job. We applauded them both and J declared it a tie. When asked what small prize they wanted Xavier eagerly requested a jump rope.
"Done!" J announced and Zavi broke out into a huge grin.
"What about you, Ashe? What would you like?"
"I WANT A SPONGE!" he shouted with glee.
"...A sponge?" I asked, thinking I heard wrong.
"YEAH, A SPONGE! I WANT ONE SO I CAN WIPE WALLS."
I start thinking to myself, the kid has finally cracked. Did we put too much preassure on him? Is his underwear too tight? Is he fixable?... Do I want him fixed???? I mean hell, he wants to wipe down walls as a prize? I can work with this!

So after giving each other "a look" J and I agree that yes, he can have a sponge. We'll go out and get him his very own sponge in the morning. And Ashe couldn't have been happier.

Maybe Im going about this whole parenting thing the wrong way? I'll have to think on this a bit more.

Mom For Sale

2011-05-09T12:45:00.000-04:00

For Mother's Day I asked the boys to help me prepare for a Yard Sale the moms group I volunteer at will be having next weekend. What I wanted was for them to go through their mountain of toys and pick some that they didn't play with anymore and put them in a box to sell. I also bribed them by telling them they could have the money their toys earned *if* they chose them on their own. If they didn't and I had to go through their toys *I* would get to keep the money.

During lunch this Saturday we talked over how we were going to attack this goal together as a family. J and I asked the boys what else could they think of that we could sell? They couldn't think of anything so J decided to help them out by offering suggestions.

With a tiny smirk on his face, J suggested selling Mommy at the yard sale. Xavier and Ashes faces just dropped in aghast as J painted a mental picture of how they could place a sticker on me, and I could potentially bring in a lot of money for them to play with. He even told them he would be willing to go out and buy them Happy Meals from McDonalds with the money I would sell for.

Fortunately my kids are both smart and loyal. While I tried very hard to stifle my chuckles, Xavier jumped up from the table, and very pointedly told J that under no circumstances would I ever be sold. He needed his Mom as did his brothers and even a Happy Meal wouldnt sway him. He then turned to me and said I was the bestest Mom in the WHOLE Universe. Then he gave J a dirty look which made us finally give in and laugh.

I tell ya though, it felt damn good to hear that from my boy. It made me all warm and fuzzy inside. Love ya back, kiddo!

DON'T PANIC!!!

2011-05-08T14:48:00.004-04:00

I know! I've been MIA and all of a sudden you stop by to see if I might have been mature enough to post something and you think WTF happened???? This blog looks so different!!!

But don't panic!!! I've finally snuck some time in this Mothers Day to revamp my blog look (Happy Mother's Day to you moms out there!). The boys grow like weeds, I've changed myself (if you notice on the photos above I went from a red streak to teal) and I thought it was time to dust the cobwebs off and get this baby looking fresh again.

ANNNNNNNND

I swear to Bawb I have blogs that will be coming soon! No, REALLY!! I've been hella busy with not only my crazy household but also with volunteering for a moms support group in my area, but I got 2 new cohorts to help take stuff off my plate and my last big event was last weekend so.......

I finally have time to blog! And oh how I've missed it! I have to catch you all up on the storm J & I rode through on a plane while the boys were stuck in in a bathroom with my mom and a tornado ripped through our area. I have to tell you about my trip to MA, our new game, what Ashe requested for a treat and the hell we have been going through with Xavier and his school.

It's just been insane. And I cant wait to toss the kids in bed and try to get some published. So stay tuned, don't freak, Suburban Rebel Mom is back!

Pure Genious, or Utter Stupidity?

2011-02-09T09:00:00.001-05:00

The other day when the kids were bored and it was too cold to go outside, Ashe asked if he could paint. Painting is one of those things that I both love and dread. Ashe can get totally wrapped up in painting for hours, but he also goes through about 3 trees worth of paper. And of course what Ashe does, Soren wants to do. But Soren likes to try to eat the paint, not paint with it.

It's a dance to keep both children happy while I try to keep my floors/walls/kids safe. Normally I try to distract Soren to other things, but lately he has become determined to be indistractable.

So this day I decided to let Soren paint while sitting on my lap so I could keep a close eye out. He happily bashed the paintbrush in blue paint, whipped the brush up into my eyebrow then slammed it down on to the paper, gurgling in abstract pleasure. I tried to smile as I wiped my blue face. After about 10 minutes of this a lightbulb flickered off in my head. He doesnt need actual paint! Water might work too......

So I set him up with a shallow bowl of water and a few paint brushes and he went to town. And my floors (and face) stayed clean. And he was happy. I thought to myself, "Why, this is pure genius!!! Why didn't I think of this before?... Wait... why didn't I think of this before? You would think, after 3 kids, that I would know all the tricks and tips. But thats not how it works. By kid 3 you're mind has gone soft like over cooked noodles and it's hard enough sometimes to remember your birth name is not Mommy, let alone things like this.

But I was determined to write this down so I dont forget. When Ashe wants to paint, Soren can paint with water. Remember this, B!

Shameless Self Promotion

2011-02-08T13:10:00.000-05:00

Last fall, while I was working at a Promotional Event, I was approached by one of the editors of Carolina Parent Magazine, which is *the* parenting magazine for NC. She asked me if I would be willing to be interviewed for an article for their annual Baby Guide and of course I said hell yeah!

Well the Baby Guide has finally come out, and it's also online. If you click this link and then click the image of the Baby Guide Magazine, Soren and I are on page 19, at the bottom! And yes, Bourdeaux Baby Butt Paste, is the best thing, ever!

Laundry Lament

2011-01-07T13:19:00.000-05:00

I hate doing laundry. Loathe it. Detest it. (Insert any verb in here that best represents your most passionate negative feeling here) it.

I never used to feel this way. I've never been an avid fanboi of any type of chore ever, but BC laundry would only get a "meh" out of me. But now I launder for a family of 5..... and I have a toddler to boot. And that makes all the difference in the world, changing a mundane chore into an agonizing endeavor each and every time I must participate in this task.

When dealing with a family of 5, you are dealing with the average of 7 sets of clothing (toddlers get extra sets because they are notoriously messy eaters and throw their socks in the trash can when you are not looking) a day. That equals out to

49 shirts
49 pants
98 socks
31 pairs of underwear (I add in extra because Ashe still has accidents)
15 bibs ( I don't even know why I bother since they only catch 1/5 of the food and the other 4/5 end up on shirts, pants, and floor)

a week. A WEEK! And that's not even including any towels or bedding, and sometimes bedding needs to be done mid week.

And if you're stupid enough (like me sometimes) to hold off on doing laundry once a week, it becomes a chore that makes any parent tremble in fear. Washing and drying the laundry itself is not that big of a deal.. You dump the clothes in the washer, throw in some detergent, come back in 30 minutes, toss it into the dryer, throw the next load into the washer. Wash, rinse, repeat. It's the sorting part that sucks. Because sorting clothes for a family of 5, many of said items of clothing hand me downs from one brother to the next, takes a long time. And it takes even longer when your kids think the mountain of laundry is the same as a pile of raked leaves, and they are free to jump in, hide under, and throw the clothes all over the living room as you desperately try to sort them into separate piles. Or, if you have a toddler, they think it's an absolute riot to take one of the piles you have created and toss it all back into the main pile.

I spent 4, yes 4, hours the other day trying to get my laundry sorted and put away. 4 hours of sitting there, looking at tags for sizes, trying to determine who would best fit the Spiderman shirt or underoos, while Soren and Ashe had a field day. They laughed openly when I growled at them to stop trying to ring toss underwear on my head. The moment I placed clothes in one pile and turned away, Soren was right there grabbing it and trying to surreptitiously place it on another pile, giggling the whole time. As I placed all socks in one pile to be sorted later, sock missiles would come flying over my shoulder into the main pile. When I tried to distract them with other fun things it was useless. No, laundry sorting is a child's fantasy come true. It's even better than a trip to Chuck E Cheese.

But it's a parents hell. I was dreaming of a bottle of Merlot all to myself and it wasn't even 11 AM yet.

I don't even bother folding. I used to try but I gave it up as a hopeless cause many months ago after refolding the same pair of jeans only to have them bounce off my head as one child would grab it and try to play catch with me. Besides, when the boys (J included) pick clothes out of their drawers, they pull out everything and place it on the floor until they find the clothing they want. J at least puts his clothes back.

So give me a vacuum. Give me a mop. I'll scrub a toilet with minimal complaint. But nothing makes me cringe in fear more than laundry for 5.

Except doing dishes

In His Own Time

2010-12-29T09:00:00.043-05:00

At Sorens 15 month check up he had a total of 3 words: Bob (yes, my youngest's first word was for a tv cartoon character),book, and bear. I was told by 18 months he should have a total of 6 words, not including mama, dada, or uh oh.

Wellwe're at his 18 month point and we got mama and DA down pat. That's it. However, having a child with a true speech delay (Ashe) I feel I can safely say this is not for lack of ability. Soren probably COULD say more if he wanted to: key phrase here is "wanted to". But I'm getting a clear impression that he has no use for words. He can communicate just fine thankyouverymuch without those silly combinations of vowels and consanants.

Yes, the boys know not to talk for him. Yes, I tell him the name of each object he points to and grunts at. Yes, I read to him. The kids not stupid. And my reasoning for thinking its a lack of wanting to talk versus being unable to is this:

1. He can use the few words he says in the appropriate context... when he wants to. If J walks upstairs for a coffee break Soren immediately grins and yells "DAAAAA", racing over to him for a hug. Or, if he wants Bob on the tv he will grab the remote, bring it to me, run to the tv, point and state "BOB!".

2. But try to get him to say something you know he can say on command and he gives you a smile and clams up. If I ask him to say mama, he growls at me like a dinosaur and laughs.Or just looks at you like you're an idiot to think he's like a dog who will do tricks on command.

3. When he wants to say something he will do it on his own time. And Sorens time is his own thing. If J asks him who made the mess of candy canes on the floor, he'll answer "mama" then laugh his little head off.

Brat.

The kid can communicate sans words though, better than anyone I have seen. He doesn't need words per se to get his point across. Trust me when I say that he will let you know when he is hungry/thirsty/tired/needs a diaper change. It's crystal clear to anyone around the vicinity.

We had his check up the other day and he is healthy and happy and right on par. The DR said not to get any gray hairs about his lack of speech. After passing on my observations she's in agreement with me that the kids no dummy. and really, do I want him to start talking right now anyways, knowing that once they start they don't stop?

She's got a good point, I think, as I listen to the 2 older boys chattering nonstop about literally nothing....nonstop......

A Change of Ways

2010-12-28T09:00:00.000-05:00

The other day I went into a store to grab the red hair dye I use for my red streak and noticed a new color that caught my attention: teal. I decided it was time for a change.

I've had crazy hair for eons. It's one of the few ways to show the world Im not your every day mom. I have to have some sort of way to get my creativity out and what better way than to play with your hair? You can change it whenever you please (or I could when I worked as a stylist for 10+ years before I "retired" to become a full time mom).
Over the years I've had purple highlights, red highlights, red and black hair of various styles and hues. I've had the black hair with a red stripe now for over 3 years with little to no change. It suited me very well. But I've always wanted to try some sort of blueish teal color. Despite the fact I would probably get more stares than usual going blue, it would be something new and fun. And if I didnt like it, well I could change it back. But really, change was long overdue.

So I grabbed the color and bleach, and after 3 bleach runs (kids, don't try this at home.... you could fry your hair off if you don't know what you're doing... literally.... go to a professional salon please!!!) and a douse of teal, I achieved a new do:

I like it! A lot, actually. It reminds me of an avatar I've been using for years on one of my favorite gaming forums. Although Im missing the knee high boots and thigh high striped socks that go with the hair... but I dont think I could get away with THAT outfit in public. But the teal works and I love it!

I did notice a side effect I forgot about when changing your hair in a crazy way, even when you have self confidence. I realized I was subconsciously gauging other peoples reactions to my new hair color when I went out with the kids in public. I kept waiting for strangers to make a rude facial expression or even have the cojones enough to make a comment under their breath but loud enough for me to hear. I caught myself doing this in a local food store as I perused the aisles looking for yummy holiday food to bring to my moms house for a family celebration. I kept waiting for the comments or looks of disdain I used to get as a new mom with an infant Xavier snug in his carrier when people thought I was an unwed teen mom ( I looked very young for my age when he was born). Fortunately it seemed that either people have gotten more tolerant with crazy hair color, or I looked like what I am: a suburban rebel mom you don't want to start spouting judgmental comments at in front of her kiddos. Either way I was pleased with the lack of reaction =)

So what do you folks think?

Kid Vid 2010

2010-12-27T11:29:00.001-05:00

Some of you know that each December, I go through all of the photos of the kids I took that year, and make a virtual photo album set to music. It takes a few of my favorite hobbies (photography and making music videos) and melds them into something memorable. I also suck at making physical photo albums. Besides, they never survive the kids. Plus, making a virtual one, I can share it with everyone I wish to without paying enormous quantities of cash for multiple photos and albums. Easy, fun to do, cheap, and more enjoyable to view anytime you want =)

So without further ado, here is Kid Vid 2010. Enjoy!

Family Vacation Days 4 & 5

2010-12-22T14:38:00.000-05:00

I know I know I'm late in this! Im sorry but after Soren got sick things got a little hectic, and since we've been home Ive been nonstop catching up and scurrying to make our annual virtual photo album of the year (keep an eye out for it I'll post it in the next blog!)

So last I left off we had found our Soren had a double ear infection. After some discussion, J & I decided one of us would stay at the hotel with Soren and Ashe the next day while the other took Xavier to Islands of Adventure. J was kind enough to let me go since this is my ULTIMATE FAVORITE THEME PARK EVER!!! Seriously folks, if you have not been to this theme park, you are missing out big time. Skip Disney, go to IoA. Especially if you like roller coasters (which I do).

Zavi and I headed out with him having no clue where we were off to. I only said with the 2 younger boys staying at the hotel we were going to be able to do more at the next park. It was actually good Soren and Ashe stayed behind because they were too little to really do much there anyways.

Islands of Adventure is set up into a bunch of different theme worlds: Marvel Comics, Toon Lagoon, Jurassic Park, Harry Potter, Lost Continent, & Seuss Land. Each is literally its own world, and Universal did a phenomenal job is making you feel like you enter a completely different area when you step from one to the other.

While Xavier was still too short to do a lot of the big rides, we had a blast nonetheless. My child is warped because even when it was a mere 60 degrees, he insisted we do all of the water rides and get soaking wet. I argued that if we were going to do that we would do it first so that we could dry off by the time we got home. And the whole time we did the water rides I kept mumbling the mantra "The things I do for love" over and over. Yes people, it was cold!!!!!!

Jurassic Park was Xaviers favorite theme. He insists the Triceratops we saw was real, LOVED the boat ride, and would have stayed for the rest of the day scanning dino eggs if I allowed him to. He was good humored enough to pose for one of my ultimate favorite photos seen below:

I chuckle every time I see this photo

One of the employees was kind enough to take our picture together next to the Jurassic Park Discovery Center

I realized as we stood in line for the Pteranodon ride (one I have waited 10 years to go on since you can only go on with kids bammit) that my nose ring was missing. I dont know where or how I lost it but it was gone. I've had that sucker for 6 years!!! And despite a lot of searching back at the hotel I never did find it =(

We also got to see the new Harry Potter area. As soon as we stepped into Hogsmeade we went right for the Butterbeer, and let me tell you it was good. real good. Think a combo of Cream Soda and Root Beer with a vanilla creamy foam on top.

We ate at the 3 Broomsticks, where Xavier snarfed an entire plate of ribs and corn (hey, riding the rides makes a kid hungry). Then did some more rides. The Hogwarts ride was very cool, probably one of my new favorites, although I did almost lose a shoe (note to self: wear sneakers next time).

Even without the younger 2 there, we didn't have enough time to complete the entire park. We had to race through Seuss Land to get back to the hotel in time for another special surprise: Magic Kingdom at night!

******************************

J & I bought tickets for Disneys Very Merry Christmas at Magic Kingdom, where they open up the park from 7PM-12AM, offer free hot cocoa and cookies, and have a parade with fireworks.

I actually learned a lot about Ashe this adventure. I realized this kid is not a ride lover. He would rather wander around looking at things, enjoying the scene than actually be a part of it. Despite the fact he was big enough to go on almost any ride at magic Kingdom he had no enthusiasm for any of them. His favorite part of Magic Kingdom? When some employees blew bubbles at him to chase around the park. That was his highlight. And he was perfectly happy the whole time. There was a lot to see and take in and he did... just not on any rides. And thats cool.

Soren was doing better by the evening so we bundled him up nice and snug and the 5 of us had a blast. Soren passed out around 10:30 in the stroller while J& Xavier did the Haunted House and Space Mountain. I amused myself by taking photos of the ever changing Castle:

This was the coolest shot, with the Castle covered in ice

Fireworks were tough, as Ashe HATES with a passion fireworks. I had to sit on the ground, help him cover his ears, and try to distract him with silly questions while they went on. And on. And on and on and on..... But he survived and was very proud of himself FOR surviving!

But by 12AM we were all utterly exhausted and ready to call it quits. The next day was our last day and we had one more adventure in store...... Sea World!

***************************

Our final day, after going crazy making sure we left nothing behind (besides my missing nose ring) we packed everything up, said goodbye to the hotel, and took off to our final destination before heading home.

Sea World is big, I mean BIG, in our household. Xavier is completely enthralled with anything regarding the ocean and its creatures. And whatever Xavier is into Ashe is into. Fortunately our last day actually warmed up to a balmy 76 degrees so we got to wear *gasp* teeshirts! And not worry about freezing our buns off if we got wet!

I cant even begin to explain to you how big the boys eyes got as we approached our destination. When Xavier realized Sea World was where we were headed he started cheering like mad. And the boys lived it up.

First stop was the famous restaurant "Sharks Underwater Grill" where we got to eat right on front of the aquarium. This proved to be both a blessing and a curse. Blessing because the boys were soooo thrilled to sit there eating lunch while a coelacanth and sharks swam by. Curse because it was nigh impossible to get the boys to actually EAT something.

We were not able to get a Shamu show in, but we saw the dolphin show and the Sea Lion show. We fed Sea Lions, petted Sting Rays, and just saw everything we could. The boys were in awe the whole time, soaking it up.

But alas it was time to go. By 4:30 we were back in the car, and headed home. And somehow we decided it was a good idea, after a full day out, to drive the entire 9/10 hours home. We did it. We were crazy, but we did it. Fortunately Sea World had made the boys tired so they passed out around 9PM or so. We arrived home by 2:30AM, gave the boys a quick snack, then we all passed out until late the next morning.

And that, my friends, was our secret Christmas vacation.

In a nutshell this was probably the coolest thing we have been able to do as a family, and I have to say that despite the fact we're broke for the next 5 years, it was well worth every penny spent. The boys have already begged us to consider doing another secret vacation for next Christmas instead of toys. We'll see how they act on Christmas Day when they realize we really werent kidding about very few gifts under the tree. But if they do well and we can start planning now, Id love to look into one of the kids cruises for next year.

My goal as a parent has always been to try and give my kids memories that they can cherish and remember for the rest of their lives. I would rather them look back at their childhood and not think of the toys they got, but the experiences they were given. This vacation, while a gift to the kids, was also a gift to me. Its something I have wanted to do for my kids even before I had kids. And the fact J & I were able to actually keep it a secret the whole time added to my personal pleasure, as I got to watch their faces light up in pure childish excitement when each morning we arrived at our next adventure. I will remember the looks of delight for the rest of my life. And those precious memories are not something you can wrap up in a box with a bow.

Happy Holidays everyone!

Family Vacation day 2 & 3: Disney Studios/ Illness/ GatorLand

2010-12-15T23:08:00.001-05:00

It’s now the end of day 3 of our vacation and it’s been crazy busy but not entirely in a good way.

With cold temps greeting us again on Tuesday (seriously folks, what is up with this? I thought FL was the land of the sun) we bundled up and surprised the kids with a trip to Disney studios. We thought this would be a great hit with the boys since it has all of their favorite characters: Indiana Jones, Star Wars, Little Einsteins. As we entered the park we saw that an Indiana Jones show was starting in 20 minutes, so we meandered our way over there, the boys nearly jumping out their skin in excitement.

Ashe was jumping out of his skin in terror 5 minutes into the show with all of the loud bangs and explosions. So was Soren, so J took the two younger kids out to wander while Xavier and I watched the entertainment. Zavi walked out with stars in his eyes and pleading for an Inadiana Jones hat so he could be “just like Indie”. Of course, that dream lasted about 15 minutes until he saw a Star Wars lego set in the next area.

J and I started noticing the 2 younger boys were having a harder time this day. It may have been the cold, it may have been the walking, it may have just been too much stimulation. But Soren was whiny and Ashe started his tude about everything, even things we knew he really really liked. Watching the boys cues we decided to keep the next day light for us to recoup (which ultimately was a REALLY good decision as you’ll see soon).

Finding a spot for lunch took a lot of work since everywhere needed reservations except for the most expensive place. Fortunately the food was divine, to was indoors so we warmed up, and the kids were well behaved.

J took Zavi to the Tower of Terror and I took an exhausted Ashe and Soren to wander the park while we waited. Ashe refused to check out the playhouse Disney show, the one thing I knew he would really enjoy. That is when I knew we had to start seriously thinking about calling it a day. I was able to get him interested in the “Honey I shrunk the kids” playground. He fell in love with the giant ant you could ride, and lamented that he wanted an ant for a pet. Soren, was just clingy and done. Once J & Zavi met up with us, Xavier having had THE TIME OF HIS LIFE on the tower, we gave the boys 10 more minutes to play then headed to grab a souvenir and then home.

Late that night, Soren woke up crying. When I picked him up he was scalding hot. We had no thermometer though, and had turned the heat on for the first time so I wasn’t sure if it was a full on fever or if his crib was close to a heating vent. I gave him Tylenol and hung out with him in the living room until he got happy again, and he passed out with us in bed.

The next morning he was still hot, and a little fussy but nothing major. He seemed ok enough to go to breakfast but J & I decided to grab a thermometer and Motrin after, just in case.

Character breakfast was both funny and eye opening. When we took zavi here when he was 4 he was NOT happy about the characters. This time around, even knowing Dora would be there (and Zavi makes it crystal clear he thinks Dora is stupid) HE was the one who had a ball with all of the characters and Ashe just did not appreciate life size versions of his favorite toons coming to give him a high 5. Poor Jimmy Neutron had his feelings hurt when Ashe wouldn’t even give him the time of day. But Soren… ahh Soren. Despite him not feeling too well, he had the best time of all. His eyes nearly popped out of his head with excitement when he saw a lifesize Spongebob and Dora, and was giggling at Squidword and Boots. He showed Boots his prize possession, his blankie.

After breakfast j headed out to grab meds and then Soren fell to pieces. He was so hot by then I decided to give him a bath. J walked in as the bath was filling up so I took Sorens temperature….. and it was 104.9 WITH Tylenol in his system. I went into crisis mode. I had J call our family pediatricians office to tell them all details and ask what to do. I poured Motrin in Sorens mouth then plopped into the bath with him to cool him down a bit. After 20 minutes we got his temp down a mere one degree.

The nurse called back and said to get him to urgent care. She thought it might be either an ear infection or UTI. So we googled pediatric urgent cares nearby (thank goodness for bringing our laptop and WiFi). J raced him to urgent care while I stayed with the boys. Unfortunately the one we found the DR wasn’t in until 2pm so we had to go back. Once seen, we found out Soren had a double ear infection, most likely due to him teething 2 incisros the week before and fluid getting caught and getting infected in his ear canals. Poor kid =(

By that time though the meds were kicking in and he seemed happier. While we waited for his prescription to fill we headed over to Gatorland 10 minutes down the road. From the road, Gatorland looks really silly. You might even pass by it laughing. But inside it was actually a very cool place, and the kids had a lot of fun, even Soren. We wandered around looking at Gators, birds, goats, snakes. We walked through a beautiful swampland where I went crazy with my new camera capturing gorgeous shots of nature at sunset. We watched a gator wrestling show where the guys had a great sense of humor and we learned some cool facts about alligators. We watched them being fed with chicken on a string.

In the souvenir shop, the boys were enthralled by all of the cool things to touch. Ashe picked something up and yelled out across the entire shop “MOMMY HERE IS SOME WINE FOR YOU!” I thought simultaneously how sweet of him and now I wonder if people here think I’m an alcoholic. Sigh.

And now the boys are sleeping. Soren was so tired tonight I found him trying in vain to put his blankie in his crib by himself so he could conk out. J is resting on the couch reading, and Im going to join him in a few. We’re debating about plans for tomorrow. We’re supposed to hit my ultimate favorite theme park, Islands of Adventure” but I think that after watching the boys today, I may take Zavi only and let Ashe and Soren rest at the hotel. Ashe will enjoy that because he has been dying to play his DS and resents having to leave it when we go to an adventure. Soren needs his rest. A lot of things at Islands the younger boys wont be able to do so I think logically it will be for the best of all. Im kind of sad about that though. I want to share Islands with all of them, and feel awful that J will miss out. But he insists he’s ok hanging at the hotel. And he has a lot of valid points in that if it were just Zavi and I, we’ll be able to do a lot more than f we had everyone together, and can stay longer. Plus, w e’re going to go to Disneys magic Kingdom at night for the parade and the rides so it will be a long day tomorrow. By having the little ones stay home tomorrow during the day they should be happier at night.

I already have permission to have one margarita at Margaritaville tomorrow if I go, so that’s a perk.

Wish us luck that the family gets better soon and our vacation continues with no more bumps in the road!

Family Vacation Day 1: Kennedy Space Center

2010-12-13T20:58:00.000-05:00

I am sitting here on a tiny table in the Nickelodeon hotel, the kids all settled in and chilling, after our first real day of our surprise vacation.

I have to say, I cant tell if I am impressed or disturbed by how well we were able to pull this whole thing off. sunday afternoon, after surreptitiously packing the van without notice, we told the boys to grab a few essential things for the car to keep them busy because we had a lot of errands to run and we'd be in the car for a long time. No questions were asked (except for occasional pondering out loud on why mom was insisting on bringing the DS chargers). We popped in the car, J & I trying not to giggle too often, kids oblivious, and off we went.

sometimes a DS is a parents BFF

2 hours into the trip we stopped at our first rest stop on the border of SC. Kids still oblivious aside from curious looks from Xavier. While the kids were in the restroom with J I popped out our secret weapon: goody bags filled with fun stuff to keep the boys occupied for hours. I placed them on their seats and joined the fam as we got back in the car. The boys were excited for new things to play with and inside xaviers bag was a card that asked him to read it out loud. The card said instead of toys this year we were going on a christmas adventure and to sit back and enjoy the ride. amazingly enough, after a few questions on our destination, the boys graciously took our answer of "It's an adventure, just enjoy it!" And they did.

We took stops every 2 hours to stretch, once for dinner (Applebees and the waitress sucked), and by 10 we were in Jacksonville, FL, where we found a hotel for the night. We never told Xavier where we were and made him guess by using his eyes to look for clues. he really got confused when he realized we were in jacksonville. My mom lives in jacksonville NC and he couldnt wrap his head we weren't there.

After a fantastic nights rest ( we were all so exhausted we passed out cold until 8 AM in one room) we jumped in the car again, the boys clueless to our destination. and we headed for.....

The Kennedy Space Center

Our adventure began the moment we started crossing the ocean to the centers island. As we waited for a boat to pass through the drawbridge, I noticed dolphins swimming in the water below us. Lots of them! It was so cool!!!! and then as we crossed over there was a museum with a giant rocket ship out front. the moment xavier laid eyes on it he started singing Hallelujah. At that point, I knew that our decision to stop here was a good choice.

The boys were enraptured the entire time. Xavier was in love with the Hubble telescope, they both adored racing around Rocket garden despite the frigid (yes frigid) temps and insane wind. Ashe went to his first IMAX 3D show. Soren and I had to cut out early with my cough and his whining, but Ashe was in looooove with the 3D aspect, and kept trying to catch the stars in his hands.

Xavier & Ashe looking at images from the Hubble

We checked out the robot scouts that go to different planets, got to walk in a space shuttle, and saw people dressed up as astronauts wandering around. the boys were thrilled, and despite the frigid temps (yes frigid) we had a ball.

After spending the entire day there, we popped back into the car and headed for our hotel, still a secret to the boys. we booked a 5 day stay at the Nickelodean Hotel. we have a kids room with bunk beds, a living room/kitchenette and king size bedroom for us grownups. Our room faces the pool (photo below) and we're right next door to the mall area, filled with food and fun.

Photo courtesy of nickhotel.com

When we pulled up to the hotel Xaviers face just started beaming and Soren went into a frenzy of excitement spotting Spongebob Squarepants and Dora everywhere. we already have a character breakfast reserved for Wed morning.

And that is the basics of Day 1 of our vacation. The boys still have no clue what else is on the itinerary for the week. they're pretty ok with knowing it's an adventure and roll with that. It's supposed to be cold again tomorrow so J & I are debating on hitting Disney Studios or holding off one day and hitting Downtown Disney instead. we'll see how the morning plays out. and now, I think I'll finish my cup of coffee before it gets cold, throw my feet up, and pass out with a smile on my face.

The Surprise

2010-12-12T13:00:00.000-05:00

When this is posted, we will already have taken off on a big adventure. We're going on a surprise trip. And as of yet (11:35AM on Sunday) the kids have no clue. Lets start taking bets on how long we can keep this a secret.

You see years ago, J and I wanted to take our kids on awesome trips. But the timing has never been decent. We did one trip to Disney for Xavier when I was 8 months pregnant with Ashe, but thats really been it for fun adventures. But this year, the timing is good, the kids are all at an age where they can really enjoy things together, and J & and have planned this for months.

Instead of the normal Christmas gifts that get trashed within weeks, J and I decided for their big present we would take them on a secret adventure. We're leaving today to Florida where we will spend 1 week enjoying ourselves. We're staying at the Nickelodean hotel, and hitting the space center, Sea World, Disney Studios, Islands of Adventure, and a gator park. We'll rub elbows with Spongebob, Patrick, Dora, Darth Vador, Indiana Jones, and Harry Potter.

And the kids have no clue.

We packed the car up last night, and we're just finishing up any final touches before we tell the kids to pop in the car, we need to go run a few errands. And then, the waiting game begins. how long will it take for them to know something is up? How long can we take the heat before we crack? My fantasy is to not say a word on specifics but to let them know once the whining reaches a degree I cant bear, that we're going on an adventure. J thinks we'll last 90 minutes.

So stay tuned. I'll try and update as I can. Laptop is packed =)

Happy Birthday Ashe

2010-12-12T11:34:00.000-05:00

Today is ashes birthday. 4 years ago he came into the world fast and furious, not wanting to wait. Seriously, he was almost born in the car on our 5 minute journey to the hospital. I went from "Meh I think we should go to the hospital" to "OMG he is here NOW!!!!" in less than 5 minutes. Yup, fast and furious. 4 hours total from the moment I thought something was up until the moment I gazed upon his perfect face.

I've watched him grow from a snuggly baby, content in someones arms, to the big kid he is today. Man, I cant get over how much has changed in a short 4 years. And I also cant think of life without him anymore.

Happy Birthday Ashe. I love you with all of my heart and soul. Thank you for everything you do, and all of the wonderful blog fodder you give to me.

Comedic Comments From The Peanut Gallery

2010-12-06T12:56:00.001-05:00

I love the minds of children. They can take things so literally, which can cause endless humor. Seriously folks, some of the things that come out of my kids mouths you just cant come up with on your own.

For instance, the other day we had Chinese food. Ashe opened his fortune cookie and happily exclaimed " Oh look! I have email!"

And now with Christmas on the horizon, the comments from the peanut gallery continue.
the other day I asked Ashe if he wanted to write a letter to Santa. He thought about it for a few minutes, and then said yes, he would like to send Santa the letter "A".

Today, Ashe told me he was going to write a note to Santa. He got out his candy cane pen, a piece of paper, and sat down at the table, concentrating fiercely on his project.

When he was done, he proudly handed it to me. He had drawn a bunch of music notes. Note to Santa... hahahaha.

Of course, not everything that comes out of his mouth is proper. It still is, nonetheless, funny as hell. There have a been a few times I am caught between outrageous shock and outrage, and the need to run to my bedroom and laugh hysterically into my pillow. Cause if I laughed in his auditory vicinity he may think its ok to continue.

A few weeks ago, J related to me a story about Ashe It was early in the morning and I was still sleeping. J popped downstairs to get a few emails out, and Ashe and Xavier were playing on the kids computer. J tells me that Ashe ran downstairs yelling "Daddy! Zavi is "effing" with the computer!!!" J, thinking he heard entirely incorrectly, that the coffee hadn't yet kicked in, asked Ashe to repeat himself. Ashe did. Fluently. Yes, J heard correctly.

It seems that Ashe had found a foul mouthed Spongebob Squarepants youtube video, and yes, Xavier WAS effing around on the computer because Xavier knows that language is not ok and was trying to get rid of it. And Ashe did not like that.

Consequences were no computer for a week and no youtube without mom or dad RIGHT behind them!!!! Oh, and a loooong talk about what words are grown up words and what are not. Im so glad I was not the recipient of this little conversation. I honestly don't know what my reaction would be. Hearing it secondhand, I couldnt help but be both amused and shocked.

I cant wait until my kids are grown up and facing their own 3 yr old children. I can't wait for them to read this stuff. *insert evil grin*

Happy Holidays

2010-12-04T23:29:00.000-05:00

This year I have decided to rebel on card making. I'm sorry, I hate it. I keep in contact with everyone I care to contact throughout the year through various media outlets. And I know for a fact that all cards I send out are tossed in the trash within (at max) a week. Instead of wasting all that cash, all that time, and all that paper, I thought I would save the environment (and my cramped hand) and do my cards digitally.

So without further ado, if you're reading this, here is your holiday card from mine to yours =)

-Rhaven

Sometimes All It Takes Is A Song

2010-11-22T13:45:00.000-05:00

I hate Monday mornings. It's almost inevitable that I will wake up with a groan, and do my best to not tantrum because the weekend is over... again. The coffee is almost never enough to get me out of my funk on Mondays, and I start my day off by constantly reminding Zavi to get his behind upstairs to get dressed before we're late for school.

This morning I not only had my normal Monday morning, but I also noticed, as I stepped on the deck to get a moment to clear my head, that I had a voicemail from my brother. We havent spoken in a year when he last told me I was a craptastic sister because I put my kids before him. Like it's some sort of contest with him. Well, actually, it is with him, but that's another issue.

This voicemail was basically telling me to answer the damn phone bitch (he called last night and I was downstairs gaming so I never heard the phone ring) and that we needed to clear the air before christmas time and we had World War 3.

Just what I want to wake up to on a Monday morning.

Wrangling the kids in the car, coffee in hand, and a headache already brewing, I started up the car. And a song came on that put a smile on my face. It was The Black Pearl, from Pirates of the Carribean. I love that song.It makes me think of the ocean, pirate bandannas, a sword strapped to my waist, the wind in my hair.

I turned up the volume, bopped along in the car, swinging my travel mug to and fro, while the kids beamed. A happy mom is a happy family. They know that well enough.

And then the song ended. I glanced in the rearview mirror to my kids, grins on their faces, and hit replay. And we listened to our pirate song all the way to school.

It's funny how such a small thing can make a difference in attitude. I may have to put that song on my phone so that I can listen to it whenever I feel a Monday morning funk coming on.

May I Never "Grow Up"

2010-11-06T15:56:00.000-04:00

I love costumes. Always have. In fact, I loved them so much, dressing up in different clothing and "becoming" someone else for a short period of time, that as I grew up I was heavily into theater. And I seriously considered it as an actual profession as an adult. I didn't pursue it only because by that time, J and I were seriously contemplating our future and what we most wanted. We decided we most wanted a family. And having traveled to L.A. to meet a casting agent who could help me launch a career in acting, I walked away with the knowledge that when we started a family I did not want to raise my future kids there. So I set aside that dream for another one, and one I don't regret.

But I still like costumes. And I love Halloween! I mean, how can you not like a day where it's ok to dress as ANYTHING you want to be AND get candy for doing it??? Talk about the perfect combo!

But J hates dressing up, and there is a part of me that feels a touch... self conscious maybe? when I am the only adult wearing a pirate outfit or bar wench costume. And over the years I allowed myself to tuck that fun aspect away too, although never forgotten.

But this year, I had an incident happen that made me realize I was being an idiot for holding back on something small and silly, but enjoyable that I loved, for the sake of self consciousness. And this one incident made me realize I need to stop "growing up" and allow myself to be a kid and enjoy costumes again no matter what people may think.

As Halloween approached, the boys started debating on what they wished to be this year. Xavier wanted to be some random Pokemon I had never heard of (although I admit when Pokemon crops up in conversations I autotune out, nod my head, let my eyes glaze over and say "uh huh... of course dear.. great!... I'm glad you like them..."). Of course despite my efforts at looking for this particular Pokemon as a costume I had no luck, and put my foot down when Zavi implied that I was going to "have to" get crafty and sew him one. Actually I laughed my ass off at that remark. Because I can't sew to save my life. But finally he settled on a Zombie.

Soren really really really wanted to be Sponge Bob Square Pants. I'm not sure how to take that my 16 month old has 4 words, and one of them is "Bob". However, there were no costumes that were small enough for him. Then he wanted to be Mario. He saw the costume at a store and flipped out with excitement. Again though, no costumes his size. But he kept trucking along and finally found one that was not only cute, but his size, and it made him happy. Soren chose a Sock Monkey.

That left Ashe. And there was doubt in his mind what he wanted to be. He had talked about it since Summer and never once wavered in his choice. This year, Ashe would be Batman. But what's a Batman without a Robin? And in a 3 yr olds mind, who better to be his trusty sidekick than... Mom?

For a week, Ashe pleaded with me to be his Robin. And it dawned on me, that this time in our life, when the kids WANT the parents to dress up in costume, will not last long. Very soon, if I even dare contemplate a costume, it will make the boys shrink away in embarrassment. Of course I already warned them that when that time comes I will embarrass them on purpose. If they're going to think I'm lame, I might as well give them a valid reason to think so! But right now, the thought of Mom or Dad joining in the fun of dressing up is a childs dream come true. And while if I had my choice on costumes, Robin would not be my first pick, I also thought that it was totally worth sacrificing my dignity knowing it would be a memory Ashe would hopefully cherish his entire life. Totally worth it.

So I went out and browsed the adult costumes with Ashe and Soren in tow. And I found a female Robin costume. I went into the dressing room with the 2 boys to try it on (all sales final) and came out to check myself out in the mirror. The first thing I noticed though, was the gigantic grin that covered Ashes entire face. It was a moment I'll remember forever. But then I turned to the mirror to get a look, and was fairly surprised.
Hey.... this costume doesn't look half bad. In fact, I kinda liked it.

I had 2 chances to wear my costume with Ashe. One was at a TriangleMommies Trunk or Treat. I had to work at that event but being a Promotions Manager, I was definitely easy to spot! And the happiness on Ashes face when the two of us walked around together, Batman and Robin.... it was as it was meant to be. I also wore my costume with Ashe on Halloween itself. And while he was too busy running from door to door, I enjoyed wandering around the neighborhood in my costume.

I actually felt a little sad when, after the holiday was over, I put away all of our costumes. I didnt want to put my costume away. I wanted more chances to wear it. I liked how I felt in the costume, and I loved the smiles I got from the boys when I dawned my cape and mask. But while Robin is now in storage, she gave me a very important reminder. Life is a series of moments you never forget, and life is too short to put away all of your childish entertainments. Enjoy them, enjoy them with your kids, and it's ok to not grow all the way up.

Me, declaring contest winners at TMs ToT

Xavier and Ashe, enjoying ice cream

Batman, J, & Sock Monkey Soren

Finding my inner child as Robin =)

Scare At The Bookstore

2010-10-30T09:00:00.001-04:00

One thing I work hard on with my kids is what to do if they get lost in public places, or if strangers try to touch them. I hammered this into Xavier's head when he was 2, and had him recite it back to me at random, like pop quizzes. He was always able to pipe up in his tiny voice and tell me word for word our rules:

When Lost:
*STAY where you are!!! Don't run off in panic!
*Yell for Mommy or Daddy
*Yell again if you dont hear us
*Find an adult, in uniform if possible, and tell them your Mommy is missing. Tell them our names, and tell them Mommy has a red stripe in her hair if you are with me.

If A Stranger tries to touch/grab you:
*Scream as loud as you can "THIS IS NOT MY DADDY/MOMMY!! HELP!"
*Kick, bite, scratch, anything you can to get away

Yet, for some reason, no matter how many times I go over this (or any direction, really) with Ashe, when I ask him what I said his default response is "I dunno". If pressed hard, he'll repeat my directions, so I know he hears, but getting him to repeat it back is like trying to make cooked noodles stand up straight.

A few weeks ago, my fear about him not getting it came true.

Ashe, Soren, and I stopped at B&N one morning, to grab a book for Xavier. While there ashe wanted to play with the train table set up in the kids section. I agreed, motioned to a book rack 5 feet away, and said I would be right there with Soren. He nodded his head and went to play.

I sat down on the floor and for a few minutes watched Ashe happily play with other kids. Then Soren saw some Dora books on the rack, and I turned my head away to try and stop him from decimating them.

60 seconds.

It took 60 seconds of my attention turned from one child to another, for Ashe to look up, not see me, and race to the front of the bookstore looking for me. He didn't utter a sound. He just panicked. Everything I had tried to teach him went

*POOF*

The next thing I know I am hearing my son sobbing, NOT from the train table, but from further away, coming closer. An employee of the store comes around the corner, my 3 yr old in tow. He looks around and yells "WHOSE KID IS THIS?" I raced over to Ashe, gather his sobbing frame into my arms, and thanked the man. He glared at me severely, muttering he was at the front door. Maybe it was Mommy guilt, maybe not, but I got the distinct impression he had judged me as a bad mom. Maybe I am. I don't know. I just know that I have really struggled to get Ashe to understand what to do in that situation, which he didn't. He panicked. And it was 60 seconds.

I calmed ashe down, then Soren who decided to cry sympathy tears with his older brother, and with Ashe clinging tightly to my hand, we left.

Suffice to say the whole way home, and all that day, and the next, AND the next, I did nothing but sit there and teach him again and again and again what to do if it happens again. After 3 days I can now get him to recite to me what to do.

But that might not help if he panics. And that panics me. I think maybe we'll forgo public places until he's 16.

I Wasn't Supposed To Worry About THIS Talk!!!

2010-10-27T14:06:00.001-04:00

Conversations in our household tend to have a way of twisting and turning from one topic to another, so that by the end of the discussion, you are nowhere NEAR where you started. I don't know if it's the way kids minds work, or just my own, but somehow I often find myself in deep discussions with the kids over topics I never in my wildest imagination could have envisioned being broached by them. Anywhere from wanting a Sea Lamprey for a pet (how many kids know what a Sea Lamprey even is???) to discussions on why Vincent Van Gogh cut off his ear, and everything in between. We don't seem to HAVE normal conversations at the dinner table. Not in this house.

But one topic of conversation came up recently, that I thought I was saved from ever having to muddle through. Because I have 3 sons and no daughters. And how it came about started off innocently enough.

Last week, J was on a business trip back north. I had 3 days of the boys to myself. I promised them a pizza party on the last night if they did really well and helped me out while Dad was gone. They did a phenomenal job, and as promised, we bought pizza and celebrated our survival.

A common phrase from our boys is "I love (insert family member name here)". To which that person replies "I love you too." Unless it is Soren, who only screeches with delight and throws food at you in acknowledgement and to show that the feeling was reciprocated. And then they go off on a tangent on how we have the BESTEST family EVER!! ( I swear this is true. And I don't pay them to say it either. Really!!!) This night, Xavier said "I love Soren. I'm so happy he is a part of our family." Soren screeched, threw pizza at his eldest brother, and I smiled and said "Soren loves you too" as I picked up the half chewed crust and handed it back to my youngest.

And from this one, normal comment from Xavier, began a conversation that is too long to write here, as it lasted a good 30 minutes, but somehow went down twisty paths, hitting topics that parents have nightmares over when confronted with the possibility of being where I was put this night.

Soren was a surprise addition to our family. In other words, we weren't planning on having more children. But when we found out, and broke the news to Xavier (the only one old enough to really understand the significance of the situation) all of us were excited. Xavier especially, because if he had his way, we would provide him with 30 brothers and sisters.

Coming back to the other nights conversation, Xavier asked how babies can be made when you don't "PLAN" them. If you have followed my blogs, you know that when I was pregnant with Soren, we had THE TALK as I was cooking porkchops and eggs. So he knows HOW babies are made. But at that age, the thought of S-E-X was GROSS. The thought of sex on its own was beyond his comprehension, and rightfully so.

Caught off guard, I asked if he remembered how babies were made. Then I said that when he grows WAY up and finds his life partner, sex is also something that is considered, umm.... fun. He looked at me askance, trying to judge if I was trying to pull his leg. Deciding I was telling him the truth, he asked if there was a way to protect yourself from making babies.

Seriously folks? At this point in time my mind is racing, mentally asking myself why am I always the one to get stuck with these conversations???? Why can't the boys ask J these???

Why me!!!!!

But I answered as simply as possible. Yes, there are. And when the time comes, I'll explain it all. But it won't be something he needs to worry about right now. He hasn't even hit puberty yet.

Which leads to questions about puberty. What happens? Why does it happen? Do girls go through the same things? No? You mean their voices don't change and go crazy? Well what happens to them then????!!!

And so my friends, I found myself, with explicit questions from the peanut gallery guiding me, explaining female menstruation to an 8 yr old boy. Trying my damnedest not to blush or laugh out loud at the utter absurdity of the situation.

J called from the airport, interrupting my explanation of ovaries and eggs to a wide eyed audience, listening with rapt attention. The spell was broken, excitement of talking to Dad and telling him about our pizza party took over, and I was saved. But the moment I got the phone back, I grumbled to him "Why do I always get THOSE convos? Why can't they go to you with these topics? You'll never believe what you just interrupted...."

Plight of the Playground

2010-10-08T13:54:00.000-04:00

I've recently come to the realization that I cannot handle 2+ kids on my own when I go out to playgrounds. It's physically improbable. At least when 1 kid has just recently learned to walk, has had 2 older brothers to idolize, and is off and running to independence and parking lot doom.

Soren, 15 months now, is not only walking, but running. I don't think he ever walked, period. He just stood up one day, waddled, and then booked it.

So it's a fairly new experience for me to have a 3 yr old to watch over and chase after a "toddler" ( I use that term in the lightest sense as there is no toddling for Soren) while at a park. When Ashe was born, Xavier was old enough to play on the play ground fairly on his own, knowing to just check in with me when I called his name. Ashe on the other hand, is still prone to accidents, or losing me (note to self: must blog about the adventure we had at B&N the other day). So it's not as easy to keep track of him and a toddler hell bent on running to the parking lot as fast as his ten little toes can get him there.

I tried taking them to a TM park play date yesterday. I literally was able to listen to half a conversation before excusing myself and sprinting 20 yards to grab Soren, who had left the sand box and was making a beeline for the woods.(Note to self: blog about Sorens new favorite cuisine "Sand a la Sand") At the same time I hear Ashe screaming, always desperate for the spotlight... yay 3 yr old mentality, "MOMMY WATCH ME MOMMY WATCH MEEEE!" and he stands there jumping over and over.

To you moms from TM, thank you for your patience and good natured understanding, as I chased my children around the entire time. I promise, I WAS listening to you. One of the cool things about being a mom with multiple children is the fact I picked up this nifty talent to holding multiple conversations at once.

But seriously people, I'm flipping exhausted! I realized the other day I'm finally really ok with my weight and I think I finally got there recently due to all the sprinting, adrenaline rushes, and panic when I look up 15 seconds later after telling Ashe no it's NOT ok to slide down a slide head first, only to see Soren trotting off on some new adventure, preferably as close to the play ground parking lot as possible. Or the woods. Or underneath the swings. And when he hears me running behind him, he turns to give me this impish grin, cackles maniacally, then books it with a burst of speed that would make Super Man jealous.

I was recently at a park with all 3 boys and noted that going to the park with multiple children is like watching an intense ping pong game, mixed with 50 yard dashes thrown in every 30 seconds. I think I may consider signing up for the next summer Olympics. Florence Griffith Joyner, you've got nothing on me. I'll meet you on the playground, anytime.

Halloween Memories

2010-10-01T12:39:00.001-04:00

Yay!!! It's October, my favorite month of the year! The air gets cooler and crisp, and that smokey crunchy leave smell starts to waft through the breeze. But most importantly October means Halloween, my favorite holiday of the year!

Halloween is awesome. I mean seriously, what other time of the year do you get to dress up anyway you want and get away with it? And let's not forget candy. How amazing is it that one night a year you get to dress up in crazy fun clothes and then get paid to do it with candy???? Yeah yeah, candy is for the kids. But in our house, we have whats called a candy tax. If I take the time to take my kids out at night I feel that it is only fair that I get a little treat too. The candy tax is determined by hold old the child is and how much work I have to do for them. If Im holding their bags or light sabers or masks from house to house, I get more candy. It's simple, fair, and my kids have never known anything different. It's pure genius (I think so at least). Everyone is happy!

One thing I noticed about myself though, is that over the past few years I've held back on dressing up. A part of that is due to having more kids to wrangle into their costumes and its just easier to throw something together that's not exactly what I would really want. Another reason is that J is not the dress up type and I feel odd being the only adult in full regalia. But this year I got to thinking about how much I love dressing in costumes, and my kids are still young enough to not be embarrassed by me. In fact, Ashe pleaded with me to be Robin this year as he has a Batman costume. And I realize that wont be the case for much longer. But the memeories of childhood Halloween last forever.

My favorite memory as a kid, was probably the reason why I love Halloween as much as I do now. When I was growing up we lived in a small town on a farm and our closest neighbors were at least a half mile away. It made for poor trick or treating. However one year my mom got this great idea to make it easier for us kids. She decided that we would use my pony as transportation. I wanted to be a Princess for halloween, and my mom and I decided to transform my pony into a unicorn. We made a horn and got nontoxic wash out pink hair dye spray which we sprayed on my ponys mane and tail. She was beautiful and fit for a princess.

Riding my "Unicorn" down the dark streets with my mom nearby, stopping to get candy was just awesome. And after Halloween, we tried washing out the hair dye on my pony but it wouldnt come out. So my poor pony had hot pink hair for about a month until it faded. The cars driving by our corral would stop often and people would stare. I still giggle when I think of that. It eventually faded with no ill effect.

And now as an adult I think about that memory and kind of wish my kids had a pony to have a memory like that. But since we don't (and won't) I think it's time to grow up a bit and do what I can to make my kids have an awesome Halloween. I want them to love it as much as I do so that when they have kids of their own they'll say to their wives "Man, my favorite holiday is halloween. I remember this one time, my mom was cool enough to dress up as Robin when I was Batman. It was so awesome!" If I can pass on that love of fun, and the knowledge that Halloween is for all, not just kids, I'll feel like I passed on an important lesson. Life can be fun/ you just have to take advantage of it. And have a candy tax!

Downhill to Domesticity

2010-09-16T14:02:00.000-04:00

I have been struggling with an aspect of myself that I'm not sure I'm ready to face. I mean, I know I am, but that doesn't mean I have to admit it. Do I? When I think of myself, I use the terms Sarcastic, Coffee Lover, Gamer Chick, and Mom. But a recent event struck me full in the face of something I never wanted to own up to. I still don't, but I'd be an utter lier if I didn't face the fact that I have to officially use the term (once in a blue moon)

Domestic.

UGH! I even hate typing the word, let alone adding it on to the adjectives that can be used to describe me! And yet there it is. I looked myself full in the face through my bathroom mirror the other morning, and after a few minutes of rebelling against the truth, I mentally admitted to my inner self that yes, I am domesticated. how did this realization come about? It has to do with a vacuum cleaner...

I have never had decent luck with vacuums, but I have also never bothered to purchase a decent one. Vacuums are an annoyance, a have to, something I didn't want to waste precious finances on if I could spend it instead on other fun things when we had a couple extra bucks to spare. Our last house was mainly hardwood floor so it became even less of an issue for years. When we moved to NC, I purchased a little electric floor sweeper that did the job alright enough for me. It did ok enough on the few carpeted areas we had that I never really cared about having a real vacuum. We did get one once, and it died after 5 months, probably from consuming too many Lego pieces left behind. Im sure it choked to death.

But then we moved to our new home and this place is covered in carpets. WHITE carpets! (Ok maybe not white anymore, but they were white when we moved in...) And seriously any little crumb on the floor was visible from the other side of the room. What sucks even more is that for some reason, some idiot thought it would be a REALLY GOOD IDEA if the dining room floor was white carpet. Obviously these morons are not parents. But I digress.

For a few months I made do with my little electric sweeper. It took 4-5 sweeps to get all of the crumbs off the carpet, but I made do as best I could. Until it got to be too much. I found myself bouncing between trying to vacuum everyday (not fun) or going a week without vacuuming, because let's face it.... the crumbs would be back in 5 minutes with 2 little boys in the house, and I didn't have the energy to spend 15 minutes a day cleaning one damn carpet. I recognized something needed to change. And that change meant I needed a real honest to goodness vacuum. One that I could pull out and clean the carpets in 5 minutes instead of 15-20. One that got deep down and pulled up any dust meshed into the fabric. One that survived Legos.

So I did what any Mom in my situation would do. I asked my friends. I popped on TM and asked all the moms to tell me about their vacuums. Which did they like? which survived for long periods of time? How much did they cost? Was it worth it? within a day I had 2 pages of women all over the triangle telling me about their vacuums. and the one that won the most raves hands down was a Dyson.

It was eye opening, in a funny way, reading the posts, to realize that I had no clue what the hell a Dyson was. People who had them LOVED them! People who didnt, knew they were good. Me? I had to google what a Dyson even was. Now I knew they were going to be expensive but my eyes nearly popped out of my socket when I saw the myriad of price tags. Holy hell!!! Vacuums are flipping expensive!!!!! But everyone said that it was totally worth the investment. and when you have that many women all agree on one thing, you have to take note.

So I took my information and laid it out before J. I needed a new vacuum for my happiness. My happiness equaled his happiness. He would also be happy because I could actually make our floor clean(er). And if we were going to get a real vacuum I wanted one that would last longer than 5 months.I told him I asked around for reviews and had a bunch who said Dyson was the way to go. I warned him they were expensive, but it was a good investment. You know, for clean floors and our mutual happiness, etc.

He listened to my case, said he would do his own research, and we would talk that night at dinner. Come dinner time, a pale faced J walked upstairs, sat down for dinner, and said that he had done his own research.
"And" I ask?
"Holy hell those are expensive."
"Yeah."
"But all the reviews I read also said it was worth the investment. You sure you want this?"
"Want? No. Need? We need it."
"OK then."

~~~~~~~

And so my dilemma began. I actually got excited to purchase a vacuum. Like it was some trip to a day spa or something instead of some $300 tool that sucks up crumbs and scares babies with its loud noise. I was impatient as I waited for our new vacuum to arrive. I couldn't wait to try it out!!! I was gonna suck up all that dust and dirt and crumbs in no time flat! But as I thought this, there was a small inner voice inside my head mocking me. Seriously?, it would say. You're THAT excited over a vacuum? What the hell happened to you? You're as excited as you would be if you were off to see your favorite metal band play. Wow, B, you have really fallen low. You're like, domestic or something. How adult of you. How sad...

No matter what I did that voice was always there. And it hasn't shut up. I think I have to come to terms with the fact that yes, I am domestic before it goes away. I'm a Stay at home mom with 3 boys, a kick ass loving and supportive husband, and I volunteer at a mother support site. I am a gamer chick, and can virtually kick your butt with a dagger, crossbow, and sword, while wearing leather corsets and knee high boots. I listen to heavy metal in foreign languages, have my red stripe in my black hair, my 2 tattoos and nose ring. My van has skulls on it. AND I love my Dyson vacuum.

So yeah, I'm domesticated. But that doesn't mean I have to succumb to boring. Right?

You Can Call Me A Grown Up But I Refuse To Admit It!

2010-08-19T13:39:00.000-04:00

Ooooh a post NOT about my kids! How... different...

I have proof, that while I may "technically" be what most would call an adult, I definitely have not grown up in maturity level! I thought I would share some of my evidence to dispel any rumors you may have heard of me, but really because I still giggle at my cheesiness.

When I first created this blog long ago, I mentioned that as well as a mom I am also a gamer chick. J and I have been gaming for years together. The past 6 years we've spent mainly with a group of awesome folks in a guild named Bane. Bane had its roots in an MMO EverQuest, and when EQ2 came out, they moved there to become an amazing team that balanced both game achievements and real life without drama. I hate drama and I have a real life so this was a good fit. We were one of the top 5 guilds on our server as far as raid progression, yet we were the only ones in the top 5 who could actually call themselves "casual". It was a perfect blend.

After 6 years in the game, with little breaks here and there, Bane recently decided that we had achieved as much as we could in the game, people were tired of the same stuff, and we needed something new. And within a week, the majority of us moved to a different MMO World of Warcraft (WoW). You see, we learned that for the most part, it's not the game that really matters, but the people you play a game with. So even most of those who were leery of switching gears were willing to give it a chance.

And that's where my immaturity kicked into high gear!

While I am a normally sarcastic and cheesy person, in our previous game I often stayed quiet in chat. For one reason I wasn't sure how my sarcasm would come across as text is a lot harder to read than tone. I didnt feel like pissing off my Guild Leader, heh. Another reason was that when I logged on it was to raid, and I had so much going on in my screen, it's hard to keep up text banter while mashing buttons, listening to people shout directions through my headset, pay attention to details I needed to shout out in my microphone.... and when we wiped (died agonizing virtual deaths) I tended to alt out and catch up on my other nonpaying volunteer job as Promotions manager for my mothers support group.

But with a change in games and play style,there is a more relaxed feeling as we all level up together and have no raids to worry about for awhile. We guildies, including our Guild Leader, are reclaiming the excitement of a new game together. Every sentence in guild chat ends in an exclamation point (seriously... I've actually started mocking people who do it by responding back in kind. I'm waiting for them to figure that out lol). But finally I am letting my virtual hair down. And I'm having a ball! Also, I cant seem to stop the cheesy sarcastic comments I normally joked under my breath.

So the proof comes from a request from our Guild Leader, to provide him with interesting screenshots of the game and our new characters, so that he can update our forum. I asked him to define "interesting". He said have fun with it. So I did. I went around the virtual world with my character, and posed her in silly positions. And I chortled the entire time. So much so that J thought I was beginning to lose my mind. Maybe I was. But I had fun doing it and that's all that matters.

I won't inundate this blog with the 30 or so images I got, but I did want to put up a few to prove that I am definitely as immature as my 8 yr old, and maybe even more so. I'll start with a regular photo.

This is a portrait photo of my character, Meiune, and her faithful owl, who tends to save her ass more often than I care to count. I had to take 1 normal photo for our forum update. But then I went to town.

It all started with this photo. Earlier in the evening Ryki, our Leader, asked for interesting photos. I saw this wood carving off a path and just started laughing. All I could imagine was the painting "The Scream" by Edvard Munch. I ran over and started playing with my emotes until I found one close enough to mimic the carving. This image is now my computer wallpaper.

The caption for our update that ran through my mind as I posed this was "We're so hardcore we dance on cannons in our skivvies in the dead of winter.... or was that crazy?" It was a pain in the ass to get my character up on the cannon, and I'm sure I got more than a few odd looks as I ran around in bra and panties. But it was worth any new rumors that may abound on our server about my sanity.

There is a museum in one of the cities, and I started off behaving. I really did well too! for about 3 minutes. And then I couldn't help myself....

The Museum guards started frowning and muttering to each other when I started dancing with a giant Ram skeleton. Fortunately, they didn't catch me trying to scale the bones so I could get a photo of me riding it like a horse. (I even brought my cowboy hat with me just in case too)

This is was taken right before I was firmly escorted out of Iron Forges museum.By 15 armed Dwarves. And informed me that I was not welcome anymore unless under direct supervision of a mature grown up. Totally worth it. It's a good thing they never saw me doing the chicken dance with the nest of fossilized Dragon eggs on display.....

So there. Physical proof I never grew up. Now excuse me while I go photoshop an image of virtual me ina bikini into a polaroid with the caption "Wish you were here..."

Boris The Spider

2010-08-09T11:56:00.000-04:00

We are a pet free house. We used to have 2 cats, who joined us BC. When we moved to NC though, we found them good homes. They were old, they didnt like our kids, and frankly finding ginormous hairballs on my pillow each night was becoming annoying.

We had a Pug, who was fantastic with the boys! Until one day out of the blue, he lunged for baby Ashe and bit him on the face. No skin was broken, but Ashe did not provoke it. Our dog was sick before so it could have been that, but still, not cool at all! When I was younger my brother had his cheek bit off by a dog and since then my rule is no dogs get a second chance in my house. My kids safety come first. Our pug is currently living at my mothers so with supervision my boys can still see him. Hes been a doll ever since that one episode, but even so, I'm always on red alert.

We once had fish when Xavier was 3. One day I found him feeding them tootsie rolls because he thought they may want a snack. it took me 3 hours to clean that tank out and save the poor 5 cent guppies. I also broke our garbage disposal and paid $150 to have a plumber come clear out the tiny pebbles out of there. A week later I found the fish belly up with a Crayola crayon floating in the tank. Xavier thought the fish looked bored and gave them a crayon thinking they may want to color.

Over time, the kids whine that they want a pet. Each time I tell them they have brothers and brothers are more fun. Xavier wants a scorpion, or more recently, a Sea Lamprey (just.... don't ask). Ashe wants whatever comes to mind and it changes daily. But J and I are done with pets. Our catch phrase response to the kids are "You can have any pet your heart desires the moment you turn 18 and live on your own." So Xavier fantasizes about that time in his life, and asks me if I would be willing to purchase him a tank for his pet scorpion when he moves out. I say of course, it will be his house warming present.

I'm going to switch subjects now. Bear with me, I promise it all melds together in the end.

I hate spiders. LOATHE them! FEAR them!!!! Before moving to NC if I saw a spider I am not ashamed to admit that I would run screaming like a girly girl if I saw one, especially in the sanctity of my home. Some friends will even remember the time I spied an orb weaver (not common in MA btw and I had never in my life seen a spider so large) and tried to battle it with a giant log, only to have it race up the log towards me, where I dropped the log and ran screaming. I even called J at work and told him there was a spider he had to kill when he got home and it was big enough he would need to use the sword we had displayed above the fireplace. He laughed at me... until he saw the spider himself.

Since moving to NC, I have worked very hard to overcome this fear. You have to. Spiders here are part and parcel of everyday life. And they are HUUUGE compared to the spiders I grew up with. And some are even venomous. I grew up in a place where you could walk through the forest and only have to worry about bears or coyotes. Here, you have to worry about Black Widows and Copperheads. Now you may think bears and coyotes are scarier, but truthfully, they make a lot more noise and are easier to spot. And I never saw a bear in the 28 years I grew up in New England. Where once I used to bushwhack through the woods fearless, now I stay on paved walkways and keep my kids from traipsing through the woods. But still, I have learned to live with spiders so long as they are outside my house. I'm ok with them and I can appreciate their beauty.

Melding the two together....

About a month ago we noticed a spider in the corner of our hallway near the front door. He was out of the way, buts till in my house. I kept thinking I needed to get rid of him. But life is busy and I keep forgetting. As the weeks wore on we noticed this spider had been doing a fantastic job in catching any roaming bugs that entered our house. The dead bodies of insects started to pile up beneath his web. And anytime I mentioned getting rid of him to J, he said he was fine where he is, and he was a great guard spider. Friends commented on his web when they came over, and it became a joke that we "adopted" him.

One day I jokingly said to the kids that the spider cold be their pet, since they always wanted one. So long as they didnt touch his web or bug him, he could stay. The kids were ecstatic. Having remembered a song my father used to sing to me when I was a child, I named him Boris the Spider.

Every time we come in from carpool, the kids all wave and say hi to Boris. My friends rag on me about keeping him, but they think its funny and respect his web. But then the other day a friend of mine asked me if I knew what kind of spider he was. I said "I may be ok with letting him live as he earns his keep but Im not fond enough to get THAT close!" So she took a look and mentioned she wasnt sure, but I may want to look up brown widows, because Boris kind of looked like one.

WHAT is a Brown Widow???? I know what a Black Widow is! They are the ones you run away screaming from!!!! There are BROWN Widows I have to worry about too???? And after my kids have come to love Boris, do I have to kill him to keep them safe?

So I started researching like crazy. And I went closer to the web than I felt comfortable with. I couldnt see well enough, so I couldnt be sure. I begged J to kill it! I warned the kids Boris may not be allowed to stay. They were upset, begging for his life, pleading with me to let him stay as he never hurt anyone (yet, I think to myself). And I worried about Soren getting too close and getting bit.

After 24 hours of Mom craziness, J took over and researched himself. and inspected boris closer than I dared to. And after his inspection, declared Boris to be Brown Widow free. We still dont know what he is, but he is not venomous. And thus, he can stay. The kids cheered and rushed down the stairs to congratulate Boris on not being dangerous.

As we left the house this morning for school, the boys waved to Boris and said goodbye. I hefted Soren into my arms, grabbed my car keys and coffee mug, and without thinking, said "See ya later, Boris." Even I am becoming used to having a pet spider in the house.

Whoda thunk it?

Cooking From Scratch

2010-08-06T13:08:00.000-04:00

I am a disgrace to the art of cooking. I probably make the majority of moms who cook wholesome meals each and every day shake their heads in disgust with my repeated attempts and failures to try and cook things from scratch. To put it bluntly, I suck.

That doesnt mean I don't try though. I was never taught how to cook as I grew up. Our meals consisted of McDonalds drive thru, overcooked steak that could crack teeth, and once in awhile, a to die for meatloaf ( my moms specialty). But even then I was never introduced to the kitchen aside from our faithful microwave to heat up hot pockets.

When j and I got together he couldnt cook either. Hell, he didn't even know how to do laundry and his mom would drop by his apartment once a week to do it for him. Laundry is another thing I have never been properly taught, and to this day I still accidentally shrink clothes, or can't get out stains perfectly. But even still, I grabbed J and his dirty laundry one day, marched us down to the laundry room in his building, shoved the clothes in, added soap, turned it on, and exclaimed "There! Now you know how to do laundry!" When we moved in together one thing we watched religiously was the Food network. J picked up some great tricks and soon was a wonderful cook. BC he would deliver upon the table for our culinary pleasure, meals that were both exquisite in taste and sight. But I missed the boat I guess, because even watching the same shows he did, it was all over my head. The ONLY thing I can make to absolute perfection each and every time is a Turkey.

I didn't realize until the other day my lack of cooking skills has permeated into my childrens definition of what cooking entails until I was approached by Xavier with a culinary request.

We were driving home from school when Xavier asked me if we could make cookies soon. But he wanted to make them from scratch. I'm sure the blood drained out of my face as I envisioned a scene of all three of my kids and I in our kitchen, surrounded by flour and sugar, eggs and milk, having no idea how in the world to even begin, while my children clamored for me to begin. I stayed silent for a moment, focusing on the road before me as I gathered my thoughts and wondered how to carefully destroy my sons fantasy without scarring him for life. Fishing for time I asked "From scratch, huh?"
He eagerly responded back "Yeah! You know, the kind from a box, where we add eggs to the mixture? From scratch!"

Relief washed over me and I laughed and agreed that yes, we could definitely make cookies from "scratch" soon.

I still chuckle thinking of this. I wonder if years from now, when Xavier is an adult and has a family of his own, will he marry a woman who knows what "from scratch" really means and what she would think of my abhorrent lack of cooking prowess, or if he will marry a woman who is thankful his idea of home cooking comes from a box.

Hail To The Chief

2010-08-06T11:42:00.000-04:00

Foreshadowing doesn't happen only in stories.

When I was pregnant with Soren and J and I were on the hunt for the perfect name for our last child, J tried very hard to get me to agree to a middle name I would have no part of. He insisted that this child needed a strong, MANLY middle name, something that would speak of authority, respect, and strike fear into the hearts of his school mates. Something like "THE BEAR FIGHTER".

Oh hell no.

Fast forward to present day.

Soren is now 13 months old. He is his own little person. He's almost always so happy, mischevous in a delightful way, and very curious.He knows how to walk now, but would rather crawl to his destination if he loses his balance instead of trying again. He's impatient, vocal, and lets you know what he wants when he wants it, even with the limited vocabulary of "Book" "Hello" (pronounced huoo?), and "Mama" when he is distressed. He loooves to bug his brothers (on purpose) just for their reaction, but he will ferociously put up a fight if his brothers do the same to him. He has even been known to come to me and "tattle" on his brothers if they take a toy away that he was playing with first.

But on top of this, he is under the impression that he is utterly in charge of the household, and we are just his little minions to do his every bidding. If he wants something he will look you in the eye, point his hand in the direction and grunt "UNH"! then wait for you to get his desire. If he feels lazy and wants to go from point A to point B and you are conveniently nearby, he will hold out his arms to be picked up grunting "UNH!" and then once in your arms he will point the direction he wishes to go and grunt again. "This way minion."

I admit, it amuses me, for now. If only because I know how very short of a time period each child feels that they ARE the center of the world, and it won't be long before he has that rude awakening that he can't do anything he likes. Already he is learning that there are limits to things he can get away with, which he keeps pushing to see if I forget. For instance, I put my foot down if he tries to play in the toilet. He knows if I catch him in the bathroom after one of the older boys forgot to shut the door, Mommy is going to be ticked off. He's already learning to scuffle out of there ASAP if he hears me coming. He knows I refuse to let him play with his favorite toy, the electric sockets. All are safety plugged, but still I will tell him firmly "No" if I see his hand stretch to one. He's none too happy when I refuse his majestys pleasure, but some things even his Majesty cannot do.

Even with these restrictions, his motions and communication has been that of a little lord directing his small folk to do his bidding. So much so that I jokingly nicknamed him "Chief". When I told J my new nickname for him he agreed it was very fitting.

Adding to this nickname, Soren loves food. And he loves to mimic his older family and eat like they do. One thing Ashe, our 3 yr old, loves to do is to toast with our cups. So each night we raise our glasses and sippy cups, yell "CHEERS!" and drink up. Soren has taken this to a whole new level. Anytime he takes a drink he raises his cup and waits for us all to do the same, before he drinks after gurgling with laughter.

The other night we sat down to a chicken dinner. Soren loves chicken, and most especially loves drum sticks when he is allowed them. As we enjoyed our meal, toasting every 2 minutes, Soren picked up his drum stick and held it up high. In that moment, he was the exact representation of our little Chief. Of course we all laughed, which made him do it again and again, with little grunts of pleasure when he raised his meat high.

At the end of the night he had his blankie thrown around his shoulders like a cloak. Combined with the image of him raising his drum stick in the air, and a blankie cloak, J turned to me and said "You know, you should have given in and named him "THE BEAR FIGHTER". Because it totally fits him."

Sigh.

Tara I Owe You Munchkins

2010-07-28T19:50:00.001-04:00

You rock. I have my blog back, I'm feeling less panicky now, and aside from the fact I cant get the damn photo to align properly Im ok with it. I think I can breathe again. You can have my first born as payment. Maybe my second too.

/laughs maniacally

But seriously, if I learned one thing from this its that the next time blogspot decides to screw around with my blog I am going to have to go postal on them. This blog is a part of me and reflects who I am. Do not make me think that I have to be stuck with a simple and cutsie theme. I'm not into cute. Or simple. Or whateverthehell you want to call it. Give me my black white and red. Allow me to align my damn pictures. And dont screw around with blogs.

GRRRRR!

Call Me teacher and Bring Me an (Iced Beer) Apple

2010-07-28T16:50:00.000-04:00

The other week as I took Xavier to school, Ashe asked me what his older brother is doing at school.
"Well", I said, "he learns things. Like how to read and write. he learns science and math and all sorts of stuff."
"I WANNA LEARN TOO, MOMMY. I WANNA GO TO SCHOOL."
"You can go to school when you are 5 and start kindergarten."
"NO MOMMY I WANT A SCHOOL AT HOME. YOU CAN BE MY TEACHER." He grins at me.
"Oh yeah? I think we could do that." I had done homeschooling for Xavier when he was the same age and we had a lot of fun with it. I let him decide what he wanted to learn and we ran with that. I figured I could do the same with Ashe. "So what do you want to learn?"
"WRITING."
"Well in order to write you need to learn how to read. You want to learn that too?"
"YUP!"
"Ok then! Anything else?"
"YEAH, I WANNA LEARN ABOUT VAN GOGH.... AND MOZART.... AND BUGS!" (thank you, Baby Einstein. Now, when Xavier wanted to learn things he wanted to learn about police cars and fire trucks. And bugs. I should have known Ashe would have picked something from Baby Einstein, but it still took me off guard.)
"Errrrrm..... ok"
"AND I WANT OUR SCHOOL TO BE CALLED THE BLUE SCHOOL!"
"Sure, we can call it whatever you like."

and thus I became a teacher.... again.

Last weekend i spent hours pouring over websites, relearning about vincent Van Gogh and Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. I bookmarked music from Mozart, to play on my computer as we learned about the boy genius composer. I found online games about bugs, made puzzles out of artwork, coloring pages printed out of van Goghs Sunflowers and Starry Night. And on Monday morning I taped a bunch of artwork and portraits of the things we were going to learn about and held my breath.

I admit it. I didn't think we'd last a day. There is a big difference between Baby Einsteins videos and real life information on artists and musicians. It took me almost an hour to make ashe understand that Baby Van Goat is NOT, in fact, Vincent Van Gogh. But he soaked it all up and wanted more.

He even insisted on getting biographies on his 2 historic figures when we went to the library. And made me read them over and over and over.

By the end of the week his curiosity was sated on his chosen subjects. We did try writing but he decided he was too young and would try again later. He did like tracing letters on my phone app though.

And come the weekend I asked him if he liked school and wanted to keep going.
"YEAH!"
"Ok, what do you want to learn next week?"
"I WANNA LEARN ABOUT BACH!"
"OK. Would you like to learn about a cool artist who was also an inventor?"
"OH YES PWEASE! WHO IS IT?"
"His name is Leonardo Davinci and he's awesome!"
"OK! OH, AND I ALSO WANT TO LEARN ABOUT DRAGONS."
"Dragons, huh?"
"YUP!"

Oh he is so my kid.

RAWR!

What is Going on with Blogspot????

2010-07-28T16:24:00.000-04:00

So what is up with blogspot? I know I've been MIA and haven't posted in ages (the kids locked me in the cellar but I hid and filed down a discarded chicken bone I found and was able to pick the locks. OK OK I've been busy and havent had a moment to breathe let alone post) but I come back and my really cool background is gone. Not only is it gone but I cant figure out how the hell to get it back! I hate this template template Im forced to use. I want my old look back!

/whine

Anyone have the secret? I'll pay you in Dunkin Donut munchkins =)

I've got a few blogs i need to write down so stay tuned! And if you don't hear back from me..... can you please come unduct tape me?

Whoops!

2010-07-12T14:37:00.003-04:00

I warred with myself on whether or not to blog about this topic. For one thing, I didn't want J to feel awkward and I respect his wishes. But he gave me permission so long as I wrote it carefully. I also wanted to write this not just because it was humorous, but because one day, my goal is to print out all my blogs and make a book for my kids when they start their own families, so they know what they're getting into. Forewarning or revenge? I haven't decided yet.

I also want to write this particular blog because as a parent this is something we all fear, and we all may face one day. It could happen when your kids are young, or when their in their teenage years. And one thing I have learned over many stories like mine, you never know what the fall out will be.

But I also know by putting it down I'll never forget it. And while it *is* funny, it's also quite embarrassing. Go ahead and laugh at my expense. You're entitled to, at least until it happens to you. And trust me, it very well can. Then we can commiserate together. I'll be waiting with a sympathetic smile and I'll offer you a virtual glass of wine and we can trade war stories.

The other night, J and I ascended our stairs to bed. It was late at night, the kids were all tucked in bed and passed out cold. As husbands and wives do, we delayed sleeping that night to enjoy one another's, ahh, company. Little did we know that one of the most intense thunderstorms was headed our way and would be the platform for a new chapter in our parenting history.

So we're enjoying ourselves as the lightning begins to flicker. We were too wrapped up that we didn't notice. BAD BAD BAD TIMING!!! Especially in our house, where Xavier is prone to terror in regards to thunderstorms. Let me back up a moment here. Xavier deals with ADHD but has also been dealing with some anxiety issues. Tornados are his big trigger point. So anytime we have even the smallest storm, he begins to freak out. And he needs the assurance that when he panics he can come to us. So while many parents across the world have the option to lock their doors to ensure they can have their privacy, that option, alas, is not open to us. A locked door would probably make him hyperventilate.

The next thing we know, thunder booms, and our door is flung open, slamming into the wall, to portray in silhouette, Xavier standing in the hallway. Even from our bed I can see the whites of hie eyes. Quick as a flash (No pun intended) we threw a sheet over us, and turned to face our eldest son.

"MOM! DAD! THERE IS A THUNDERSTORM!!!"

"Hey look at that. There sure is. it's ok honey you're safe. you can go back to bed."

"BUT THERE COULD BE A TORNADO!!!"

"..... uhhh, no tornados hon. I promise I will let you know if there are any. Promise. Can you go back to bed sweetie? Dad and I are *really* tired."

"BUT HOW DO YOU KNOW THERE AREN'T ANY TORNADOS COMING TO KILL US????"

"Because my phone will tell me of any warnings. I'll tell you what. I'll go downstairs and bring my phone up here and if my phone beeps any tornado warnings, I'll let you know."

".... PROMISE?"

"Yup." I jump out of bed and race down the stairs to grab my phone. Fortunately, while we don't flaunt nudity, it's also not a huge deal in our household. So me racing down the stairs in my birthday suit in the middle of the night doesn't cause any issues. I know that soon, that will not be appropriate as he gets older, but for now, I'll take what little advantage I can get. I grab my phone, race upstairs, plug it in and show him that it's all set. With a surprising move of intelligence I also tell Xavier that he has a radio on in his room and he can listen too so he doesn't have to worry that I dont hear my phone. This makes him happy. But I give him specific instructions: Do NOT barge into our room again unless you hear on the radio a warning for a tornado!!!!

He leaves our room satisfied that all is right with the world. I shut the door, we giggle awkwardly, strain our ears to make sure that we hear nothing for a long while, then go back to where we left off.

Minutes later....

BOOM!

The door slams open again and we stifle a shriek of surprise.

"MOOOOOM!"

"WHAAAAT????"

"THERE'S A WARNING ON THE RADIO!!!"

"Oh... I didnt hear anything on my phone."

"YEAH! IT'S A FLASH FLOOD WARNING "(for the next county over, mind you)

"Umm, Zavi... what kind of warning did I say you could come in here for again?"

"Uhhhh...... tornado?"

"Bingo. Was this a tornado warning?"

"....no."

"THEN GO TO BED!"

" Sorry. Night."

"Night."

He slowly closes the door and J and I listen as he patters back down the hall to his room. Rolling our eyes, we look at each other, sigh, and cuddle. Which was a good thing because in the next moment a giant crash of thunder erupts and our door flings open with both Xavier and Ashe sobbing in fear.

While J stayed in bed, covered up in our sheets, I spent the next 10 minutes comforting the boys and finally had them calm enough to go back to bed, with Xavier being such a good brother and offering to read Ashe bedtime stories for awhile.Suffice to say the mood was gone by the time our 2 boys were settled and all was finally quiet. I don't know about J, but I couldn't stop wondering if there would be questions in the morning, after the terror abated. You hear the horror stories of your friends vividly remembering the time they walked in on Mom and Dad doing Mom and Dad things, and how they swear they were scarred for life. Or the stories where your friends kids walked in on them, and how they can't look their kids in the eyes after. I wondered what the outcome would be from this night.

We were lucky. No questions, no comments, no eye aversion from either side. Xavier never brought anything up. I think the fact that he knows we sleep in the buff sometimes just made him not even realize that things were a little different. And I think that because he is 8, in his eyes the world revolves around him, and he was too wrapped up in his own fears to even pay attention to anything else going on. So we dodged a bullet that could have had interesting consequences and for once in my life I am thankful he has tunnel vision.

But J and I learned a very important lesson that night. Always check the weather radar before going to bed!

First Day of School

2010-07-09T14:30:00.000-04:00

Ahhh. Today is a momentous day. A day looked forward to for many weeks. A day that begins a new journey for my eldest, and the beginning of a new era for me.

Today is Xaviers first day of 3rd grade.

I admit, I did the happy dance as I bustled all 3 kids into the car, still in my PJs, having downed a cup of coffee as fast as possible before grabbing the keys and making our way. And yes, I did it in front of Zavi. It's ok though. He did his own little happy dance too. He got something unexpected this year, something he wanted so badly but we thought was impossible. He got to stay at his old school despite the fact we moved (slightly) out of district and we were told by many there was no way he was going to be able to stay there for this year. But he did. Without asking them for the possibility, knowing it was futile, WCPSS decided that because his new base YR school was full, if I agreed to transport him to and from school, he would stay at his old school. Not just for this year, but until he goes to middle school.

Long story short, after we moved we were given permission to stay at the current school as there was only 6 more weeks to go until summer vacation started. I started the transfer process for the following year. Our default school for our new district is a traditional calendar but we wanted YR so I had to go through a painful and long application process. But when summer was upon us and we got our letter from the county, they made a decision none of us were expecting. They decided that because our district YR school was full, instead of placing us in traditional (which we expected to happen) they would allow Zavi to stay at his old school. If I wanted him to go to a traditional calendar school (which none of us did) I would have to redo the entire damn application process again.

Oh hell no.

The catch is that I have to provide transportation. While the old school is not far off, it's not easy to strap 3 kids into a van twice a day for at least a 30 minute trip (10 there, 10-20 waiting in line, 10 driving home). That's a lot to ask 2 young kids in carseats. But after weighing everything out we decided it was the best decision. And Zavi had it pounded into his head how much his younger brothers were sacrificing for his happiness.

So now I am a carpooling mom. I hate carpooling. But I'll sacrifice an hour a day for the happiness of my son, knowing he's getting a damn fine education, he loves GOING to school, and really, I couldnt ask for a better deal. I'll just vent about it here when I have a bad carpool day =)

And I also have the house back to semi normal. I love all three of my kids dearly, but I'll be frank. Having 3 kids in the house for weeks on end with no break is hard to deal with and maintain what little sanity I have left. Already Ashe is happier not fighting for the computer or the one green marker that has not yet dried out as the boys color. Soren is happily smashing the keyboard to the kids computer without an older brother freaking out. And I know Xavier is having the time of his life with a teacher he loves already, with friends in his class, and at some point today, will proudly display the box of shark teeth he bought with his allowance money at the museum to his classmates. He's in 7th heaven.

So am I. I love the first day of school

Sorens Birthday Present.

2010-06-27T13:01:00.001-04:00

When our first son had his first birthday I remember going all out on presents. When my second boy turned 1, we did a lot less for him, as he had his brothers toys to play with, but still we got him some cool expensive stuff to call his own.

When Soren turned 1, I did something totally different.

One thing I have learned after having three kids is that no matter how many cool toys you buy them, what they really want is your stuff. Specifically:

Your wallet
your cell phone
your car keys

I have battled with every child to retain my stuff as my own and not their chew toy. I have tried buying each child their own toy keys, their own toy phone. And while the interest is there initially, their excitement wanes fast. And they go back to attempt to steal my stuff.

Over the past few months both J and I have waged war on Soren as he tries to take our wallets and hide our credit cards. I keep mine in my purse high up, but anytime I pull out my wallet at a store the battle begins as he tries valiantly to swipe my wallet. I'm sure it's quite the amusing scene to the cashier and people waiting, as he and I lock hands over my wallet and play tug-a-war.

My keys are another topic. Once in awhile I will hand them over to keep him quiet when we're out. And he chews on the lock pad. I have been waiting for the day when his slobber short circuits my lock and I cant get into my van.

And my cell phone. I recently got a Droid and I'm sorry but I will fight to the death before I let him have it. However he's sneaky. I'll be sitting on the floor catching up on email when he comes in from behind, trying to snatch it out of my hands.

So instead of buying him a toy, seeing as we have enough toys for 30 kids already and he loves his older brothers toys more than his own, J and I made him a set of "real" things he adores.

J found him a mini bag, the same color and fabric as my purse/bag (olive green so it's not feminine). And J found him a real wallet. I filled the wallet with plastic cards and expired passes to the zoo and museums.

I found a bunch of keys to nowhere and a lock pad keychain to a car we no longer own. I found a couple more cool keychains and strung them together.

And then I dug up my old cell phone.

His birthday present cost a total of $15. But his happiness since he realized what was in it, and the fact we werent upset with him tossing plastic cards around or chewing on a real cell phone has been priceless.

I wish I thought of this earlier.

Pacifier Thief

2010-06-27T12:45:00.000-04:00

We have a pacifier thief in the house. I know it's not my family members, so I'm trying to decide if it's some sort of supernatural being like the sock monster in our dryer. And don't tell me the sock monster isn't real. I know it is. How else can you explain the insane amount of lost socks every time I do laundry???? It never fails. One day I'll test my theory by placing 10 socks in the dryer, walking away while keeping close tabs on my family members. And when I come back and there are 7 socks in the dryer, I will have proved my theory and win the Nobel Award for proving the existence of the sock monster.

When I find some free time, of course.

But the pacifier thief. It's pissing me off to no end. One day I can have 10 pacifiers right in sight. And the next day, gone. All gone. And when your youngest sleeps very peacefully so long as he has a pacifier nearby, you will do anything to ensure you have one on hand.

Pacifiers aren't cheap either! Holy cow man, these things cost $4 a pop! That's $40 worth of baby bliss right there, gone missing!

When I find this thief, this supernatural being, I'm going to grab it by its neck and throw it in the dryer and turn it on to high heat. Hopefully the sock monster enjoys the taste of pacifier thiefs as much as it enjoys noshing on socks.

Unless the two team up....

Firsts & Lasts

2010-06-24T18:40:00.000-04:00

To my darling not-so-much-a-baby-anymore,

I can not believe you are no longer a "baby". It rocks my world you've now graced this planet for a full turn around the sun. How much you have grown, how much has changed, as I sit there, watching you throw hamburger bits on to the floor and laughing, look at me with pure mischievous delight.

I think back to how tiny you were, each perfect detail carved out of rosy down skin, as I scrub your hands for the fourth time this day, after catching you playing in the toilet your older brothers forgot to flush, in the bathroom where your older brothers forgot to shut the door... again.

I think of those tiny outfits you wore when you first arrived, how preciously small they were, and how they make great rags now to wipe your face from the peas and carrots you mashed into your nostrils and ears instead of your mouth.

I think back to our first few months together and while I really miss how you used to curl up on top of me like a kitten and sleep the day away, I thank BOB you have now learned the difference between day and night, and actually sleep pretty damn well.

THANK YOU!

I watch you as the months go by and note your progress to keep up with your brothers: how first you watched them as they played. Then started rolling and squirming for that ball they held *just out of reach*. How you learned to army crawl towards any mini lego accidentally left on the floor with ferocious intent. How you sat up, and learned to throw a ball, then to throw a ball at your brother. Next we will work on teaching you how to throw to your brothers, not at their heads. And how now, you can crawl faster than your brothers can walk, and you can finally beat them many times to the toys they are heading towards, and piss them off as you chew on it with delight. Soon, you'll be walking, and I can only imagine the new adventures you will be on, and I have a good idea that I will be granted quite a few new gray hairs in the upcoming months.

You've done a lot of growing, a lot of changing, and you still have quite a ways to go, dear Soren. But I'll be watching every minute of it, and while it's bittersweet to watch my youngest, my last take those final toddling steps out of babydom and into toddlerhood, I hope you know your Mommy is *VERY* proud of you.

I love you Love bug. Happy First Birthday.

Multi-Child Syndrome

2010-06-23T18:25:00.002-04:00

***NOTE: I started this blog 10 days ago. I am just now finding the time to finish it****

This week, J and I were given an amazing opportunity and we jumped on it like kids in a ball house. My mom offered to take the two older boys for a week. To her house. While we stayed home. With just one child.

We drove the 2 hours down, went to the beach as an entire family, then patted our boys on the head, admonished them to listen very well from Grammy, hugged and kissed them, and drove home with only Soren in the car. And I thought, This is going to be AWESOME! This is the first time that both boys have been away for an entire week. And for both of them to be away at the same time? Bonus!

Yes yes I miss them like crazy. It's definitely too quiet at times here in the house. Like night time. I'm unused to the peace and quiet from 7:30-9pm. It just completely surreal. But we call them every evening after dinner, and J and I take turns talking to each child, and they are both having the time of their lives. And so far, 5 days into their trip, they still don't want to come home. And that's cool with me.

But I definitely miscalculated one on thing, and in hindsight I realize I was a total dork for doing so. I was under the idiotic mathematical assumption that 3(kids)-2(kids) =1(kid) = easier to handle.

With 2 boys gone, Soren realized he was out of playmates. And despite my excessive attempts to get down on the floor and let him know I was available for play time, he ultimately decided I suck as a playmate. Because no matter what I tried, no matter how often I dropped to the ground and tried to gauge exactly what it was he was looking for, he would not stop whining.

Or crying.

Or crawling around whining and crying.

...searching for his brothers.

And this went on ALL. WEEK. LONG.

I had a lot planned for this week, since I figured I would have extra time. HAHAHA, it's so funny now, as I write ten days later to think of how utterly naive I was. And truly thats what it was. I was completely naive thinking hey! one kid is going to be sooo much easier to deal with than 3! Because I forgot a few important things that never really hit me until now:

1. Having 3 kids, while chaotic = insta friends for one another. And while they may try to beat the crap out of each other here and there, they really never (purposely) go for blood.

2. While there are times when all 3 flip out at the same time, as if by some signal wired to their brain instantly, for the most part when I am dealing with one child freaking out, the other 2 can assure each other that thank goodness this time Mom wasn't yelling at them.

3. When Mommy is trying to work or go to the bathroom by herself in piece, I can ask the older one to please entertain the baby by building a block tower and letting him destroy it a la Godzilla, for just a few minutes. Yes, I make my kids work for me sometimes.=)

4.Soren has never, EVER, been without his brothers for more than 3 hours at a time. Ever.

So after a week of dealing with the nonstop whining, confusion, sadness and tears from Soren, Xavier and Ashe finally returned home to a very welcome homecoming. My mom asked why Soren didnt enjoy the fact he was an only child. And the truth is, he has never been one so why would that make him happy? I get that now.

What Stress?

2010-06-15T23:16:00.000-04:00

*I* have been slacking on my blogs. Yes, I admit it. I have been caught up in a ton of stuff, both as a mom and as me, and I just not have had the time or energy to write. So many things have been thrown my way lately that it's hard for me to find the time to just sit down and type for *me*.
So to recap everything thats been going on:

1. Xavier finished second grade (WHEEEEE!) and at the culimination he recieved an award for best art student of the quarter. We got to go to a cool award ceremony the last day of school and steal him an hour early.

2. Since we moved I have been dealing with HELL in trying to transition Xavier from his old school to his new. Why, you ask? Because the county we live in has a weird system unlike any other known to humankind and they love to play with your mind. The gist of it is that each town has different districts. Each district has 2 different types of school calendars: traditions (the normal kind) or year round (where you go to school all year and have 9 weeks in 3 weeks off). BECAUSE of Xaviers ADHD he really does hella better at a year round school and thats the type of calendar he has been in since we moved here, when he was in kindergarten. But we moved out of district of the school he is in and our base (default) school was a traditional calendar.

So the short story is I applied for YR for next year at our new districts YR school for next year (which starts July 9 mind you). I got a letter the week he finished school saying out application was denied, but instead of being put in his base (default) traditional calendar school like we expected, they kept him at the YR school (out of our district).

At first I thought it was a clerical error, seeing how I was told UP AND DOWN by 3 different schools (His old one, the new base and our supposed new YR) that there was NO. WAY. IN. HELL. he could stay at the school he was in for second grade. So I was floored and frankly pissed off, that some schmuck fucked up our application and I would have to do it all over again, and do it fast before school started.

So I called and emailed our counties school headquarters and asked them (politely) WTF was going on. And I got a voicemail back. Which said that because he was already in a YR calendar, and the YR school he should go to was overcrowded (.....) that they decided to keep him at his old school so long as I provide transportation. If I wished to put him in our new districts traditional calendar I would have to reapply again.

So we had a lot of thinking to do. Xaviers old school is not that far away. In fact, its a few minutes closer than where we used to live, even though it's in a different district. Even so, carpooling twice a day for roughly 30-40 minutes each time, is a lot to ask of the two younger ones. on the other side, Xavier thrives at this school, he has a lot of friends there, and we all adore this school. So we had to weigh the pros and cons of each side. And after a lot of contemplation, we decided that it was worth it. So, Xavier starts school on July 9 at his old school and I have resigned myself to carpooling twice a day for at least a year if not longer.

With 2 little kids in the backseat.

In reality Im not the one sacrificing. Ashe and Soren are. Im ok with driving to carpool and waiting, but it's a lot to ask two young kids to do that every day. J and I talked it over and we're going to try and make sure that J can watch them a few times a week so I can grab Xavier. I realize how much I am asking of them and Xavier appreciates it greatly ( I made sure he realized how much they were offering so he could be happy, Nothing like a little family guilt!)

So that's where we are. And I called his old school to make sure he was still on record to go there and all is looking good. So good, in fact, that I was told if we decide to, we are in that school until Xavier starts 6th grade without any reapplication crap (which suuuuuucks!!!!!!!). ANNND when Ashe starts school we can apply for that school to keep them together, and it's 99.999999% a definite he will get in because his brother goes there. ANNNNNNNND when Xavier starts middle school we can apply for YR and most likely get it because Ashe will then be in YR school.

So if we play our cards right and things work out we are set until Xavier starts high school. And frankly, thats not something I want to think about right now. Thats just too....Twighlight Zoney for me.

3. 2/3 of the boys are at Grammys house this week. Which is AWESOME!! Except for the fact that Soren, normally entertained by the antics of his brothers, is making sure I know loud and clear he is there and I damn well better play with him!!!!! He does it in a cute way though and I'm enjoying the one on one time with my youngest.

I feel slightly guilty but I am really enjoying the quiet of the household while Xavier and Ashe are gone. It came at a good time because I have a lot on my plate this week of things that need to get done, so I can do them at my own pace and not worry. We call each night and the boys are so happy and having so much fun they are in no way ready to come home. And I'm ok with that. I recognize that while this is the longest they have been away from home, they're old enough to do it,they are with someone who adores the ground they walk on, and that they will come home. Kicking and screaming, but they will come home.

4. Aside from being a Mom, I've been working my tail off as Promotions Manager to Triangle Mommies, a local support group for moms in my area. I took the role a few months ago and after learning the ropes (and allowing my rope burns to heal) I finally feel good about where I'm going with it. And I'm busy as hell.

I am the one who does all advertising off site to get more members, plus head up our blog, promote big events on site, and try to get our butts into cool places like fairs for free to get the word out. And this weekend I am going to promote us at our first Baby Fair since I took over. And it's been a long road, but TOTALLY worth it!

So the past few weeks I have been wheeling and dealing with potential sponsors for free samples to give away, opening my door to UPS/Fed EX to get huge boxes of samples, individually labeling all samples with our logo labels, writing up blogs and ads and FB stuff to spread the word, dealing with our contacts who are hosting the fair, creating and burning a video DVD promoting our site, writing up, printing and cutting out hundreds and hundreds of logos, labels, questionnaires to hand out, and so much flipping more!!!!..... not to mention the daily stuff that comes with being a manager.

Dont get me wrong I love it! I realized I adore labeling things. Weird, huh? But it allows me time to zone out and just be. And this Saturday we go and promote and have fun at a Baby Fair.

And then I get to do it allll over again. I've already gotten us a deal to go to a 2 day Baby fair which is expecting 10,000 families. And I'm already planning that out.

5. Last thing I will touch upon. I finally got myself to the Drs to help me with my ADHD. I've noticed over the past several months that a lot of what I do are mirror images to Xaviers symptoms of ADHD. And I realized I just cant do it anymore o my own. So I went to the Drs and he gave me Adderall RX which is supposed to last all day. And I tried it for the first time today. And it didnt work. If anything, I felt worse. Now, I have tried the fast acting Adderall before and it works WONDERS. So I know it can work. And I'll give it a week. But a part of me was disappointed today, hoping for some relief, and I got nothing but wanting to go out on the porch and smoke more often.

I'll give it time. But I'm not a patient person.

So that and about 35 other things is why I havent had time to blog. I'll try and do better in the future. Just give me until Sunday ok?

Out of The Mouth of Babes

2010-06-07T11:42:00.001-04:00

The other day I had to make a trip to the book store to get myself a book. Unfortunately I had gotten myself wrapped into a series in which the final book was not in Kindle format. Seriously folks, if you are going to put a trilogy into kindle format for the love of Bob, PLEASE make sure ALL THREE books are accessible to Kindle!!!! It is completely unfair and just inhumane to make one stop at 2 am when they are ready to start the last book, only to search amazon frantically with no kindle book available!!!

So, in order to save my sanity and find out what happened to the characters and their lives, I prepped Soren and Ashe, promising that if they behave while Mommy desperately searches for the book she needs, they can play at the train table in the book store after for a long time (while Mommy checks her email in her Droid.)

As with any outing, Ashe and I went over the rules. Mommys rules when we go out to stores are:

1. Stay With Mommy and
2. Fowwow Drections (follow directions for those of you who can't speak 3 yr old)

When we go to the library or bookstore we have one extra rule:

3. Use our quiet (shhhh) voice

So as I get the kids shoes on and keep Soren away from the plant dirt I ask Ashe to go over the rules with me.

"STAY WIF MOMMY..."
"Yup!"
"FOWWOW DRICTIONS..."
"Yup! And..."
"KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT!" He grins happily
"Umm... what?"

I stared in utter horror at what Ashe just said. I didn't even know what to say back. For the record, I never have told my kids to shut their mouths. I tell them to be quiet, to stop,or to knock it off. So I had no clue at all where this statement came from. And it sounded awful coming from a 3 yr old grinning at me.

"No honey!!! You don't say that! You just need to use your indoor voice, ok?"
"NO MOMMY I GONNA KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT!"
"Ashe, we dont say that."
"WHY NOT?"
"Cause it's not a good thing to say."
"IT'S NOT?"
"No. We dont say that. We say quiet, or hush, or indoor voice, or quiet voice."
"OH........OK"

So of course the entire way to the store and back again I'm frantically trying to think where he would have heard that statement. Did J say it in hearing? Did Xavier say it? My precious 3 yr old is running around saying Shut My Mouth and people are going to think I talk like this to him all the time and wow, that looks bad! But I don't say that!!! SO Where did he learn it????

Come to find out he learned it from his 3 yr old friend, who learned it from his 5 yr old sister, who learned it from...well we lost track at this point. But I had brought this story up the other night with some friends in bafflement over beers, and my friend piped up "Oh he must have heard that from my son. I heard him say it the other day and I was like "WHAAAAA???" I must admit I felt so much better knowing Ashe learned it from a 3 yr old than hearing it from an adult. But still, if he's picking up phrases like this from peers at 3, I need to start preparing myself from what he will pick up in middle school.

The House Xavier Built

2010-05-28T10:58:00.000-04:00

This is the house that Jack built.

This is the malt