The Things Kids Say

OK real quick plug than back to blogs! As  I mentioned in an earlier blog Carolina Parent has asked me to start blogging for them (yay!!!) Anyways it finally went up 2 days ago, and they gave me a spot on their homepage too, in order to get it out there and promote it. So if you haven't been around to CP yet, please do, and help a Sarcastic Mama blogger out! Their main page(Look to the top right!!) is:

http://www.carolinaparent.com/

 and you can get directly to my blog from this link: 

http://carolinaparent.com/blogs/blogs.php?blog_id=1201&category_id=75&start=0&arcyear=&arcmonth=&curyear=&curmonth=&curday=

Thanks!!! Ok quick blog......

I was just reading one of my favorite bloggers, Helene, and she gave me a rare gift today. Reading her 10 things blog had me laughing so hard I was literally crying, and when I tried to read it to J I just couldn't get past a word or two without breaking into fits of giggles. It was over the part with her kids mispronouncing words.

We have a lot of that here. But lately, I've been noticing quips from Ashe that are innocent in nature, but just crack me up when I'm alone ( or hurriedly run into the bathroom to guffaw out of eye sight). These are a couple that come to mind:

* I was leaving yesterday afternoon for a play date with the kids. As I do every time I leave I called up to J to let him know we were taking off. After a couple of shouted "Babes! Hey Babes!!!" and no answer, Ashe turned to me and said "Mommy, Babes is working. He can't hear you." and promptly walked out the door to the car.

*At dinner I noticed Xaviers face was starting to really mature and I made a comment about how he was growing up. He asked how we could tell and I pointed to Ashes face:
"See how Ashes face is more round than yours?"
"Yes."
"And notice his cheeks are kind of puffy like a chipmunk?"
"Yes."
"Thats a little kid face. All kids have those little chipmunk cheeks. See, even Soren has chipmunk cheeks."
Ashe decides to join in the conversation at this point and yells out "YEAH! GRAMMY HAS THE CHIPMUNK CHEEKS TOO!"
J and I tried really hard to keep our giggles stifled.

*His newest deal, is while we talk at dinner and we become animated and engaged in our discussions, Ashe stands on his chair, throws his arms out wide and yells "NOW WAIT A MINUTE! NO NO no no..... OK OK... just wait a minute..... OK good."


Conversation tends to stop right there as we watch this and then crack up.

Outages

Our AC decided to break on Sunday. You know, the week where the temps went from a nice 70 degrees to 90? Along with Carolina snow (aka pollen) blanketing the entire region in yellow? So you can't open up your windows?

Yeah... fun times.

I'm sitting here, freshly out of a cool shower, already starting to sweat, and J quips "Hey, remember how our old house didn't even have AC? And how we lived like this all the time?" I think to myself, yes dear, that was back in Massachusetts where it was a huge panic if we hit 3 days straight of 90 degree weather in August. We're only in the beginning of April. And that lack of AC in the summer (and the 8 foot snow drifts in the winter) was a very good reason of why we moved in the first place. I remember all too well.

Our AC is a wonky thing. It decides to break at the peak of the day, yet will suddenly kick back in when the night time temps are 60 degrees. We all go to bed sweating, irritable, with as little clothing on as possible, only to wake up at 4 am freezing cold, battling it out for quilts. The kids are whiny. "We can't sleep, it's too hot. We can't sleep it's too cold. We can't slee.... "I get it!!!!! You can't sleep. None of us can sleep. I assure you, my precious children, we are all in this together, this lack of unconsciousness our bodies desperately need to stay in the game that is life, along with keeping our tempers down.

The only one who is blissfully unaware of any issues is Soren, who passes out in his crib and is comatose for hours on end. I really envy him.

On top of this, last night our power went out at 4 am. I knew immediately that was the case when I rose (notice I didn't say woke up... cause you know, we're not sleeping) hearing the sound of J's server back up batteries beeping to let us know they kicked in and we had 10 minutes before they went down. And then I hurried out of bed when the wailing started.

Xavier has been suffering from fears lately: fear of tornados, wind, and anything at night that doesn't fit the normal pattern. A power outage definitely does not fit the normal pattern, and he was already in the upstairs hallway, calling out in terror. Of course his wailing was right in front of Sorens bedroom door, and as I stumbled up the stairs, tripping over Lego pieces, a forgotten shoe, and a pile of clean laundry yet to make the journey to the kids dresser, I heard Soren start to mutter. Great, 2 kids up, 1 to go. Commence Ashe in 3...2...1...

"MOMMY!"

Right on target.

Dealing with 3 kids during the day can be a juggling act. Dealing with 3 kids during the day when they are upset is a skill one never truly masters, and makes one long for a locked bathroom door, a bubble bath, and a bottle of wine opened and aired. Dealing with 3 kids, upset and scared, at night, with no AC, and no sleep.... I've yet to think of something that can really describe this. And for those of you with more than 3 kids, if you have any words of wisdom on how to handle multiple children of multiple ages in the middle of the night, I shall be your biggest fan and hang on every word you utter!

I won't bore you with the reassurances spoken, the bottles warmed and offered, the amount of bruises now blossoming on my legs from tripping over toys as I searched for blankies and stuffed animals to cuddle the fear away, or the irritation I felt when the two older boys decided it was time to get up for the morning and I had to make them understand they would be in serious trouble if they didn't keep their little behinds in bed until 6 am at the earliest. Suffice to say I got them all taken care of and stumbled off to bed, desperate for just a little bit of sleep. And as I put my head on the pillow and closed my eyes, the AC kicked in.

Stupid outages.

Moms Turn to Ask "Why"?

Why is it that we Parents have a hard time figuring out the Parental controls on both tv and computer, yet my 9 month old and 3 yr old can mash a few buttons on the keyboard and either lock the computer, or bring up programs I never knew I even had? Adding insult to injury I can never find those programs on my own either.

Why does it take 2 types of screw drivers (3 different sizes each) 1 pair of scissors, 1 machete and a blowtorch to remove 1 Little People person from the toy packaging?

Why do toy makers make the most obnoxious and loudest toys the most desirable? Do they hate parents and have it out for them?

Why do your friends bring your child the most loud and obnoxious toy they can find as a birthday gift? Do people do this for giggles? *Note to my friends. Yes, I take note of what you give my children. And yes, as I scour the toy aisle I look for something far worse, far more loud, and by far, more obnoxious for your children as payback. Think about that before you pick up that Barney doll you think Soren must have*

Why is it I always find loose change in my car, jangling in every crevice when I dont need it, yet the moment I park in a spot with a parking meter it all mysteriously disappears?

Why cant I find toilet paper that comes in separate pieces, instead of a continuous roll, constantly enticing my 3 yr old to put the end in the toilet, then flushing to see the whole thing go down?

Why can't any mom park in the Expectant Mother Parking spots? Arent we all expectant moms? I know I'm still expecting my kids to learn No means No and not maybe, yes, we'll see, ask your father, if you ask me 33 more times my answer might change.

Why are they called Happy meals? No one is ever happy with them in my household. The kids fight when they get different toys (which is almost every time) and I fight with them to eat the food first before they even contemplate opening up the toy they're not happy with.

Why does everyone in my family suddenly crave Chic-Fil-A and BBQ only on Sundays?

Why are mobile babies instantly attracted to electric sockets, carbon monoxide alarms, and anything dangerous or loud? I dont see the same desire to play with the $64 educational toy located at the same eye level? In fact it's collecting dust over there in the corner.

Why do we buy $64 educational toys for our second and third children, even after history has shown us with our older children those toys are never played with or loved as much as the toilet paper rolls are? Or electric sockets and carbon monoxide alarms....

Why is it the moment I mop the floor and put the mop away something disastrously spills?



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