Santa Reincarnated

 

This past summer J and I made an executive decision after a long time discussing all probable outcomes as well as the ethics involved revealing to Xavier a long held secret many parental units hold tightly to until they feel the time is right. Many parents are saved making this delicate decision by their own kids professing beforehand that they already know the secret. Some of you end up like us, having to walk a hairline wire to ensure you don’t forever damage your child.

I’m talking about revealing the truth about Santa.

 

Every parental unit has their own reasons that fuel this decision if they have to make it. Ours were because Xavier was now eleven, would be close to twelve by the time this Christmas would arrive, and because he had started the dreaded middle school era of his life. Xavier is so exuberant in his convictions of anything, that our greatest fear would be the topic of Santa discussed at the lunch table, and after Xavier professing his unwavering belief that a big guy in a red suit living at the North Pole flew around the world in one night to give presents t good boys and girls would cause his new friends to look at him with less respect and tease him. Or they would be the ones to tell him the truth and he would come home, trust broken in us.

 

We also wanted to be the ones to explain because while the mythical figure Santa may not exists as a corporal being, he does exist as the spirit of Christmas. We wanted to explain to Xavier that Santa is the symbol of love, family, charity, thoughtfulness, generosity, all wrapped up in a stocking hat and big black boots.

So we approached him cautiously one day as a team. We asked him what his thoughts were about Santa. And we asked him if he knew that there was a super-secret club he could join, that only adults and mature kids could join? And would he like to join it, with the understanding that once he did, he couldn’t undo it?

He was resistant. Defensive. Wary. Were we trying to tell him that Santa wasn’t real??? (No, not really.) Of COURSE Santa was real!!!! How dare we imply otherwise! Have we been lying to him this whole time?

So we left it then with him understanding that that was not what we were doing, and that if he became interested in talking more, to come to us.

Over the past several months, Xavier would approach us and ask us if Santa was real. We’d ask him what he believed. He said Santa was real. Ok then, that’s awesome.

And then came Thanksgiving Day. We were hanging out at my mom’s house when Xavier approached me.

 

“I think I’m ready to join the super-secret club.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Ok then. Sit down and let me tell you some history about Christmas and Santa.”

“You mean mythology of Santa?”

“No, I mean his history.”

 

And so he sat, and my friend G guarded the back door so no other kids could show up unexpectedly, and I told Xavier the history of Santa. About a guy long ago named Nicholas, and how he helped out a poor family with three daughters who had no money for a dowry. How he slipped into their house and left dowry’s for them so they could have a chance at a good life that would have otherwise been impossible. And how that one good deed resonated so far that he was made a saint, St. Nicholas. And how that story spread far and wide across the world, and people latched onto it and started to echo that idea, about charity, love, generosity, etc.

And then I explained that while Santa is not what he always thought he was, he is real in the idea of Christmas. And that we adults continue to echo his deeds, varied over the years, to keep that meaning alive. And when a child becomes old enough, the parents ask them to join in and continue the message for his siblings, and later on, his own children.

Xavier, despite my fears, ate it up. It was like a light went on, and his understanding of Christmas grew larger, deeper, and more meaningful. And after I explained this all to him I asked him if he would like to be Santa with us this year. And he smiled and nodded…..but added a few caveats to it ;)

He didn’t want to help choose the gifts, because he still wanted to be surprised. He didn’t want to help wrap those gifts up, but did want to be the one to put them under the tree. He did want to help stuff his brothers stockings, but not his own. And he didn’t want to be around when J and I placed the rest of the family gifts under the tree. All easily done.

Since then, he has come up to me to ask me for more information. He’s asked about the Easter Bunny. The Tooth Fairy. He wants to know how we can hide eggs so well, and insists that I am part ninja for getting his teeth out from under his pillow while slipping money and a note as a replacement. He wanted to know why the Leprechaun on St. Patrick’s Day stopped coming, and was he really scared of the traps set out to capture him by Xavier or was Dad (in charge of leaving chocolate coins out) just forgetful? (Yes)

I’ve watched Xavier over the past week as we set up our tree, do our advent calendars, and listen to holiday music. I’ve watched him cock his head once in a while, lost in thought. And then I’ve watched a little smile creep up on the side of his face as if he knows something others don’t. As he realizes just how important this secret club really is, and he is both in awe of how we parental units do it every year, and how he is now responsible for such a big secret.

And he is so proud to be a part of it.

 

I am too. I couldn’t have asked for it to have gone any better. May my two other children find the reincarnation of Santa just as awe inspiring when they too join our club.

Learning to Love Math

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Middle school is a whole new experience when it comes to homework. It takes a lot of organization and concentration to get through the piles of work after school. And homework counts for a lot of the total grade. Now add on top of that an ADHD kid with an ADHD mom, and it’s crazy town from 2:30 on, Monday through Friday.

 

In order to make sure that the lesson of organization is pounded into Xavier’s skull on a daily basis, each day when he gets home, we go through his binder, folders, and backpack, cleaning, sorting, and prepping. I also use the nifty school website each afternoon to list out the homework he has, in case he forgot to write it down. It’s only happened once or twice, but it’s a great way to double check. It also helps me because I can’t read Xavier’s scribbles even if my life depended on it.

 

Every weekday, Xavier will decide which lessons to tackle first, and we discuss them as he works on them. I’m finding myself fascinated with the lesson plans he comes home with, and while I don’t help him by giving him answers, I do enjoy learning as he looks stuff up. For example, the other day his social studies homework was to write his name in ancient Sumerian. While he did his own name, I sat down and wrote out the names of the rest of our family.  In Language Arts he had to write a sci-fi Cinderella story. I loved showing him how to make a note timeline for his book, and the next thing I know he has four pages fully written, and so proud of himself.

 

There is one lesson though, that I sit down and do with him every day, and this is math. Now let me clarify: I don’t “do” the math for him. But we’ve established a routine where we each grab a notebook, do the same problem separately, and then check against each other (and the calculator) to see who got it right. And you know what? It’s fun!!!!

 

This is coming from someone who loathes math with the utmost passion! I hated math, still do, and yet… I am actually enjoying (re)learning the mathematical concepts of pre-algebra. A big part of it is because I love watching Xavier grasp the concept we are working on at the time, or figuring it out myself and having the ability to teach it in a way that he understands. That “AHA!” moment he gets is priceless.

 

But I am also enjoying it for myself. I am finding that all of a sudden, the concepts are so much clearer to grasp than they were when I was in middle school myself. Maybe it’s because it is taught differently than when I learned. Whereas when I was in school the formulas were taught by rote, now they are taught with theory. Instead of “this is how you do problem x” it’s “Here is how to figure out problem x and why!”

 

Xavier can briefly describe the theory to me and it makes complete sense! And when the numbers all add up correctly, I feel so excited. Math has eluded me my entire life, and there has always been that teeny tiny voice in the back of my head that whispers “you’re not intelligent enough to grasp math. It’s too far above you.” But it’s not, so nyah!

 

So this becomes a win/win situation. Xavier explains the theory even if it hasn’t clicked. I’ll try a problem and it clicks. Then I can go to him and explain it in different ways, or show him tricks until it clicks for him. And then we sit together with our notebooks, and try to see who can get the correct answer first. We compare our answers, double check with the calculator, and if one of us is wrong, we try to see where we went wrong. It’s become a fascinating way to instill the current concept we're working on and double checking to Xavier, while also making it more enjoyable for him. At the same time, I am also learning, and appreciating the lesson.

 

While I don’t, for any reason, wish to be back in middle school, I am having more fun than I could have thought in helping Xavier stay focused and soak up as much information as he can. It makes me really appreciate how teaching has evolved over the years, and I am very pleased with the school he goes to.

Bonding Over SoundBytes

The other day I was searching the web for information on an upcoming game that I am beyond stoked for, when I came across a gem of a sound wave from the first MMOPG I ever played, Ever Quest. If you have played this game before in your life, you recognize how this particular game was the platform upon which all other MMORPGs created themselves around. And if you have played this game before, you can also conjure up in your mind how much this game affected you in a thousand different ways.

 

If you don’t play games or have no clue what I am talking about, this may sound strange, and that we gamers overhype how much this particular game has changed our lives. And that’s ok. Only those who have played Ever Quest can really understand the importance of its existence.

 

Ok so back to the sound byte. I was perusing a forum about this new game, when I stumbled upon a post where the writer said this sound *HAS* to be in the new game. Curious, I opened the link provided, and nearly jumped out of my seat in surprise, a visceral reaction long ingrained into my brain from years spent playing Ever Quest and Ever quest 2 (you have to copy/paste the link, it won't open up automatically):

 

 http://www.rozziland.com/eq/skelatt1.wav

 

If you played EQ or EQ2 and don’t know what that sound is from you can now hand in your gamer card. You don’t deserve it. Hand it over. If you want to earn it back, go play on the FTP progression server for a few days and then come talk to me.

 

For the rest of you non gamers out there in bloggy land, let me take a moment to explain. My friend S, who hates when I geek up and talk games, you can go ahead now, throw your head back and start snoring.

 

That sound is from a skeleton, which would rise up out of the ground at any time and try to kill you to become its corpse bride. It would laugh the entire time it tried to decapitate you, which gave the fight a very sick feel, each and every time.

 

 

So of course I had to find a way to use it in my daily life! After fiddling around, I was able to make it into my text alert. Now, whenever my friends or family text me, I instinctively jump and glance behind me. No really, I do.

Xavier came home to find me fiddling with the sound, and he asked what the heck was it? So I sat down and gave him a history lesson in games. Being a gamer himself he was fascinated. And despite the fact that he never played EQ (unless you count him hanging out in our arms as a newborn babe while J and I played) he thought that the sound and the idea behind it was awesome. So he wanted it too.

 

After dinner, the two of us sat down and worked on our phones to have the skeleton laugh as our text alerts. Of course, we had to test it out. A lot. Just to make sure it was working. On both phones. Late at night. For at least an hour.

 

Thank goodness we have unlimited texting!

 

 

Point of this story is, our gamer family bonds over the weirdest shit. I can’t wait until Xavier gets out of school and starts texting me that he’s on his way home =)

In The Groove

We have completed the first week of school and I am happy to announce that, despite my initial worries, the family as acclimated seamlessly into our new schedule.

My biggest concern was how the boys would react to their new staggering school schedules. However, aside from the tiny glitch that my afternoons are now shot for making plans, this has actually become a huge advantage for the boys. Most of the boys, anyways. Soren turns into a monster when he realizes that he no longer has my captivated attention.

Xavier now gets home around 2:30 in the afternoon, a good 90 minutes before Ashe. We're able to sit at the table and discuss how his day went, and I don't have to split my attention three ways so I can help him prepare for, or answers questions on his homework. Because of this, and the fact that it is quieter with two boys than three, he's been able to get his homework done in a reasonable time, with plenty of time after to relax.

Soren is the only wrench to this. He morphs into a jealous kid who all of a sudden decides he needs my undivided attention the moment his oldest brother comes home, despite the fact that he will happily ignore me for the majority of the day if I allowed it. He needs a glass of water. He needs me to help him get stickers. He needs me to color with him RIGHT NOW, even if he thought coloring was boring earlier in the day when I pulled out paper and crayons. I'm forever hopeful that this will dissipate in the next few weeks as he comes to recognize our new schedule. And if not, there is always that bottle of whiskey nearby I can discreetly sip from.

Ashe gets home by 4:15 and as of yet, he has n homework. This will change soon, but for now, we have time to chill at the table while he tells me about his day. I think that all of us appreciate the fact that each child gets complete individual attention from mom at the end of the day. I'm feeling more connected to the boys and feel like they are opening up more knowing that I am able to really listen for a time.

Both boys have made some new friends at school. Ashe brought home a phone number for his new BFF. Xavier is starting to make friends that he sits with during lunch. I think the only snafus we have encountered was when Xavier's gym locker went missing, and because he is still too shy to undress in front of the other boys (as I hear all of the boys are) he was late to class one day, waiting for his turn in the gym stall to change.

In regards to transportation, I did have to get Xavier's bus stop changed. His original bus stop was only a half mile from our house, but at his drop off, there is a known sex offender who lives there. he was the only kid at his stop, and I guess his bus drives by our house anyways, so I contacted the transportation service, and the next day he was dropped off on our street. Our transportation may suck sometimes when it comes to divvying up the kids and getting them home at a reasonable time, but I give them props for changing stops quickly when there is a good reason.

Other than that I really have nothing to report, although I wish I did. My boys have been so well behaved that they are giving me no fodder to blog about. It's kind of scary, actually. I wonder if I should be keeping an ear out for a shoe to drop. At least I know that with three boys in the household, it can't always stay this steady ha!

Back to School

Somehow I deleted my awesome post about the kids going back to school. So not enough coffee this morning, ugh!


Yesterday was the boys first day of school. My kids go to a year round school, so their calendar is very different from the majority of the country. We love it, and I wish that this option was available when I was a kid. But I digress.

While every first day of school is special in its own way, yesterday was even more so. Xavier was starting the dreaded middle school and Ashe was going to school without a brother to watch his back. Soren has one more year stuck with me.


One of the cool things about this years schedule is that the boys start  and finish school on different time schedules. This means that the boys each have their own time in the morning to get ready and also have their own time working on their homework without fighting for my attention. Xavier now starts school at 7:15 and gets home a little before three. Ashe still gets home around four. The only drawback now is that my afternoons are shot to hell for play dates for Soren.

Until now, on school days I had the wonderful opportunity to sleep in until 8am, where I would then roll out of bed, chug coffee, and drive the boys to school. J was sweet enough to offer to drive in Xavier at 7 while I took Ashe later, but I had to get up and take photos of the boys before their first day of school ( a parental units tradition):

I'm biased, but my boys have style!

#1 for first grade!

Having our first free day, Soren and I decided to go bug Grammy and hit a playground. We had lunch, painted together, and then I instituted a quiet time in the hopes of him passing out on the couch. I totally scored when after 20 minutes of him fighting valiantly against his drooping eyes, Soren passed out for an hour.

Xavier arrived home at three and despite my initial worry, said that he had the best day ever. He loves his teachers, thought it was cool to move from class to class, and even made a few new friends. We sat down together to go through all of the first day paperwork. He worked on two questionnaires while I filled out emergency forms. With having only one kid to focus on, I was fortunately able to reread his homework and catch a few things that I felt he needed to change or else be branded as a psychopath by his teachers. One question he answered was who was a literary character he would love to meet and why. he answered Altair from Assassins Creed because he was an assassin. The other was a science question, which asked him what he was looking forward to doing in science. He answered dissecting animals.  (insert eye rolling here....boys)

Ashe came home soon after, also glowing with happiness about school. He made two new friends, loves his teacher, and couldn't wait to go back.

So all in all, the first day of school rocked for everyone. Now I am just crossing my fingers that it continues.

Slainte!

The Talk

This is one of the first blogs that I ever wrote, before I even created SRM. I was asked to write for a local moms community, Trianglemommies, and writing for them helped me realize how much I wanted to start a blog of my own.
   I thought I had brought this one over a long time ago, but I guess not. And I figure since my blog has been delving into sexual education recently, that it was fitting to have my very first sexual education blog here. This occurred when I was pregnant with Soren, over four years ago.  Enjoy.

 

 

The Talk. If you are a parent, no further elaboration is needed when you hear those two words put together. You know exactly what it means. Two simple words, that can bring unease, discomfort, and anxiety to any parent as they wonder not if, but when they will need to deal with this particular part of parenting. How old will their child be when it comes up? How will I deal with it? How much information do I give? What if I'm not ready?

Each of us have our own level of comfort when it comes to discussing sex as an adult. But when dealing with those questions from your precious child, it doesn't matter how comfortable we are in our own sense, explaining the birds and the bees to our kids is always nerve wracking. And after you have run the gauntlet of The Talk itself, you constantly look back and wonder how you did. Did I mess my child up? Give him too much information? Too little? Does he understand? Did I damage him in any way while explaining? And no matter when or where it happens, that memory is burned into your brain forever. You will remember every minute detail of the conversation, from the way they furrow their brow as they try to understand, or the eyes as they get big when they finally get it, and of course, the questions they ask.

Kids start asking questions at a very young age. They always come at random times, usually when you're in the car, completely unready, listening to music or thinking of all the errands you need to get done before dinner time. And that little voice in the backseat pipes up over the radio and says "Mommy, where do babies come from?" Consider yourself lucky if they start asking questions young. You can practice for the big day, by giving them simple answers comprehensible to little ears. When they're young they really want to know just what they ask. They don't need details unless they ask. Answering this question to a 3 yr old is hard when it's your 3 yr old, but easier than later on when they're 8. They have less questions. And you can look back on your approach, analyze it, and start fine tuning for the harder questions that are sure to come later.

Below is my own personal experience of dealing with discussing sex with my kid. I offer my own so others may get an idea of when and where it could happen, and how I dealt with it. My way is neither right or wrong, it just was. And each one of us has our own ideas on how to approach We each have our own idea of what we would like to do when the time comes, but in reality, these things just spring up on you with no notice. I wrote down everything that was said, down to the details so be ready for a few words we as a society tend to keep quiet on =)

It was an ongoing joke in our family that because we have boys, my husband would be responsible for dealing with the big questions. I kept warning him over the years to be ready for those questions because one day they will ask you and you don't want to be caught off guard. My husband would smile and nod and go back to whatever it was he was doing. I didn't realize how little sway we parents have on who will be the one to answer those questions. In the end my husband got off scott free. When it finally came to The Talk it was to me my son came, all alone, with no help from husband whatsoever. I remember very clearly and always will, the night it happened.

I was preparing dinner for the family and my 6 yr old had just finished his homework in the dining room. He wandered into the kitchen, asked if he could help and I agreed. He grabbed a step stool so he could work on the counter easily. I was making breaded pork chops and I handed him 3 eggs and a bowl and asked him to crack the eggs in the bowl for me. As each egg cracked, he stared at it, fascinated by the gooey texture and bright yellow center. Pointing at the center he asked
"Mom is that yellow part what would have been the baby chicken?"
Thinking fast, as I did not want him flipping out thinking we were eating baby chickens I said "Under normal circumstances yes, the yellow part would have been the chicken. But these eggs were never fertilized, so even if we didn't eat them they wouldn't turn into baby chickens."
"Mom, what does fertilized mean?
"Well, in order to make an egg into a chicken a male chicken, creates something called sperm and he has to put it on the egg. When the sperm and egg join together it creates a baby chicken." He thought about this for a moment as we continued getting our pork chops ready. Then he turned to me and said
"Well how do humans fertilize eggs to make babies?"
I looked at him for a moment, then down at my protruding tummy, which cozily nestled our third child to be. He looked too and then up into my eyes, waiting. Sitting down on the kitchen floor, leaning against the cabinets, I got comfortable and without thinking I just went with the flow.
"Well you know how boys have a penis and girls have a vagina?"
"Yes."
"And you know that women are the ones who carry a baby in them until they are ready to be born?"
He looks at my bulging tummy. "Yes"
Well like chickens, women have eggs inside them..."
"Mom, you have chicken eggs in you???"
"Haha no. I have eggs in me but they're different from a chicken egg. They're much smaller and they don't have a hard shell."
"Oh"
"So as I said with chickens and fertilization, male chickens have sperm. Human men have sperm too inside their body. That's why you need a man and a woman to make a baby together, even though the woman carries the baby."
"if you need sperm from a man to help make an egg into a baby, how does it get there?"
"well, when you have a man and a woman who love each other very much, and are husband and wife, and they want to make a baby they do something called sex."
"OK... what's sex?"
I sighed. "Sex is when a man puts his penis into a woman's vagina which allows the sperm from the man to travel up to where the woman's eggs are. Once the sperm and egg meet up they form a baby. Which is why you only ever have sex when you are an adult, love someone and want to have a baby."

My son looked at me for a moment, then down at my tummy, then at me. Realization dawned on him as he put two and two together. And in a clear loud voice he said
"Ewwww! That's disgusting!!!"
I laughed. "Of course it sounds disgusting. You are still a boy and sex is not for boys. But there will come a time in your life when you start growing into a man and a lot of changes will happen to your body. And when that time comes, it might not sound so bad. But remember, even when you get to that point in life, sex equals babies. So you only have sex with your wife and you both feel you are ready to have kids."
"What about buying babies instead. Can I buy a baby?"
"That's adoption. And even babies from adoption are made the same way."
"Well I don't ever want sex. I'm glad I'm a kid."
"You and me both, sweetie. You and me both."

I wonder how I did. I feel like I kept my cool during the conversation itself, but afterwards I went upstairs to my husbands office and started chanting, oh man oh man oh man ohmanohmanohman. And I kept thinking to myself, one boy down, two to go.

I'll never look at breaded pork chops or eggs the same again.

Saved by the Eldest!

Told to me by my mom:


Soren runs up to G-ma and asks for a back scratch. She complies. A few minutes later:

Soren: Ahhh, that feels good. Now scratch my arms. (She complies).

Soren: Ok, now scratch my legs. (Which she does. As she is scratching his legs, Xavier wanders downstairs).

Soren: That feels sooo good! Now... scratch my penis.
(G-ma has NO clue how to respond to this and stares, flabbergasted, until Xavier, with an annoyed look on his face responds.)

Xavier: Do it yourself!
Soren: Oh.... ok!


G-ma saved from an embarrassing convo!

Video Games Live Symphony

***WARNING: This post contains a lot of photos.***

We have a ritual in our family, that after the end of the school year, J & I offer the boys a congratulatory gift. It's our way of saying thanks for doing your best in school, you're done so let's party!!!



Usually we offer the kids a monetary value so that they can buy something that they've had their eyes on. This is big, because the *only* times we parental units buy the boys something is if it's their birthday, Xmas, they have done something amazing and we want to say thank you, or the end of school. The rest of the time they earn whatever they buy through their allowance.

This year however, as I was in the car listening to my AM news radio, an interview with the NC Symphony was on and I heard about an upcoming concert that I thought Xavier and Ashe would go CRAZY for. It was the first ever in Raleigh, Video Games Live symphony: a symphony of music straight out of video games.

My thought was that this would be the perfect way to introduce the symphony to the boys. What a wonderful cultural experience, catered to their very hobbies!

J & I offered the boys the option for their usual shopping outing, or this unique opportunity for their graduation gift. They did not disappoint me, and by a unanimous vote, we were going to the symphony.

One of the cool side events going on would be a costume contest of your favorite video game character. Ashe was all set. Since he has been wearing the same Link costume on an almost daily basis for two years, it was a no brainer.

Xavier decided that he also wanted to dress up... mere hours before the concert started. Of course it couldn't be simple either. Oh no! It had to be something elaborate. He decided that he wanted to be Altair, from Assassins Creed.

Altair from Assassins Creed

I had no clue where to start. I don't sew well, nor did I have a random white bed sheet lying around the house. Instead, I tossed every article of fabric we owned around my bedroom, trying to figure out how the hell I was going to make even a similar costume for Xavier. Then my eyes landed on a black pillowcase, and I remembered that I had two cloaks I used for Halloween last year that might work. Add in my leather bracers, my calf high boots, a pair of khakis, and a plastic dagger.... and we might have something.

I whipped out the pillowcase, grabbed my scissors, and got to work. 90 minutes and 25 safety pins later, and we were ready for the symphony!

Xavier (Altair) & Ashe (Link) ready to go to their first symphony

Now, I was asked by friends why I didn't join the boys and dress up too? I love dressing up and would have done so except for one factor. Xavier was wearing 2/3 of my go to costume. I think the only two things he didn't use of mine were my leather pants (which I wore that night) and  my corset (which would have looked awkward on my eleven year old son, and I wasn't going down that road!)

Posing with the boys

While I did not get the chance to dress up due to my motherly sacrifice, J actually did! Not that anyone would know it. But I promise you, J dressed up as his avatar....his Xbox avatar. To prove to everyone that J thoughtfully picked out his costume for the symphony, I did a side by side comparison of J's Xbox avatar and J himself outside the symphony:

pretty uncanny how accurate that is, huh?

We get to the concert hall an hour before it starts. Within moments of us pushing open the doors, Xavier and Ashe were bombarded by adults, both in costume and not, exclaiming over how cute they were, or how cool they looked. Both boys ate this up, Ashe swinging his sword around yelling "HYAH!" or playing his plastic ocarina. Xavier would pose, head tilted down, looking up under the shadow of his hood, then pulling out a plastic dagger from his bracer. And the crowd ate it up like crack.

I put the bys names down for the costume contest, something I thought would be a simple affair out in the lobby. But oh no. When the time came for the contest to start, the guy in charge started leading everyone and their parents through a long corridor, down a set of stairs, and finally into a stairwell, where the contestants were prepped to go on stage. Huh. Didn't see that coming.

While J & I stayed backstage, all contestants walked on stage to a thundering applause. I was able to sneak out and grab a few photos and a quick vid of Xavier and Ashe:

Ashe & Xavier onstage with another Link, Princess Peach, and TF2 sniper

I wish I had stayed out a little longer to get the crowds reaction when it came time to vote. The crowd voted by screaming. The MC would put his hand over a contestant, and gauge the crowds reaction. When it came time for Ashe and Xavier, the crowd flipped out. I mean, you would have thought that we were at a Bieber concert and the audience was filled with prepubescent girls. It. Was. Crazy!!!!! It became clear that the winner was between the two brothers. The MC had a hard time, going back and forth a few times trying to determine the winner:

MC: Little Link?

Crowd: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

MC: Altair?

Crowd: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

MC: Link?

Crowd WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

MC: Altair?

Crowd: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

MC: Link? Altair?

Crowd: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

By one decibel, Ashe won, as J says, on cuteness alone. Xavier was extremely gracious about the whole thing, and seemed to be just fine knowing that it was only his height that made him lose. And while Ashe had his photo taken and posted on all sorts of media sites last night, both he and Xavier were treated like rock stars for the rest of the evening. If they went to the bathroom, they had to stop and pose for photos, high fives, and hair ruffles.

Photo of Ashe taken by the NC Symphony after his win.

Finally, we sat down to listen to the symphony. And I have to say, that while the tickets were quite pricey for a family as large as ours, EVERY PENNY spent was WORTH IT! We have not had that much fun in a long time. It wasn't a normal concert, where everyone had to hush hush. We were told to clap, whistle, scream, cheer, holler, any time we felt like it. And we did. Or maybe I should say *I* did. I almost lost my voice for cheering so loud, and I'm pretty sure that if anyone asked, J would have claimed that he had no idea who the crazy woman sitting by him and his children were. Someone should lock her up already! I was screaming and cheering more than I do at the Red Sox game at Fenway (and coming from a native masshole, that's saying something).

Xavier and Ashe, like me, were completely enthralled. While they did not know some of the older games (like Contra, or Castlevania), they cheered when Zelda, Mario, Sonic, and others came on that they knew and loved.

For four hours, minus an intermission, we sat and listened to the amazing journey the symphony took us on. And at the very end, after the symphony had given us one encore and had taken it's final bow, the co-creator of Video Games Live, Tommy Tallarico, and Laura Intravea (flute Link for anyone who watches youtube) came onstage, and started a sing a long with the audience, to one of our families favorite gaming songs, Portals "Still Alive" by Jonathan Coulton (one of our favorite composers/singers. Look him up, you won't regret it): 

After the concert was over, we asked the boys what they thought of their experience. And the one word they kept repeating over and over was that the symphony was EPIC. And now they want to know.... when can we go again?

Mission accomplished!



Educating Post Sex Ed

The other week, Xavier's class finally had "Health Class" which really means intro to sex ed. A few weeks prior, all parents were given a notice with the option to have their kids opt out. Poor Xavier didn't get that choice. We threw him into the deep water of embarrassing videos about puberty with the understanding that he was to ask questions both at school and at home if he didn't understand anything.

 I personally feel that sex ed is a very important issue, a life lesson that needs to be hammered into a child's brain again and again and again. Growing up, my mom was too embarrassed to discuss sex ed. Her idea was to let me learn in school, offer me the option of birth control pills when I felt I needed them, but then when I asked at age 15 (my monthly time was an awful 7 day hell of major pain and BC pills were supposed to help) she freaked out and screamed that I would turn into a slut and sleep with any boy who looked my way. I learned from the pitiful classes they had in school. I learned from books. I learned both good and horrible information, in the girls bathroom at school. And there was no way I was going to lead my children down the same path. My kids would learn everything they asked about in full detail, even if I had to suck it up and answer those questions that leave you red faced and trembling, wishing for a glass of vodka.

I've blogged before about having "The Talk" with Xavier and Ashe during different times in their lives. And knowing that sex ed was coming up in school, Xavier and I have been conversing about things he might learn, and how this was just a small portion of sex ed. I warned him that it would be embarrassing, but it was so, so important that he had to pay attention. And if he had questions, he needed to ask: ask the teachers, ask his dad, ask me. Anyone, so long as he asked. He promised me that he would, although he felt more comfortable asking me than someone in school. I actually felt pleased that this was so. I feel like I passed some parenting test, to know that my son felt comfortable enough to ask me questions about sexual health.

The day of sex ed came and I picked him up early from school. I asked him how things went. He said it was embarrassing. He learned about how he would get hair all over, including "down there". He wanted to know if he could shave it. I said sure, but it might be easier to wax instead. He blanched. He then said how he learned about how girls get their period, and how he was so happy he wasn't a girl. I agreed.

Then he said he learned how boys would have wet dreams. And I asked him if he knew what a wet dream was. And he said "Yeah, it's when you have a dream about wet things: like fire hydrants, hoses, rain and stuff."





........................



OK I admit it. I busted out laughing my ass off. Seriously though, who wouldn't?!!!


After I calmed down and my guffaws subsided into sporadic giggles, I explained what a wet dream really was. His face morphed into a look of horror as he began to grasp the full implications of what a wet dream meant for him. He asked more questions, I answered. Back and forth we went, covering everything else he had learned in school to make sure that he didn't have any other misconceptions.

And at the end, our deal was that when he started having wet dreams, if he didn't feel comfortable telling me, that was cool. All he needed to do was bring down his bed sheets and I would wash them for him, no questions asked. He was cool with that, and thanked me for being such an awesome mom. As we finished up the convo on sex ed, he said that if he had any other questions he promised to come to me and ask because it was easier to talk to me than ask at school. And I'm cool with that. Because if school is leaving the impression on kids that wet dreams are about water, than I have to make sure this kid gets the real information.

One Leap in Life

I just returned from Xavier's fifth grade Promotion Ceremony. While the ceremony itself was cute, the implications of today are huge. In one moment, my oldest son went from being in elementary school to becoming a middle schooler.

Even if you are not a parental unit, you understand what this time in life means. Middle school is such a huge transitional period for a child, that even I as an adult, can remember my time with clarity. Middle school sucked. For me, it was probably the most awkward time of my life, likely worsened by the fact that I went to four middle schools in four years. It was a time when the chemicals in your body change drastically, throwing one into a maelstrom of drastic ups and downs. It is a time when the courses get harder, the homework longer, and grades mean more than ever before. It was a time when peers became more important than family, and peer pressure reared its ugly head. It is a time when boys notice girls, and vice versa. School dances come into play, which leads to dating, kissing, and sometimes even heavy petting.

This is the world my son is about to enter.

For now, I don't worry about how he will handle the academic pressure. Out of my three children, I think he is the one who will be able to pull through the inferno that is middle school just fine. However there is one aspect that stood out to me this morning that has me cautious. After the ceremony, I noticed that all of the kids rounded up together, horsing around and celebrating their promotion. All of the kids, except for Xavier. He hung around us parental units and the G-rents. When I encouraged him to go hang with his friends, as he only has one more day left with them, he did so, albeit reluctantly. And that's when I noticed that many of the kids kind of ignored his hello's, or rushed passed him as he tried to join the crowd. For a few minutes he tried, but I noticed that he stayed on the fringes of his classmates antics. After five minutes, he returned back to the family fold, seeming more comfortable with us than his peers.

I worry that this will be his lot in life for the next few years to come. And I don't like it. I was the girl on the fringe for a long time. I was the girl who was bypassed, uninvited to parties, and left alone. It was a horrible feeling as a kid, to not have a few friends I could call up and invite over, or to whisper silly secrets to during lunch. It was hard to go through elementary and middle school and not quite fitting in. It wasn't until high school, when I joined a vocational school for 16 towns that I finally blossomed into the sarcastic, fun loving, loud person that I am today. And part of that was because by that time, I was so used to being the new kid, that I had no issues in the beginning, where many kids had never played the role of new kid.

Maybe I am putting too much of my own history onto Xavier's back. I really hope that I am. Because if he can not come into his own in the next year or two, I know from personal experience that it is a hard road to walk. We will always be there for him. But friends are a huge part of becoming comfortable in one's skin as a  teenager. With him joining a middle school that most of his elementary peers are not going to, at least he will have a fresh start to hopefully make new friends with a clean slate.

Aside from peers though, I can't even begin to explain how proud I am of Xavier and all of his accomplishments. He was given the award today of "Most Improved Student",  something he absolutely deserves. And his smile lit up the room when his name was called to the front of the room to receive his award and certificate. We stopped by the middle school for an orientation the other day, and watching him walk around, looking at his new classrooms, cafeteria, and gym, I noticed that he looked like he fit right in. I hope that is true, and that his time in middle school goes much smoother for him than it did for me.

A parental unit will ALWAYS have something to worry about concerning their kids: grades, attitude, peer pressure, etc. I guess mine is to worry about Xavier and his social circle. I guess right now, if that is all I have to worry about, I'll be ok. And so will he. I mean, hey, I think I turned out ok in the long run.

Xavier and his teacher at today's reception

Change

A few weeks ago our family dealt with a loss that devastated the boys, most especially Xavier. Our pug, Grunther, passed away unexpectedly and tragically, after being attacked by my brothers dog. Grunther was Xavier's dog, which we got him when he was two and he asked for a little brother. They were the best of buddies for years, until one fateful day, after being sick, Grunther bit baby Ashe on the cheek. I have a no bite rule in the house, and we were forced to remove him from our home for the safety of the baby (despite it being a one time deal and Grunther had been an amazing dog prior I wasn't taking chances), but my mom offered to take him in so that the kids could still see him when we went to visit.

Grunther lived a long and happy life, and was cherished by the boys and us adults. His death seemed like major karma in how he went, as my brothers dog is also sweet and never bit anyone until that one day.

They day I found out, I waited in dread for the school bus to drop Xavier off because I know he was going to take the news hard. And he did. We spent hours in his room as I held him while he sobbed until he passed out exhausted. It took him weeks to recover back to his normal happy self, and even now, a month later, a shadow of mourning will cross his face, and he will grow pensive as he remembers his faithful puppy.

Which got me thinking:

With ADHD, Xavier sometimes has a hard time developing lasting friendships outside of the gaming world. He has a couple of friends, one who has been his best friend for three years, but even then, they rarely hang out outside of school. Maybe it's due to his friends having crazy tiger mom schedules where they are doing seven different activities a week. Maybe not. I don't know. But I do know that for a kid like Xavier, he needs someone (aside from us family members) who will always be there for him and love him unconditionally. And with middle school right around the corner, where kids can be assholes to the nth degree, and I worry about him fitting in, that need will be even more evident.

While J and I are not dog people, we talked about these issues and agreed that Xavier would really benefit from some sort of relationship with a pet. We just needed time to think. So we did.

With Christmas around the corner, the boys are excited about Santa (yes, my kids still strongly believe and I intend to keep it that way for as long as possible). Ashe and Soren have teamed up together to ask Santa for a Wii U. Xavier has asked for a $300 nerf gun, which I promptly told him that even Santa can't always work those kind of miracles. Fortunately we have taught our kids that Santa does not always bring you what you ask for. He gives each gift great thought before giving the "perfect" gift for each child.

And with that in mind, "Santa" has finally figured out the perfect gift for Xavier. J and I have decided that, under the tree will be a kitty carrier with a stuffed kitten and a note, explaining that Santa and parental units have been in touch, and we all agreed that it is time for Xavier to find a companion, a kitten, to love and cherish and take care of. We'll spend the following week searching stores, shelters, etc, and let Xavier choose.

While we mourn the loss and love of our Grunther, I think this will be a way for Xavier's heart to begin to heal, while also giving him a companion that is not mom and dad, whom he can spill his heart to without reservation in the years to come.

I think this will be a wonderful Christmas for the boys. And for us.

The Bet

I'm not one to normally egg on people to bet, especially my kids, but we had a situation occur the other week, in which I think I taught my kids that betting was cool. I'm not sure if I am going to regret this in the future or not. However, it was just too good to pass up.

It was the boys first day of track out, and we decided to hop in the car and drive to Grammys house for the day.  It was a gorgeous day and I did something that pissed the kids off. I forced them to play outside all day. 

After a bit of bickering, Ashe and Soren set themselves up in the mini pool, and we adults pulled up lawn chairs in the backyard. Xavier, feeling too old for the kiddie pool, moodily joined the adults, which included myself, my mom, her husband, and my brother, fondly known as Uncle Brad.

Uncle Brad is in the marines and its a rare treat to have him home on a weekday where the kids can see him. He took the boys on lawn mower rides, and while the younger boys were "swimming" started up a conversation with Xavier about games. 

I sat there with my eyes closed, enjoying the feel of sun on my skin, when I realized that the conversation started to sound a little heated. I perked up to listen in. 

Now you have to understand that the gene of stubbornness runs rampant in my family. I blame my paternal grandfather who was the most stubborn asshole to ever live on this earth. He was an amazing man, but definitely a stubborn asshole. My brother and I received this gene, along with many aunts, uncles, and cousins. I of course, passed this gene down to my boys. All of them.

So when I started paying attention to the conversation, it came down to the fact that Xavier was insistent that his favorite online game, Minecraft, has only been out since the year 2010, whereas my stubborn brother insisted that he played Minecraft when he was Xavier's age. Neither was willing to give in.

With the absolute belief he was totally in the right, Uncle Brad, in a pique of inspiration blurted out "Fine! Lets make a bet. If I am right, you have to give me back my lawn chair (which Xavier had stolen because it was the best chair out there when Uncle Brad went to get a refill on his drink.) and if you win, I will give you my change bag."

Uncle Brads change bag is no laughing matter. Every night he cleans out his pockets and puts all of his change into a Crown Royal bag. It hasn't been cleared up in months. That sucker must have weighed a good five pounds. Knowing this bet was going to go down whether I approved or not, I decided to be Xavier's mentor in this matter.

"Take the bet, Zavi."

"But that's not a good deal!"

"Trust me, kid, it's a great deal. Take the bet."

So he did. And thank goodness for phones with Internet service because I quickly googled for the answer, and waited patiently until everyone was satisfied with the terms of the bet. Once everyone was happy and waiting for the answer I read it out loud.

The creator of Minecraft started it in the year 2009 and it was released in 2010.

"BOOYAH!" Xavier yelled, and jumped up to do the happy dance. Brad looked flabbergasted as he looked at me and said "I swear I played that game when I was a kid."

I looked at him and asked "Did you maybe mean the game Minesweeper?" And a look of horror passed over his face as Brad realized his mistake.

But he was a good sportsman, and the two of the trooped into the house to get Xavier's prize.

We still haven't finished counting out all of the coins, but we do know that there is at least $25 in quarters alone. I keep telling Xavier we should take the money to Coin Star and take a photo of him and the final tally and send it to Uncle Brad.

Cool Lost

I lost my Mom cool the other night. I admit it. But I'll also say in my defense, it's very hard not to lose you're cool when you're trying to talk to a naked ten year old boy who is unnaturally freaking out....while naked. Did I mention he was naked? Just checking.

After a long day of three kids in the house, surreptitiously trying to kill one another, J and I had finally sat down having conquered bed time. We were sitting on the couch, sipping wine and reading our kindle and Nook, relaxing for the first time all day.

After ten minutes of relaxation, the house decided that we had had enough. For no reason at all, the smoke detector beeped. Now those damn things have either had their batteries recently replaced or were ripped off the ceiling if you remember our last debacle regarding night time detector issues. So this shouldn't have happened!!! One loud BIP, just to piss us off. Both J and I tensed, waiting for Ashe to come running down the stairs sobbing. He never did make an appearance. Instead, it was Xavier, butt naked with his boxers in hands, sobbing.

"OH MY GOD WHAT HAPPENED???"
"Its ok, it was just the smoke detector malfunctioning. See, it's all done."
"BUT WHY WOULD IT DO THAT??? OH MY GOD!! IM SO SCARED!!!"
"Zavi, it's ok. There is nothing to be frightened of. The smoke detector just made a little bip. And ummm, why are you naked?"
"I WAS GOING TO THE BATHROOM!"
" Can you, maybe, put your boxers on? Please?
"BUT IM FREAKING OUT! wHY DID IT DO THAT? ARE WE GONNA DIE??"
" Dude, put your clothes on. Go to bed. You're not going to die."

And yet he continued to freak out, while I continued to hold in my frustration that was growing because I couldn't get it through to him that everything was fine, it was a fluke and WOULD YOU PUT YOUR DAMN UNDERWEAR ON FOR THE LOVE OF BOB???

I actually had to step out on the deck before I lost it entirely. I let J take over before I did something stupid, like start yelling and making things worse. One of my biggest failures as a parent is having no patience after repeating myself more than three times. And when Xavier is off meds and is freaking out, I know there is nothing he can do about his anxiety. But holy hell man, I can't help if he can't calm down enough to let me. It's a vicious cycle I can't get out of during these moments.

Fortunately J is super patient man and can do things I think only super heros are able to do. Which is calm Xavier down enough to put his pants on. And get him back to bed without the use of duct tape.

On one hand I feel bad that I lost my cool. On the other hand, I wonder how the hell this kid is going to survive as an adult if he continues to have these issues of anxiety. Am I going to have phone calls in the middle of the night from a naked grown up child screaming "OH MY GOD A FIRE TRUCK WENT BY! IS MY HOUSE ON FIRE? AM I GOING TO DIE???" Because I seriously can't think of how he is going to cope, all on his own, when things go bump (or Bip) in the night.

And no, he is not staying here as an adult.

Writing For The Win!

My family has a history of atrocious handwriting. I was fortunate enough to bypass this, and my handwriting is actually legible, if you ignore my doctors worthy signature, done in total haste. My father's handwriting is so awful that each time I receive any correspondence from him, it takes J and I hours to sit there and try to decipher it.

My brother also has atrocious handwriting, and while in school, it was utterly painful for him to sit down nightly and write out essays. Both of these family members have ADHD.

Xavier is the same way. He also literally cannot sit down long enough to write out a good essay. Unfortunately come fifth grade, essays will be a big part of his school work. Fortunately, he has an IEP that allows him the use of a computer to type out his essays. Even with a computer at hand it's still hard to keep him on track long enough to write. Because of this, even during vacations, I have to have him sit down daily and practice his writing skills. It sucks for both of us, but over this year he has started to get better. I still need to light a firecracker up his ass once in awhile, but we have gone from him only writing a paragraph per hour to four paragraphs per hour.

Starting this quarter, in order to prepare the kids for fifth grade, Xavier's teacher has started making the kids write weekly book reports. Both Xavier and I groaned loudly at this announcement, knowing it was going to be hell for us each week. But as a team, we sat down and figured out a schedule he could work with, and I would help him look for grammar errors.

The suckiest part of this is that the writing has to be two pages long, and no bigger than twelve font. I saw that and smiled, because if that wasn't in the rules I would have happily let Xavier use 46 font.

I can't even begin to tell you how surprised both of us were when we received his first paper back. Xavier, the one who hates writing, got a 4 on his paper, which for elementary school here, is the highest grade you can get.  One is the worst, three is great, four is above grade level. We were so excited that it is now framed on our fridge.

I guess all that wine chugging and working on vacations worked out. I'm so proud of the little bugger!

Pharmcists and Medication

Sometimes having a child with special needs sucks, and not in the way you would think. While dealing with the issues you know you have to face on a daily basis can be soul grinding at times, it's the things you don't expect to deal with that really slap you upside the head and make you want to go postal that do it.

Take meds, for example. A typical parent doesn't need to worry about medication on a daily basis for their child, nor do they need to schedule in the monthly drive to pick up the prescriptions, and then go get the meds dropped off at the local pharmacy. And if they need meds when their child is sick, it's usually a short term deal.

With Xavier and ADHD, medication is a major part of how he can cope. It's not a be all end all, but when added to behavior modification, a good schedule, and a lot of adults there to help, it allows him to live as normal a life as possible. And his meds are the kind that I can't randomly call up the pharmacist and ask for a refill. I have to contact his doctor every month, drive my ass down there, drive it to the pharmacist, and hope like hell I don't get a new person. Because new pharmacists suck.

Why?

Because every time I get a new pharmacist, I have to go through the rigmarole to prove that YES my son DOES need "all those" medications, and that I am not using him as my recreational drug supplier. I have to slowly spell every ones name, age, birth date, social security numbers, all former names of pets, every address I have ever lived at (which I think I'm now up to 13?) and wave my passport for a stamp of approval. Unfortunately, my local pharmacy has a turn around like a carousel and I have to go through this shit every few months. I think it might be time to find a more stable pharmacy environment.

Then I have to wait to make sure that the pharmacy even has the medications in stock (which half of the time they don't in which I run around in a panic, trying to find another pharmacy that might and deal with a new pharmacist). And then I have to deal with the POS insurance companies, who also think I might be a druggie, and randomly refuse us the meds needed because we put in the prescription 23 seconds too early.

Today I dealt with two of these issues and a new one: my credit card company decided that it wasn't me trying to buy the expensive medication I do every month on the SAME card, but was a thief and refused to approve unless I called and proved it was me.



This morning I met the new pharmacist. She bounced over to the drive through window like Tigger on crack.
Pharm: Hi, may I help you???
Me: Yes, I have three prescriptions to fill. ( I hand them over. She looks at them for a good minute, scrutinizing the doctors signature, making sure it wasn't a photocopy.)
Pharm: Maam, are these prescriptions for you?
Me: No, my son.
Pharm: And he needs all three of these?
Me: Yes
Pharm: Really? He needs both (##) Concerta AND (##) Concerta?
Me: Yes, he does. You can check your records if you wish.
Pharm: Have you filled here before?
Me: Yes. And he has had that same prescription filled here for many months.
Pharm: I see. I am going to go check, ok?
Me: (nodding in resignation and leaning back to catch a quick nap while she raids the files).
Pharm: (5 minutes later) Yes, I see that he has had his prescription filled here before. This is the same one?
Me: Yes.
Pharm: Can you tell me your sons name?
Me: Xavier
Pharm: and his date of birth?

I tell her through gritted teeth and finally she seems to either believe me or she knows I'm about to lunge through the window, grab her cutesy Bugs bunny tie and choke hold her until she puts the damn order in. She checks to make sure they have the medication (someone above realizes I've had enough at this moment because oddly enough they have all three in stock) and I tell her I will pick them up this afternoon.

Which I do, and deal with a new issue entirely, and one that nearly had me ( and the kids) go crazy with how much time we sat with thumbs up our asses.



I have a very specific credit card used solely for medication purposes. For some random reason, this time when I went to pay for Xavir's meds, the credit card company decided to refuse on the basis that they thought the exorbitant prices of meds was not what it was every month, but that the card was stolen. Which meant that I had to call in and prove it was me.
 So I sat there, on hold, for fifteen minutes waiting to talk to a person. And when I finally got a person I realized that in my frustrated haste I called the wrong number. Instead of the credit card company I got a Presbyterian church (which has an 888 number by the way... who knew?).

Instead of waiting on hold again for an ungodly amount of time I asked the pharmacist to try again. If it didn't work Id just come back later. She swiped the card, and voila! It worked. I have a feeling that it wasn't my credit card, but that the new pharmacist fucked up.


Shit like this makes me so grateful for alcohol.

Strawberry Season

Strawberries are one of the most coveted food sources of my family. If we buy two pints of strawberries at the local food store, they're usually gone before all of the groceries have been brought into the house. And then the boys clamor for more the rest of the week. But nothing, I mean nothing, beats the taste of sun ripened, just picked off the vine by your very own hands, fresh as you can get, strawberries. Everything else pales in comparison. It makes the strawberries in food stores taste like cardboard.

Fortunately for us, we have a kick ass local farm stand literally a minute from Xavier's school and starting mid-April they open up their pick your own strawberry patches. I am writing this in April (sorry for the late publishing but I didn't want to spam blogs) and we just got back from our first strawberry picking expedition of the season.

our ginormous bucket of fantastic strawberries. No, you can't have any! MINE!!

After school today I whipped over to the berry patch with three excited kids, all of us ready to gorge on strawberries until our stomachs were crying out in pleasured agony. I grabbed one of the giant buckets they offer, refusing to allow each boy their own. While technically we "could" have easily eaten $40 worth of strawberries, I didn't feel like paying that much and dealing with juicy red poop for the next week. One bucket it was, to the disappointment of my spawnlings.

We headed over to one of the rows and I loosed the boys with a whoop and they took off. Until a butterfly gently floated by Xavier, and he freaked out, remembering that he hates bugs of any kind. Instantly he ran back to me and started up a commentary about each passing insect as I slowly made my way down the row, searching for ripe berries.

"OOOOOOH, go away spider!!!"
"That's not a spider, that's an ant."
"Seriously???? It's gotta be the biggest ant ever!"
"Ummm, it's normal size. Move over, you're blocking the berries."
Ashe (yelling three rows over): "MOM! I GOT ONE!" I smile and wave. Soren's two rows away, popping berry after berry in his mouth. He notices me looking at him and grins, red juice and mashed berries dripping down his chin.

"Holy cow! That butterfly almost ran into me! Can butterfly's be dangerous????"
"Ahhh, no."
"Promise?"
"Xavier, do butterflies look like they can hurt you?"
"I don't know."

Ashe (yelling four rows over): "MOM! I GOT ANOTHER!!!"" I smile and wave. Soren's still popping berries in his mouth. I'm glad I put him in a dark shirt today.

"HOLY CRAP LOOK AT THAT WOLF SPIDER!!!!!"
"Xavier, that's not a wolf spider."
"How do you know???? It could be!!!"
"You know what? Since you're not picking any berries, and obviously you're not having fun out here, why don't you wait for us by the car? We won't be much longer."
"I'm having fun!!!"
"......Really, dude?"
"Really. I just don't want to pick strawberries anymore."
"You haven't picked any."
"I'm ok with that."

After filling the ginormous bucket in 15 minutes, the boys and I head back to the stand to pay. As we step in line Xavier starts telling me how he wants to be a farmer when he grows up, and he's going to not only have a strawberry farm, but he'll also raise dragonflies and bees, and possibly even some butterflies. I just stare at him in bewilderment, wondering if he's on drugs. This, coming from the kid who merely minutes ago, was ready to jump into my arms when a dragonfly raced by a full row away. Instead of asking him where his stash is and could I have some, I instead smile hesitantly, and tell him I'll be the first in line to pick strawberries at his farm.




Oh yeah, the strawberries are already almost gone. And we've only been home for an hour.

Coughing & the Bubonic Plague

If you're a resident of North Carolina, or really anywhere down south, you most likely know what I mean when I say that early spring means yellow snow. For those of you who don't, let me take a moment to explain.
 You know how up north you guys get snow? That white fluffy crap that's freaking cold, covers everything, and makes your boots wet and uncomfortable? We don't get much of that down here. But come March and April, we get pine trees having public sex for weeks on end, getting jiggy with it all over every freaking surface and orifice. And their "love dust" i.e. pollen gets into every nook and cranny, making everything look yellow. Below is the city of Raleigh, right next door to where I live. Notice the yellow haze? Yeah, that's POLLEN!!!!!



Photo courtesy of www.raleighskyline.com



Well, come yellow snow season, for the first time ever, my kids start feeling the effects. Soren's nose is stuffed up every night. Ashe's throat feels funny. And Xavier? Xavier is hacking nonstop like he has a 45 pound hairball caught in his throat. And it's driving me up the effing walls. Fortunately we had his check up and the doctor took a look at him to find out what the culprit was.

Dr: Ahh yes, allergies.
Me: Allergies?
Xavier: Allergies??????
Dr: Yup. Allergies. I'm guessing it's the pollen.
Me: He's never had allergies before.
Xavier: Will I have allergies forever??????
Dr: Allergies can crop up any time, but at his age it's fairly common.
Me: Crap
Xavier: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

And on the car ride home, I had to calm my freaking out child to let him know that allergies are totally normal and most people have one allergy or another, and isn't it better to be allergic to pollen which will go away in a few weeks, than to be allergic to peanut butter? He wasn't impressed. In fact, he went on a streak of questions about other allergies, which led to diseases, which lead to talks about the Bubonic Plague. Seriously folks. I don't even know how he knows about the Bubonic Plague. Fortunately I was able to tell him that we have treatments for it now, and the only way to get it is to play with wild prairie dogs so as long as he doesn't do that hes cool. And if he does one day find himself jumping around with wild prairie dogs, the local hospitals where prairie dogs are found will have a cure for the plague. So he's covered.

We tried Benadryl in the hopes that his hacking cough would subside. No luck. We tried Clariton. Nothing. We tried tea and honey, then honey on a spoon, then chugging honey from the bottle. Still hacking. Finally one night after listening to him trying to hack that hairball up nonstop for about 45 minutes I yelled at him to get a popsicle. And the next thing I know, it's silent. Pure, golden silence. Not the bad silent where you wonder what your kids are destroying. But the good kind.


Of course I find this awesome solution a week before yellow snow season ends.

Belief

Xavier lost another tooth recently. It was actually on his tenth birthday. He was so excited to place his tooth under his pillow, and even wrote a letter to the tooth fairy letting her know about his special day. She of course, wrote back, and gave him an extra dollar.

I find myself surprised that at age ten, mythical beings like the tooth fairy, Santas Clause, and the Easter Bunny, are still completely believable to Xavier. He has not one single doubt in his mind that they exist. And while I find that endearing, I also have started to feel that flutter of worry about when he find out that it's really Mom and Dad. I've heard horror stories from other moms whose children went on a rampage when they found out the truth. That they felt lied to and couldn't trust their parents. I'm hoping that this won't be the case for us. I'm hoping that Xavier and our other kids, will realize that behind the scenes, the feeling is the same. That Mom and Dad allowed them the beauty of magic in their lives for as long as possible and did so out of love. Because once you lose that sense of magic and wonder, a piece of your childhood is forever gone and cannot be replaced.

Xavier was so happy to see his toothfairy letter the following morning. His eyes lit up in excitement when he showed it to me. And while I know this won't last for much longer, I can hope that his excitement for something like this will be worth it when the time comes for him to grow up. I hope he can remember how happy he was and realize that it was an important part of his childhood.