Tracking Out

The past two weeks I have watched my newsfeed on FB spammed with photos of kids going back to school. Some parents are very excited, doing the happy dance that the long summer is in it's death throes, and their little children are off to a regularly scheduled calendar. Other parental units are sad, wishing that the time did not go by so quickly, and how they are counting down the days to the first big vacation time, months away.

And here I am, watching these photos scroll by as I contemplate that my kids are about to track out this week, and I have got to get off my ass and figure out how to keep them from killing each other for the next three weeks.

Year round school rocks. I can't advocate it enough. Nine weeks of school, then three weeks off, all year round, non stop. It's perfect. The kids are just about brain fried by the time the ninth week rolls around and everyone is ready for a break of homework. The third week of track out, the kids are itching to get back into a schedule and see their friends on a regular basis again.

It's this third week that makes me seek comfort in mojitos though. By that third week of carefree days, the kids are strangling one another an hour after waking up, deciding Gladiator style who wins the right to whatever electronic they are fighting to the death for.

I try my best to keep them all occupied during vacation. We live in an area that is filled to the brim with family friendly places and activities. The problem lies in the expense. While I have lots of great ideas of trips to the zoo, beach, aquarium, etc, many things can get pricey. And with three kids to haul around, it gets pricey FAST.

So I try to pick one or two costly things per track out that we can do, and the rest of the time I look for free things. We'll hit a lot of parks, do some hiking, lounge in the G-Rents pool. We'll have movie nights at home, head to the library to pick out bedtime books, and wander around a few of the free museums.

And this track out we're hitting the beach (rare treat) for two days and a night, our most expensive outing for five. It's the parental units way of showing pour gratitude for doing a kick ass job in school.

But even with all of these great ideas, there is still plenty of downtime at home. And that's where the fighting comes in. Each child, through genetic coding, is a lover of all things techy. Xavier likes the computer. Ashe loves the WII U. Soren adores the Xbox. Two of these are on one TV and the third is off in a corner, with a chair that has melded it's contours to the shape of my oldest rump.

After watching the kids this weekend and seeing how they glue themselves to an electronic device until we pry their wee hands off controllers (sometimes by force) I am going to reinstitute the track out rule of having a set time per day the kids can play. I am sure I will allow it to lapse on those days when I just need quiet for an hour or two. I'm not perfect, and can admit guilt in sometimes taking the easy way out when it's either that or run out the door screaming like a loony bin, pulling my hair out. But I'll do my best.

And maybe, instead of having them initiate the Gladiator death fights each morning, I can try to make taking turns fun. Maybe I can do some contests. Or see who can help me clean up the most. Or who can whine the least per day. I'll get creative.

Parents who sent their children to school recently, I acknowledge your happiness or sadness as you send your child off to school. I get it. And while I think of you in whatever feeling you are embracing, think of me as well, while I feel both sides simultaneously as MY kids start vacation.


Slainte!

Learning to Love Math

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Middle school is a whole new experience when it comes to homework. It takes a lot of organization and concentration to get through the piles of work after school. And homework counts for a lot of the total grade. Now add on top of that an ADHD kid with an ADHD mom, and it’s crazy town from 2:30 on, Monday through Friday.

 

In order to make sure that the lesson of organization is pounded into Xavier’s skull on a daily basis, each day when he gets home, we go through his binder, folders, and backpack, cleaning, sorting, and prepping. I also use the nifty school website each afternoon to list out the homework he has, in case he forgot to write it down. It’s only happened once or twice, but it’s a great way to double check. It also helps me because I can’t read Xavier’s scribbles even if my life depended on it.

 

Every weekday, Xavier will decide which lessons to tackle first, and we discuss them as he works on them. I’m finding myself fascinated with the lesson plans he comes home with, and while I don’t help him by giving him answers, I do enjoy learning as he looks stuff up. For example, the other day his social studies homework was to write his name in ancient Sumerian. While he did his own name, I sat down and wrote out the names of the rest of our family.  In Language Arts he had to write a sci-fi Cinderella story. I loved showing him how to make a note timeline for his book, and the next thing I know he has four pages fully written, and so proud of himself.

 

There is one lesson though, that I sit down and do with him every day, and this is math. Now let me clarify: I don’t “do” the math for him. But we’ve established a routine where we each grab a notebook, do the same problem separately, and then check against each other (and the calculator) to see who got it right. And you know what? It’s fun!!!!

 

This is coming from someone who loathes math with the utmost passion! I hated math, still do, and yet… I am actually enjoying (re)learning the mathematical concepts of pre-algebra. A big part of it is because I love watching Xavier grasp the concept we are working on at the time, or figuring it out myself and having the ability to teach it in a way that he understands. That “AHA!” moment he gets is priceless.

 

But I am also enjoying it for myself. I am finding that all of a sudden, the concepts are so much clearer to grasp than they were when I was in middle school myself. Maybe it’s because it is taught differently than when I learned. Whereas when I was in school the formulas were taught by rote, now they are taught with theory. Instead of “this is how you do problem x” it’s “Here is how to figure out problem x and why!”

 

Xavier can briefly describe the theory to me and it makes complete sense! And when the numbers all add up correctly, I feel so excited. Math has eluded me my entire life, and there has always been that teeny tiny voice in the back of my head that whispers “you’re not intelligent enough to grasp math. It’s too far above you.” But it’s not, so nyah!

 

So this becomes a win/win situation. Xavier explains the theory even if it hasn’t clicked. I’ll try a problem and it clicks. Then I can go to him and explain it in different ways, or show him tricks until it clicks for him. And then we sit together with our notebooks, and try to see who can get the correct answer first. We compare our answers, double check with the calculator, and if one of us is wrong, we try to see where we went wrong. It’s become a fascinating way to instill the current concept we're working on and double checking to Xavier, while also making it more enjoyable for him. At the same time, I am also learning, and appreciating the lesson.

 

While I don’t, for any reason, wish to be back in middle school, I am having more fun than I could have thought in helping Xavier stay focused and soak up as much information as he can. It makes me really appreciate how teaching has evolved over the years, and I am very pleased with the school he goes to.

In The Groove

We have completed the first week of school and I am happy to announce that, despite my initial worries, the family as acclimated seamlessly into our new schedule.

My biggest concern was how the boys would react to their new staggering school schedules. However, aside from the tiny glitch that my afternoons are now shot for making plans, this has actually become a huge advantage for the boys. Most of the boys, anyways. Soren turns into a monster when he realizes that he no longer has my captivated attention.

Xavier now gets home around 2:30 in the afternoon, a good 90 minutes before Ashe. We're able to sit at the table and discuss how his day went, and I don't have to split my attention three ways so I can help him prepare for, or answers questions on his homework. Because of this, and the fact that it is quieter with two boys than three, he's been able to get his homework done in a reasonable time, with plenty of time after to relax.

Soren is the only wrench to this. He morphs into a jealous kid who all of a sudden decides he needs my undivided attention the moment his oldest brother comes home, despite the fact that he will happily ignore me for the majority of the day if I allowed it. He needs a glass of water. He needs me to help him get stickers. He needs me to color with him RIGHT NOW, even if he thought coloring was boring earlier in the day when I pulled out paper and crayons. I'm forever hopeful that this will dissipate in the next few weeks as he comes to recognize our new schedule. And if not, there is always that bottle of whiskey nearby I can discreetly sip from.

Ashe gets home by 4:15 and as of yet, he has n homework. This will change soon, but for now, we have time to chill at the table while he tells me about his day. I think that all of us appreciate the fact that each child gets complete individual attention from mom at the end of the day. I'm feeling more connected to the boys and feel like they are opening up more knowing that I am able to really listen for a time.

Both boys have made some new friends at school. Ashe brought home a phone number for his new BFF. Xavier is starting to make friends that he sits with during lunch. I think the only snafus we have encountered was when Xavier's gym locker went missing, and because he is still too shy to undress in front of the other boys (as I hear all of the boys are) he was late to class one day, waiting for his turn in the gym stall to change.

In regards to transportation, I did have to get Xavier's bus stop changed. His original bus stop was only a half mile from our house, but at his drop off, there is a known sex offender who lives there. he was the only kid at his stop, and I guess his bus drives by our house anyways, so I contacted the transportation service, and the next day he was dropped off on our street. Our transportation may suck sometimes when it comes to divvying up the kids and getting them home at a reasonable time, but I give them props for changing stops quickly when there is a good reason.

Other than that I really have nothing to report, although I wish I did. My boys have been so well behaved that they are giving me no fodder to blog about. It's kind of scary, actually. I wonder if I should be keeping an ear out for a shoe to drop. At least I know that with three boys in the household, it can't always stay this steady ha!

Too Cheap

With a family of five, sometimes we have to compromise what we want for what we need, or can afford. One of those compromises long ago was purchasing a (ugh) minivan that did not have automatic doors.

I really regret that decision.

It's not that I am lazy. I am, actually, but that's beside the point. My main gripe is something I never even thought to foresee when we chose our current ride of transportation. I never thought about carpooling.

Every weekday I drive the kids to school. It allows us extra time in the morning to chill, while not having to worry about waiting outside for 15+ minutes waiting for a bus that is always late. In the area we live, it's almost like this rule that you have to be a parent, and own a minivan. Every day on the road is it's own minivan convention. And when parents drop off their precious snowflakes at school, 90% of said minivans have automatic doors.

Now, for the most part, I am happy to be one of the remaining 10% that actually has to juggle three kids, bags of groceries, while simultaneously opening the door to the minivan. But what drives me crazy is that EVERY SINGLE MORNING, when I drive up the school doors, the car pool assistants stand there looking at me, while I look at them, in a stalemate, until light finally dawns on their heads that I am one of the 10% with a door they have to open.

It's not their fault. I don't blame them. Each morning we laugh (they in embarrassment, me hiding my annoyance) and I always joke that I am too cheap to have automatic doors. They always laugh.

But you know what? I think it's time to stop this occurring situation that starts a bottleneck of stalled cars, waiting for someone to open my damn minivan doors. I have two choices: I can either purchase a new minivan. Or I can make a sticker for my windows that says "I'm too cheap for automatic doors."

I think it's time to look into café press.

Back to School

Somehow I deleted my awesome post about the kids going back to school. So not enough coffee this morning, ugh!


Yesterday was the boys first day of school. My kids go to a year round school, so their calendar is very different from the majority of the country. We love it, and I wish that this option was available when I was a kid. But I digress.

While every first day of school is special in its own way, yesterday was even more so. Xavier was starting the dreaded middle school and Ashe was going to school without a brother to watch his back. Soren has one more year stuck with me.


One of the cool things about this years schedule is that the boys start  and finish school on different time schedules. This means that the boys each have their own time in the morning to get ready and also have their own time working on their homework without fighting for my attention. Xavier now starts school at 7:15 and gets home a little before three. Ashe still gets home around four. The only drawback now is that my afternoons are shot to hell for play dates for Soren.

Until now, on school days I had the wonderful opportunity to sleep in until 8am, where I would then roll out of bed, chug coffee, and drive the boys to school. J was sweet enough to offer to drive in Xavier at 7 while I took Ashe later, but I had to get up and take photos of the boys before their first day of school ( a parental units tradition):

I'm biased, but my boys have style!

#1 for first grade!

Having our first free day, Soren and I decided to go bug Grammy and hit a playground. We had lunch, painted together, and then I instituted a quiet time in the hopes of him passing out on the couch. I totally scored when after 20 minutes of him fighting valiantly against his drooping eyes, Soren passed out for an hour.

Xavier arrived home at three and despite my initial worry, said that he had the best day ever. He loves his teachers, thought it was cool to move from class to class, and even made a few new friends. We sat down together to go through all of the first day paperwork. He worked on two questionnaires while I filled out emergency forms. With having only one kid to focus on, I was fortunately able to reread his homework and catch a few things that I felt he needed to change or else be branded as a psychopath by his teachers. One question he answered was who was a literary character he would love to meet and why. he answered Altair from Assassins Creed because he was an assassin. The other was a science question, which asked him what he was looking forward to doing in science. He answered dissecting animals.  (insert eye rolling here....boys)

Ashe came home soon after, also glowing with happiness about school. He made two new friends, loves his teacher, and couldn't wait to go back.

So all in all, the first day of school rocked for everyone. Now I am just crossing my fingers that it continues.

Slainte!

Vexed Volunteer

I hate volunteering to do things for my kids at school. I realize how bad of a mom that makes me sound, but it's true. It seems like every time I open my mouth and offer to volunteer, some mom or five get pissed.

Let's take the latest instance for example:


Three weeks ago, an email was sent out to all fifth grade parents, asking for volunteers for this weeks "Promotion Ceremony". Parents could choose from making punch, to setting up, to making a slideshow presentation of the kids. As a mom who sucks at scrapbooking, but loves making virtual videos, I thought the slideshow would be a great way of using my skills to create something touching for the kids and parents So I opened my stupid mouth and said I would do it.

Two weeks ago, a mass email was sent out to all parents and teachers, asking for photos to be sent to me. The deadline was for this past Friday. That would give me one weekend to go through all of the photos, organize them into a timeline of the year, and orchestrate them to music with visual effects.

Ten days ago, I had received over 100 photos..... but only from one class. Fearing that time was passing, I emailed the teacher whose kids had no parents send in photos, asking her if she had any to send over. She sent me about 50, and re-sent an email to her class parents saying that they had to get those photos in by the weekend. A few parents sent me a bunch.

Two days ago, I began working on the tedious task of picking out the best photos while trying to stay as balanced as possible between the two classrooms. By Sunday I had everything together, and worked on this slideshow for hours.

Today is Tuesday, technically four days after the deadline, but I allowed photos up until Sunday. I sent out the video for approval before carpool. Since then, in the past four hours I have received no less than five emails from parents with every excuse under the sun as to why they haven't sent in photos of their children until today. I had to be the mom who was both understanding yet sorrowful, that the deadline was four days ago and that the video has already been completed after many hours of work.

Now, most parents have been really understanding of the situation. I appreciate that more than they could possibly know. Because I have already been sent some nasty emails implying that it's my fault that their precious snowflake won't be in the slideshow. I received a passive aggressive response from a mom who said it was such a shame that it was too late, because her child has never fit in at school, and now she is an awful parent for letting her child down by not getting them in by the deadline.

Look, I get it. I really do! I am a mom who deals with ADD and there are a ton of times where deadlines for something have come and gone and I have totally fucked up. I have been that mom! And it sucks. But whose fault is it when I forget something? Mine, and mine alone. I own up to that, because it is my fault for dropping the ball, and I hope to teach my kids to own up to their own mistakes.

So it really bugs me when I feel like I am being thrown under the bus for volunteering MY Labor Day weekend to build a beautiful montage of the fifth graders, when some parents waited over two weeks to send me photos. Everyone had more than enough time to go through their photos and send them in. And why should I, the one who volunteered in the first place, have to be punished for your mistakes? Where do parents get off thinking that I have more time on my hands to sit down with your late photos, and redo the WHOLE damn show just to get your child front and center in the video? I may be a SAHM, but that doesn't mean I have anther six plus hours up my sleeve to seamlessly merge music and photos together. No, I have a three year old who wants me to take him on walks, and read to him, and play games with him. I have two kids who will be home in a few hours, and will need me to help them with their homework. I have a son who needs to go to middle school orientation tonight. I have errands to run tomorrow, dinners to cook, laundry to sort.... I don't have time to redo a project I volunteered to spend my weekend working on for the fifth grade class because you missed the deadline.

I AM sorry that you missed it. I wish I could help you. But it's not my fault. I did the best I could with the material I was given to work with. I did this because I love my son, and I want him, and his classmates to be able to look at this slideshow and feel like they have accomplished something great. But in order to give them the best that I can offer, like anything else, I had to work with a deadline to complete it in time. And so did you.





(P.S I am sending this out a week later than when it happened. I should be over it by now ;)

Losing a Friend

Wednesday night. long after the boys went to bed, J and I were sitting on the couch watching tv when we heard the pitter patter of feet slowly trudging down the stairs. A sniffle followed, ending in a sad sigh. We looked up at the stairs to see Ashe walking down the stairs, tears in his eyes. When we asked him what was the matter, he tearily told us that today, his best friend C told him that they weren't friends anymore.

Since the beginning of kindergarten, Ashe and C have been tight. I mean soul mate tight. C was the only girl in class who was as much of a video game junkie as Ashe was. In fact, I have had several conversations with C's mom, alleviating her fears that C would grow up with no friends because she is such a tom boy. I made it crystal clear that a gamer girl was going to be one of the coolest kids as she grew up, because she would have a ton of guy friends who would become like her big brothers.

Ashe and C loved Zelda. Ashe and C loved Mario. Ashe and C loved lots of things that many other kids didn't. One day, when I took Ashe over to C's house for a play date, he brought his Link doll with him, because he wanted to show it to her. When C opened the door, she was holding the exact same doll in her hand.

When Ashe had his birthday party, he invited C and one other friend, E, from school. When C had her birthday party, Ashe was the only one from school that was invited. C's mom and I used to joke that they really were soul mates.

So when Ashe came downstairs on the verge of tears, my heart tore in two. This was a situation that I know is common as kids learn to navigate friendships. And it was bound to come up one day. But to have it be C, his bestest friend, and not some other child, was a very hard blow. We knew something must have been going on, because over the last two weeks, when we asked Ashe what he did during recess, he would say that he played alone. When asked why, he said that C and the other kids were pretending to play "Skylander" and he wasn't interested in joining. J even contemplated buying the game, just so that Ashe could play it and join in, but Ashe was adamant that Skylander was not something he was interested in.

The story comes out that C was insistent that she wanted to play Skylander every recess and Ashe was insistent that he didn't want to join. So they each would go their separate ways. And this day, C decided that since their "hobbies" diverged away from one another, they were no longer friends. And Ashe kept silent about it all day, until he lay in bed at night, and reality came crashing down on him.

The day your child comes home and tells you he lost his good friend is going to break your heart. I like C's mom a lot, and still I felt the maternal urge to call her up at 10 pm and cry out "Your child broke my child's heart over a flipping video game!!!" It's a natural mother bear instinct to shelter your children from the harsh lessons that life has to offer, even to the six year olds, even when you know logically that the other parents have nothing to do with what transpires.

So instead, J and I sat down and brought him up to cuddle with us on the couch late at night. And we told him that we hurt with him, as we knew how good of friends the two of them had been. But then we started asking about his other friends. What about E? Or W? Tell us about them. So he did.

He told us how that very day, E had made him a paper laptop as a gift. Ashe even got a yellow bucket (le sigh) because she whispered to him during silent time what he wanted on it, and he whispered back. And how W sent him his phone number, and the two of them were excited to get together for a play date over summer vacation.

Within ten minutes, Ashe went from feeling really hurt, to realizing that he has some great friends still. And sure, they may like different things, but that doesn't mean that they can't be friends. And Ashe started to cherish what he did have, friends who liked him for who he was, not what he played.



I know over the years to come we will have similar conversations, both with Ashe and the other boys. It's a rite of passage for kids to go through it again and again. And it sucks, every time. But in the long run, I hope, that they realize that some friendships will come and go, but the true friendships will last over time, no matter what.

One Leap in Life

I just returned from Xavier's fifth grade Promotion Ceremony. While the ceremony itself was cute, the implications of today are huge. In one moment, my oldest son went from being in elementary school to becoming a middle schooler.

Even if you are not a parental unit, you understand what this time in life means. Middle school is such a huge transitional period for a child, that even I as an adult, can remember my time with clarity. Middle school sucked. For me, it was probably the most awkward time of my life, likely worsened by the fact that I went to four middle schools in four years. It was a time when the chemicals in your body change drastically, throwing one into a maelstrom of drastic ups and downs. It is a time when the courses get harder, the homework longer, and grades mean more than ever before. It was a time when peers became more important than family, and peer pressure reared its ugly head. It is a time when boys notice girls, and vice versa. School dances come into play, which leads to dating, kissing, and sometimes even heavy petting.

This is the world my son is about to enter.

For now, I don't worry about how he will handle the academic pressure. Out of my three children, I think he is the one who will be able to pull through the inferno that is middle school just fine. However there is one aspect that stood out to me this morning that has me cautious. After the ceremony, I noticed that all of the kids rounded up together, horsing around and celebrating their promotion. All of the kids, except for Xavier. He hung around us parental units and the G-rents. When I encouraged him to go hang with his friends, as he only has one more day left with them, he did so, albeit reluctantly. And that's when I noticed that many of the kids kind of ignored his hello's, or rushed passed him as he tried to join the crowd. For a few minutes he tried, but I noticed that he stayed on the fringes of his classmates antics. After five minutes, he returned back to the family fold, seeming more comfortable with us than his peers.

I worry that this will be his lot in life for the next few years to come. And I don't like it. I was the girl on the fringe for a long time. I was the girl who was bypassed, uninvited to parties, and left alone. It was a horrible feeling as a kid, to not have a few friends I could call up and invite over, or to whisper silly secrets to during lunch. It was hard to go through elementary and middle school and not quite fitting in. It wasn't until high school, when I joined a vocational school for 16 towns that I finally blossomed into the sarcastic, fun loving, loud person that I am today. And part of that was because by that time, I was so used to being the new kid, that I had no issues in the beginning, where many kids had never played the role of new kid.

Maybe I am putting too much of my own history onto Xavier's back. I really hope that I am. Because if he can not come into his own in the next year or two, I know from personal experience that it is a hard road to walk. We will always be there for him. But friends are a huge part of becoming comfortable in one's skin as a  teenager. With him joining a middle school that most of his elementary peers are not going to, at least he will have a fresh start to hopefully make new friends with a clean slate.

Aside from peers though, I can't even begin to explain how proud I am of Xavier and all of his accomplishments. He was given the award today of "Most Improved Student",  something he absolutely deserves. And his smile lit up the room when his name was called to the front of the room to receive his award and certificate. We stopped by the middle school for an orientation the other day, and watching him walk around, looking at his new classrooms, cafeteria, and gym, I noticed that he looked like he fit right in. I hope that is true, and that his time in middle school goes much smoother for him than it did for me.

A parental unit will ALWAYS have something to worry about concerning their kids: grades, attitude, peer pressure, etc. I guess mine is to worry about Xavier and his social circle. I guess right now, if that is all I have to worry about, I'll be ok. And so will he. I mean, hey, I think I turned out ok in the long run.

Xavier and his teacher at today's reception

Back to School Recap

It's been three days since school has started. I'm still alive, but J may debate that point in the mornings after I've dragged my ass down the stairs each morning to herd the kids to the bus stop. I sound like a zombie stumbling towards my prey, which is usually the coffee pot.

I forgot to take into account that I would have to get up and be somewhat coherent earlier each day when I chose the bus instead of carpooling. It's only Wednesday and I've had fantasies of switching back. But we all know that the grass is always greener on the other side. Fucking chemlawn.

Monday was awesome. The kids were excited, everyone had their faces washed, teeth brushed, clean clothes,mans were bouncing to go to the bus stop. We waited for 25 minutes, trying to keep Soren out of the damn street, and Xavier from having a cardiac arrest that we missed the bus, before that big yellow vehicle decided to show up and save my sanity. I totally forgot about Xavier's anxiety with missing the bus. Sigh.

Soren and I waved the bus goodbye, and we went home so I could figure out what the hell I was going to do with one kid. Soren screeched that he wanted to go to the library and buy Angry Birds books, so that's what we did. Sans buying angry birds books though. We did walk out with 5 kid books, a debt free library card, and lessons for mom on how to borrow ebooks from the county library. J should be happy about that. At least he can bitch less about me putting the family into the poor house by purchasing a book a day.

Next we headed out to the swim school. I've been meaning to sign Ashe up for swim lessons, but it always seemed like such a hassle to get over there and ask the important questions I needed to while trying to wrangle in two hyper kids. And I was smart. It was so much easier to get that errand done with only Soren to contend with.

We had lunch together with no screams of protest or acting crazy. We cuddled up on the couch and read all the new library books twice, and then a few other books of our own, just for good measure. I exercised for an hour while Soren played Legos nearby. He picked them up and put them away after he was done without me having to ask. We watched a movie together. And then it was time to get the boys.

Xavier and Ashe had a fantastic first day of school. They were happy, and chattering, and cuddling up, and just bubbling with positive energy. I was a happy SRM.


Then Tuesday came. Ashe stayed home. And hell broke loose.

I don't know if it was because Ashe had finally had a taste of school and was bored at home. I don't know if it was because Soren realized how much smoother life went without having to fight for the toy of his choice. But where Monday was an awesome day, Tuesday just sucked. By 4pm I was desperate for alcohol, not even to get drunk, but to soothe my poor vocal chords from yelling at the kids every freaking five minutes to stop beating each other up.

And today is Wednesday. And I have warned the kids pure and simple that I will go postal today if we have another day like yesterday. And if they value their precious little hides,there will not be a repeat. Soren gravely nodded, Xavier nodded then asked if we could hurry to the bus stop 15 minutes early just in case we miss it, and Ashe zoned out, nodding his head, but I know he's really bopping to music in his mind, keeping time. Sigh.

I keep telling myself that come next Monday everything will be better. Ashe will start kindergarten full time, and everyone will be happy. Until then, wish my sanity luck!

Back To School Shopping

I just got back from back to school supply shopping. For the first time ever, I had to shop for not one, but two kids. And while it was a little stressful trying to keep the boys under my watchful eye while perusing two lists, and I cringed when I saw the total at the check out line, and it might not have been noticeable to the naked eye, I was doing the happy dance.

Starting this Monday, I will have only one kid at home.

Do you realize what this means??? The implications of this event?

I don't even know. I haven't had to take care of one child during the day in over five years. I can't remember that far back, the day to day stuff that makes life. But even back then, I was dealing with a little Xavier who was showing all the signs of ADHD but was not yet diagnosed. Soren is nowhere near as hyper as Xavier was.

So this is brand new territory for me as a mom. And frankly, I can't wait to check it out.

I have all of these fantasies on what my days will look like once I only have one child at home during the day. I fantasize about getting my ass out to the library once a week for story time. I tried doing that earlier with Ashe and Soren and it was a bust. Soren was too young then to enjoy it, and Ashe hated story time. Of course, maybe I should also find those year long overdue library books to bring with me before we get serious about it.

I fantasize about dropping the older boys off at the bus stop, then popping on my bike with Soren in a cute trailer, and biking all over town. Of course, I don't have a bike, or a trailer, but that doesn't stop me from dreaming.

I fantasize about being able to take Soren kayaking in the morning, since I can't do that with multiple children and no J during the week. I CAN do it with one child though!!!

I fantasize about going out for hikes in the woods, looking for animals, finding cool leaves to bring home for a craft, and not listen to the older boys whine about bugs or being bored.

And for the first time in years, I don't have to carpool. The bus will actually pick them up right near our doorstep.i don't have to drag two whiny kids into the car twice a day, and keep them entertained while we wait for school to get out. That's going to save me a total of 90 minutes a day!! Oh my god what will I do with all of that time???



All of this went through my head as I tried to find enough yellow folders, and blue notebooks, and everything else the teachers wanted for their classrooms. All of these thoughts, these brazen ideas flashed through my mind as I battled for binders with other moms gearing up for school. And while I passed a few moms with multiple kids in their cart, I wondered if they too, fantasizes like I did, for this day to come? Did they also look forward to the time when they only had one child to take care of during the day? Did they look at that time as a sense of freedom, or as a moment in life when they had to let go of their kids and wonder forlornly what they would do until their precious child came home? Am I the only one who has to physically stop herself from giggling out loud once in awhile when I realize the time is nigh? Am I the only one who sees this as something to celebrate and not mourn over?


Nah. There's no way I can be the only one. There's got to be others out there doing the happy dance too.

Schooled Out

Yesterday I went to Xavier's school three times. By the end of the night I was starting to feel like I should have bought a backpack and a bagged meal with me.

The first time was for a meeting. I finally met up with Xavier's teachers to discuss his focusing problems. His main issue is that he won't stop talking about his "flavor of the month" during any transition period. This month it's Minecraft. I asked what the teacher did when this happened and I swear, she blushed and looked down, saying she feels bad but she will ask him to stop. I tried very very hard to keep my eye rolling to a minimum, realizing that she may have met a parent or two who would freak out and yell "YOU DON'T SAY THAT TO MY BABY!!!!" And I gave her permission to tell that to my baby as many damn times as she needed to. I told her what I did during homework: if he starts talking about anything nonhomework related it sounds like this:

Me: "is it about homework?"
Xavier:"....um no...?"
Me: "Then I don't want to hear about it until your homework is done."

5 minutes later......

Me: "Is it about homework?"
Xavier:(sighs) "No."
Me: Then get back to homework and tell me when you're done."

The teacher looked both grateful and hopeful after I told her I was totally ok with her doing this in class, and to also let him know that non class related subjects were not to be talked about unless it was during free time, lunch or recess.  We also got his homework cut down. Everyone 'round the table agreed 2-3 hours of math was ridiculous. While I know Xavier will be happy I have to say I am beyond excited to know my weeknights will stop consisting of hours of long division. I did that crap when I was his age. I don't want to do it again.


The second reason was to pick Xavier up from school early. I was called by the school nurse to come pick him up. While he didn't have a fever, she said he looked pale. We ALL look pale! My nickname as a kid was Snow White, and while I may have moved down to a sunnier climate, I can still blend in with paper. But I went to pick him up, and he spent the rest of the day lying down reading or watching movies.

And finally, I had a special education session in the evening. I was asked to be a guest speaker for parents with children with ADHD, and to tell Xavier's story. It was a great experience to meet other parents in similar situations, and to watch peoples eyes light up as I spoke about what we all go through as a family, to see that realization that they weren't the only ones who had seriously crappy mornings before the medication kicked in. It is very very true that misery loves company.


Yesterday reminded me how much I appreciate being an adult and parent. I am so glad I don't have to go to school anymore like the kids do. And I loved the fact that, as an adult, I could (and did) banter with the teachers about it being 5pm somewhere. If I tried that when I was younger, it might have gone on my school record ;)

FOCUS!

Murphy's Law can suck my middle finger. I had just hit the publish button for my "Morning Miracles" blog when I received an email from Xavier's teacher requesting a meeting. It seems that he is having difficulty in paying attention in class. We set up a meeting for January 19th, and I emailed Xavier's Special Education teacher, asking if she could please join us, to which she agreed to.


That afternoon when I picked Xavier up from school, I mentioned the email, and asked him if there were any areas he was having trouble concentrating on. "MATH" he yelled from the backseat. So I told him that we were going to sit down that day together, and I would not leave his side while he did his math homework. I would be there to answer any questions and help him. I would not DO it for him though.

So we got home, and going through the mountain of paperwork that always arrives on a Monday afternoon, I saw one possible issue that could cause focus issues in class. Xavier is starting to learn long division. And the teacher is showing the kids multiple ways on how to do it. Now. For a normal kid, this would probably work just fine. But for a kid with severe ADHD, the more possible ways to do something, the more confusing it can be. It clicked why he was having issues. And frankly. reading the explanation the teacher sent home made my own ADD kick into high gear. I couldn't follow it at all.

So I sat down and showed Xavier how to do division the way *I* do it. And after a lot of questions, it seemed to click. So we grabbed some paper and pencils, and sat down to get to work.

This kid focused his ass off. I will give major props to him after this day of homework. He didn't lose track, he didn't get up a lot. He sat there with me by his side, and worked hard. Even knowing this, it took him 3 hours to finish 1 1/2 pages of homework. 3 fucking hours with the both of us sitting there, working on long division. He never lost focus. I, on the other hand, started daydreaming about alcohol around the 45 minute mark.

Finally by 7:30 I had had enough. Even though we didn't get to any of the other homework, I sent Xavier off to play for the last hour before bed. I wrote a note to the teacher, explaining the situation and letting her know I was totally ok with him not finishing his homework that night. She wrote back the next day to let me know she agreed and was cool with it as well.

The following day I called my friend Sabra, both to crow about Xavier's ability to sit and focus, but to also bitch about 3 hours of long division. She gave me a great idea on how to make it easier. You flip the paper sideways so that each number has it's own column and it's easier to see. I tried it that afternoon. With the combined efforts of having it starting to really click for him, and the sideways paper, we cut it down to 45 minutes.

Xavier has an IEP that allows for his homework to be scaled down if needed. We haven't used that yet, but I think I'm going to bring that up at the teacher meeting. While I want Xavier to succeed, I also want him to have time to play too.  I'll update after the meeting