A New Era of Blogging

One thing ultimately sucks about having 3 kids is the fact that I have so many ideas on what to blog about and not enough time to actually sit and type them all out. Often times I would find myself driving down the road or hanging out at a playground when I have a great idea for a blog going to my mind like crazy, and wish I had the ability to post it then and there. Just watching my kids, thinking in my head all of the things I want to write about. Then I lose my focus as I have to chase one kid or another away from the parking lot. By the time I get home, have the kids all settled, and actually have a moment to sit down and write what I wanted to, I would be too fucking tired to even contemplate typing. And yet another blog would be lost.

However as time passes by, there are more advances in technology And after the fat man visited us this past christmas, I received an amazing gift. I received a new smartphone from my family.  A smartphone where I can do voice activation. A smartphone with the blog application where I can sit here talking, and it will post what I say. Granted it's not perfect, and I'll have to go back and fix some of the mistakes it makes. But now my friends, I have no excuse not to write blogs. Well there is one excuse. I still can't talk and blog while the kids are running around screeching like heathens at a pagan festival. I still need some semblance of quiet in order to talk/blog.

But like life, nothing is perfect. So I'll work with this is best as I can. A new era of a blogging has arrived my friends, and I shall embrace it with open arms. I can get back into the swing of things regaling you with stories of my children, the amount of alcohol I consume on a daily basis to keep sane,  keep you up to date on how many new gray hairs I get as my children drive me batty.

So happy holidays to all, and thank you fam for my awesome new voice activated smartphone. Rock on

Best Bedtime Story..... Ever

If you're a parent you've been there: it's 90 minutes past your childs bedtime and yet you find yourself in a staring contest with your wee one, trying to find and use some hidden psychic power in your mind to force their eyelids to get heavy and close, so you can get the hell downstairs and do whatever it is that you have been DYING to do all day but couldn't with the children underfoot. But they resist, some mutation in their genetic ability has given them the ability to overcome anything mental you throw at them and they stare. You. Down.

You cannot win, no matter how hard you try. You have read the entire shelves of books on hand, even desperately grabbing the Websters Dictionary you had out on the kitchen table to help you cheat at crossword puzzles. If anything can make your child pass out from utter boredom it is to hear you read outloud definitions of the words geomotry, adjudicate, or erroneous.

Obviously Adam Mansbach has been here, and wrote a book to help compensate and save our sanities from those nights where you just want to bang your head on the wall over and over and over as you try to lay your little ones down to sleep. And if you're a parent and don't know what I'm talking about, it's time to sit the fuck down and listen to the best bedtime story ever, narrated by Samuel L. Jackson.

Just in case it needs to be said though, I wouldn't read this particular bedtime story to your children. At least not within earshot.

Words Not Needed

I was going through photos looking for images for my next blog and I came across this.... and I nearly pissed my pants laughing. A picture speaks a thousand words, and no words could truly describe this photo. I should really make this my new graphic logo of the boys