Hell in a Handbasket

Have you ever gotten through half of the day, looked back and realized it would have been so much better if you had slept through the entire day and woke up the following morning? Well, ok, as parents I think we sometimes feel like we could use the extra sleep anyways so I'm sure there are echos of resounding YESes being yelled at many computer screens. But I'm talking about those days that really, just should have never happened. Today is one of those days for me.

I've been fighting a cold for a few days and last night it decided to explode into full on coughing fits. Of course out of the entire drug store I call my medicine cabinet, we have everything BUT cough syrup. So bad sleep for me as I was too tired and lazy to drive to the store at 3 am and buy some. By morning my throats raw, I'm still coughing, and I have a headache THIS BIG....sorry, I couldn't help myself. 80's childhood tv memories kicking in for a moment. So already I have one strike against me.

Next I'm still trying to keep all 3 kids happy and out of the house for the month. Todays excursion was to be the Dinosaur Walk and running around the Museum of Life and Science in Durham. While in MA this past September, J and I bought a membership to Boston's Museum of Science for $150 solely on the fact that the informational packet they showed us included the museum in Durham. Today was the first time we were going to use that membership card and a good thing too, because our extra cash flow this month has been going to birthday and Christmas stuff. So after trying to nurse my cold cup of coffee being interrupted multiple times by 3 boys whining for this and that, I bundle everyone up, strap them into the van, and we drive 40 minutes listening to the Batman Theme song the entire way there. I now can say with ease I hate the Batman theme song. And if I hear it one more time today I just may go batshit crazy and throw something at whatever machine has the sound emanating from it.

We get to the Museum with minimal fuss. We go inside and at the counter I happily present my card and ID. Guess what? They refuse to honor it. Why, you ask? Oh, because it's only valid if I lived further than 90 miles away from the museum. Otherwise they only honor membership cards bought from their museum. Seriously WTF??? I saw no information on that when we purchased the membership in Boston. "It's a new rule". The woman at the counter told me she would happily sell me another membership (which of course is also good for the Boston Museum) for a mere $135. I just looked at her, trying to compute how she would think asking me to shell out even more cash for something I already have and should be honored to do so is a good thing. My only other option is to purchase tickets full price for myself and the boys. Or leave the Museum.

I looked at the boys eager faces, I thought about our finances, I looked at the woman with a fake smile plastered on her face, and after telling her that while I understood it wasn't her fault personally I thought they really dropped the ball on this... I walked out. And I don't think I'll be going back. Not for a long while yet anyways.

The boys did awesome, not complaining, only confused, asking what was going on and why. So I explained to Xavier, who at 7, can understand more complex issues. He got it, he understood why I left. He agreed with me. He was mad. But he was mad at the museum. THANK YOU for one small favor!!!! Together he and I vented and bitched about the unfairness of it all as we walked to the car. I was still steaming mad, but hey, I now have a partner I can bitch with ha!

Get into the car and start driving 40 minutes home. Of course the moment I leave the parking lot Soren decides to start crying lustily because damnit, he is DONE being in his car seat! And of course he didn't stop crying the whole way home. By the time we got off the high way I had almost made myself believe that the Batman theme song really wasn't that bad after all, in comparison.

Still fuming, now anxious to be home so I can just escape the sound and my frustration, still coughing up my lungs. It's only 11:30 am. The kids are hungry. I feel bad for them that they missed out on our trip, so I take them to Wendys drive through and over the wails of Soren I ordered us lunch to take home.

Get home, try to calm Soren down, which takes about 40 minutes, eat my cold hamburger, try to get Soren to go down, realize HOLY SHIT I still haven't started cleaning the house for Ashes birthday party on Saturday as I look around at our toy strewn kitchen/dining/living/bathrooms. At this point I just want to put my head in my hands and sob. And I still haven't had a chance to run out and get myself medicine.

I wont bore you with the rest of my day. Suffice to say I did end up making a run for cough medicine and swallowed it the moment I got home. Its not working too well though. Ahh well. I emailed both museums to let them know how disappointed I was and that they lost my family as a patron. And the kids are antsy but I rented a movie for them and bribed them with chocolate cup cakes and mini almond Joys. It appeased them for about 30 minutes and now they're at each others throats again. I'm trying to ignore them. Only if I hear a worried whisper of "I'm sorry please oh please don't tell Mom" will I worry about their welfare. Right now, I just need to have some alone time with my coffee, vent here in the hopes that I'll feel better, and not kill anyone in the process by accidentally being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Tomorrow better be better or else I want a refund!

Bowling for Sanity

My mom visited this past week ( a whole blog on its own I assure you) and of course, when the rents visit, we try and do something extra throughout the week for fun. One of the activities we did this week was to go bowling. Now bowling sounds like a safe, friendly thing to do with kids. I thought so. I mean, I used to take Zavi once in awhile when we lived back in Mass and we never had an issue. So what could possibly go wrong bowling with 2 more kids added in and a grandmother? Oh. My. God.

To anyone who may be reading this and was at the bowling alley the same time we were, I am so sorry. I hope Ashe did not erase your computerized game thingy. I tried to keep him away, I really did. But that bugger is fast!


We got the citiguide coupon book a few weeks ago and I saw you could get one game free of bowling. So on Zavis early release day from school we piled into the car and drove to the local bowling alley. The older boys were excited, Soren was passed out in a drunken stupor, and my mom and I had high hopes. Bowling! Yay! Fun! Good times!!! We park the ginormous minivan (I'm getting better at parking that monster!) unload the kids in less than 5 minutes (a new record!) and head on in. And thats where all hell broke loose.

You see, Ashe hates loud noises. He went to the fireworks this past July 4th and freaked out. I mean FREAKED! The whole time he sobbed yelling "FIREWORKS ALL DONE ALL DONE DADDY FIREWORKS ALL DONE" for the entirety of it. Stupid me, I didnt even think that the sounds of bowling would mirror that of fireworks. Crap. And its dark in there with the black lights going, the music bass thumping and vibrating the floor. Ashe took 2 steps in and froze like a deer caught in headlights. And then started shaking. And I couldnt take him home. J was working on a huge project and I had promised Zavi we would do this. He had been looking forward to this for weeks with Grammy. So I gave the carseat with Soren in it to Grammy, picked up Ashe, and cuddled/dragged him to get our shoes and lane. I had this thought that maybe I could get him used to it in time and he would be ok. I kept whispering "It's ok honey its not fireworks (Yeah can I get shoes in size 8 kids, 13 kids...) Mommys here I wont let you go (adult size in 8 and 10? Lane 4? Great...) I promise you you are safew and ok, its not fireworks, no we cant go back to the van sweetie (Here's my card.... can you hold the top so I can sign?... thanks) sweetie stop kicking Mommy that hurts...no I wont put you down..."


After finally hauling 4 pairs of shoes and a squirming screeching 2 yr old to our lane, waaaaay on the other end of the alley, I tossed shoes at grammy and Zavi and took Ashe toward the back. Holding him I calmly told him how much fun bowling is, how he gets to choose a few really cool balls, and try to knock down things without getting yelled at. It took about 10 minutes of constant soothing whispers with a few thrown out yells to Zavi (Hang ON! I'll get the computer set up in a minute... ask Grammy...oh Grammy you dont know how to do it? Damnit... ok hang ON!) until I could get Ashe to accept sitting on my lap closer to the bowling lanes. While Zavi went searching for the perfect ball, and Grammy took forever putting her shoes on, I tried figuring out the technological savvy computer to set up our game with a squirming 2 yr old clinging to me like we were going down with the Titanic.




So after working the computer 1 handed, and everyone is ready to go we start bowling. Zavi goes first. And he does pretty darn well (with the bumpers on). Next up is Grammy. She also bowls well (with the bumpers on). Then it's Ashes turn. I ask him if he wants to roll the ball and he says YES so I stand up. To which point he grabs my shirt and clings so hard Im afraid my cleavage and then some is apparent for all to see. Hauling him up, and my shirt back into place, I waddle over to the bowling ball stand and ask him which color he wants. He points to a blue one, of course, 36 pounds. I pick it up with Ashe still stuck stronger than superglue to me, and slowly make my way to our lane. I put the ball down, wrestle to get his chubby STRONG fingers off my shirt, and gently show him how to roll the ball. He screams, throws himself on the floor and begins to cry. I sit down next to him, ask him if he wants to play. After a minute he agrees, wipes the tears from his eyes, and allows me to help him. We get a good roll going and he stares fascinated as the bowl rolls towards the pins, taking eons to make it there. But they go down and his face lights up and......


he's hooked.

By our 6th round, Ashe has taken over my game, Grammys game, and his own. We found a child roller which helps little kids roll the balls down better. He would whip it into place, point at me to put his ball down, then shove it hard (rolling over my fingers a few times...OUCH!) and jump up and down screaming for joy. When it was Zavis turn, he would run to any computer in sight and start jabbing buttons (Sorry!!!!) If he wasnt doing that he was running to put his head by the bowling stand where the used balls come racing in. I swear he came close to having 3 concussions in 15 minutes, despite my frequent attempts at keeping him far away from the damn thing. And Soren, my precious baby, was an angel. He slept for almost the entire thing. If he was fussy I just think I would have lost my mind.


Walking out afterwards, everyone was in high spirits. Except for me. I was happy the boys had a ball in the end ( no pun intended) but all I could contemplate at that moment was how much tequila I had left in the freezer and how big of a margarita I wanted. I figured I earned it and then some.