This past summer J and I made an executive decision after a
long time discussing all probable outcomes as well as the ethics involved
revealing to Xavier a long held secret many parental units hold tightly to
until they feel the time is right. Many parents are saved making this delicate
decision by their own kids professing beforehand that they already know the
secret. Some of you end up like us, having to walk a hairline wire to ensure
you don’t forever damage your child.
I’m talking about revealing the truth about Santa.
Every parental unit has their own reasons that fuel this
decision if they have to make it. Ours were because Xavier was now eleven,
would be close to twelve by the time this Christmas would arrive, and because
he had started the dreaded middle school era of his life. Xavier is so
exuberant in his convictions of anything, that our greatest fear would be the
topic of Santa discussed at the lunch table, and after Xavier professing his
unwavering belief that a big guy in a red suit living at the North Pole flew
around the world in one night to give presents t good boys and girls would
cause his new friends to look at him with less respect and tease him. Or they
would be the ones to tell him the truth and he would come home, trust broken in
us.
We also wanted to be the ones to explain because while the
mythical figure Santa may not exists as a corporal being, he does exist as the
spirit of Christmas. We wanted to explain to Xavier that Santa is the symbol of
love, family, charity, thoughtfulness, generosity, all wrapped up in a stocking
hat and big black boots.
So we approached him cautiously one day as a team. We asked
him what his thoughts were about Santa. And we asked him if he knew that there
was a super-secret club he could join, that only adults and mature kids could
join? And would he like to join it, with the understanding that once he did, he
couldn’t undo it?
He was resistant. Defensive. Wary. Were we trying to tell
him that Santa wasn’t real??? (No, not really.) Of COURSE Santa was real!!!!
How dare we imply otherwise! Have we been lying to him this whole time?
So we left it then with him understanding that that was not
what we were doing, and that if he became interested in talking more, to come
to us.
Over the past several months, Xavier would approach us and
ask us if Santa was real. We’d ask him what he believed. He said Santa was
real. Ok then, that’s awesome.
And then came Thanksgiving Day. We were hanging out at my
mom’s house when Xavier approached me.
“I think I’m ready to join the super-secret club.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“Ok then. Sit down and let me tell you some history about
Christmas and Santa.”
“You mean mythology of Santa?”
“No, I mean his history.”
And so he sat, and my friend G guarded the back door so no
other kids could show up unexpectedly, and I told Xavier the history of Santa.
About a guy long ago named Nicholas, and how he helped out a poor family with
three daughters who had no money for a dowry. How he slipped into their house
and left dowry’s for them so they could have a chance at a good life that would
have otherwise been impossible. And how that one good deed resonated so far
that he was made a saint, St. Nicholas. And how that story spread far and wide
across the world, and people latched onto it and started to echo that idea,
about charity, love, generosity, etc.
And then I explained that while Santa is not what he always
thought he was, he is real in the idea of Christmas. And that we adults
continue to echo his deeds, varied over the years, to keep that meaning alive.
And when a child becomes old enough, the parents ask them to join in and
continue the message for his siblings, and later on, his own children.
Xavier, despite my fears, ate it up. It was like a light
went on, and his understanding of Christmas grew larger, deeper, and more
meaningful. And after I explained this all to him I asked him if he would like
to be Santa with us this year. And he smiled and nodded…..but added a few
caveats to it ;)
He didn’t want to help choose the gifts, because he still
wanted to be surprised. He didn’t want to help wrap those gifts up, but did
want to be the one to put them under the tree. He did want to help stuff his
brothers stockings, but not his own. And he didn’t want to be around when J and
I placed the rest of the family gifts under the tree. All easily done.
Since then, he has come up to me to ask me for more
information. He’s asked about the Easter Bunny. The Tooth Fairy. He wants to
know how we can hide eggs so well, and insists that I am part ninja for getting
his teeth out from under his pillow while slipping money and a note as a
replacement. He wanted to know why the Leprechaun on St. Patrick’s Day stopped
coming, and was he really scared of the traps set out to capture him by Xavier
or was Dad (in charge of leaving chocolate coins out) just forgetful? (Yes)
I’ve watched Xavier over the past week as we set up our
tree, do our advent calendars, and listen to holiday music. I’ve watched him
cock his head once in a while, lost in thought. And then I’ve watched a little
smile creep up on the side of his face as if he knows something others don’t.
As he realizes just how important this secret club really is, and he is both in
awe of how we parental units do it every year, and how he is now responsible
for such a big secret.
And he is so proud to be a part of it.
I am too. I couldn’t have asked for it to have gone any
better. May my two other children find the reincarnation of Santa just as awe
inspiring when they too join our club.
