...my child sold your honor student the answers to the test...

Friday, June 29, 2012


Have you ever noticed that when one thing breaks, you can pretty much guarantee that about half of your other stuff is going to follow suit? Or is this just us?

So after wedding #1, we came home to 90 degree days and no air conditioning. If you've never had the pleasure, go put your oven on broil, keep the door open, shut all the windows, place your laptop nearby after it's been running for 5 hours, and put your face between both for about 30 minutes.

Yeah, it's awesome.

I spent my entire birthday lying on the floor, waving a book back and forth trying to keep cool, while I waited for the maintenance guy to show up. Of course he didn't show up until 6:30 in the evening. Bastard.

It lasted a week, then broke again.

On top of that my tooth broke. I was gaming one night when I felt it crumble. It didn't hurt (yay for that tooth being mostly a filling) but I had no dental insurance that had kicked in yet. So off to the dentist to figure out what had to be done. Turns out I needed a crown.

$1400 and four weeks later, I got my shiny new tooth.

Finally, my car decided it needed an overhaul. We got a flat tire and went to get it replaced. Come to find out all of my tires needed desperate replacement. And then I went to get it inspected. Five minutes before I reached the inspection site, my check engine light came on. So I went to find out what was wrong.

$1300 later I have four new tires, and new hoses in my car.

All I could think of was that I am so glad when J got his bonus in the winter I put my foot down and had him save it for emergency things like this. And that my time for emergencies had better be over with for the year.

Fingers crossed

Thursday, June 28, 2012

End Of The World SRM Style

Sell your worldly possessions, make peace with your life, and start looking for flying pigs. I bought two sundresses. If you know me, you also know that I'm not joking. Aside from purchasing dresses for weddings, I NEVER wear them. I think the last casual dress I owned was purchased around the time I was 13 and that was my moms doing. But it was a (gulp) necessity.

 Here in NC, we've received word that for the next few days we are under a severe heat warning. Temperatures are expected to reach 105 with a real feel of 112. What this translates to in SRM definitions is that it's going to be fucking hot. There is warm, hot, hella hot, and fucking hot. I've dealt with fucking hot once or twice for a day in the dead of summer down here. But when it isn't even July and we have three days in a row of fucking hot, a girls's gotta do something drastic. And that's where the dresses come in.

It wasn't a planned decision. I woke up this morning to the dreaded news and thought about my current summer wardrobe. I've got three pairs of capris, and one pair of shorts, with an assortment of tank tops. Thinking about anything covering my legs in this heat made me cringe. Instead I threw on my bathing suit cover, a black sundressy thing, but not made for outdoors. I figured no biggie, I'd be stuck indoors anyways and no one would see me aside from the boys. They can't complain about my lack of fashion sense, seeing as they insist on living in their PJ's as much as possible. But then I got a call from the pediatrician telling me to come pick up medication for Xavier. not even thinking, I took off in my skimpy covering. It wasn't until I stepped out of the car that I realized two things: it felt really good in this heat to have a light dress on, and I better make sure I don't bend down in public with what I was currently wearing.

After grabbing the prescriptions, instead of driving home I decided to stop by Target across the street to see what they had in regards to sundresses, seeing that Ashe and Soren were on great behavior and I wanted to take advantage of this rare occasion. While I perused the options, feeling like a hillbilly in my  bathing suit covering, the boys raced each other through dress racks, screeching in delight when they jumped out and scared the crap out of each other. Quickly, before Target security could crash down on us, or before I flashed someone, I grabbed a few options and raced to the dressing room. While the boys fought over who got to hold the special number ticket, I popped on dress after dress. I found two I could live with: not too flowery, not too bright, no stripes. Seriously, what the hell is up with horizontal striped sundresses? I thought those made you look fatter.

So here I am, a few hours later, the owner of not one, but two sundresses. And yes, I'm actually wearing one. Right now, as I type this blogging admission.  I feel half naked, but damn is it comfortable! And I can wear them out in public too. So folks, I admit that I, SRM, am wearing a feminine little sundress. Not too feminine. Not too cute. But a sundress nonetheless. Mark this day on your calendar because it's a date to remember.
P.S. Don't you dare expect pictures of me in a dress. It's not happening. I feel ashamed that I admitted it in the first place.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012


Listening to little kids as they start to navigate the way of words and talking is one of the most entertaining times of having kids. It's probably my all time favorite thing about toddlers and preschoolers. And three kids later, Soren has yet to disappoint.

In the past few weeks, Soren has gone from trying very hard to say one or two word sentences, to having full on conversations that one can follow. We now have three kids who can debate and argue us and each other. And while my head does start to pund a little sooner in the afternoon, it's fun to watch the conversations flow. However there are a few words he has trouble with.

Obviously he can't say Xavier yet, so Soren has given his oldest brother his very own nickname: Yay-yay. I've found myself accidentally calling out Yay-yay instead of Xavier or Zavi once or twice. The funny part is that Xavier answers to it without batting an eye.

Soren uses Xavier's namke as his testing ground for other words. If a word is too hard he'll tell us "No, too hard, like Yay-Yay. I can't say it." And that's that.

The other funny thing Soren has done on his own, is to try and learn a new word per day. But ONLY one! If you try to teach two words a day he freaks out and says " I ALREADY learned new word today!!! That word for tomorrow!"

Adding all of these together, Soren has made SRM history in saying one word so wrong that I have been equally laughing my ass off and embarrassed when we're out in public. For the word talk, he says cock. And it has made for some funny moments.

When our car was having apocalyptic fits, I had to take the kids with me all over kingdom come to get it fixed. And there were many times that we sat in waiting rooms while we waited for a diagnosis, or new tires, or a new valve. And every time we would sit there, Soren would yell to me at one point or another "MOMMY, COCK WITH ME!!!" "HEY MOMMY, I'M COCKING TO YOU!!!" You can't make this shit up. And of course, every time he made these statements it would be a Volume 11, in a room filled with older adults, and every eyebrow would raise an inch or three and look back and forth between my and my tiny two year old, waiting to see my reaction.

While inwardly I had a moment of cringing, it never failed to make me laugh. Then I'd try to teach him the correct way.

Me: Soren it's TALK, not cock.
Me: Soren, I am talking to you. Hey, you know what? It's not really a hard word. I bet you can say it. Say T.
Soren: T
Me: There you go! Now try Ta
Soren: TA
Me: Awesome! OK now, try talk.
Me:.... Almost. Let's try again
Me: Yeah.... I know. But it's talk. Tah.
Soren: (in a very serious stage whisper) I already learned new word today. We try again tomorrow, ok?

Monday, June 25, 2012


Every family has their own special traditions that they follow for certain things: some families always get together during specific holidays. Maybe a special food item is always made. Maybe everyone wears a color coordinating sweater.
 For my household, we follow a special tradition for the boys birthdays, that started when we moved down to NC. We always have a blue frosting cake from Harris Teeter, because it dyes everything it touches blue, including when it comes back out. Yes, people, I'm talking poop.

 I realize how weird this sounds. I blame my friends for this tradition. When we celebrated Ashe's first birthday here, we had no clue about the blue frosting and it's long lasting hold. I was naive when I purchased giant blue frosted cupcakes to serve at his little party. It wasn't until every child in my dining room was being wiped down with zero results on fixing the smurf like faces, and the massively blue diapers that followed for days after, that I realized this blue frosting was serious shit. No pun intended.

It became a joke amongst my friends who were there at that first party. Anytime my boys had a birthday coming up, they would ask if I'd have the radio active frosting cake. And just to lovingly tweak their noses, I made sure I did. And soon it became the tradition we follow for every birthday party.

Soren's birthday party this past weekend followed tradition. We had not one, but two cakes this week with the freaky frosting: one for his actual birthday and the other for the party. The boys fingers are still blue. Most of the same friends from Ashe's first party came with their kids, baby wipe packages in hand and ready for action, laughing all the while.

While it was still cool in the morning hours, the kids played outside with bubbles, balls, hula hoops. and baseball bats. The parents drank soda, talked about gaming, Dragon Con, and stats. Yes, many of my friends are gamers too. And then we sang happy birthday to Soren, and I cut the cake. I also, still have blue fingers.

Traditions come in many shapes and sizes. Some you don't even expect to create. They happen on their own, and have a way of becoming a part of who your family is.  While we don't wear color coordinated sweaters (And please shoot me if we ever do.... no offense to those of you who may call that your own) our own traditions mean something to us. They make us laugh, and remember special times in our lives that are meant to be celebrated.

Harris Teeter, don't ever stop making that radio active blue frosting. And thanks for helping us make a cool tradition to follow for each birthday.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Happy Third Birthday Soren!

Dear Soren,

Today is your third birthday. You have been on this earth for 1095 days. And in that short time you have turned my world upside down, rocked it, and I could never imagine life without you.

Thank you for everything that you are. You are an AMAZING person, and you continue to amaze me every day we share together.

I love the fact that you can say the word Massachusetts, but you still yell out "COCK WITH ME, MOMMY!" in public, because you can't properly say the word "talk" yet.

I love the fact that you are an avid Angry Bird fan, and you have mastered many levels on your own without my help. Honestly kid, I suck at that game, and appreciate the fact you don't hound me when I tell you I can't help you unlock a new level.

I love the fact you willingly potty trained for M&M's almost a year ago, and you still think you should get chocolate every time you pee.... even if you don't make it.

I love the fact that every time you do go potty, you hop around in frantic circles in the living room yelling "PEE" while you try to get your pants down in time.

I love the fact you still have a furry fetish. At last count I believe you are up to 46 stuffed animals, 23 of which are puppies.

I love the fact you can now say "I wuff you, Mommy". I've been waiting for that moment ever since you were born.

I love that you can keep up with your brothers and sometimes even put them in their place. Just try and be careful not to bounce too hard on their faces when you wrestle them to the ground and sit on them to keep them there. If you break Ashes glasses again, I'm not going to be happy.

I love that your favorite food is broccoli and you even want it for breakfast. Sometimes I wonder if you're actually human due to that little quirk, but I'll take it.

I love the fact that you can count up to twenty but you freak out if I try to sing to you the Alphabet Song. Although to be fair, you freak out when I try to sing ever. You know kid, my voice isn't that bad. I can actually sing in tune.

I love the fact that each night that I tuck you in, you insist that I tuck you in "Pirate Style" arrrrh!

There is so much that I love about you. But most of all, I love seeing you happy, curious, determined, and loving your family. You are so loved and cherished by us all. Thank you for everything and keep it up. This year has been so much fun. I can't wait to see what you have in store for us this year.

     Love with all my heart,

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Our New Family Hobby

While the fam was on vacation, J and I took the boys out to do something we used to do often BC: we took them out on the river. Normally, J and I would kayak every few weekends on the Concord River back in Massachusetts. We'd grab the boat and a picnic lunch, kayak down to the Old North Bridge ( where the Revolutionary War started up so many years ago), picnic on the battle field, then kayak back.

Since we have three kids, none of which have held a paddle in their life, we chose a canoe instead. Now, maybe I'm weird, but while I love to kayak, I hate canoing. It's a control thing. I hate having to work as a team in trying to keep the damn boat straight and not falter into the marsh. If I'm going to falter into the marsh I'LL be the one to do it on my own, thankyouverymuch. But it wasn't an option the first time around, and grudgingly I accepted the canoe paddle and insisted on steering.

We had a beautiful time together. No one got hurt. I kept us out of the marsh. And the boys fell in love with the water.

Floating down the Concord River


 We canoed to the Old North Bridge, following the journey J and I used to do before the boys were born, and initiated our kids into the tradition of eating on the battle field of freedom. J and I tried to impart historical knowledge to our boys as we sat there eating. Xavier was the only one semi interested. The other two kept looking for ducks to feed their bread crust to.

Xavier, Ashe, Soren posing on the Old North Bridge, Concord, MA

We finished up and headed back and when we reached the boat house, all three kids looked up to us and said "Again!" So the moment we got home we started pricing out kayaks.

Sadly, if we were to purchase kayaks for the family, it would cost us $1,000, not to mention a rack for the van, and how to safely balance them on one vehicle. So purchasing at this point is not an option.

So we started looking for places that rented them. And around our area, they are few and far between. But I did find one that was conveniently right up the road from us. I decided this morning that while the kids were at Grandma's. I would head over to check it out.

I grabbed a kayak for $6 an hour, hauled out into the lake and headed out. It was so peaceful, just drifting around the lakes perimeter. I was able to see some pretty nifty wildlife that I could sneak up to and catch on my phone camera

One of the two herons I spotted at Bond Park Cary, NC

This lazy ass turtle hung out catching rays while I snapped his photo. His siblings jumped ship.

The cool thing about this place is that we can all fit on two double kayaks as opposed to two double and a single. And the water is so shallow around the perimeter that even if the boys somehow tipped us over, it would only come to Soren's waist. So now I can't wait for the weekends so we can get out and continue this new tradition with the kids!

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

I'm Not Dead Yet

Hello my friends! I hope the past few weeks have been kind to you and yours. May you have had wonderful, coffee filled days, and relaxing alcohol filled evenings.

It's been a crazy few weeks here in SRMville. I've been on more airplanes in the past month than I have in five years, traveling to weddings and family vacations. But I'm home now, the kids are packed off to my moms for a few days and I am finally able to sit my ass down and catch up on blogging.

Since my last blog things have changed a bit, which, unfortunately, impacts my blogging time. For one thing, Soren no longer naps. And it's virtually impossible for me to sneak down and blog during the day as I used to. I've tried blogging a few times on my laptop but each time I've gotten half a blog done, somehow I get bumped by the kids racing around conquering the couch in their name, and I lose it. I realized that it was not conducive to my (or the kids) health to try and blog while they are vertical. However I hope that now with things calming down, and 2/3 of the kids heading to school in a couple weeks, I may find a time that works.

So what's been going on? Oh hell, where do I begin? We had two weddings to attend. I think I know only two more people who have not hitched the ball and chain, one of which is going to do so in October, the other being my brother who, I foresee, won't be taking such a huge leap for many years coming.

The entire family took their first trip on a plane together and we survived. Not only did we survive, but we kicked ass. The three kids did such an amazing job, and we weren't forced off the plane. For the record, gummy bears ROCK for getting rid of the preassure in kids ears when you are on a plane.

We headed to native land, a la Massachusetts, for a week of family and friend gatherings, and hitting our favorite haunts.

Xavier graduated fourth grade with flying colors. I mean, the boy kicked ass. We got his EOG (end of grade) test results back and he tested way beyond grade placement. He got the fifth grade teacher his special ed teacher wanted him to have, and he's excited to start school in a few weeks.

 Soren is about to turn three this week, which just floors me. It doesn't feel like it was three years ago on Father's Day that I was breaking J's bones as I squeezed his hands yelling "HAPPY FUCKING FATHER'S DAY SWEETIE!" We'll be having an Angry Bird birthday party this weekend with friends and family. I'll post photos next week. Since I last posted, the boys vocabulary has gone through the roof. We're done with two word sentences. We're now into full on paragraphs, and pronouncing words some adults have a hard time getting out of their mouths, And yet, he still has a hard time with some of the more simple words.

I missed all of you and the blogging world! It feels good to be back!