...my child sold your honor student the answers to the test...

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Brotherly Love

There is one thing I tend to get sappy about and that is when the boys really show their love and affection for each other. Part of that is because I'm a mom, and I want my kids to love each other, dammit! Another part is because my brother and I rarely showed each other affection the way my boys do to one another and it makes me really happy to see the boys truly appreciative of their siblings.

One tradition we have each day is to say "I love you" to one another when we drop Xavier off at school. I don't force it, so it's really cool to see each boy offer their love to one another. Soren still can't say it perfectly, but lately, as he tests his emerging ability to make words, he tries hard to say it. Nothing makes your heart burst with love more than to hear your two year old say "I off  oooh, Yay Yay".(translation: I love you Zavi)

I want to record their morning tradition of saying goodbye and exchanges of love to each other. Then I want to have it on hand so I can hit play and yell "LISTEN UP! YOU SAID YOU LOVE EACH OTHER SO STOP BASHING YOUR BROTHER OVER THE HEAD WITH THAT TONKA TRUCK!!!!!"

But hey, they love each other. That's pretty cool!

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Weighty Issues Part 2

It’s been a month since I went in to get blood work done for my weight. I hadn’t heard back so I figured a month was long enough and called them this morning. The results is that everything is perfect. Perfect perfect perfect. Even my cholesterol is absolutely, beautifully perfect (take that J! Ican eat all the chips I want nyah nyah)

What does this mean? Well, for most people it means that a celebration is in order. I mean, who doesn’t want a perfectly clean bill of health, right? Except for the fact that no one can figure out why the hell I gained 30 pounds in three months for no reason at all.

The doctor wants to refer me out to a few places to see if we can figure anything out. I should be getting a number for an endocrinologist and a specialist that deals with integrated medicine. That’s basically someone who will help use both medicine and natural holistic stuff. I don’t know what they can do for me but I’ll give anything a try.

 Speaking of trying, I have noticed that my weight seems to have gone down slightly. I haven’t stepped on a scale lately, but my double chin is gone, my pants are fitting better, and my fingers don’t feel like puffy sausages. The weirdest thing about this new revelation? I stopped working out a few weeks ago and counting calories. In fact if I’m honest with myself, I’ve been trying to eat more. This gives my Jr.Mint diet theory a lot more weight. I may have to go back on it.

So still, no answers, no reasons, nothing. Nothing but perfect blood and still no answers to my dilemma. Which for me, really really sucks. I want answers.

Monday, February 27, 2012

Cheryl's Photo of Ashe

I just wanted to do a quick shout out to a friend and fellow blogger. Cheryl of Cheryl Navalinsky Photography snagged some beautiful photos during a park play date last week. She posted a georgous photo of Ashe with his Baby Einstein puppet, Shakespeare. You can find it here. He's the third photo down (and the only one with a green dragon kissing him).

Thanks Cheryl! *kiss kiss*

Dinner For Fourteen

The other night I received a text from a good friend of mine:

S: You wanna get some Chinese dinner for tomorrow night?
Me: You and me or the whole family?
S: Whole fam... or I guess we could leave them all together with a take and bake pizza and me and you could eat a meal in peace!
Me: Ha! (gulp) yeah, we're game
S: Awesome. Ask K if she wants to come too

Now let me explain this: I have three children. S has two children. K has three children. We were contemplating bringing our entire families out for dinner IN PUBLIC!

I was nervous the whole day preceding this experiment of ours. It's one thing to bring your rambunctious kids out to eat. I do have respect for other diners and it's only been a month since J and I have relaxed our no eating in public only drive thru stance due to Soren finally behaving when we attempt to go out. I actually agree with a lot of folks that young kids who can't sit in a booth for 30 minutes really shouldn't be eating out unless it is a REALLY family friendly restaurant. And I respect that the adults who go out to dinner may actually be trying to get a break from their own crazy kids and may not want my two year old staring at them from over the booth, licking his lips as they *try* to enjoy their own feast.

So take my family, multiply by 2.97 and that's what we were going to attempt. It would make any mom cringe in fear of all that could easily go wrong.

We joined my friends at the local Chinese buffet restaurant and mentally apologized to the waitress as we asked for a table for (gulp) fourteen. Six adults and eight kids ranging from age 1-9. I already started calculating the ginormous tip we would offer to placate our waitress.

BUT, miracle of miracles,  every child behaved perfectly. The older kids got their own table beside us adults. The younger two hung out on our laps. there was NO fighting! there was NO squabbling! The kids actually stayed in line nicely to choose their foods at the buffet line and ATE what they chose!!!

We parents tried to have a normal conversation, but you could feel the air crackling with anticipated tension, all of us waiting for the moment we would have to jump up and try to save the other diners from impending doom and tantrums. It's like waiting for the other shoe to drop, only you have eight shoes that could be thrown at any time. And yet.... the shoes stayed on.

Maybe we got lucky. Maybe we don't give our kids enough credit. HAHAHAHA Ok, even I couldn't write that last sentence with a straight face. But whatever the cause, however the stars and planets aligned, six parents somehow pulled off the major coup of bringing eight young children out for dinner together, without a hitch. It was an amazing feeling and all of us parental units breathed a huge sigh of relief when we stepped out and realized that we tempted fate and won.

You do realize we're stupid enough to have discussed the possibility of making this a monthly habit.

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Lesson Learned

Having been a parent now for almost ten years, I've picked up on a lot of tricks of the trade. And yet I always find something new to learn, something I really wish I had thought of before I am stuck in a situation where I want to smack my forehead for the lack of foresight.

This week I had one of those moments.

 And so, my dear friends, I wish to offer you some advice. Please take this suggestion to heart, so that you may never find yourself in the situation I faced.

Always carry a container with a lid in your car. Don't let what happened to me happen to you.

Here's what happened:

  • At 3pm the other day I woke Soren up for his nap like I always do.  We wandered down stairs and as I always do, I asked him to go potty. He said no.
  • At 3:10, I asked him to try before we went out for carpool. He refused. Idiot that I was, I didn't force the issue.
  • At 3:15 we were all strapped into our seats and pulled out of the driveway to pick up Xavier.
  • At 3:25 we entered the school yard and pulled into the carpool lane.
  • At 3:26 eight more cars pulled up behind us, essentially locking us into place.
  • At 3:28 I hear a tiny voice in the back seat call out "Mom? Pee." I look around the car for something in case of emergency, but I had recently cleaned out the van. I turned around to Soren and told him he would have to wait.
  • At 3:30 I heard a voice, a little more insistent: "Mom? PEE!"
"Dude" I say, "I asked you to go potty before we left! There are no potties here and I have nothing for you to pee in. You're gonna have to hold it."
"No, Mom, pee. Pee pee pee pee pee!!!" He starts to whine and writhe and I realize he is desperate.

 So am I.

 And despite the fact I had already searched the car, I popped out of my seat and started searching more frantically. There has got to be something, anything I can use! How many times have I bitched about having so much trash and cups in the car, and here I was, the ONE time my car is spotless and I need that trash more than ever. I have nothing to use, no cups, no bottles, no....wait a minute. I slowly turn my head towards the front of the car, aware that in my peripheral vision Soren is starting to do the potty dance more vigorously as he chants the word pee louder and louder. I tune him out for a moment, formulating a plan. Because I have one thing that might work. It's a desperate plan, but this is a desperate moment. There is no place for him to pee outside. It's all fields and 50 cars lined up with other moms and dads and little kids and I can't let him pee on the school road but maybe I could use......

That's my portable trash container I keep on my shift. I have no clue if it's, umm, "water" proof, but I do have a bunch of napkins in my glove compartment. I wonder if I can stuff those in to absorb as much liquid as possible.

I whisk it off the shift handle and rip open my glove compartment, grabbing fistfuls of napkins while Soren starts to wail. I shove the napkins in, race to unbuckle my boy and start praying to anyone who cares to listen that the lady who takes down our carpool numbers does not show up for another 5 minutes. Because I just don't want to explain this scene.

Pulling down Sorens pants, I open the lid and shove it under him just in time as he explodes. He pees for a good 60 seconds. After his torrent trickles down, the two of us heave a giant sigh of relief. I clean him up, check for leakage, and pull out the baby wipes to grab any misfires. We survived. I buckle him back in, and tell him that next time he WILL go potty at home or he will be grounded until he's 32. He nods.

I sit back down in my seat when I realize that it's a little fragrant in the car now. I open the windows and pull our my portable febreeze (love that stuff) and start spraying the shit out of my portable container. And then we spent the next ten minutes in carpool, trying to ignore the mixed scents of urine and lavender, hoping my trash container would not leak.

So folks, take this story to heart, and learn from my mistakes. The next time you want to moan about your trashed vehicle because of your kids, instead, think of me, and thank your lucky stars you have a trashed vehicle. Because one day you may be thankful. And always, always, bring a container with you that has a lid. You just might find yourself needing it one day.

Friday, February 24, 2012

Wheee! Whee whee WHEEEE!

Even though we don't have cable, I'm still up on a lot of the amusing things tv does via the internet or through friends. Awhile ago, one of my friends had this ringtone that made me laugh so hard I almost choked on my coffee. When I asked her what the hell that sound was, she showed me this popular geico commercial with the little piggy who wheed all the way home:

The other day I was at a park with the kids. Soren is now old enough to climb up to slides and go down by himself. This day he decided to try the big kid slide, which was one of those tubes, where each child's scream is amplified.

I burst out laughing when the next thing I hear is  "WHEEEEEE! Whee whee WHEEE!" as Soren comes sliding down. Again and again, he raced up the steps and squealed all the way down. I've determined that next time we hit the park, I'm going to try and record him and use that as my new ring tone.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Angry Birds

I think I am the only one left in this world that does not play Angry Birds. I tried it but I just don't get the hype. However my kids are addicted to it like a junkie on crack. I blame my mom, who is also an addict. In fact, that's how the boys learned about the game in the first place. One day they came home from her house chattering away non stop about birds and pigs and eggs and could they please get the app please please please? And while Soren doesn't talk much his language is advancing steadily as he tries to communicate his love for this game. He makes the cutest freaking noises when he mimics the birds and pigs. He can say egg and uh oh. And when he strings them all together it's an orchestra of words and sounds, but you know exactly what he's saying.

Now each night J is stuck trying to unlock new levels for Soren so he can play. Last night I lovingly mocked him as the boys were racing around the house after dinner and he was sitting on the couch trying to unlock a new level. He just looked at me and said Soren would be very happy and it was worth it.

After seeing that this phenomenon was not going to die fast, I mentioned to J that it would be cool to get some stuffed animals of the Angry Birds. My reasoning behind this was that, instead of playing on the Ipad all day, the boys could make their own real life game. So J found some and they arrived a few nights ago. As I had hoped, within minutes the boys had pulled out their blocks and started making their own Angry Bird Levels I was able to snag a snapshot before they knocked it down:

I want to see how long this will go. I'm thinking if this really takes off for more than a week, I may go ahead and buy more blocks and more of these stuffed animals. J just might get his Ipad back!

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Things I Never Thought I'd Say

Do NOT lick the Ipad!!!

No, you cannot behead your brother. I don't care if you're just pretending.

If I catch you in a booger flinging contest one more time....

No, farting in a tub does not make it a jacuzzi. So stop trying.

Do NOT lick the Nook!

Oh hey look! Dora is on! Why don't you go watch it for a few episodes?

I'm not buying you a dog bowl to eat your dinner in.

I know dad wears your diaper like a hat, but that's not how they really go.

You're not a guinea pig so stop eating the table.

Do NOT lick my pants!!!

I'm sure I could come up with more, but Soren is trying to lick my shirt and I have to go. What are some things you never thought you'd say?

Monday, February 20, 2012

First Snowfall of the Season

Having lived in Massachusetts for 28 years, snow is something you learn to loathe. It starts anytime from October, doesn't end until April, and it's sucks in all capacities. The snow up north isn't the fluffy kind you see in post cards, where kids go out to play in it for hours. Instead it's heavy, and quickly turns into a large layer of ice that you can cut yourself on if you try to crack through to make a snowman.

One of the reasons I LOVE North Carolina is because we don't get much snow, and the snow we do get you can play in. And last night we had our first snowfall of the season.

Here in North Carolina, if there is even a chance of ice or snow, everything shuts down. I thought this odd until I realized that unlike the north, down here we don't have sander or salt trucks, ready to make the roads safe. If it snows or ices up, you're on your own. A few years before we moved here there was a nasty ice storm that came up suddenly and kids were stuck at school over night. People left their cars stranded on the highway. And this would be what we up north would consider a regular ice storm. But down here it's a completely different story. Because of this the schools are very cautious about the forecasts and err on the side of safety.

I had no idea we were even going to get any snow until I got the email last night saying school would be delayed for 2 hours. By 9PM the snow started drifting down. And since it's so rare here, I actually enjoyed watching it fall.

This morning I woke up to a good dusting, maybe 1/2 an inch on the ground. The temperature was already 33 degrees so I figured before it melted completely, I'd take the boys out to enjoy what is now, a special treat.

Xavier grew up in Massachusetts for the first four years of his life and he loves snow. During October J went on a business trip back in Massachusetts and took Xavier with him to visit his grandma. They got caught in the blizzard that weekend, with 2 1/2 feet of snow. I ordered J to toss Xavier outside and not let him back in until he was blue so that he couldn't complain about no snow down here.

But the two younger boys aren't as used to the cold white stuff, Soren especially, and when I opened the back door to view the meager fluff on the ground you would have thought they had died and gone to heaven.

My number one rule was that they couldn't throw snowballs at each other. Right on top of that my next rule was no snowballs at mom or we'd go right back in. They must have really wanted to play because they listened. Instead, they through snowballs at my van. Poor van =(

Xavier spent the first ten minutes making the "perfect" snowball.

Xavier, while he loves snow, hates being cold, and lasted a total of 15 minutes before he ran back inside. Ashe and Soren spent an hour, scooping up as much snow as they could, pelting my van, the sign, the trees, and finally the sewer grid. They gave a good fight when I finally called them back inside but I placated them with the promise of homemade cocoa (one of the few things I can cook in the kitchen that comes out right.)

Shoes are in the dryer, cocoa has been chugged, and I have to take Xavier into school soon. But what a great way to start the day. Bonus, the snow is melting which means the roads will be safe! Having lived here in North Carolina for over four years now, I have to admit that the snow here is much more fun and I don't loathe it as much as I used to. But then again, I still hate snow up north. No offense to my lovely northern friends. Kiss kiss!

Saturday, February 18, 2012

This Whole Twitter Thing

Alright I have given Twitter time to see what I think. There are still things I'm trying to figure out, like some of the lingo, or why people use my name with a bunch of others. I'm hoping it means they like the blog and are telling their friends to check it out, but my eyes glaze over with all of the @ and # symbols.

However, I think it's pretty cool. For one thing, while I am a FB lover, I'm mobile a lot. And if I want to make a status update, I can't do it on my SRM page unless I send an email, which is stupid. But with Twitter I can write it off quickly, and it hits both Twitter and FB as SRM, and not on my personal page. So I love that.

Plus, I can talk to Ian Somerhalder. Ok, not really. The guy has a gazillion followers and no matter what he tweets he is hit with thousands of people screaming "I LOVE YOU IAN AND I WANT YOUR BABIES!!" If I were him, I'd also ignore everyone. But I think he's a great actor, and he has a wicked sense of humor, so when he posts something that makes me chuckle, I do try to reply back in the hopes of letting him know not all of us are crazy stalker peeps.

I'd talk to Joshua Jackson, but the bastard hasn't tweeted since June '11. 

I can keep up with other fellow bloggers much more quickly, and see their witty updates about their own kids much more quickly than I could on another site. There are a couple of you out there that make me chuckle often, and I nod knowing I am not alone in this crazy world of parenting who often thinks of duct tape.

I think the only thing that bothers me is when I see massive amounts of tweets from one or two people, because then I have to scroll waaaaaaaaay up to catch anything anyone else is saying. And I'm not yet following a ton of people. I see there is something called lists, which I have yet to play with, and maybe that will help.

No wait, there is one more thing that annoys me. It's this character limitation crap. Sometimes, I want to say something and if you know ME you know I cant say things in a small way. I need room. And it takes me ten times longer trying to figure out how the hell to shorthand something with symbols and crap than it would if I just had a chance to type.

But overall, it's pretty cool and I'm ok with selling out. I'd love for those of you who are on the fence to join me and we can try to figure this crazy Twitter world out together.  So, come join the dark side. We have cookies.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Go Go Gadget....

When I was pregnant with Soren and we were doomed to buy an (gulp) minivan, we also purchased a DVD player for the van for long car rides. But there was a rule: no tv watching unless we were in the car for an hour or longer (which rarely happens here as everything aside from the zoo is less than 30 minutes away).

We've stuck to that rule despite a myriad of complaints for years. But while we still don't use the DVD player, I have broken the gadget rule over the past few months and I can't believe how I ever got along before that.

Let me explain.

Since Xavier's school is technically out of district I have to carpool. Every morning I hustle all three boys into the car, drive ten minutes there, wait in line for five, then ten minutes home. Every afternoon I have to hustle two boys into the car, one who would have recently woken up from his nap and is still grumpy. Then I drive ten minutes there, wait thirty minutes for the snake like line to move, and drive ten minutes home. That's on a good day. So every weekday I am stuck in the van with two kids who would rather be running around for a minimum of 50 minutes.

That's 50 minutes of listening to two kids bicker, whine, sing to children's music, and kick the back of my seat. It's enough to drive a saint insane and I am no saint.

Christmas time the boys got some cool toys. Ashe got a DS for his birthday (right before Christmas) and Santa brought the boys a Nook Tablet to share. J also got an Ipad for work, which really means the boys get to play with it. With the excitement of these gadgets still new I started bending the rules and letting the boys pick one gadget to bring with them to keep them occupied during carpool.

This one bent rule has made a world of difference in my sanity.

For 50 minutes the boys have one gadget of their choice. They can play Angry Birds to their hearts content, or Zelda, or read a book, or whatever they want to do within parental controls. They are happy. But most importantly, they are QUIET! I can now sit in carpool and read a chapter of my book while the boys are quietly engaged. And it's been heaven.

Does it make me a bad mom? Nah. You have to learn to roll with life with parenting, and you have to know when to pick your battles. This just wasn't one of them. If I were a kid and had to be stuck in a car for almost an hour a day, I'd have gone crazy too so I can sympathize. And there is only so much kids music one can listen to before it gets old and you start contemplating ramming your minivan into the car in front of you.

I personally think this is a win/win situation and wish I had thought of this sooner.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Grossed Out

I have three boys. And when you have three boys it takes a lot to gross you out. Puke? No problem. Poop smears? Small potatoes. Green boogers dripping out of noses? Bring it. Watching your kids lick the boogers off their faces... ok I admit that one makes me shudder.

But I just recently encountered one thing that still makes me cringe when I mentally replay the scenario and how I almost lost my tough mom pin.

Soren has reached the Independence stage in his life. He must do everything on his own with no help. He doesn't care if we have plans to meet friends at the park and it takes him 45 minutes to take off his shirt for a new one. Dammit he will make you wait while he does it himself, thankyouverymuch. And often times I just hang out on the sidelines, allowing him to earn pride when he does something on his own.

Today he decided that he and he alone would be responsible for wiping up after going potty. I insisted that while he could try, I was putting down my foot and would wipe last just in case. He considered this for a moment and nodded. Post poop, he grabbed a wipe and did a very good job in cleaning himself up. Didn't gross me out. But then he did the most unthinkable thing ever..... he started bringing that nasty wipe up towards his face to wipe his nose.

At that moment time slowed down to a crawl and I lunged toward him, WATCHING that wipe rise higher and higher. I heard this loud NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO that sounded oddly like Darth Vader. In the back of my mind I realized it must be me denying the vision I was seeing in front of me.

 My hand darted out slowly, oh so freaking slow and I reached, REACHED to grab that offending wipe before it could connect to my sons face. He glanced up startled, and that one moment of pause brought time speeding up to normal and I grabbed the wipe and tossed it in the toilet!

We both stood there staring at one another for a moment, he perplexed, I panting while trying to hold the contents of my stomach in. Then he tilted his head to the side considering what had just happened,shrugged andturned to get a clean wipe for his nose.

Ewww! Just... EWWW!!!

Monday, February 13, 2012

Flavor of the Month

As a mom I feel like I am supposed to be eager to listen to my childrens discussions about their favorite topics. I am supposed to listen, make smart comments that don't include "Uh huh" "(yawn) cool" and "that's nice dear". I am supposed to engage them in conversation, eeking out those moments of connections when my children want to share something with me. Because I keep hearing that once they hit the teen years I'm going to miss these moments.

 I utterly fail at this.

Now, don't get me wrong, I love me a good convo with the boys. Sometimes they say things that have my chortling until two in the morning. But take a fork and stick me in the eye when the boys go off on a tangent about something that makes me want to knock my head back and snore.

Xavier has what I call "flavor of the months". It's whatever he is completely into at the moment. He's had several and I bet you I know more about Thomas the Tank Engine, Hot Wheels, Star Wars, Indianna Jones, Bey Blades, Pokemon, Roblox, etc than the average parent. Because when Xavier gets a flavor of the month that is ALL he will talk about. The past few months it's all about Minecraft.

I'll wake up in the morning, still unable to walk coherantly, searching for clothes and Xavier is already at my door, telling me about some diamond he found in minecraft already this morning and how he plans on finding 64 more of them as soon as he gets his homework done and did you know that in Minecraft you can..... (by this time my eyes are glazing over).

Sitting down for my morning jolt of caffeine, trying to coax my brain into working, Xavier will walk by, back up two steps and start up where he left off. Did you know that in Minecraft you can build your own secret tunnels and that he made one last night but when we walked down it a zombie came after him, but zombies are slow and he had a shovel in his hand and was able to get away by making a...... (and now I'm drooling over the only clean shirt I could find).

Driving to carpool, I can hear Xavier trying to shout something to me from the back seat of the minivan while I'm trying to stop Soren and Ashe from beating on each other and listen to the news. Most mornings I adore how cavernous my van is. The whole ride there I nod my head and mutter "uh huh" and keep surrupticiously turning the radio up bit by bit as he continues without taking a breath.

I then have a little over 6 hours of a break.

Picking up from school, it's the same. During homework time he tries in vain to keep the discussion going but I have a strong anti-discussion unless it pertains to homework rule. Every five minutes when he starts a sentence I ask him if it's about homework. 95% of the time it's not and I tell him I'm not listening.

Dinner comes around and we gather as a family to talk about their day. J talks about whatever project he's working on. Ashe talks about Zelda. Soren barks. And Xavier is turning blue as he goes on about how after dinner, he's going to get on MineCraft and build a really cool roller coaster because he likes rollercoasters a lot but he's going to make one that reaches the moon and goes through caves that have zombies....

Every two minutes I remind him to eat. And don't talk with your mouth full! And by that time it's 5pm and I'm starting to chug wine.

If you are a parent who listens to every word your child says, you're a better parent than I. And while I salute you, I'm ok with not being the best parent in the world. Especially if it means I can stop hearing about the flavor of the month for a good portion of the day.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Extreme Consequences: Thoughts?

I want to bring to your attention this article and video, about a father who offers quite an extreme consequence for a teenage tantrum on FB. It's been sweeping social media like a wildfire since yesterday. The article is short, the video is about 8 minutes long. Please watch if you haven't yet.

So I watched this video on Facebook this morning. And I am still trying to figure out if this guy is my new hero or if he went too far. Here's my thought process:

I am HUGE on consequences with my kids. I teach that every choice made, creates a consequence, be it good or not. If my child makes a wise choice, he reaps the benefit of the positive consequences. If my child does not make a wise choice, he reaps the negative consequences. In this way there is no punishment, per sae. My kids are learning that THEY have the power to determine what happens. In our household, these consequences are well known, so that each child understands what will happen if they choose to go down path A or path B.

For instance. Xavier has the knowledge that if he doe not goof off and focuses on his homework, he will finish sooner and have more time to play on the computer before bed. It's now up to him to decide what to do: does he sit down and get his work done? Or does he goof off with his brothers?

So there is a big part of me that looks at this guy and feels that this is a FANTASTIC example of consequences for our choices. Many times our kids think we're bluffing when we warn of consequences. Many times they might be right. I'm known though, for being a hard ass and I don't back down on consequences if I tell them prior. Doesn't mean they wont test the boundaries (oh they do on a daily basis) but they also know if I say if you do this you lose that, I mean it.


When I watched the video, I noticed as he stated many times how he warned his daughter not to pull this kind of stunt again, he never mentioned that he gave her clear, defined guidelines of what the consequences would be if she did it again. If he had said to her "Daughter, if you pull this stunt again I am going to shoot your laptop" and then he followed through, I wouldn't be having this mental conversation with myself.  Because then he had given her clear, defined understanding of WHAT WOULD HAPPEN if she made that choice. Instead he gave her a very vague idea of doom. That's doesn't hold any weight with a person. It holds no definition, sounds more like a threat said in the heat of the moment, and therefore, forgotten.

Also, because of HIS choices (including the lack of clear definitions on said consequences) what he has done has created not an understanding of consequences to his daughter, but has given her the ability to hold this against him for a long time, possibly even straining the relationship to breaking point. I know I don't know these people, but I've been in situations where I was never given a clear idea of what my actions may create, and I was punished in a manner that did not fit the crime. As an adult, I still remember that feeling of almost betrayal, hurt, and not being able to understand. It happened often enough that it created a gulf between myself and my father, whom I no longer have a relationship with.

This teenager had a tantrum. That's what teenagers do. Hell, we adults have tantrums. I think that's quite clear in the fathers response. To me, it seems like the apple didn't fall far from the tree.

I wish I knew more about this situation. I could see myself doing something like this if it was needed to teach a lesson to my children. But I would have made it VERY clear that if X happens again, I will shoot your laptop on tape and post it to your friends. That way there is a clear understanding on what they could expect if they choose path X.

So what do you guys think?

Friday, February 10, 2012

Unrestful Observations

"The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable."

Children are both smart and ruthless. They all have a sixth sense on when their parental units finally have a moment to breathe and they leap into action, determined to never allow a second of peace. MY kids have this down to a science.

Today is a typical day. By the time 10AM rolled around I had broken up 5 fights, microwaved my cup of tea three times, and was unable to get to my new cup of tea before it had over steeped and was cold to the touch. Any time the boys were finally ensconced into an activity and they seemed content, if I even dared to start walking toward the bathroom all hell would break loose. As I type this I have already been interrupted three times by Ashe: once to help him put on my belt so he had a place to hang his sword. Once to ask how he looked with his sword and belt. Once to take the belt off.

I've only been typing for five minutes. I'm waiting for interruption #4 and it should happen any second now. Oh wait... there it is.

I don't get it. It's uncanny, disturbing, and downright aggravating. How is it that I can spend an hour trying to ensure that the boys are happily playing something they love, but as soon as I turn my back to them with the intent of chugging my lukewarm tea, things go to hell. There must be some secret kid code they use, silently communicating to one another, activating Code Unrest if they even think I am thinking of a quick break. I need to search their rooms for clues. I bet they have a hand book that teaches them these nefarious ways. I should study it and use their tactics against them. It is the only way to strike back before I lose my sanity!

Please tell me I'm not the only one

Wednesday, February 8, 2012


Once in awhile I get an email from some random mom site I signed up for long time ago. 99% of the time I tend to trash them without giving them a look. But one title last week stood out to me. It was "Is Co-Sleepin​g Always a Bad Idea?".

If you had asked me this three years ago I may have tilted my head to the side as I pondered that question with serious thoughts to both sides of the argument. However, three kids later my answer was fast and furious: NO!

Let me explain:
BC I never would have even thought about co-sleeping. I am a bed whore. I like room. I use giant blankets so J and I never have to worry about the other hogging it. My pillows are so important to me that I tend to bring them with me to hotels instead of their crappy ones, and I brought MY pillow to the hospital when Xavier and Ashe were born. I sleep hard. I don't fuck around with sleeping. And there was no way I would ever feel comfortable with a tiny infant in my bed. I would be so worried that I would never get any rest.

This worked for all of us as a family. Xavier and Ashe slept perfectly fine in their crib (or car seat as that seemed to be their ultimate favorite spot to sleep). Co-Sleeping was a non issue for us and I would have stayed blissfully in the middle of the fence in regards to this topic.

And then I had Soren.

Soren threw our world upside down in more ways than one. This was just one little topic where I had thought, as a parent of two already, I was knowledgeable. HA fucking hahah!

For the first 6 months of his life, Soren refused, REFUSED to sleep unless he was touching me or J in some way. It just wasn't happening. I tried all sorts of different ways to try and get it so that we were touching while he was in his crib and I in my bed. It was never good enough for him. After endless days and nights with no sleep, in a fit of desperation I brought Soren into our bed. He was out like a light. And he slept the entire night through.

The first couple of weeks I kept myself awake almost nonstop, scared witless I would crush him. I moved pillows out, had no blankets. I refused to be one of those moms who woke up and found out she had smothered her precious darling while passed out, dreaming about the hunk of the month. But after while I started relaxing, and bit by bit we all got comfortable and most importantly... sleep.

It really wasn't that bad. As a new mom I don't sleep heavily anyways. I'm always on the alert. So the moment my baby made a sound that could be heard I was up, and aware. Most of the time it would just be him snuffling in contentment and he scootched closer to me.

If I hadn't given in and brought him to our share our bed, the household would have been a wreck. Everyone would have been at each others throats due to lack of sleep. You don't get much sleep with an infant anyway, so *any* sleep you can get you take. And from his perspective I get it. Your baby is nestled quite snugly for 9 months and then all of a sudden you expect him to sleep by himself? Hell no!

With three unique kids, I have learned on this path of parenting that there is NO such thing as one right way to parent. What works for one kid wont work for another. I've seen it time and again with my three kids. And while I would prefer to have my own bed, I also can get behind co-sleeping. Sometimes, it works. And I admit, I miss waking up once in awhile to find the most amazing little guy snug in the crook of my arm sighing happily, knowing he is safe and loved. It's one of my favorite memories.

Everyone has the right to their opinion, and feel free to disagree with me. But no random email from some moms site, I don't think Co-Sleeping is always bad. I think judging other moms for the choices they make to fit their family is bad.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

I Sold Out

and joined Twitter. I swore I would never do that. I don't get Twitter. It doesn't make sense. What the hell is a hash tag? How do I search for cool Tweets that I want to follow? How do I reach out to YOU? It's like a PC user trying to figure out how to operate a Mac for the first time: awkward and slightly embarrassing. 

You think it should be pretty user friendly, but the reality is that Tweet Leet is a language all it's own. Kind of like your teenager's text messaging.

(Speaking of which, I saw the best Damn You Auto Correct txt the other day. The image below is exactly why I think it's REALLY important for ALL parental units to learn txt leet)

But since I've learned a lot about promotions over the past couple of years and I'm now trying to put those lessons into place here, Twitter was something I just (gulp) had to do. J thinks I'm making too big a deal about this, but that's coming from the guy who solely uses Twitter to catch up on Brandon Sanderson's tweets, along with baseball. I, on the other hand, am using it to connect with people who hopefully have a quirky sense of humor and need to find someone who also thinks of selling their precious snowflakes more than once a day. It's a whole 'nother ballgame.

So, my friends, I am trying this Twitter thing out. If you're a fellow Twit (gawd, is that what they call Twitter users? For that reason alone I'm groaning) I would love it if you clicked that cool little button on the top right corner of my blog and said hey to me. Feel free to offer tips so I don't toss my computer out the window in frustration. Throw me a bone, folks. Help a mother out.

I'm going to try and figure this whole tweet thing out, probably embarrass myself a few hundred times, and try to find some of you. And while I do that I think I'll listen to this song that has been stuck in my head ever since I pushed that "Create An Account" button

Monday, February 6, 2012

Living The Dog's Life

It has come to my attention that I no longer have three boys. I now seem to have two boys and a human looking dog. Fortunately our new "canine" is potty trained. And I don't have to take it out for walks on a leash because if I did, like a good dog owner should, I'd probably have DSS on my porch in an instance.

Soren has decided that he wants to be a dog. What this means is that he walks around on all fours, ruffs at everything, and enjoys sneaking up on me when I'm in the middle of my book, and lick my face. Or my pant leg.

I know all kids go through this phase at some point, but none of them ever LICKED my pant leg before!!!!

Every once in awhile he tries to get us to feed him dinner on the floor. That doesn't fly at my house though. He also tried it at my moms last weekend, When I drove over to pick the kids up, she pulled me aside and quietly asked me if she was supposed to feed him on the floor like a dog as he had asked. I told her no, please god no. Fortunately she thought the same thing and refused.

If it keeps up I may have to start treating him like a dog. No playgrounds for dogs. No Chick- Fil-A for dogs. Dogs are not allowed on the couch and they sure don't get to play with Dad's I Pad!!!! I wonder how long his phase would last then?

Sunday, February 5, 2012

I'll Take Random Places To Chill For $200, Alex

Soren tried to get me to close the box on him. He was annoyed when I said it could be considered child abuse and refused.

Saturday, February 4, 2012


I just got home from dinner with 14, yes 14 people: 6 adults and 8 small folks.(I'll blog about that later).  And as I popped online to read emails I saw this purty little thing that made my flipping day:

So, first off I just want to say to all my followers

and thanks for joining me on this crazy ride we call parenting! I appreciate you all taking the time to click that button and hopefully once in awhile reading how I am slowly losing my sanity!

For those of you who have also recently joined my Facebook Fan Page, thank you!!! I'm having a ball keeping that up. If you haven't joined, c'mon over and hit that little LIKE button on the top of the page. I keep that updated often with little things that make me happy, but are not big enough for a blog on it's own. However if you're not into sarcasm or you don't have a quirky sense of humor, it may not be for you. This blog may not be for you either....

And last, as we parents are wont to ram into our precious snowflakes skulls that SHARING IS NICE DAMMIT!!!!!, please, show your kids how well you share by sharing this blog with your friends and family ;) And if you don't I may have to send each of your kids a RedBull and a puppy ;)

Kiss kiss!

Friday, February 3, 2012

Roleplaying Woes

I'd like to lodge a complaint against Nintendo. It has come to my attention that their most popular games are sexist. I find myself in a reoccurring situation where my children role play their favorite Nintendo games and I am always stuck as the stupid princess who needs rescuing.

Every day Ashe dresses up as Link, his favorite character EVER, and races off to fight Gannon, the evil wizard. And every day he comes up to me with soulful eyes, caresses my cheek and tells me that I am his Princess Zelda, and he will save me. I should not be afraid, because he is brave, and strong, and he will defeat Gannon and rescue me!!!


Ashe will dress up as Mario and come to me with soulful eyes, caress my cheek softly and tell me that I am Princess Peach, and he will save me from the evil Bowser, who has me captive in his dungeon. I should not be afraid for he is brave, and strong!

Ok look. I get that, as the only female in a house of five I will sometimes have to role play for my children characters I don't necessarily like. But c'mon! I don't always want to be the stupid princess that keeps getting caught by evil wizards or turtle dragons!!! I don't want to be told that I will be rescued and to not be afraid! Can't I be someone cool? Someone who can also fight too? Someone who isn't delegated to the couch a la high tower? I want to have my sword and fight evil villains! And I HATE pink dresses!!!! I hate pink in general!!!



The things I do for my kids. They better remember as they grow up how much I love them. I love them enough to keep my mouth shut and nod at them, and I am polite enough to turn my head away when I roll my eyes, when I am told yet again, that I need to be rescued. And to not be afraid.

Stupid sexist video games.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Good Times Dad

Long ago when I was new to the blogging community and had just created SRM, a fellow parental unit blogger reached out to me and commented on one of my stories. Feeling oh so excited that someone, SOMEONE actually read my blog, I clicked over to check out his own blog. And I've been hooked ever since.

I've read Good Times Dad over the years, laughing at his boys antics (often nodding my head in utter sympathy having been there myself and glad it wasn't me this time), GTD's responses, and even the entrance of his third child, The Rocket Queen.  Recently he had me chuckling when his wife left for a business trip. GTD had the sense of humor to create teeshirts for everyone with the quote "I survived Dadageddon 2012". It's stuff like this that keeps me coming back for more.

So why am I writing this? Well for a couple of reasons. For starters, if you love blogs, especially sarcastic blogs on parenting, it would be a disgrace if I didn't tell you about this one. If you like a sarcastic mom writing anecdotes about raising three kids, you'll like a sarcastic dad writing anecdotes about raising three kids. I also know I have some followers who are dads, and I think you guys would appreciate the perspective of Good Times Dad.

The other reason is because GTD and I are in discussion about doing some guest blogging together. So keep your eyes peeled on both blogs for some cool insights on subjects related to parenting.

So folks, do me a favor, and go check out his blog. Let him know SRM sent you and you demand to be entertained. Then pass on the word to any of your parental unit friends ;)