So I watched this video on Facebook this morning. And I am still trying to figure out if this guy is my new hero or if he went too far. Here's my thought process:
I am HUGE on consequences with my kids. I teach that every choice made, creates a consequence, be it good or not. If my child makes a wise choice, he reaps the benefit of the positive consequences. If my child does not make a wise choice, he reaps the negative consequences. In this way there is no punishment, per sae. My kids are learning that THEY have the power to determine what happens. In our household, these consequences are well known, so that each child understands what will happen if they choose to go down path A or path B.
For instance. Xavier has the knowledge that if he doe not goof off and focuses on his homework, he will finish sooner and have more time to play on the computer before bed. It's now up to him to decide what to do: does he sit down and get his work done? Or does he goof off with his brothers?
So there is a big part of me that looks at this guy and feels that this is a FANTASTIC example of consequences for our choices. Many times our kids think we're bluffing when we warn of consequences. Many times they might be right. I'm known though, for being a hard ass and I don't back down on consequences if I tell them prior. Doesn't mean they wont test the boundaries (oh they do on a daily basis) but they also know if I say if you do this you lose that, I mean it.
When I watched the video, I noticed as he stated many times how he warned his daughter not to pull this kind of stunt again, he never mentioned that he gave her clear, defined guidelines of what the consequences would be if she did it again. If he had said to her "Daughter, if you pull this stunt again I am going to shoot your laptop" and then he followed through, I wouldn't be having this mental conversation with myself. Because then he had given her clear, defined understanding of WHAT WOULD HAPPEN if she made that choice. Instead he gave her a very vague idea of doom. That's doesn't hold any weight with a person. It holds no definition, sounds more like a threat said in the heat of the moment, and therefore, forgotten.
Also, because of HIS choices (including the lack of clear definitions on said consequences) what he has done has created not an understanding of consequences to his daughter, but has given her the ability to hold this against him for a long time, possibly even straining the relationship to breaking point. I know I don't know these people, but I've been in situations where I was never given a clear idea of what my actions may create, and I was punished in a manner that did not fit the crime. As an adult, I still remember that feeling of almost betrayal, hurt, and not being able to understand. It happened often enough that it created a gulf between myself and my father, whom I no longer have a relationship with.
This teenager had a tantrum. That's what teenagers do. Hell, we adults have tantrums. I think that's quite clear in the fathers response. To me, it seems like the apple didn't fall far from the tree.
I wish I knew more about this situation. I could see myself doing something like this if it was needed to teach a lesson to my children. But I would have made it VERY clear that if X happens again, I will shoot your laptop on tape and post it to your friends. That way there is a clear understanding on what they could expect if they choose path X.
So what do you guys think?