...my child sold your honor student the answers to the test...

Sunday, August 30, 2009


*cough cough* is this thing on? It is? Ok good. First and foremost I'd like to take a moment to express my excitement for such a wonderful turn of events today:


On this day, August 30, 2009, Ashe went poop in the potty for the very first time! I know isnt that exciting???

Ok ok I know, most people could really care less and I get that. At the same time, when you become a parent to children, and you see the light at the end of the tunnel, the beginning of the end of diaper changes, the knowledge before you that soon you will not have to wipe clinging crap from a 2 yr olds butt, it is one of the most single exciting times in your life. It means a growing Independence for your child, the visible milestone that your child is growing up, less money to hand over for size 6 Pampers Cruisers. Gawd those things are expensive!!!! What more could you ask for from a toddler?

So as you know we started out this week with underwear only. For the first few days Ashe had accident after accident with peeing, but no poops yet. I was vaguely beginning to get concerned on if he was holding it in and making himself constipated. over time he began to recognize the urge to go and let us know he needed help before he wet himself. By yesterday he would try going potty before we went out, and he stayed dry the entire day. I even went out and spent $36 on a new toilet seat cover which has the regular size but on top a toddler version. now I can get rid of that stupid portable potty ring that just collects dust.

So this morning, after pancakes and imaginary (for the kids at least) coffee all around, Ashe said MOMMY POTTY PLEASE. I graciously helped him out of his jeans and he went racing to pee. We all applauded as he bowed. About an hour later, still pant less both J an I noticed him walking a little funny and muttering something about poop. J and I looked at each other and I raced out of the office, skidded to a halt right before I came into Ashes vision and casually sauntered over to him with a smile on my face.

Ashe honey do you need to poop?
Ok, lets go to the potty and sit. I'll read to you while you poop. Sound fun?

We walked (or waddled in his case) to the bathroom. I grabbed a Baby Einstein book on the way and we made ourselves as comfortable as possible in our teeny tiny bathroom. He sat happily while I read his book 4 times. But he didn't poop. He got up, wandered around, came back to sit, and ordered me to read again. So I did, ignoring the numbness of my foot going to sleep, cramped as I was. Still nothing. I sighed, he sighed, we decided we would try again later and I went to report to J.

10 minutes later Ashe wandered upstairs muttering about poop again, so J decided to try. They hung out in the upstairs bathroom for awhile with no results. Ashe got bored and ran off to play, J walked back into the office with a sigh of resignation.

As we both settled back into our routine I heard Ashe yelp I GO POOP IN POTTY I GO POOP IN POTTY NOW!!!! We stared, eyes wide as he booked it to the potty, clambered on like a monkey, eyes bulging.

Soren had been nursing on me happily. With a screech of protest I popped him off, handed him to J and ran to the bathroom to cheer lead. There he was, in all his naked glory, finally getting the connection. He did it! Ashe was so proud, J came running in with Soren, and all of us started dancing for joy! yes, it was a major cause for celebration. Poop is a big thing!

I'm quite aware we still have a long hill to climb. We're going to have accidents and it may take months for it to become second nature for Ashe, but the biggest hurdle, of feeling confident and knowing where to go when it's time, has been passed. We celebrated with Skittles and Nerd Candy, the way it should be celebrated.

Sugar high anyone? ;=)

Thursday, August 27, 2009

I've Coined a New Term

Momdar. It's my word of the day...week...month..next 18 years. /sigh Maybe moms around the world already use this word, but as I have never heard it spoken I'm calling dibs on claiming it!

From Brittanys dictionary:

  • Main Entry: momdar
  • Pronunciation: \ˈmämdär, ˈməmdär\
  • Function: noun

1. The ability to know exactly when your mom is about to relax for a moment, thus using it to your advantage to get her attention for whatever it is you need/want/demand.

2. The ability to know exactly when your mom is busy taking care of one of your siblings, and to use your knowledge to need/want something RIGHT NOW!

I swear this is the first moment I have been able to sit down without instantly hearing MOMMY I NEED CHOMATE MILK/I NEED TO GO POTTY/I WANT (Dora, Baby, Baby Turtle, Yo Gabba Gabba, Lil Einsteins) ON (tv/'puter) or the cries of wanting to be picked up and cuddled by the littler one. (Haha Murphys Law. The moment I wrote the previous sentence down it started up again. I have tried writing this blog about 7 times today but the moment I get a few words down either Soren fusses or Ashe begins to break something.)Anytime I take a breath and think crisis overted (high five yeah!) it starts right back up.

The worst is when I sit down to feed a wailing hungry baby, just get settled in and Ashe needs soemthing. Despite the fact I asked him 2 minutes prior if he needed anything (NO MOMMY). I just get us comfy when all hell will break loose. Today we had a stubbed toe, a broken DVD, the need for more refreshements (3x) and 3 potty accidents. All when poor Soren was just trying to get his groove on with his booby snack. No wonder I have over supply issues. The go and stop of nursing must be sending messages to my brain to make more, MORE MILK DAMNIT! I wish I could smack my brain into realizing the truth of the scenario, that I have a 2 yr old with attention issues.

I cant wait until after dinner time. I think I'm going to pawn the boys off on J, take a drive to get myself a fix of Jr. Mints and "accidentally" leave my cell phone at home. You know, just in case Ashe gets his hands on the phone and tries to call me wanting more chomate milk. Just for a few minutes of uninterrupted peace and quiet.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Proof I Am Losing My Mind

I admit I don't know what the hell I was thinking. Well, that's not entirely true. I knew what I was thinking and it was quite logical, but still the timing of my decision could have been better. Let it be known that a patient person I have never claimed to be.

Today, despite being sick, despite getting no sleep on the couch while I tried to tame my cough, despite the fact Ashe has hit the phase where everything is a battle, I decided to go full on potty training with him. I decided yesterday after I wiped his butt post toddler BM, and reaffirmed my decision this morning when faced with another diaper of doom.

Ashe is potty trained in that when he is naked or has pants on he can figure out when he needs to and how to go about peeing in the potty. We've got that hurdle cleared. It's the more vile aspect of potty training he has been stuck on for 3 months. It's like this road block where he just wont/cant get it.

I tried naked potty training, which worked perfectly with Xavier. Zavi was trained literally in 3 days of running around outside naked as a blue jay and we never looked back. I figured this time around I was a pro so how hard could it be. Never, EVER say or even THINK you've got one aspect of parenting down due to one child's success. I swear it does come back to bite you in the ass.

I tried rewards. Skittles was the name of the game. That backfired the day I caught Ashe with a laundry basket upside down, with him on top next to the kitchen counter, bag of Skittles in his hands, a rainbow mouth all a grin.

I even tried guilt. I realized one day, after Ashe had pooped on the floor and kept screaming "NO MINE MINE" as I cleaned it up that he may be having a possessive issue, which is fairly common or so I have read. So I made up this wild story about how Poops want to go to the poop playground and play on poop slides and poop swings, but the only way to get there was through the toilet. So that's why poop has to be done on the potty and you flush them to the playground to have fun. Ashe was very receptive to this, and now fondly flushes his poop to the playground, but still poops on the floor. :/

So today I have one more tactic up my sleeve and I am going to stick with it. I have to once I start. Proof that I'm losing my mind though is that I started today. Knowing I can barely handle dishes let alone handling a newborn and a 2 year old potty training on my own. Knowing we have a 12 hour car ride trip we're taking in 3 weeks. Knowing all this I did it anyways....

I bought big boy underwear.

I went to Target with the two little ones, talking up how big of a boy Ashe was and how hes going to wear big boy underwear and that diapers were for babies like Soren. He sounded excited until he saw the toy aisle (I hate you Target for putting the toy aisle right next to the doors in and out of the store!!!!) 10 minutes of warning, pleading, ordering, and time outs, not to mention the stint where Ashe decided he was a dog and scrambled on all fours through half the store, and we finally got to the underwear section (oh yeah after THAT episode I finally bought one of those stupid monkey leash/backpacks. He adores it but wont put it on). Of course how ironic is it that I talk up how big a boy he is and the toddler underwear is in the infant section?

We go through all the choices: Cars and Disney. I bought a few of each knowing he'd go through about 18 pairs a day. We purchased said items and headed home. Again I made a big deal about how cool his new underwear is and how he is just like Zavi wearing cool big boy underwear. He could care less. He was too busy making the monkey screech at Soren. Into the house we go, I take off Ashes pants and open up the underwear and have him choose the coolest set. He chooses Nemo. I ask him if he wants to go potty and he says YES. Cool. We're working together as a team here. I pop him on the potty while he sings his theme song and I wait. And wait. And he just keeps humming his theme song. After about a minute I ask if he has to go potty. NO MOMMY. Sigh. Ok then lets get your big boy underwear on then (insert big grin here). NO MOMMY NO! NO UDDERWEAR! I WANT MONKEY! The bargaining begins.

If you put your big boy underwear on now you can have monkey.
Ok then, I'll hold on to monkey until you're ready.
Sorry dude, that's not how things work here. When you decide to put on underwear you can have the monkey.
OK. No underwear, no monkey. Come find me when you're ready.

I get up to leave as he throws himself on the floor screaming. I calmly pick up the bag of "cool" underwear and Monkey and put them in the laundry room. The moment I shut the door he stops crying and looks up.
Ok hon. Come pick out what you want. Then you can have monkey.

So he does, and he gets monkey and he's happy. Of course he pees in them and freaks out. I take that as a good sign. We get a new pair with only a minute of arguing. he peed again. The next time he doesn't argue about his new underwear. I'm starting to win the battles.

But will I win the war? That's yet to be determined.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Conversations Over Dinner

I hate making dinner. For one thing the stove in our rented town house is older than I am and forces the smoke detector to go off if I even contemplate boiling water despite cleaning it frequently. The stove is out to get me. So is the dishwasher, but that's another blog. Another reason I hate making dinner is because it always coincides with the Witching Hour. Every family has one and its a different time for all. Mine seems to start at 4:45 when I'm prepping for dinner. That's when Ashe decides to throw the biggest tantrum ever or annoy his older brother so much that both boys end up screaming and wailing on each other, and Soren decides he needs to eat RIGHT NOW.

I was fortunate tonight while cooking. Ashe had passed out on the couch after a trying time at the library so I had one less crisis to deal with. Soren didnt want to eat but did want to cling to me like lint clings to Velcro. We had a bit of wailing when I put him down in his bouncy seat as I turned the chicken over in boiling oil but after, I picked him and sang and danced with my iPod on and he passed out in my arms within 3 minutes. Probably to get away from my atrocious singing :/

But dinner time in general is fun if you get past the fact that Ashe runs around the dining room table and eats air, and Xavier complains with every bite how much more does he have to eat? We have a rule in the house that for dinner, we all eat together and talk about our days. I enjoy that. I like knowing about Zavis day in school and Js day at work. I like watching Ashe sidle up behind Zavi and tickle him as a mouthful of food is just about to be shoved into his mouth.

Todays conversation went all over the place. I think it started with Zavi asking about college which veered to part time jobs he could do, to part time jobs J and I did as teens. That started a debate on where J and I met for the first time, and then it landed at what Zavi could buy when he made money at his job 9 years hence.

He brought up always wanting a scorpion but I said not until he was 18 and out of the house. J mentioned a tarantula may be more feasible and laughed when I sent him the glare of doom. Xavier mentioned the remote control tarantula he saw and wanted it. That went off on to what he would do with it. J and I joined in with our own warped ideas. My favorite was to put it in a mini aquarium, wrap it up as a present and give it to my mom on Christmas while Zavi held the remote out of eyesight and made the thing move. no, I dont hate my mom. In fact I love her dearly. But it was a funny image =)

Zavi wants to put it in her bed when shes sleeping and have it wake her up, like an alarm clock.

I love dinner conversations like this. It makes being a Mom to boys worth it =)

Why Don't Moms get Sick Days?

Parenting is the hardest job ever. It also has the worst benefits if you're comparing to other careers out there. Fantastic perks, yes! Benefits, not so much. Parenting is a 24/7 365 days a week with no vacation time accrued, nor paid sick days. Heck, no paid anything for that matter. In fact you PAY your kids if they behave well (in the parenting world we call this allowance.)

I've been sick since last Sunday night. Not this past one 2 days ago. The other past one. I'm on day 9 of having my body betray me with racking coughs, congested nose, achy body and sinus pressure that make my teeth ache. If I were a normal person with a normal career I would have called in sick for a few days, cuddled back into bed and pass out with aloe vera moisturizing tissues beside me and within reach, and my desk filled with a cocktail of cold medicines to sample and figure out which one works best. But I'm a Mom. And Moms don't get this luxury. Yes, it is a luxury. One you don't realize until it's taken away from you for a minimum of 18 years, depending on how many children you have. On top of this I'm a nursing Mom to a newborn, which means I need to carefully read the labels of the medicines to ensure that I only take what is safe for Soren to ingest through me. Which means the only cold medicines I can really take are placebos placed in child friendly, adult proof medicine boxes and cost more than my months rent.

When I get a cold like the one I have now, it's virtually impossible for me to sleep in my bed unless I steal J's pillow, as well as the kids. I need to be propped up to a 90 degree angle so my head doesn't explode and my coughing abates. When lying horizontal my coughs act up. So when I'm sick I get the best spot in the house: the couch. I also sleep here because Soren is still in our bedroom and I have learned the hard way that he will not sleep when I cough. As he doesn't sleep much anyways I was not going to wake him up every 2 minutes. So I've been sleeping there now for 2 days. I use the term sleeping lightly. In reality I'm up until at least 3:30 am trying to get my cough in control, guzzling airborn and tea, nibbling toast, finally pass out only to have Soren ail in our bedroom at 3:35am for his nightly feeding. It never fails. It also never fails to amuse J.

This morning, after both Soren and I passing out around 4 am on the couch ( we were both just too tired to care who slept where by then) waking up to Ashe banging pell mell on the door at 6 am and Soren taking this opportunity to nurse again I realized I am just dead tired. I don't know if I can go on. It's not like I'm leaving the house today except to buy more tissues and "Cold Meds" but even listening to Dora played repeatedly on the tv while I lay there cuddling Soren and Ashe seems to be like too much work. All I want to do is to lock my bedroom door, have a servant ready to wait on me hand and foot with tissues, read to me a bedtime story and sleep undisturbed.

I've tried napping. hahaha...ha. I'll lie down for a moment with the door cracked to hear of any impending disasters Ashe may get into. I can guarantee though, that the moment Ashe realizes I'm MIA my door will swing open and bang loudly against the wall. He jumps onto my bed asking "MOMMY YOU OK?" Yes honey I'm ok. Just a little sick. "SICK? MOMMY WANT TISSUE?" (as he rips all the tissues out of the box) "MOMMY I HAVE TISSUES? I SICK TOO.. and he jumps on top of me with a fistful of moisturized tissues ( you know the expensive kind) and proceeds to sniff each one, pretending to blow his nose. It's just not worth opening the door to my bedroom. The temptation is there, but the end result is sigh worthy.

So I'll keep slogging on, cold tea in one hand, tissues in another, and both kids swarmed on my lap. One benefit of having kids on your lap when you're sick? They produce way more heat than any electric blankets could dream of.

When Worlds Collide

Ok so I have two worlds. My every day world of being Mom to my 3 boys and my gaming world. Most of the time I keep these two worlds separate. I'm not so addicted that I play the game when my kids are awake and need me (although once in awhile if the littler ones are napping I may pop on for a few). I really try to wait until everyone is in their own dream worlds before logging in to my Otherworld. But sometimes despite my attempts these two worlds collide.

Now most people would think hey its a game! Whats so hard about going afk (away from keyboard) when your child wanders in asking for water or the baby starts to cry. Well it's true, and I do. But once in awhile we'll be in the middle of a raid fight, 23 other people depending on me to be there and save their ass when they take a full hit and die. And in certain times if I leave, everyone dies and I get yelled at. I hate getting yelled at.

It's normally very rare for this to happen. But I also know where I'm needed most. My game.... JUST KIDDING! My kids come first, always. So I will tend to go afk quite a bit in the middle of raids if I'm needed. It gets frustrating though when you slog through the whole day listening to Dora the Explorer while nursing a vampire child who would never let go if he had his way, simultaneously helping to do homework even Einstein would scratch his head at in confusion. (OK I don't do math. I really suck at it, even at a 2nd grade level. Really it's how the damn problems are worded but still it ticks me off when I cant figure out how many hats Suzie has compared to Mark). So at night time I need that time to myself to recharge my batteries. It's vital to me being the best I can be. So when Zavi comes wandering in for the 7th time that night asking for another snack (which we tell him you've already had 4 snacks and THIS is why you need to eat all your dinner!!!) or Ashe decides to bang on the door of his room because he woke up and wants another book, my blood pressure skyrockets.

The newest twist is Soren. Now I understood point blank that I would have to take time off gaming for awhile when he was born. I even cautiously gave myself 3 months. Oddly enough in the first week he started sleeping right at 7:30 (raids start at 8) so I was stoked! I thought Yes! I can be a mom to a newborn and kick butt in raiding a few nights a week! And it worked great, for a few weeks. But then all of a sudden he's decided that the world is just so cool (it is) that there is no time for sleep! Sleep is for the weak man! So he is up until the wee hours of the night, happily cooing and reaching out for my hair, or my boob, or my headset.

I've gotten really good at raiding while nursing. I throw my boppy pillow on my lap, contort Soren into the strange position he adores,and let him go to town while I'm stabbing monsters with my pointy stick. It's actually become a game within a game to me: how high of DPS (meaning how much can I damage the mob) while nursing at the same time? I get a perverse pleasure out of out DPSing other players of the same class when I'm nursing a baby at the same time. (and uhh, to any guildies who may be reading this... stop laughing!!!)

J has been really understanding about how much I need a break at night from the kids in order to recharge. Lets face it, a happy mom is a happy family. And a not so happy mom makes everyone miserable. To keep the peace he offered to switch off in dealing with Sorens late night excursions. We alternate nights so at least one of us can relax while the other deals with a 9 week old who acts like he downed a bottle of speed. J also has this magic touch I just can not duplicate. Somehow he can get Soren to realize how great sleep is by 8:30-9pm most nights. Me? We're up until 12am. I've tried doing his shtick of rocking him in the car seat on the bed with NPR playing on the radio (if anything can bore someone to sleep its NPR). I've tried my own twist of turning on the laptop and playing the sound of waves via youtube over and over again, passing out myself while Soren still happily gurgles from his vantage point. I just don't have it.

I'm seriously looking forward to the time when Soren gets into his swing of sleeping like a normal baby. Cat naps and staying up until night clubs call for the final round gets old fast when you're an old fogey like myself. And I'm jonesing to get back into the real swing of things and leave one world behind for another if only for a couple of hours. I just need that peace and quiet while I tear up mobs and smack talk with my friends again, undisturbed.

Monday, August 24, 2009

My Secret Identity

Ok ok it's not really a secret. I mean, I blab about it often enough and a good portion of my friends call me by my other aliases so really how secret can it be? But I figured if this site is about me I have to get all aspects of me out there. I promise not to overload and we'll take it in baby steps, ok?

Imagine if you will: the sun is setting. Kids are snuggly tucked in their beds, 34 books read and 2 glasses of chocolate milk served, tantrums have been completed and...the house is oddly quiet. What time of the day is it? My favorite time!!!!

So what does a Suburban Rebel Mom do when she has *gasp* free time o her hands? Game! When I say game most people automatically assume console games: Xbox, Wii, PS3. To be honest, I can do those games but thats not my style. I'm more of a computer gamer. I am, dare I say, the ultimate gamer geek. Female though, so that helps abate the geekdom and pushes me more towards a minority of "cool" gamers. Gamer chick is the normal catch phrase. I dig it. Another assumption with PC games is that the vast majority of gamers are teenage boys or college students still living in their parents basement. Would it throw you for a loop to realize that only 25% of gamers out there are in fact, minors? The vast majority of gamers in todays world, 60% in fact, are from the ages of 20-35. And I fit just perfectly in that bracket =)...wait, who am I trying to convince? You?..Or me?

I figured since this is such a big part of my life outside of kids (you know, my minimum free time) I'd use this platform to explain both what it is I do, and the history behind how I got into it. besides, if I write it down here and people actually read my tangents then thats one more time I dont have to explain my hobby and deal with the glazed, confused looks I get each time. So here goes:

I've been gaming in different fantasy worlds since 2000. It all started a long time ago, B.C. (before children) when a friend of mine introduced J to this computer game called Everquest. Well after 3 months of not seeing my husband....EVER... after dinner each night, and I was bored to tears with nothing to read and I hate tv, I finally had enough. I stormed into his office, demanded that he shove over so I could sit, took over his chair and ordered him to teach me this game. I wanted to know what the hell was so cool as to take my husbands full attention away from me entirely every single damn night. Hesitantly at first, J started explaining the foundation of the game: you're in a different world, and can create a character (called an Avatar) and have them do stuff. Think Sims, only in a fantasy based world with magic and mythological creatures, and it's a bit more intense. So you can create a person who does magic, or heals, or swings a sword, or conjures up demons, or and reanimate skeletons to help fight the beasts of the world. It's pretty cool and right up my alley! Another facet of the game, J told me, was that not only can you have your own avatar, but you can interact with other people around the world with their avatars. In fact it's almost a MUST in order to advance later on! So I asked if we could interact together if I had my own computer and game. And he said yes. That night I told him to buy me a computer, my own chair and game, and lets do it together. I think he fell in love with me all over again that nighyt. And I figured if you cant beat them, join them. Of course I never realized back then how hooked I would be.

So thats the foundation of what I do and how I got there. Fascinating, isnt it?

9 years later and J and I are still going strong together gaming wise in a spin off game called Everquest 2 (or EQ2 for short). Almost each night after the kids are in bed we log on to our computers in the same room, throw on our head sets, and enter another world where we get together with a bunch of friends on their own characters and fight stuff. You know stuff like zombies, werewolves, vampires, dragons, orcs, goblins, etc. 4 of those nights we get together with our guild mates (think of a huge group of people who get along, want to accomplish the same things in the game, and have a good time) and form a raid (24 people from the guild who are both skilled in how to play their character and team up to work on taking down huge monsters 1 person or even a few could not handle alone). 

Our guild is named Bane. It's filled with an amazing bunch of people from all over the world who just click. We really enjoy raiding together but the golden aspect to our guild is that Real Life always comes first. (Oddly enough a lot of guilds dont understand that which is sad.). So I have an easier time playing and being able to leave at the drop of a hat if my kids wake up and need me. This is us from last night waiting to enter an area to raid:

And this is my "Secret Identity" or Avatar, Voyde:

I've been working with her now for a couple of years.She is what is known as a dirge. A dirge is a type of person who enhances the abilities of other players. While dirges may not be the best at dealing out damage, or staying alive on their own, they are highly needed because they just make everyone else look good ;) And my disadvantages in dealing out damage does not stop me from trying! And I must say, I think I do well enough =) Due to my small size and, err wings (I play a fairy, go ahead and mock... although shes a naughty fairy!!) I tend to put on an illusion while fighting to help me see better. So this is what I look like most of the time:

So last night we worked on a few different monsters, or Mobs. The bi ones are called Named or Bosses. The named we were working on last night are some of the hardest in the game at the moment.  I enjoy making videos of our raids and putting them to music but hadnt for some time Last night I finally got off my butt, downloaded the software needed to record, and took both some awesome photos and videos of our evening.

This is Zarrakon, Vampire Dragon, Pain in the ass fight, amazing graphics, and all around worth wiping (dying over and over and over) to bring him down:

Most people hate this fight but I love it. It involves not just running up to him swords flailing, yelling taunts, and hitting him with hammers, but complete coordination, attention, and most especially, teamwork. Trying to coordinate the perfect attack knowing you are just as vital as the other 23 friends and hoping that none of your friends (or you) screw up...again. To give you a decent perspective of his size, here is a photo of us before we charge in screaming =)

I think when I'm right up close to him I stand about as tall as his ankle. Then again I'm small. Js troll might come up to his calf. I'm about to make a music vid of this fight and I'l post it somewhere on the net when done.

Speaking of videos. Another fight we did last night was Anashti Sul, the deity of Undead. And I got a music video done of us bringing her down. (I'm the one the camera follows)

So there, in a nutshell, is my secret identity. I am a gamer to the core. I love magic, mythological creatures, fighting evil (and sometimes a faun or two) and talking nightly on my headset with J and a bunch of our friends from around the world, teaming up to do things we could never do on our own. It's both a great life lesson and a cheap date night all the time ;)

Except when the kids wake up mid raid. That then leads to......

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Bowling for Sanity

My mom visited this past week ( a whole blog on its own I assure you) and of course, when the rents visit, we try and do something extra throughout the week for fun. One of the activities we did this week was to go bowling. Now bowling sounds like a safe, friendly thing to do with kids. I thought so. I mean, I used to take Zavi once in awhile when we lived back in Mass and we never had an issue. So what could possibly go wrong bowling with 2 more kids added in and a grandmother? Oh. My. God.

To anyone who may be reading this and was at the bowling alley the same time we were, I am so sorry. I hope Ashe did not erase your computerized game thingy. I tried to keep him away, I really did. But that bugger is fast!

We got the citiguide coupon book a few weeks ago and I saw you could get one game free of bowling. So on Zavis early release day from school we piled into the car and drove to the local bowling alley. The older boys were excited, Soren was passed out in a drunken stupor, and my mom and I had high hopes. Bowling! Yay! Fun! Good times!!! We park the ginormous minivan (I'm getting better at parking that monster!) unload the kids in less than 5 minutes (a new record!) and head on in. And thats where all hell broke loose.

You see, Ashe hates loud noises. He went to the fireworks this past July 4th and freaked out. I mean FREAKED! The whole time he sobbed yelling "FIREWORKS ALL DONE ALL DONE DADDY FIREWORKS ALL DONE" for the entirety of it. Stupid me, I didnt even think that the sounds of bowling would mirror that of fireworks. Crap. And its dark in there with the black lights going, the music bass thumping and vibrating the floor. Ashe took 2 steps in and froze like a deer caught in headlights. And then started shaking. And I couldnt take him home. J was working on a huge project and I had promised Zavi we would do this. He had been looking forward to this for weeks with Grammy. So I gave the carseat with Soren in it to Grammy, picked up Ashe, and cuddled/dragged him to get our shoes and lane. I had this thought that maybe I could get him used to it in time and he would be ok. I kept whispering "It's ok honey its not fireworks (Yeah can I get shoes in size 8 kids, 13 kids...) Mommys here I wont let you go (adult size in 8 and 10? Lane 4? Great...) I promise you you are safew and ok, its not fireworks, no we cant go back to the van sweetie (Here's my card.... can you hold the top so I can sign?... thanks) sweetie stop kicking Mommy that hurts...no I wont put you down..."

After finally hauling 4 pairs of shoes and a squirming screeching 2 yr old to our lane, waaaaay on the other end of the alley, I tossed shoes at grammy and Zavi and took Ashe toward the back. Holding him I calmly told him how much fun bowling is, how he gets to choose a few really cool balls, and try to knock down things without getting yelled at. It took about 10 minutes of constant soothing whispers with a few thrown out yells to Zavi (Hang ON! I'll get the computer set up in a minute... ask Grammy...oh Grammy you dont know how to do it? Damnit... ok hang ON!) until I could get Ashe to accept sitting on my lap closer to the bowling lanes. While Zavi went searching for the perfect ball, and Grammy took forever putting her shoes on, I tried figuring out the technological savvy computer to set up our game with a squirming 2 yr old clinging to me like we were going down with the Titanic.

So after working the computer 1 handed, and everyone is ready to go we start bowling. Zavi goes first. And he does pretty darn well (with the bumpers on). Next up is Grammy. She also bowls well (with the bumpers on). Then it's Ashes turn. I ask him if he wants to roll the ball and he says YES so I stand up. To which point he grabs my shirt and clings so hard Im afraid my cleavage and then some is apparent for all to see. Hauling him up, and my shirt back into place, I waddle over to the bowling ball stand and ask him which color he wants. He points to a blue one, of course, 36 pounds. I pick it up with Ashe still stuck stronger than superglue to me, and slowly make my way to our lane. I put the ball down, wrestle to get his chubby STRONG fingers off my shirt, and gently show him how to roll the ball. He screams, throws himself on the floor and begins to cry. I sit down next to him, ask him if he wants to play. After a minute he agrees, wipes the tears from his eyes, and allows me to help him. We get a good roll going and he stares fascinated as the bowl rolls towards the pins, taking eons to make it there. But they go down and his face lights up and......

he's hooked.

By our 6th round, Ashe has taken over my game, Grammys game, and his own. We found a child roller which helps little kids roll the balls down better. He would whip it into place, point at me to put his ball down, then shove it hard (rolling over my fingers a few times...OUCH!) and jump up and down screaming for joy. When it was Zavis turn, he would run to any computer in sight and start jabbing buttons (Sorry!!!!) If he wasnt doing that he was running to put his head by the bowling stand where the used balls come racing in. I swear he came close to having 3 concussions in 15 minutes, despite my frequent attempts at keeping him far away from the damn thing. And Soren, my precious baby, was an angel. He slept for almost the entire thing. If he was fussy I just think I would have lost my mind.

Walking out afterwards, everyone was in high spirits. Except for me. I was happy the boys had a ball in the end ( no pun intended) but all I could contemplate at that moment was how much tequila I had left in the freezer and how big of a margarita I wanted. I figured I earned it and then some.

And we're off!

I've been meaning to make my own personal blog about my life for ages. I even started blogging for another website once in awhile to get me off my butt and practice. I love it! But there I still feel a little restricted in what I can write about despite the fact I have carte blanche. It's more because sometimes I want to just go off on tangents, or write more explicitly about my new found ability to have the BIG TALK with my oldest son about sex but not have to worry about whether it fits the PG13 rating or may potentially offend anyone. And other times I find something funny that happens but really cant think about how to write it properly for another site. So I got off my butt today and made my own place to put everything down. The good, the bad, the ironic, the amusing, and the frustration. Lets face it, as a mom frustration is a part of our everyday lives. You try getting your 7 yr old to put on his shoes, stop your 2 yr old from bringing his entire toy chest to the car, and strap a screaming newborn into his car seat with only two hands and one voice and tell me there inst the slightest bit of frustrations. Vishnu and his insane amount of hands I am not. Or like (right now) I am trying to write with my newborn asleep on his boppy next to me when my 2 yr old comes racing in the office, screaming about how he MUST HAVE ICE CREAM NOW!!! Oh and I WANNA PLAY WII MOMMY!!! (thus waking up my lil guys precious few moments of sleep. Its a wonder he gets any sleep at all... oh wait, he doesn't).

So as this is my first official blog allow me to introduce the main players in my life.

My husband Jody (I'll most likely call him J for short here) is the love of my life. He's 33, helped co found a business he runs from home (yay free babysitter!) and is a PC gamer at heart (so am I). He is the Yin to my yang. While I'm fairly outgoing, talkative, blah blah blah, hes very introverted and extremely intelligent...not that I'm unintelligent, just he puts me to shame when we discuss current events. :p We've been together since I was in high school (eep) and are celebrating our 10 year wedding anniversary this year.

Xavier (Zavi), our oldest is 7 years old and a Legos/Star Wars/Indiana Jones/Wii fanatic. He is currently in second grade and loves it minue homework. He has ADHD which makes life interesting, but he comes by it naturally as it runs in my family (and me, although I am seriously missing that H part. I think it could come in handy at times with 3 kids). He is very smart, loves volcanoes, still gets scared of storms, and is now in that wonderful age where all those embarrassing questions pertaining to life seem to pop out of his mouth ( I'm finally feeling good about my answers to those and enjoy where our conversations lead).

Ashe is my 2.5 yr old clown. He's my linebacker, trying to gain his older brothers attention by constantly beating the ever living crap out of him. When Zavi whines, Ashe thinks its a game and continues. Yay. :/ But he is sooo funny. Yesterday he came up to me as I was in my chair with his shirt over his head, one eye covered and said "MOMMY, I A PIRATE ARRRRH!" I nearly choked on my lukewarm coffee. Needless to say I found out he tried it with J first downstairs, got a positive reaction and had to come to me and try it. Now he's walking around constantly saying ARRRRH. ARHHHH. ARRRH. It hasnt gotten old yet, but it might by tomorrow if he hasnt found something new.

Soren is our newest addition to the family. He is, as of today, 9 weeks old. We had some issues earlier on with reflux but I think we finally have him comfortable and he has just blossomed. He is the star of the family. Both of the older boys fight to be in Sorens eyesight. It's not uncommon to find him watching tv surrounded by offerings of stuffed animals and transformer toys his brothers lovingly handpicked and dumped on him, both boys on each side holding his hand. Whenever he makes the slightest peep Ashe will call out MOMMY BABY SOREN IS CRYING SAD!!!!!. Thanks kiddo. Xavier reads to him weekly from his Lego magazine, or Calvin and Hobbes comic books. And Soren loves it all. if he's not fussing for food or a diaper change he is smiling and cooing at anyone. In fact he is so social you don't dare leave him alone in a room or he gets sad, wondering where his adorers went.

And I am Brittany. I'm 30 years young, a wife and mom, sarcastic, goofy, loud, and stubborn as hell. I have jet black hair with a red stripe currently, 2 tattoos, wanting one more, and a nose ring. I like loud music no one has ever heard of, along with most other kinds. So long as it has a great beat I can dance to while I unload the dishwasher Im happy.I am also a gamer, loving to lose myself into a world of fantasy (once al the kids are peacefully sleeping of course) on my computer nightly with J. J and I play a MMO together called Everquest 2. Yes, Im a gamer geek. Bite me. I love it.If I am not raising my boys or gaming (my god there is time for other things???) I'm an avid reader.

So thats the fam. Nice to meet you =)