Proof I Am Losing My Mind

I admit I don't know what the hell I was thinking. Well, that's not entirely true. I knew what I was thinking and it was quite logical, but still the timing of my decision could have been better. Let it be known that a patient person I have never claimed to be.

Today, despite being sick, despite getting no sleep on the couch while I tried to tame my cough, despite the fact Ashe has hit the phase where everything is a battle, I decided to go full on potty training with him. I decided yesterday after I wiped his butt post toddler BM, and reaffirmed my decision this morning when faced with another diaper of doom.

Ashe is potty trained in that when he is naked or has pants on he can figure out when he needs to and how to go about peeing in the potty. We've got that hurdle cleared. It's the more vile aspect of potty training he has been stuck on for 3 months. It's like this road block where he just wont/cant get it.

I tried naked potty training, which worked perfectly with Xavier. Zavi was trained literally in 3 days of running around outside naked as a blue jay and we never looked back. I figured this time around I was a pro so how hard could it be. Never, EVER say or even THINK you've got one aspect of parenting down due to one child's success. I swear it does come back to bite you in the ass.

I tried rewards. Skittles was the name of the game. That backfired the day I caught Ashe with a laundry basket upside down, with him on top next to the kitchen counter, bag of Skittles in his hands, a rainbow mouth all a grin.

I even tried guilt. I realized one day, after Ashe had pooped on the floor and kept screaming "NO MINE MINE" as I cleaned it up that he may be having a possessive issue, which is fairly common or so I have read. So I made up this wild story about how Poops want to go to the poop playground and play on poop slides and poop swings, but the only way to get there was through the toilet. So that's why poop has to be done on the potty and you flush them to the playground to have fun. Ashe was very receptive to this, and now fondly flushes his poop to the playground, but still poops on the floor. :/

So today I have one more tactic up my sleeve and I am going to stick with it. I have to once I start. Proof that I'm losing my mind though is that I started today. Knowing I can barely handle dishes let alone handling a newborn and a 2 year old potty training on my own. Knowing we have a 12 hour car ride trip we're taking in 3 weeks. Knowing all this I did it anyways....


I bought big boy underwear.


I went to Target with the two little ones, talking up how big of a boy Ashe was and how hes going to wear big boy underwear and that diapers were for babies like Soren. He sounded excited until he saw the toy aisle (I hate you Target for putting the toy aisle right next to the doors in and out of the store!!!!) 10 minutes of warning, pleading, ordering, and time outs, not to mention the stint where Ashe decided he was a dog and scrambled on all fours through half the store, and we finally got to the underwear section (oh yeah after THAT episode I finally bought one of those stupid monkey leash/backpacks. He adores it but wont put it on). Of course how ironic is it that I talk up how big a boy he is and the toddler underwear is in the infant section?

We go through all the choices: Cars and Disney. I bought a few of each knowing he'd go through about 18 pairs a day. We purchased said items and headed home. Again I made a big deal about how cool his new underwear is and how he is just like Zavi wearing cool big boy underwear. He could care less. He was too busy making the monkey screech at Soren. Into the house we go, I take off Ashes pants and open up the underwear and have him choose the coolest set. He chooses Nemo. I ask him if he wants to go potty and he says YES. Cool. We're working together as a team here. I pop him on the potty while he sings his theme song and I wait. And wait. And he just keeps humming his theme song. After about a minute I ask if he has to go potty. NO MOMMY. Sigh. Ok then lets get your big boy underwear on then (insert big grin here). NO MOMMY NO! NO UDDERWEAR! I WANT MONKEY! The bargaining begins.

If you put your big boy underwear on now you can have monkey.
NO MOMMY NO!!!!!
Ok then, I'll hold on to monkey until you're ready.
NO MOMMY I WANT MONKEY NOW! RIGHT NOW.
Sorry dude, that's not how things work here. When you decide to put on underwear you can have the monkey.
MONKEY NOW NOW NOW NO UDDERWEAR!!! NO UDDERWEAR!!!
OK. No underwear, no monkey. Come find me when you're ready.

I get up to leave as he throws himself on the floor screaming. I calmly pick up the bag of "cool" underwear and Monkey and put them in the laundry room. The moment I shut the door he stops crying and looks up.
I ALL BETTER NOW MOMMY. I WEAR UDDERWEAR.
Ok hon. Come pick out what you want. Then you can have monkey.

So he does, and he gets monkey and he's happy. Of course he pees in them and freaks out. I take that as a good sign. We get a new pair with only a minute of arguing. he peed again. The next time he doesn't argue about his new underwear. I'm starting to win the battles.


But will I win the war? That's yet to be determined.