...my child sold your honor student the answers to the test...

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Birthdays: Fantasy Vs. Reality

My birthday is almost here. Yup. Good old 31. Not as cool as 30, but it will suffice. I'm not one to care about the number so long as it rolls off the tongue nicely. 31. Thirty One. Thirtyone. Yup, it'll do. Age for me is just a number anyways. Some days I'm really 13, giggling when someone farts or belches, immediately thinking naughty thoughts when I hear certain key words or phrases. Other days I'm 67, ready to retire, put my feet up, and call it quits. It's never a static number, always constantly changing.

Birthdays themselves are one of my favorite days of the year. Why? Because selfishly I feel that birthdays should be about the person. Therefore my birthday is about ME and what I want to do that day. Well it used to be. Nowayears, with three kids, that's not really the case. And thats ok. Most of the time. I'm still a little irked I didn't get my fantasy 30th birthday bash as promised years ago by J to fly me to Las Vegas and we would go bar hopping. However I was *ahem* pregnant at the time, so it would have been a little awkward to carry that fantasy out. It was one reason I was ticked off I got pregnant in the first place (Soren was a happy anniversary gift). Now granted, I'm more than happy now Soren is with us. Hell, he's probably my lifeline to sanity most days. But sometimes, there is a very selfish part of me that wants my day to go exactly as fantasized. So here is my fantasy birthday, and what will most likely be my reality birthday:

Wake up no earlier than 10 AM and on my own. Alternate: Wake up no earlier than 10 AM with my sexy husband kissing my neck, completely disregarding my morning breath (no wait, this is fantasy... I have no morning breath) with the door locked, or better yet kids at Grammys, so we can be blissfully uninterupted as he wishes me a very Happy Birthday

Woken up at 6:15 AM to hear the first fight of the day begin, with Xavier and Ashe warring over who gets control of the TV or computer first. Throw J's pillow over my head to drown out the shrieks of outrage and try to pass out again. Wake up again at 7:30 to Xavier banging the door open, yelling "Happy Birthday Mom!" with Ashe shadowing and mimicking his older brother "HAPPY BIRFDAY MOMMY!" Commence jumping onto the bed (Ashe whining for help because the bed is too high for him to get up on his own), my bewbs getting smooshed as Ashe scrabbles over me to claim J's side of the bed, Xavier whining that he was going to sit there, a knee in my stomach as they start to battle it out on who gets the coveted piece of mattress.

Mimosa with a side of bacon, toast, and eggs for breakfast, followed by a steaming pot of coffee, and a bar of chocolate

coffee and cereal

wash cut, blow out with my stylist, followed by a 2 hour body massage, and pedicure, while drinking wine and eating chocolate covered strawberries throughout the day. J and I would then undo all of that beauty regime by locking ourselves away in our house and having some fun. Of course, the boys are all at grammys.

wash, cut, blowout with a JR stylist (because my stylist was booked for that day and I just cant wait anymore for a cut... it's been since September folks and I, a former hairstylist, hang my locks in utter shame) followed by a frantic dance of vehicles while we pick up Xavier from school (yes he has school on Saturday due to a make up snow day... we do year round schools for those reading scratching their heads in bewilderment) followed by a quick bite to eat, maybe some food shopping since we have nothing in the house right now except for a box of Ritz crackers, pancake mix, and half a gallon of milk. Then putzing on the computer, getting work done, or maybe trying to finish the promotion video I'm working on. If I'm lucky I'll try and pop on my game for a bit and go hit things with my virtual sword, all the while cuddling with, answering questions from, and being harassed by my adorable children.

J and I head out to a cozy restaurant, just the 2 of us, where we gaze into each others eyes, our feet begin foreplay footsies under the tablecloth, then we drive home, uncork a bottle of red, and honor the ancient celtic holiday Beltane (can I just say how much I adore the fact my birthday is on Beltane? Don't know that holiday? Go look it up. It's the Best. Holiday. Ever.) by doing what married couples do. (OK if this was true fantasy I'd add in a bonfire in a field with perfect outdoor weather and no neighbors for miles around. However we live in a townhome in the center of a large town, so that would be REAL FANTASY) 

J and I head out to a cozy restaurant, and then a bar, where we will inevitably talk abut our kids, maybe finances, our computer game. Then we'll head to a bar, chat some more, then head home. J will make a beeline for his computer, I will entertain Grammy for a few minutes (who is babysitting) and then I'll probably head back to my computer, and in the end, J and I will sleepily head upstairs to bed, and with a yawn, a kiss and a Happy Birthday babes, we'll pass out.

I realize my fantasy birthday is just that: a fantasy. That's why they are called so. And I think that now, as a Mom, if I actually had a true fantasy birthday, the reality would be that while I was being pampered, Id miss my kids. I'd miss their sticky kisses, and arguing discussions and... just them being them. I'll have plenty of time once they have grown up and left the nest to have my fantasy birthdays. For now, while I fantasize about how awesome it would be for just one whole day with me, the reality is, I'd get bored.

Now that doesnt mean to say I won't grab a bottle of red, some chocolate, my Ipod, and a book, and lock myself in the bathroom for an hour. I mean a whole day to myself is one thing. But I'm more than happy to take a full hour and have no feelings of guilt ;)

Monday, April 26, 2010

Naps For Everyone!

I think daily naps should be mandatory. A law, even. In which if said law is broken the "criminal" is forced to be locked in their bedroom for 2 hours, with guards on the other side of the doorway, ensuring no escapes can be made.

Im not talking about for kids either. I mean us "grown ups".

All places of employment should allow for a 1 hour lunch break, followed by a 1 hour nap break. Everyone must bring their own pillow and sleeping blankets and lights are turned out in office buildings all over the country.

All Stay At Home Parents should have some sort of ability to take 1 hour, just 1 measly, stinking hour, in which they can trudge up the stairs, crumple on the bed, and pass out without having to worry about artistic murals done in Crayola on their cream, flat paint living room wall while they slumber (oooh tanget.... flat Paint.. WTF people???)

I remember vividly as a child being forced to suffer naptime at my daycare. I hated it. Loathed it! I railed against it like a screaming banshee 3 yr old, giving hell to whomever forced me to deal with such drudgery. And I think back to that time and I want to go back, and talk to my younger self. I want to smack her upside the head and say "IDIOT! DO YOU NOT REALIZE HOW AMAZING THIS GIFT IS YOU ARE BEING GIVEN??? THE CHANCE FOR COMPLETE, UNINTERRUPTED SLEEP, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY NO LESS!!!????? Enjoy it! Stock up! Relish this time to be with your own thoughts, uninterrupted by whining, wheedling, arguing children of your own. Daydream. Relax!!!! Sleeeeeep. For me. For you. You'll miss this. You'll regret not taking advantage of this while you can. Trust me, your older self on this."

I miss naps. I hunger for them. I ache with this longing need that is rarely fulfilled. The only chance I get to really nap (not just lie down with the door wide open, my eyes closed, ears sharpened for any minute vibration in the air sensing impending doom as my 3 yr old, awake downstairs, is inevitably plotting world domination) but really let go of any care and pass out into peaceful oblivion is on a weekend day, and that's only if we have no plans and we're too lazy to make any. Lately, that is not often, having recently moved. And during the week.... well, Ashe doesn't nap. Hasn't since he was 2. Like on his second birthday he just upped and decided he was done with naps and all sorts of things that are called "Quiet Time". Nope. He wasn't having any of it. I was spoiled with Xavier. I fooled him into napping until he was 3 and even then I got him to do Quiet Time until he was 4 and Ashe came along. All I can say is Soren damn well better nap until he's 6 or I'm going to end up one cranky(er) Mama.

I feel that. The crankiness just starts to settle in my bones, if Im tired and on the go all day. I consume pots of coffee, in the hopes of making me energized enough to just make it through... just hang on! But you hit this wall and no matter what you have done to try and stave it off BAM! Your eyelids waver then droop. You start to yawn multiple times. Damn, that piece of floor right there, the only piece of carpet not littered with toys, sure looks comfy...

We would all be doing ourselves a favor if we instituted a law for napping. No, I dont have the mechanics worked out to know how it would be properly implemented with the understanding that all flatpainted walls would also need to be preserved and not graffitied with Washable (hahaha yeah right) markers. I'll leave that to someone else. Someone whos not so tired that their mind works well enough to think of a brilliant answer. Im just little old me, trying to get a movement started. A movement of non movement. Napping.

Who's with me?

Thursday, April 22, 2010

White Carpets

As a mom of 3 boys in various stages of life, I felt that I have seen a lot of things most nonparental units would run away screaming in horror and can deal with those issues without batting an eye. Booger noses? No problem. Boogers picked and eaten? Cake. Vomit? I'm a pro. Diaper explosions? Pffft, bring it on. I admit, I got cocky, thinking there was nothing on this planet that the kids could throw at me that I couldn't handle with a yawn and an eye roll.

Until I moved into a house with 3 floors of white carpet.

Now, I realize that moving into a new place with 3 stories of white carpeting, and having 3 kids is enough to give me a one way ticket to the loony bin. However, realize that the rental market specifically catering to a family of 5 with an office away from the rest of the house in a certain location is harder to narrow down. We honestly didn't have much choice folks. It was either this place or another where there was a giant mud ditch as a backyard, and I weighed the pros and cons to constant muddy children vs. white carpets, and I took my chances.

Since we have moved in I have become anal about keeping the floors clean. New rules in the house consist of shoes off as soon as we come home, and no food is EVER to be taken out of the kitchen or (white carpeted) dining room. And the boys have adjusted well. J and I have pounded it into their precious little heads that they will be in SERIOUS trouble if we ever catch them out of a certain vicinity with victuals in their hands. It has actually created a great sense of family time during breakfast and lunch, as we now are forced to sit across from one another 3 times a day instead of the mandatory dinner time. We're really enjoying these new rules and the consequences they bring.

However food is not the only enemy as I found out today. Oh no, dearies. Oh no. There is something far worse that threatens my precious white carpets, and I never had an inkling what catastrophe awaited me.


I have not been in contact with my friends much since we moved a week ago. So when my good friend K called today, I was STARVING for adult conversation that did not revolve around finances or budgets. In fact I was so starving I broke "The Code" of Mommy friends. I missed her call and called her back during nap time. You just dont do that unless there is a serious emergency However I considered this an emergency as I needed to hear another adults voice, another friends voice... so badly I didn't even finish listening to her entire voicemail to me saying she was putting her kids down to nap (code phrase meaning do not call for the next 2 hours). I owe her big time for breaking "The Code".

Fortunately she was kind enough to forgive me, probably hearing the starvation in my voice as we chattered away. You know you have an amazing friend if you break "The Code" and your friend doesn't rip you a new one. And as we chatted and caught up, vented, reassured, etc, Ashe came up to me, interrupting my desperately needed connection to the Outside World. Now I know, 2 minutes ago he was happily playing with Xaviers DS, and therefore should have been ok for at least an hour. However he came up to me and tugged on my shirt:
"Mommy is on the phone."
"Hang on a moment, K... What?"
"OK... go potty. You can do it on your own."
"OK MOMMY" and off he scampers to the bathroom. I turn away knowing that he shall be ok as he has gone potty on his own for several months. I continue my conversation.

I wander the house, phone glued to my ear as K and I discuss a multitude of parenting things (K has 3 children of her own) when I notice Ashe is sitting on the floor, wearing only a shirt and 1 sock. I look at him curious, but think little of it as Ashe has a tendency to strip. I sit down on the floor as Soren tries to use my legs to stand. Soon I am interrupted again.

"Mommy is on the phone."
"Wash your what??? No, your socks are fine and I'm on the phone!"
"(K, can you hang on?) Why are your socks dirty?"

..... (I mentally turn to K and whisper "Did you just hear that? Did I hear right? Ashe just said he put his socks in his bum...")  As she cracks up, I look over and I notice a very dirty sock that was not dirty before (back on his foot) and then I notice something else. A dirty bum. And... little brown spots nearby on my white carpet.

On. My. White. Carpet.


My first reaction is that seriously, there is no way I heard right. I mean, what kid uses a sock for toilet paper when there are rolls and rolls of them right in front of his little face and he knows what they are for as he has used them many many MANY times!!! And then I begin to wonder, what was he thinking to not only use his sock, but to then PUT IT ON AGAIN  AFTER????

As these frantic thoughts race through my mind I jump into action! I jump up, leaving poor Soren to lose grasp of my jeans, falling to the floor with a screech of outrage. I ask K to hang on as I grab Ashes sock (careful not to touch the dirty part) and whip it off. Then, ear to phone in order not to lose it, I pick Ashe up and race to the bathroom. In the toilet bowl I notice POO. And his sock had not done a thorough job of cleaning his bum.

ACK! EWW! GROSS GROSS GROSS! NOOOO! My carpets!!! My brand new white carpets!!!!

Now then, let me take a moment out of my story to offer you one bit of advice. If you ever find a friend who can stay on the phone with you while you both wipe a 3 yr olds bum while venting about it, and while you clean said POO off the floor, without laughing at you, or hanging up ASAP and never calling back... that, my friends, is a true blue friend. And if you ever find a friend like that, you thank your lucky stars, and your friend for being so awesome. K was kind enough to not only stay on the phone as I muttered words under my breath no human should even know, but she let me know she's BTDT.

K, if you're reading this, thank you. You saved my sanity today.

With quick action, a lot of cleaners, enough swearing (quietly so the kids wouldn't hear) under my breath that would put a sailor to shame, I cleaned both Ashes bum and the carpet. The. White. Carpet. You can't tell it's been soiled. There is no scent, no stains... no evidence that it even happened. Except for this blog. And that resonating feeling inside of me that realized that while I may have 3 children, there are always surprises left in store for me, waiting for the right moment when I'm starting to feel too cocky again.

I'm seriously reconsidering that house with the giant mud ditch now.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Oh Irony

I really need to learn one day to watch what I write or say, because inevitably, it will come to bite me in the ass. 2 blogs ago I made a joke about Sorens baby monitor picking up the train whistle or else he had a major diaper explosion I didnt want to know about. I also wrote in the last blog about the potential to run into mommies you know while in bedhead PJ morning breath glory when your child has a diaper explosion and you run out of wipes. And I have been paying for those comments ever since. Wouldn't you know it that both situations partially happened?

 Yesterday evening Soren had, not an explosion, but a very acidic BM that gave him a nasty diaper rash.  (Note to nonparental unit readers. I am about to speak of POO. If you have an aversion to POO, you may wish to skip this blog, or at least the next couple of paragraphs. kkthxlala)

The only time Soren ever gets a diaper rash is when he is either sick or teething. The symptoms for both can look the same: grumpy cranky baby, lots of drool, grabbing one ear, gnawing like hell on things, unable to sleep well, and instant, nasty diaper rashes. Its like he purges pure acid into his diaper. It has nothing to do with not changing him either. I've watched him once in a fresh clean diaper with nary a red bum quickly go to screaming crying infant within 10 minutes and a nasty red rash. It's just crazy how potent his butt gets when he's teething. Or sometimes sick.

So yesterday afternoon while we were out running errands, my normally very happy little guy starts to whimper and then whine. It was past his nap time, and normally I can smell his diaper when he lets one rip but this time, no odor. I checked the back in case and saw nothing. So stupid me assumed he was just tired. By the time we got home (20 minutes or so later from when he started whining) and I went to change his diaper his butt was baboon red. I felt so bad. Despite the fact our new house has white carpeting everywhere (seriously people, what the hell is up with white carpeting? Do people honestly have no idea how fast white gets dirty??? Now throw in 3 kids to the factor. It was the major reason I almost said no to this place. Stupid white carpeting) I let him crawl around butt naked to air dry, hovering over him with a towel over my shoulder in case of accidents and pleading with him to just, please do not poop. And if you do please baby, please, if you love Mommy, crawl to the kitchen tile first ok?

Bedtime came around and as I got him ready for bed I realized a major issue: we had no butt paste in the house. For those of you who dont have kids, butt paste is an essential must have for children in diapers. I can not hammer this home enough. You must have butt paste!!!! Its a thick cream with a sweet smell that soothes diaper rashed skin, while helping to heal the irritation. I've watched bad diaper rashes clear up in less than 48 hours with this stuff.

But it was late and I could barely walk from being so stiff and sore from moving, and it wasn't horrible, so stupid me, I thought we could make do with vaseline.

Kids, don't use Vaseline on diaper rashes. I dont care how tired, stiff, sore, exhausted, lazy you are. Learn from me and just get in the damn car and drive to the nearest store and stock up ok?

After 3 more diaper changes and ear piercing shrieks, and wracking sobs, at 1 am in the morning, I high tailed it out to the 24 hour food store, dressed in my coffee PJ bottoms and a night shirt, Soren in tow owl eyed,  clutching his blankie like a life preserver. Fortunately I dont think anyone I know saw me, but if you saw a tausseled hair, haggard looking woman in PJs, her husband shoes ( I was too tired to actually sit down and tie my own sneakers so I threw Js shoes on instead) carrying a red eyed sniffling baby, tiny white knuckled fists fiercely holding a tatty gray blanket.... yeah that was me.

I bought the giant jar of butt paste. I was taking no chances of being caught off guard again. And when I got home I probably smoothed on 1/4 cup of that stuff on his raw bottom, gently crooning to him that it would feel better soon.

It's been a little over 24 hours now since his rash appeared. It's still looking red and raw, but I'm beginning to notice it getting smaller. Im hoping it will clear up in a day or so. I feel like an idiot to have missed the signs that show up prior to the diaper rashes. Hindsight is 20/20 when I look back and realize he was a little crankier than normal, not sleeping as well during the day, grabbing one ear, drooling so much that, even on autopilot I was putting bibs on him when it wasnt even chow time...not even making the connection, and trying to chew through the moving crates lying around pell mell in my living room. I bet $20 one of his top teeth will pop out soon.

Oh irony. How can I both love and hate you simultaneously? Please, go bug someone else.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Birthday Bash

So you may notice something different about my blog if you don't use googlereader. I've got a new permanent photo on the top of my blog, courtesy of  Courtenay Bickler, who was gracious enough to take some amazing shots of me and my fellow TMers at the Birthday Bash. And I felt this particular photo captured what I blog about and you read about so well... I had to give it due credit.

Tonight I am just way too tried to really blog much in regards to writing, but I did want to share some great photos from Trianglemommies Birthday Bash yesterday. I've mentioned before I am part of a Moms group, but thats really simplifying it. Trianglemommies is a local chapter of a national group, The Mommies Network, with over 100 chapters nationwide. Trianglemommies has over 2000 members of local moms all around the Raleigh Durham area. It's a free site, with support forums 24/7, play dates scheduled all the time, Moms Night Outs, big family events like yesterdays Birthday bash and more. Members keep their ears and eyes out for members in need, and together, we work to offer support, encouragement, and a shoulder to lean on. TM has created some really cool committees, like the Secret Fairy group, which will find out if a member has had a bad day, week, month, and will find a way to leave a little bag of goodies with a note letting them know they have a bunch of Moms who took notice and care, all done anonymously. They have the Stork committee, which pairs up a woman about to have a baby, or adopt, with another member who will bring them a hot meal for the entire family, taking away one more thing to worry about. We do a lot of stuff for local charities, walks, food drives, clothing drives. It's just... awesome.

I joined TM shortly before I moved down here, hoping to network, find potential friends as I was leaving everyone I knew behind, as well as information on the area with schools, pediatricians, good parks, bad parks, etc. What I found was an amazing group of women I never would have met otherwise, who took me as I am, piercings, tattoos, red stripe, and sarcastic attitude, and loved me for who I am. I found friends I now need when my sanity is about to snap, and I am there for them when they have their snapping moments too. I rely on these fine femmes so much, when I need to bitch and moan, or something awful has happened and Im hurting, or something AWESOME and I want to shout it out to the world! They are always there for me when I need them, however I need them, and I love being there for them too. Its not perfect. I mean hell, you get 2000 women together in one room and there are bound to be claws unsheathed once in awhile. But considering what it could be, it's really well geared to respecting each others differences and opinions while offering support to one another. The hardest thing to balance is talking on the internet with a bunch of people when you know there is a damn good possibility you will run into them out and about, be it at a TM event, shopping, getting your car washed. And really... do you want to purposefully piss off a woman who may see you in all of your PJ bedhead, morning breath glory as you rush to the grocery store because you ran out of baby wipes and your infant just had a massive explosion? Oh hell no. But it's done as best as it can be with a great group of volunteers who help watch over the board and keep things both running smoothly and try to help femmes re-sheath their claws when they do come out.

So yesterday we celebrated the site and communities 5th year birthday. It was so much fun. And I wanted to share some of my favorite photos.

This is Tammy and I. Tammy is TMs Events Co-Manager. She kicks ass and takes names. I luv her =) We're working the greeting table here. Really, I swear we worked. There was no goofing off whatsoever going on at the Greeters Table. Srsly. Never you mind those fingers crossed behind my back. Shoo, go on, go look at the next photo. Damn nosey folks....

I'd post my favorite photo of Suzanne and I, but she's really picky about photos and I really don't want her coming after me if I did without her permission. She's already warned me she'd kick my ass if I publicized photos of her sans her permission. I really don't want to tick her off. She might see me in a grocery store one day =)

Here's my fellow greeters! As Promotions Manager of TM, I took lots of photos of these fine ladies, on the premise that I needed pictures to promote TM. In reality I just used it as an excuse to not work.

I kid I kid!!!!

I so rarely get photos taken OF me with the kids, so I get giddy when I have them on hand. I'm always the one behind the camera. So while I was working at the greeting table, Xavier came up to me to ask if we could go home. We'd only been there for 30 minutes. I asked him why and he said because of the wind. (It was windy that day). Instead I grabbed him and made him do a photo op with me, as I threw my camera to one of the femmes. My goal was to both take his mind off the wind and have fun, while also getting a good snapshot of us both. I accomplished both goals. Xavier did fine for the rest of the afternoon, as long as he stayed close to me or J.

This is Courtenay, and she is the one responsible for the amazing photo now permamarked on my blog, as well as two more amazing photos (which I'll get to in a bit). She was gracious enough to take complimentary photos for us TMers for the party. She rocked!

Look at all the kick ass raffle prizes! Jenni (on the right) is TMs fundraising co- Manager. They got a ton of kick ass prizes for this year. And I, I totally spaced out and forgot to buy a raffle ticket too. Damn it!

And whats a Birthday Bash without cake? These two cakes were made by fellow TMers. There was enough cake in these two to feed over 330 people!

Courtaneys first photo of Soren and I. 

and of course, my favorite...

If ever there was a photo to really capture who I am as a person, and who we are as a family, this is it. The only one missing is J, who was sitting off at a picnic table while I grabbed the boys and herded them towards Courtenay. He was tired from the move and was just enjoying being still for a bit, which I totally understood and respected.  But anyways, this is us. 

I love it.

Happy Birthday TM. Thanks for everything you've given me.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

What I Learned Today

It's funny how some days you go through your day and nothing seems to change,  and other days are packed with new things you learn or pick up. Today I had the latter type of day. So without further ado...

What I Learned Today

* I learned that baby bottles are never ever ever to go on the bottom of our new dishwasher. Ever.

* I learned that if I want J to remember to bring my phone charger and red hair dye from the old house to the new house, I need to verbally remind him 25 times, write out a map complete with written directions on where to find said stuff and what it looks like, spam text him as he is driving over to remind him yet again, and call a few times, just in case. Cause you know, if not, he may forget it a few times (or not know what the hell I'm talking about). To give him credit, I should not have expected him to know where my red hair dye is, even though it's been in the same bathroom drawer for almost 3 years. (Note: I did not do any of these things and I don't nag him that much. I promise)

* I learned that I can wear a corset to a Mommys event and walk with my head held high. Now, even despite the fact I love to rebel it up a bit as a Mom, I still had lines I wasn't quite ready to cross. Wearing a corset to a Mommy Event was one of those odd lines I mentally drew. However, I had little choice in the matter. I can not find half of my clothing as we're still in the middle of moving and unpacking and it was either wear a shirt I had yet to wash, wear my see through Bulls baseball teeshirt, or wear my corset. J urged me to wear the corset. And after a little hemming and hawing, I finally did. And you know what? I'm glad I did! And I think I'll do it again!

* I learned that I *most definitely* have ADHD, And no, the H isn't missing as I previously thought it was (due to the fact I never seem to have enough energy to keep up with my kids). I learned that the H in adults is different than the H in children. The H in adults shows up as excessive talking (or run on sentences ha!)  and bouncing around when excited.  I was informed of this by my friend, who also has ADHD, and she took one look at me while I was at an event after I said I was missing the H part of ADHD and she said "Oh sweetie, you're not missing the H part. It's definitely there."

* I learned the wonder of Ritalin. Ooooh confession time! *shhhh* I tried some Ritalin today after being told I definitely have ADHD. Over the past several months I have noticed a very big correlation to Xaviers behaviors in regards to ADHD and my own. It's really dawned on me that we share a lot of the same symptoms. I don't know if it's because I am just seeing how they are in him as he ages and how similar our reactions to things are, or if I might actually be getting worse as I get older. However I had a *Light Dawns On Marble Head* incident the other week when the AC man showed up a day early and instead of being excited, I was thrown for a loop and honestly? Not that happy. I realized it's that whole transition issue that Xavier deals with daily. If something happens that I am not expecting, even if it's good, I have a very hard time mentally adjusting to add it in. I mean seriously, I was perturbed that the AC guy, the one I was dying for to show up, came a day early (...not that he actually did anything and in my defense he flipping showed up during my Witching Hour.)

So I tried Ritalin for the first time today after all these puzzle pieces fit together and all I can say is WHOA! I can't even begin to describe the difference but I will try. I went from having a hard time concentrating with all the sound and activities scrambling for front row attention in my mind, to being able to compartmentalize each one into its own unit and then being able to go from one to the other, all without that undercurrent of panic or anxiety. I was calm. I was able to follow through one task, then another, then another, while also being able to follow multiple conversations and staying on track. I was able to deal with a crying tired baby, a rambunctious 3 yr old, and a whiny 8 yr old at the same time, and I never once felt that flare up of panic I normally feel. It was just surreal. And amazing. And I realized, no learned...

* I learned that Monday morning I need to make an appointment with my DR to get reevaluated for ADHD. Because after realizing how hard it has been without medication, and now seeing how I can actually *DO* things without that panic feeling.... it was a huge weight off my shoulder to know maybe it's not just me, but something I can actually push back. Maybe I don't have to always feel like I'm going to lose it. I mean, any mom of 3 kids feels that ways anyways, but I have ALWAYS felt like that. I'm hopeful now, that I may have something to help me be what I guess what the majority of people feel like on a daily basis.

* I learned that I love food shopping by myself. Seriously. I stood there in the aisle without my kids, looking around, and I realized that it was the first time in weeks I have felt relaxed. Really relaxed! I took my time browsing the breads, I meandered up and down the meat aisle, pondering which products to buy for future dinners. I sat there debating between bananas or Clementines, without having to worry about impending tantrums. I sampled wine, both red and white, despite the fact I dont like white wine. Normally with kids I would not do that. I have this idea that a Mom with a red stripe in her hair, with 3 kids in tow, sampling wine might not look so good to non Parental units. I know the rest of you Moms and Dads would understand but again.... mental line folks. I also stocked up on Wine and beer, and took my time looking at the different brews. I wandered the frozen food section, looking at all the delectable items, and gave each one my undivided attention as I mentally prepared each for dinner, trying to determine which would get the least dirty looks from the kids. 

* I learned I am not allowed to go food shopping by myself. There is a reason we bring our kids out shopping. I just didnt realize it until today. We bring our children because subconsciously we know that they will keep us in line, on our crayon written shopping list task, never to deviate from it, in order to get in get out before tantrums set in.... which leads to us not overspending. This is my new theory. I came up with it after the woman at the register told me my total sum. Yup, totally not allowed to go food shopping by myself anymore.

* I learned that if I put food on tiny square dishes I unearthed when unpacking, I can get my 3 yr old excited to eat, especially if I call them "Ashes Plates".  Dude, the moment I said that his eyes lit up and he was stoked to sit down for dinner. Note to self: either find more of those mini plates or buy more dish detergent so I always have a clean one on hand. 

* I learned that Soren learned how to climb a stair today (Yay for milestones!!) 

* I learned I need to be more anal about making the older boys flush the toilet after they go and to shut the bathroom door when they are done. Soren and toilets. Good times.

* I learned that Ashe is very good at acting. So good he had both J and I fooled for a bit tonight, when Xavier kept running down to tell us Ashe was bugging him in bed. First J went up and saw Ashe looking totally passed out and thought Xavier was making up stories. Then I went up and saw Ashe totally "passed out". However I decided to see if he really was. 
He pops up like a jack in the box. "YES MOMMY?"
"Are you bugging Zavi?"
"YES MOMMY." (at least he was honest)
"Knock it off or you're going to be in trouble."

2 minutes after I left Xavier said he was doing it again. Again, Ashe was pretending to be passed out. I admit that he is really good at looking asleep. He didn't move a muscle when I came in until I spoke to him.  I moved Xavier into our room for the time being and warned Ashe to leave him alone. 2 minutes later I heard Zavi whining again. I brought the gate up and warned Ashe if he did it again I would take his Dadet (blankie). He fervently promised not to do it again, clutching tightly to his blankie. 
This time, I sat on the stairs after making noises like I went down and waited. Sure enough I watched a little Ashe shadow creeping towards the Master Bedroom, and within seconds, Xavier started to call out for me. The moment he did I heard a giggle and watched Ashes shadow run back to his room, and he jumped in bed, threw the covers over him, and pretended to sleep.


True to  my word though I took his blankie despite his tears and waited for him to sob a little and apologize. After explaining to him that this is not play time and he was being mean for keeping his brother up, I made him go say sorry to Xavier. The two hugged each other, I gave Ashe his blankie back, and warned him that if he wants to be a big boy to stay in bed. Otherwise I'll treat him like a baby and put a gate up so he cant get out. He hasn't bothered Xavier since. (I did take the time to explain to Zavi that Ashe wasn't doing it out of malicious intent but that he loved Xavier and wanted to play with him. It made Xavier look at it in a whole new light.

* I learned not to use Dead when I give my list of acceptable reasons for calling me or J after bed. I usually say "Do not call out for me unless you are hurt, dying or dead!" Tonight, Xavier decided to question the dead part:
"How can I call you if I'm dead?"
"Ummmm... you'll find a way, I'm sure."
"But I couldn't mom, I would be DEAD. D-E-A-D!!"
"If anyone could talk after being dead sweetie it would be you. I have no worries on that. Go to sleep." 
"But Mooooom, the dead can't TALK!"
Through gritted teeth "Go. To. Sleep....Now"
"But can you just tell me how I am supposed to tell you I'm dead?"

* And lastly, I learned, that in our new location, our baby monitor picks up Big Band music as well as the train whistle when it goes by. Either that, or Soren is a very talented musician at the age of 9 months and also had a diaper explosion I just don't want to know about.  


I feel like a train hit me, backed up, then hit me again for good measure. I hate moving. However... we're almost done!!!

/blare trumpets and uncork that wine!

To put it in plain text, moving sucks. Moving with children SUCKS MORE!!!! Moving with 3 children and one car that died on us so we only have the minivan to haul stuff, and one house where our air conditioning still hasn't been fixed (since Easter mind you) and it was 90 degrees outside SUCKS THE MOST!!!!

Phew, that felt good to write!

But we survived. No one was seriously maimed in the move, although true to form, Ashe did have one side of the bunk bed fall on him. After a little cry he shook it off and was cool. It had to happen, that's just how we roll here. J can barely walk now, after doing the majority of the hauling, while I did the unpacking and ensuring our precious offspring did not eat, grab, break anything they weren't supposed to.  Xavier lucked out the most, being in school the majority of the time we did our moving. In fact he came home from school yesterday as our moving men were hauling the big stuff and lamented "I wish we were done moving already." J and I just glared at him, quietly seething. He has no idea how lucky he was. Humph.

As for the moving men. I am now in love with moving men. No, seriously. They rocked. We only had them move our really big stuff like dressers and beds, but as I sat down in our new dining room and watched them heft our ginormous dresser (drawers packed to the gills and overflowing) I was in absolute awe. And I realized that no matter how expensive it may be, and how many Ramen noodle dinners we may be forced to eat, THEY WERE ABSOLUTELY WORTH EVERY PENNY! I shuddered in sympathy as I watched them hauling our stuff up 3 flights of stairs. Seriously, I would never want to piss off a moving man. Ever.

We still have a couple more loads to do, random things, like shower curtains (took a shower last night sans curtain... while it was desperately needed I realized how wonderful curtains truly are in keeping water IN the tub) step stools for the kids.... my phone charger (which, despite constant reminders we kept forgetting to bring.)

And Im starting to get to know the house, make friends with the appliances. I'm still gun shy with our new stove. I'm really hopeful we can come to an agreement and have a respectful partnership together, unlike my last stove, the bastard. However the washer and dryer and I are now bestest friends ever. For the first time ever I was able to dry my quilt in one setting. I have never been able to do that before. Oh yes, I heart my dryer. And I also realize how pathetically domesticated I am now. Of course, a mom needs a damn good washer and dryer with 3 messy kids.

I'm still trying to figure out where the hell to put everything in the kitchen. While we have a pantry (which rocks) All bottom cupboards have these roll out shelves. They LOOK great, but I still have no idea what to put in them? I've got one for my spices, and one specifically designated for the kids paint and craft stuff. But what else? And where the hell do I put our medicine? We used to put it up above our sink. Now there really isnt a great place to put it where its easily reachable and the kids cant get to it. I have to use my noggin once it's recovered from the stress of the move to figure it out.

Another great things is that we found a ton of our decorations we haven't seen since we moved down. It's so nice to actually have space to put things up. My Grecian bust is now in my kitchen where I can see it staring down at us (oooh that gives me a good idea. I should use the Grecian bust as a way to keep the kids in line.."Ashe behave. I may not be watching you but the bust is!!!") Love it. I'll have to make them scared to death of the bust.

It's very different here. It will take some getting used to before I can call it home. It seems nice, and the train isn't as bad as I thought it would be. Actually it's kind of comforting to hear it at night, a mellow horn slicing through the night. And the boys are ecstatic they can see it pass from our deck. Every time they hear the horn blow they stop whatever it is they are doing (Ashe tried hopping out of the bathroom with his shorts around his ankles, so excited to see the train he forgot to pull them up... sigh). It's not our old home, but it will be home in time. Once I set things up to my liking and buy a real vacuum.

Im tired as hell, muscles I never knew I had (since our last move at least) are screaming in agony, J looks like he got beaten the way he wobbles around, and the kids are overtired from such long days. But I'm happy.

I'll post pictures once we get things more settled.

Thursday, April 8, 2010


I'm sitting here as the kids are either at school or napping, getting my work done when it dawns on me. 7 days from now we are MOVING!

....and I look around and we've done nothing to prepare. OK not true. Two weekends ago we did some major dump runs as we cleared out our crawl space. And I've gone through every room decluttering closets. And we have packed 6 crates, hanging out in the living room. But as I glance at my computer desk (heavy with coffee ring stains...shhhh) and wander downstairs, I realize we have a lot more to do and no time to do it in.

We'll get it done. We always do. J and I are pros at moving by now, both of us having moved many times as kids, and as adults we've lived in several apartments and homes. But still, we've only moved once with KIDS and that was our big move from MA to NC, to here, this home we reside in. It's going to be a whole new ballgame with 3 kids to handle while moving. And that's one ball game I'm not excited to try out.

I'm really excited about moving though. The new house has an office on its own floor, not with the bedrooms like now. J can work in semi peace without dealing with hearing screeches and tantrums, loud singing and the normal day to day activities that come with 3 kids and a grumpy precoffee mom. Our living space is much bigger, giving the kids more freedom to build forts, play chase, and create wars between stuffed animals and Transformers, complete with bombs (bouncy balls). And we're getting rid of our TV stations, something I'm actually excited about. (I'm sure a lot of you are thinking WTF!!!) The only person in our house of 5 who watches tv of any kind is Ashe and frankly Id rather he watch less. I'm not fond of paying $85 a month for a 3 yr old to watch the boob tube. J and I have talked it up to the boys, explaining $85 in savings equals the ability to buy a couple of videos a month for them if they desperately need to watch something.

All bedrooms are on the same floor. Which means when the boys wake up terrified from a nightmare or the wind, or needs a bottle, I don't have to tread the stairs carefully on the lookout for toys littered everywhere.

This new house is much needed. When we moved in here we did not have nor plan on Soren joining our crew. It worked great but a family of 5 in this particular house with a husband who works from home, just doesn't cut it anymore.


I'll miss this house and what it has done for us. This house represents the beginning of our dream to move here, something we worked hard to do for 3 years before it became a reality. It represents a time in our life when things took a great turn upward. Xavier started getting a good handle on his ADHD and has really grown into the most amazing kid ever. Ashe has blossomed from a chubby 10 month old to the funniest little 3 yr old around. And Soren. Soren was born in our bedroom 9 months ago, and has brought us so much joy, it can not be described.

This house represents change. Change for the better. As a family we have grown (both literally and figuratively) and changed in this house. We're closer, tighter, than we ever have been. We're happier. We've dealt with lows together, and walked away stronger. We are FAMILY. Not that we weren't before, but it has really solidified here in this house. There is family and then there is FAMILY!  I don't know how to describe that difference, but its there.

In this house we have met many wonderful people, neighbors I'll miss dearly but will still keep in touch with. Friends whom I adore and never would have met if we hadn't moved here. A community of moms and the most amazing support group I never had before we moved, and can not even comprehend not having that in my life anymore. I wonder how I survived without those women I interact with on a daily basis before we moved here? I know my sanity was on the edge of gone before I found it.

And yet our move offers so many exciting things, that while a piece of me will truly miss this place, this spot, this beginning jump for us, I'm excited to try something new. Plans fill my head on how to improve the household. Relief is strong that I don't have to worry about keeping kids quieter than they can BE at certain times of the day. And something new is always fun to look forward to. I like new. I like change. And despite my nostalgic feelings of leaving this house, I look forward to our move.

Well, I look forward to being DONE with the move. Looking forward to the actual moving part would make me certifiably insane in my humble opinion. =)

Sigh. I guess I should stop typing and start thinking about packing. Do you think the boys will mind if I pack their toys first?

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

The Things Kids Say

OK real quick plug than back to blogs! As  I mentioned in an earlier blog Carolina Parent has asked me to start blogging for them (yay!!!) Anyways it finally went up 2 days ago, and they gave me a spot on their homepage too, in order to get it out there and promote it. So if you haven't been around to CP yet, please do, and help a Sarcastic Mama blogger out! Their main page(Look to the top right!!) is:

 and you can get directly to my blog from this link: 

Thanks!!! Ok quick blog......

I was just reading one of my favorite bloggers, Helene, and she gave me a rare gift today. Reading her 10 things blog had me laughing so hard I was literally crying, and when I tried to read it to J I just couldn't get past a word or two without breaking into fits of giggles. It was over the part with her kids mispronouncing words.

We have a lot of that here. But lately, I've been noticing quips from Ashe that are innocent in nature, but just crack me up when I'm alone ( or hurriedly run into the bathroom to guffaw out of eye sight). These are a couple that come to mind:

* I was leaving yesterday afternoon for a play date with the kids. As I do every time I leave I called up to J to let him know we were taking off. After a couple of shouted "Babes! Hey Babes!!!" and no answer, Ashe turned to me and said "Mommy, Babes is working. He can't hear you." and promptly walked out the door to the car.

*At dinner I noticed Xaviers face was starting to really mature and I made a comment about how he was growing up. He asked how we could tell and I pointed to Ashes face:
"See how Ashes face is more round than yours?"
"And notice his cheeks are kind of puffy like a chipmunk?"
"Thats a little kid face. All kids have those little chipmunk cheeks. See, even Soren has chipmunk cheeks."
Ashe decides to join in the conversation at this point and yells out "YEAH! GRAMMY HAS THE CHIPMUNK CHEEKS TOO!"
J and I tried really hard to keep our giggles stifled.

*His newest deal, is while we talk at dinner and we become animated and engaged in our discussions, Ashe stands on his chair, throws his arms out wide and yells "NOW WAIT A MINUTE! NO NO no no..... OK OK... just wait a minute..... OK good."

Conversation tends to stop right there as we watch this and then crack up.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010


Our AC decided to break on Sunday. You know, the week where the temps went from a nice 70 degrees to 90? Along with Carolina snow (aka pollen) blanketing the entire region in yellow? So you can't open up your windows?

Yeah... fun times.

I'm sitting here, freshly out of a cool shower, already starting to sweat, and J quips "Hey, remember how our old house didn't even have AC? And how we lived like this all the time?" I think to myself, yes dear, that was back in Massachusetts where it was a huge panic if we hit 3 days straight of 90 degree weather in August. We're only in the beginning of April. And that lack of AC in the summer (and the 8 foot snow drifts in the winter) was a very good reason of why we moved in the first place. I remember all too well.

Our AC is a wonky thing. It decides to break at the peak of the day, yet will suddenly kick back in when the night time temps are 60 degrees. We all go to bed sweating, irritable, with as little clothing on as possible, only to wake up at 4 am freezing cold, battling it out for quilts. The kids are whiny. "We can't sleep, it's too hot. We can't sleep it's too cold. We can't slee.... "I get it!!!!! You can't sleep. None of us can sleep. I assure you, my precious children, we are all in this together, this lack of unconsciousness our bodies desperately need to stay in the game that is life, along with keeping our tempers down.

The only one who is blissfully unaware of any issues is Soren, who passes out in his crib and is comatose for hours on end. I really envy him.

On top of this, last night our power went out at 4 am. I knew immediately that was the case when I rose (notice I didn't say woke up... cause you know, we're not sleeping) hearing the sound of J's server back up batteries beeping to let us know they kicked in and we had 10 minutes before they went down. And then I hurried out of bed when the wailing started.

Xavier has been suffering from fears lately: fear of tornados, wind, and anything at night that doesn't fit the normal pattern. A power outage definitely does not fit the normal pattern, and he was already in the upstairs hallway, calling out in terror. Of course his wailing was right in front of Sorens bedroom door, and as I stumbled up the stairs, tripping over Lego pieces, a forgotten shoe, and a pile of clean laundry yet to make the journey to the kids dresser, I heard Soren start to mutter. Great, 2 kids up, 1 to go. Commence Ashe in 3...2...1...

Right on target.

Dealing with 3 kids during the day can be a juggling act. Dealing with 3 kids during the day when they are upset is a skill one never truly masters, and makes one long for a locked bathroom door, a bubble bath, and a bottle of wine opened and aired. Dealing with 3 kids, upset and scared, at night, with no AC, and no sleep.... I've yet to think of something that can really describe this. And for those of you with more than 3 kids, if you have any words of wisdom on how to handle multiple children of multiple ages in the middle of the night, I shall be your biggest fan and hang on every word you utter!

I won't bore you with the reassurances spoken, the bottles warmed and offered, the amount of bruises now blossoming on my legs from tripping over toys as I searched for blankies and stuffed animals to cuddle the fear away, or the irritation I felt when the two older boys decided it was time to get up for the morning and I had to make them understand they would be in serious trouble if they didn't keep their little behinds in bed until 6 am at the earliest. Suffice to say I got them all taken care of and stumbled off to bed, desperate for just a little bit of sleep. And as I put my head on the pillow and closed my eyes, the AC kicked in.

Stupid outages.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Moms Turn to Ask "Why"?

Why is it that we Parents have a hard time figuring out the Parental controls on both tv and computer, yet my 9 month old and 3 yr old can mash a few buttons on the keyboard and either lock the computer, or bring up programs I never knew I even had? Adding insult to injury I can never find those programs on my own either.

Why does it take 2 types of screw drivers (3 different sizes each) 1 pair of scissors, 1 machete and a blowtorch to remove 1 Little People person from the toy packaging?

Why do toy makers make the most obnoxious and loudest toys the most desirable? Do they hate parents and have it out for them?

Why do your friends bring your child the most loud and obnoxious toy they can find as a birthday gift? Do people do this for giggles? *Note to my friends. Yes, I take note of what you give my children. And yes, as I scour the toy aisle I look for something far worse, far more loud, and by far, more obnoxious for your children as payback. Think about that before you pick up that Barney doll you think Soren must have*

Why is it I always find loose change in my car, jangling in every crevice when I dont need it, yet the moment I park in a spot with a parking meter it all mysteriously disappears?

Why cant I find toilet paper that comes in separate pieces, instead of a continuous roll, constantly enticing my 3 yr old to put the end in the toilet, then flushing to see the whole thing go down?

Why can't any mom park in the Expectant Mother Parking spots? Arent we all expectant moms? I know I'm still expecting my kids to learn No means No and not maybe, yes, we'll see, ask your father, if you ask me 33 more times my answer might change.

Why are they called Happy meals? No one is ever happy with them in my household. The kids fight when they get different toys (which is almost every time) and I fight with them to eat the food first before they even contemplate opening up the toy they're not happy with.

Why does everyone in my family suddenly crave Chic-Fil-A and BBQ only on Sundays?

Why are mobile babies instantly attracted to electric sockets, carbon monoxide alarms, and anything dangerous or loud? I dont see the same desire to play with the $64 educational toy located at the same eye level? In fact it's collecting dust over there in the corner.

Why do we buy $64 educational toys for our second and third children, even after history has shown us with our older children those toys are never played with or loved as much as the toilet paper rolls are? Or electric sockets and carbon monoxide alarms....

Why is it the moment I mop the floor and put the mop away something disastrously spills?

Please feel free to add your own in the comment box below!