I'm officially depressed. Despondent. I knew this day was coming, I could see the signs for awhile. Knowing the end was nigh I can at least say with full honesty I did my utmost to enjoy every precious moment until it was too late. But now, as I realize that time has been taken from me and I will never get it back, I am just really bummed.
Sorens first tooth popped out.
I am a sucker for infant gummy smiles. There is nothing in this world that can make me smile instantly no matter how glum I feel like when I see one of my babies with a toothless grin facing my direction. If you dont have kids of your own, this form of pleasure is probably not one you would understand. You might even think I'm a little touched in the head for despairing over something that would seem so trivial. But if you are a Parent and you've been a witness to those glorious smiles, you might understand. Maybe you even sympathize with me a little.
My problem lies with the fact that I realize Soren is my last lil guy. And so there is a part of me that is holding tightly on to those little things I will never get to witness again as a Mom. Sure, I'll see gummy smiles on my friends babies, and when I become a Grandmother I will get to cherish those smiles of my Grandbabies almost as much as I do on my own babies. And inevitably, when I'm old and senile, and placed in a home to have wheelchair races with J, I'll be surrounded by gummy smiles galore.... but that idea freaks me out more because old people gummy smiles are in quite another category than cute infant gummy smiles, dont you think? I cant really think of anything cute about a 90 year old guy smiling with no teeth.
I took photos galore of Soren. I pleaded every night to the Powers That Be to let him stay toothless for as long as possible. Someone listened because I realize how much I lucked out that the first tooth didnt even show up until he was 7 months old. I appreciate the extra time. I really do. But I'm selfish. Greedy even. I want more time!!!!
But I can't have it. That little white nub has been playing peek a boo for the last 3 weeks and it finally pushed through entirely yesterday. For the first time I put my finger in his mouth to check and felt that little nub. And I almost cried. I didn't. I held firm on the outside. I cheered and congratulated Soren on his new stage in life. But inside I crumbled and wept. My last days of gummy smiles are gone forever.
The only pro to all of this is that I'm keeping the deal I had with Soren. He was allowed to chew my chin to his hearts content until his first tooth came through, then all bets were off. Maybe I can finally reclaim my chin as my own. Still that's not enough to make it worthwhile. So dont mind me if Im not my usual snarky and sarcastic self for awhile. I'll be deep in my Mommy Pity party with a glass of wine, some photos of my baby boys, and some tissues to wipe my tears away.