...my child sold your honor student the answers to the test...

Friday, January 8, 2010

Tooth Fairy Tantrums




The tooth fairy teaches children that they can sell body parts for money. 
 ~David Richerby




There are 3 reasons why I blog:


1. To share or vent things that go on in my life, usually as a mom, but not necessarily confined to that one aspect of who I am


2. To write down memories of those little things that no matter how much I wish to think I will always remember them, I know I wont 3 years down the road, so that I can look back reading these and say "Oh yeah!!! I remember that!!!!"


3. So that many years down the road from now, when my sons are adults and married, and they come to me and tell me they and their wife are expecting their first child, I can gleefully go to Office Max, have all of these blogs printed out, and create a book to give to them at the Baby shower, cackling with glee the entire time. I figure this will be considered good parenting (and great revenge) as I will be letting them know for real what they have gotten themselves into. Muahahaha!




Todays blog is for the latter reason. 




Xavier lost another tooth yesterday. It had been loose for awhile, and it finally fell out while at school. He came home grinning madly, showing off the big gaping hole where his tooth used to be, and chattered excitedly about how the tooth fairy was going to come tonight and hand over money for this tiny little baby tooth.


He went to bed, chatting himself to sleep about what he would spend his mighty dollar bill he was going to get from the tooth fairy that night.  J casually reminded me after Xavier fell asleep and I nodded that I would remember.


I totally forgot.


Now in my defense, I am flipping exhausted, both physically and mentally! I am dealing with a 6 month old who has decided to start budding his own teeth (not tooth, teeth, I can see 2 tiny baby bottom teeth almost erupting simultaneously) and is waking up every 60-90 minutes at night and just plain pissed off during the day. I am dealing with a 3 yr old who I am locked in a power struggle over edibles, I had been dealing with a lot of pathetic drama outside of the house that I didn't want to get dragged into yet some people can not take no for an answer and I had to cut some ties ( I really hate mind games for the record and frankly I don't have time for that crap). So yes I was a bad Mom, but I was a Tired Mom. I screwed up. I'm not perfect. But there were reasons behind my lack of memory.


I realized I screwed up at 6 am after nursing Soren for the third time that night when Xavier came out of his room weeping. I asked him what was wrong and he told me his tooth was still there and there was no money. I froze thinking "oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit!!! How the hell can I fix this?!?!?"  Then oddly enough I had an idea. Aha! School already called in a 2 hour delay due to inclement weather. You know, cause it was 45 degrees outside and raining. A little bit. Kind of. Well not really by then. But Still!!! So I gathered Xavier in my arms and told him that it was still dark out and there was still time. And that maybe because of the bad weather (by the way honey you have 2 hours off of school! Isn't that great?) that the tooth fairy got blown off course. And maybe, if she didn't make it tonight, she will definitely be here the next night. Because obviously there has to be a good reason!!


I got him calmed down and I thought he seemed ok. I sent him to bed and told him to try and sleep because the tooth fairy would NOT come if he was awake. And then after listening to make sure he did what I asked, I booked it down the stairs and frantically searched for money, a pen, and paper.


I sat down and wrote (in flowing cursive so he couldn't recognize my handwriting) a letter from the tooth fairy explaining she got stuck in snow and by the time she got to our house he was up so she left the money downstairs and would come by the next night to grab the tooth. I then folded the letter into a cool little package that held the money and placed it by on the kitchen counter by the coffee machine. Congratulating myself for a job well done I lumbered back to bed in pure exhaustion, looking forward to just a few hours of uninterrupted sleep as it was now technically Js watch.


At 7 am J bursts into our bedroom with a look of pure panicked frustration on his face and asks me to please help him deal with Xavier because he can not right now or he will do something he may regret. This, coming from my sweet natured, MOST patient, never ruffled, loving husband. If he is like this I know it's going to be a really bad morning. So I throw on my bathrobe and head out to see what is going on.




Apparently, Xavier did not calm down. Instead he started obsessing over the fact the tooth fairy had yet to make an appearance (as far as he knew) and worked himself into a tizzy. Fine. However, he worked himself up so much and got so angry he lashed out. The bad part is he decided to lash out at his innocent younger brother, Ashe, who had been sleeping peacefully in the bottom bunk of their bunk beds...


By pouring a bottle of cold water on him while he slept.


To steal a quote from my friend Kia:


 Whiskey Tango Foxtrot!


Seriously???? As I enter the chaos, J had calmed Ashe down for the most part and dried him up but he was still sniffing and trying not to cry. J went over to him to try and make him feel better. Xavier was already in time out and he sat there snarling and growling. I walked over to him and asked him what his deal was, and was it true this was all about the tooth fairy. He growled at me that she never came.
"Oh really?"
"I stayed awake the whole time and she never showed up!"
"Duh kid! I told you point blank she wont show up if you're awake. That was the whole point for you to go back to bed! And before you start your shenanigans again did you notice this note over here on the counter?"
"No!"
"I thought not." I walked over, opened it up, showed him the money, and read him the note.  Then, I pocketed the money, told him he lost it for his behavior, and that he would now have to earn it back.


To any neighbors who heard the howl of rage that issued forth from that consequence, my apologies that it happened so early in the morning. I cut him off his howling and told him further more, the way he acted to Ashe, who was completely innocent in all this, was beyond unacceptable, and that he would also spend the entire day thinking of some way to really make it up to his little brother. And if he didn't figure out something appropriate I would.


He flipped out, and I wasn't in the mood to put up with it, so I sent him to his room to calm down. Which took about 45 minutes and a lot of screaming of "I'M CALMED DOWN MOM! MOM!!!!!! LISTEN TO ME!!!! I AM CALM!!! ARRRRRGH!" until he quieted down, actually calmed down, and did some major apologizing to the whole family.




As far as I'm concerned I'm of the mind to kill off the damn tooth fairy if this is what is going to happen if she's "late". And I can promise you she will be late again, at some point, for some kid. We parents who take on the role of a mythological creature are not the Perfect Legend. We're human. 








Stupid Tooth Fairy >:P

6 comments:

LabMom said...

O.M.G. What a story! It is cracking me up. And damn that tooth fairy.. What a space cadet!

Anonymous said...

Bookmarked this. Thanksgiving owing to you against sharing. Positively worth my time.

Kia said...

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot indeed.

Andrea (ace1028) said...

Love it. Poor kid. Poor Tooth Fairy.

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