Best Bedtime Story..... Ever

If you're a parent you've been there: it's 90 minutes past your childs bedtime and yet you find yourself in a staring contest with your wee one, trying to find and use some hidden psychic power in your mind to force their eyelids to get heavy and close, so you can get the hell downstairs and do whatever it is that you have been DYING to do all day but couldn't with the children underfoot. But they resist, some mutation in their genetic ability has given them the ability to overcome anything mental you throw at them and they stare. You. Down.

You cannot win, no matter how hard you try. You have read the entire shelves of books on hand, even desperately grabbing the Websters Dictionary you had out on the kitchen table to help you cheat at crossword puzzles. If anything can make your child pass out from utter boredom it is to hear you read outloud definitions of the words geomotry, adjudicate, or erroneous.

Obviously Adam Mansbach has been here, and wrote a book to help compensate and save our sanities from those nights where you just want to bang your head on the wall over and over and over as you try to lay your little ones down to sleep. And if you're a parent and don't know what I'm talking about, it's time to sit the fuck down and listen to the best bedtime story ever, narrated by Samuel L. Jackson.

Just in case it needs to be said though, I wouldn't read this particular bedtime story to your children. At least not within earshot.