Extreme Consequences: Thoughts?

I want to bring to your attention this article and video, about a father who offers quite an extreme consequence for a teenage tantrum on FB. It's been sweeping social media like a wildfire since yesterday. The article is short, the video is about 8 minutes long. Please watch if you haven't yet.






So I watched this video on Facebook this morning. And I am still trying to figure out if this guy is my new hero or if he went too far. Here's my thought process:

I am HUGE on consequences with my kids. I teach that every choice made, creates a consequence, be it good or not. If my child makes a wise choice, he reaps the benefit of the positive consequences. If my child does not make a wise choice, he reaps the negative consequences. In this way there is no punishment, per sae. My kids are learning that THEY have the power to determine what happens. In our household, these consequences are well known, so that each child understands what will happen if they choose to go down path A or path B.

For instance. Xavier has the knowledge that if he doe not goof off and focuses on his homework, he will finish sooner and have more time to play on the computer before bed. It's now up to him to decide what to do: does he sit down and get his work done? Or does he goof off with his brothers?

So there is a big part of me that looks at this guy and feels that this is a FANTASTIC example of consequences for our choices. Many times our kids think we're bluffing when we warn of consequences. Many times they might be right. I'm known though, for being a hard ass and I don't back down on consequences if I tell them prior. Doesn't mean they wont test the boundaries (oh they do on a daily basis) but they also know if I say if you do this you lose that, I mean it.


However:

When I watched the video, I noticed as he stated many times how he warned his daughter not to pull this kind of stunt again, he never mentioned that he gave her clear, defined guidelines of what the consequences would be if she did it again. If he had said to her "Daughter, if you pull this stunt again I am going to shoot your laptop" and then he followed through, I wouldn't be having this mental conversation with myself.  Because then he had given her clear, defined understanding of WHAT WOULD HAPPEN if she made that choice. Instead he gave her a very vague idea of doom. That's doesn't hold any weight with a person. It holds no definition, sounds more like a threat said in the heat of the moment, and therefore, forgotten.

Also, because of HIS choices (including the lack of clear definitions on said consequences) what he has done has created not an understanding of consequences to his daughter, but has given her the ability to hold this against him for a long time, possibly even straining the relationship to breaking point. I know I don't know these people, but I've been in situations where I was never given a clear idea of what my actions may create, and I was punished in a manner that did not fit the crime. As an adult, I still remember that feeling of almost betrayal, hurt, and not being able to understand. It happened often enough that it created a gulf between myself and my father, whom I no longer have a relationship with.

This teenager had a tantrum. That's what teenagers do. Hell, we adults have tantrums. I think that's quite clear in the fathers response. To me, it seems like the apple didn't fall far from the tree.

I wish I knew more about this situation. I could see myself doing something like this if it was needed to teach a lesson to my children. But I would have made it VERY clear that if X happens again, I will shoot your laptop on tape and post it to your friends. That way there is a clear understanding on what they could expect if they choose path X.

So what do you guys think?

Unrestful Observations

"The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable."

Children are both smart and ruthless. They all have a sixth sense on when their parental units finally have a moment to breathe and they leap into action, determined to never allow a second of peace. MY kids have this down to a science.

Today is a typical day. By the time 10AM rolled around I had broken up 5 fights, microwaved my cup of tea three times, and was unable to get to my new cup of tea before it had over steeped and was cold to the touch. Any time the boys were finally ensconced into an activity and they seemed content, if I even dared to start walking toward the bathroom all hell would break loose. As I type this I have already been interrupted three times by Ashe: once to help him put on my belt so he had a place to hang his sword. Once to ask how he looked with his sword and belt. Once to take the belt off.

I've only been typing for five minutes. I'm waiting for interruption #4 and it should happen any second now. Oh wait... there it is.

I don't get it. It's uncanny, disturbing, and downright aggravating. How is it that I can spend an hour trying to ensure that the boys are happily playing something they love, but as soon as I turn my back to them with the intent of chugging my lukewarm tea, things go to hell. There must be some secret kid code they use, silently communicating to one another, activating Code Unrest if they even think I am thinking of a quick break. I need to search their rooms for clues. I bet they have a hand book that teaches them these nefarious ways. I should study it and use their tactics against them. It is the only way to strike back before I lose my sanity!


Please tell me I'm not the only one

Co-Sleeping

Once in awhile I get an email from some random mom site I signed up for long time ago. 99% of the time I tend to trash them without giving them a look. But one title last week stood out to me. It was "Is Co-Sleepin​g Always a Bad Idea?".

If you had asked me this three years ago I may have tilted my head to the side as I pondered that question with serious thoughts to both sides of the argument. However, three kids later my answer was fast and furious: NO!

Let me explain:
BC I never would have even thought about co-sleeping. I am a bed whore. I like room. I use giant blankets so J and I never have to worry about the other hogging it. My pillows are so important to me that I tend to bring them with me to hotels instead of their crappy ones, and I brought MY pillow to the hospital when Xavier and Ashe were born. I sleep hard. I don't fuck around with sleeping. And there was no way I would ever feel comfortable with a tiny infant in my bed. I would be so worried that I would never get any rest.

This worked for all of us as a family. Xavier and Ashe slept perfectly fine in their crib (or car seat as that seemed to be their ultimate favorite spot to sleep). Co-Sleeping was a non issue for us and I would have stayed blissfully in the middle of the fence in regards to this topic.

And then I had Soren.

Soren threw our world upside down in more ways than one. This was just one little topic where I had thought, as a parent of two already, I was knowledgeable. HA fucking hahah!

For the first 6 months of his life, Soren refused, REFUSED to sleep unless he was touching me or J in some way. It just wasn't happening. I tried all sorts of different ways to try and get it so that we were touching while he was in his crib and I in my bed. It was never good enough for him. After endless days and nights with no sleep, in a fit of desperation I brought Soren into our bed. He was out like a light. And he slept the entire night through.

The first couple of weeks I kept myself awake almost nonstop, scared witless I would crush him. I moved pillows out, had no blankets. I refused to be one of those moms who woke up and found out she had smothered her precious darling while passed out, dreaming about the hunk of the month. But after while I started relaxing, and bit by bit we all got comfortable and most importantly... sleep.

It really wasn't that bad. As a new mom I don't sleep heavily anyways. I'm always on the alert. So the moment my baby made a sound that could be heard I was up, and aware. Most of the time it would just be him snuffling in contentment and he scootched closer to me.

If I hadn't given in and brought him to our share our bed, the household would have been a wreck. Everyone would have been at each others throats due to lack of sleep. You don't get much sleep with an infant anyway, so *any* sleep you can get you take. And from his perspective I get it. Your baby is nestled quite snugly for 9 months and then all of a sudden you expect him to sleep by himself? Hell no!

With three unique kids, I have learned on this path of parenting that there is NO such thing as one right way to parent. What works for one kid wont work for another. I've seen it time and again with my three kids. And while I would prefer to have my own bed, I also can get behind co-sleeping. Sometimes, it works. And I admit, I miss waking up once in awhile to find the most amazing little guy snug in the crook of my arm sighing happily, knowing he is safe and loved. It's one of my favorite memories.

Everyone has the right to their opinion, and feel free to disagree with me. But no random email from some moms site, I don't think Co-Sleeping is always bad. I think judging other moms for the choices they make to fit their family is bad.