Back To School Shopping

I just got back from back to school supply shopping. For the first time ever, I had to shop for not one, but two kids. And while it was a little stressful trying to keep the boys under my watchful eye while perusing two lists, and I cringed when I saw the total at the check out line, and it might not have been noticeable to the naked eye, I was doing the happy dance.

Starting this Monday, I will have only one kid at home.

Do you realize what this means??? The implications of this event?

I don't even know. I haven't had to take care of one child during the day in over five years. I can't remember that far back, the day to day stuff that makes life. But even back then, I was dealing with a little Xavier who was showing all the signs of ADHD but was not yet diagnosed. Soren is nowhere near as hyper as Xavier was.

So this is brand new territory for me as a mom. And frankly, I can't wait to check it out.

I have all of these fantasies on what my days will look like once I only have one child at home during the day. I fantasize about getting my ass out to the library once a week for story time. I tried doing that earlier with Ashe and Soren and it was a bust. Soren was too young then to enjoy it, and Ashe hated story time. Of course, maybe I should also find those year long overdue library books to bring with me before we get serious about it.

I fantasize about dropping the older boys off at the bus stop, then popping on my bike with Soren in a cute trailer, and biking all over town. Of course, I don't have a bike, or a trailer, but that doesn't stop me from dreaming.

I fantasize about being able to take Soren kayaking in the morning, since I can't do that with multiple children and no J during the week. I CAN do it with one child though!!!

I fantasize about going out for hikes in the woods, looking for animals, finding cool leaves to bring home for a craft, and not listen to the older boys whine about bugs or being bored.

And for the first time in years, I don't have to carpool. The bus will actually pick them up right near our doorstep.i don't have to drag two whiny kids into the car twice a day, and keep them entertained while we wait for school to get out. That's going to save me a total of 90 minutes a day!! Oh my god what will I do with all of that time???



All of this went through my head as I tried to find enough yellow folders, and blue notebooks, and everything else the teachers wanted for their classrooms. All of these thoughts, these brazen ideas flashed through my mind as I battled for binders with other moms gearing up for school. And while I passed a few moms with multiple kids in their cart, I wondered if they too, fantasizes like I did, for this day to come? Did they also look forward to the time when they only had one child to take care of during the day? Did they look at that time as a sense of freedom, or as a moment in life when they had to let go of their kids and wonder forlornly what they would do until their precious child came home? Am I the only one who has to physically stop herself from giggling out loud once in awhile when I realize the time is nigh? Am I the only one who sees this as something to celebrate and not mourn over?


Nah. There's no way I can be the only one. There's got to be others out there doing the happy dance too.

Ponies and Centaurs

I'm told often by J that (and I paraphrase here) that I'm a freak of nature because I dream vividly and often. I love to sleep because almost every night I can guarantee that I will be more entertained than I could on Netflix. I dream in color, sound, scent, and touch. Sometimes I watch my dreams like a movie. Other times I'm the main character, and surrounded by a world that feels as real as this one. And I remember them clearly more often than not.

I've been told most people don't dream like this. I kind of feel bad for anyone who doesn't. On the flip side, I will say that I do wake up pretty damn tired almost every morning though, especially if I was the main character in said dream.

Random conversation about some of my dreams between J and me the other night as we're drifting off to sleep:

Me:  So the past two nights I've been dreaming about horses. I think my subconscious is trying to tell me I want a pony
 J: (snorts) oh yeah?
Me: Well, not really. Ponies are assholes. But a horse would be super awesome.
J: Horses are not happening in the near future. How about instead you get a centaur
Me:..... You think a horse isn't happening, but you want me to get a centaur? A mythical being?
J: Sure!
Me: You realize that centaurs are notorious for being big into sexuality, right?
J: So?
Me: So you're telling me that you would rather me jump on the back of a half horse, half man, who is legendary for their sexual prowess?
J: Who said anything about the centaur being male? Get a female centaur.
Me: But then I'd have to wrap my arms around her boobs. And that's just awkward.
J: I would think boobs would be better to hold on to than pecs. More fluff to hold on to
Me: I don't want a female centaur! Can't I just have a horse?
J: Nope
Me: sigh

Toy Cleansing

There must be a mathematical formula that states that when you have children living in your household, the amount of toys that takes over your living space is quadrupled per child, even if you don't buy toys. It's got to be proven somewhere. I swear, toys multiply faster than rabbits. Slot A into slot B and all that jazz. So when you have three children, you have enough toys to keep an orphanage happily entertained for years.

And if you are a parent, you KNOW you take your life and sanity into your very own hands if you ever try to do a toy cleansing while a child is within 5 miles of your house. They may not hear you yelling at them to clean their room when they are ten feet away from you, but the moment your hand even slightly brushes against a plastic car with the thought of maybe tossing it into the trash, the kids are on your ass glaring down at you as if you just killed their puppy. You just can't win.

Which is why I ship the kids to Grandmas once in awhile so I can do a toy cleansing in peace. She lives two hours away, so even if they had a weird super power to hear me clearing out broken bits of their latest happy meal toy, there is no way the could convince my mom to drive like a bat out of hell and get back in time before I bagged and dumped them. 

Which is exactly what I just did. I happily sent my kids away and the following day I pulled out a box of trash bags, my cup of coffee, threw Pandora on my laptop, and went to town tossing toys. I tossed broken toys, toys not played with for years, toys that haven't seen the light of day since my boys were mere babes.

Want to know how many toys were taken to their final resting place? Five trash bags worth. Five bags, groaning under the weight of sheer plastic. Also, I got rid of My Little Creepy Pony. And yes, at the dump, I danced the jig of freedom, right there, under the eyes of the trash attendants. When one raised his eyebrow at me, I pointed to that pink freaky rocking horse and said "This toy? Scariest toy ever. It'll give you nightmares. Trust me." Best feeling ever to get rid of that thing once and for all.

Twenty bucks says that the kids wont even freaking notice when they get home.