I forgot how much I hate this phase

UGH! Ugh ugh UGH!!!!! I really really hate shopping with 2 yr olds. There should be a law that every mom has a free babysitter so they can go out and do their chores faster, smoother, stress free, and EVERYONE is happy in the end. Maybe I'll call up the Govt and ask them to put that in the new health care reform. It would be very beneficial from a mental health perspective!!! I bet it would pass unanimously, parent and non parent govt officials alike.

So Ashe and I went to visit his new "preschool" yesterday ( I quotation it because while it's just like a preschool technically it isn't) and he is starting tomorrow. He needed a backpack and a special cup. To celebrate I decided we would go out to Target and let Ashe pick them out (stupid stupid STUPID!!!)

I even thought I was being super sneaky by parking near the grocery entrance instead of the toy entrance. I got Soren all snug in his Moby wrap facing forward, held on to Ashes hand through the parking lot, and felt good... until we hit the sidewalk and Ashe dashed off going a zillion MPH into the store. I mean he booked it!

LOOK LOOK MOMMY APPLES!
LOOK LOOK MOMMY CANDY! I WANT SOME CANDY. OOOOH LOOOOK........ dashing off to aisle after aisle. If you were in Target and saw him running, didn't he look like a wind up toy who was wound up way to far? And no, he had NO sugar in his system at all! I know better than that.


I tried herding him as best as possible, zig zagging our way through the store me just trying to get to two specific locations: back packs, and sippy cups. He had other plans. He ran to the shoe dept and tried taking off his shoes so he could try out some new Transformer ones, then raced away to the TV dept on the other side of the store. When I caught up to him trying to catch my breath he whisked away to the girls section and started hiding behind clothes racks. I tried everything to keep him with me: cajoling, demanding, threatening, walking away singing "Bye Ashe".... NOTHING. I even got down on the floor when he decided he was a dog and put him in time out. He just barked at me the whole time.

FINALLY getting his sippy cup and back pack (farm animals and Diego respectively) we headed to the cashier. It took us 15 minutes just to get there. And after, carrying the bag, my diaper bag, and Soren we started for the exit, where he unceremoniously ripped his hand out of mine and dashed for the doors. Panic overrode everything in me and I ran after screaming his name. I caught up to him just as he reached the parking lot. And I lost it.

I grabbed his hand and he instantly went limp, refusing to take commands. I hauled him up in one arm, trying so hard to keep Soren safe and to also carry the bags, struggled to the van, whipped him in and lost my temper. I rarely yell. It's not often I find myself in a spot where I cant escape to calm down to get a hold of my temper. I do lack patience in general but I am actually impressively good with my kids for the most part. But I think any sane person in my circumstances would have snapped from the stress and fear as well. At least that's what I kept telling myself after and I felt so bad.

I yelled loud and angrily. I told him he was to never EVER take off from Mommy again and that he was acting like a bad boy. I told him he couldnt walk on his own in a store until he showed me he could be a big boy or when he was 18 which ever came first. Until then he would sit in a cart.Better yet, I yelled, he could not come with me to stores anymore.

His faces crumpled and he began to sob. I didn't care though. I was that beyond angry. I threw his seatbelt on, slammed the car door and just stood there heaving, trying to get a hold of my temper. I know its because he's 2. I know its a phase. But even now as I write this, I kept getting images of me not making it to him in time, him running out into the parking lot and being a red smear on the pavement. Zavi NEVER took off on me ever. Ashe could care less.

Fortunately preschool starts tomorrow and he will go one day a week. I'll do my shopping then, until he's in school full time and can go in peace. In the meantime, if you were at Target yesterday, have understanding that he was only 2. And if you heard me yelling in the parking lot of Target, have understanding. I'm only a mom of a 2 yr old.