Let me preface this blog by saying I am no stranger to pain. I have gone through three labors, all natural (two I had no chance in hell in getting my epi due to how fast the boys decided to come and by the time #3 rolled around I basically said eff it, I can handle it one more time).
And now I am going to outrage many women here on this planet by saying something considered blasphemous. Sorry ladies. I just dealt with pain this weekend so fierce that it made labor seem like a walk in the park. There, I said it. And I promise I'm not being overly dramatic. After this weekends episode I think I would choose having another baby au natural than to go through this crap again. See the difference between these two pains is that with labor, you know it will end. And you know at the end you are going to be given one of the most precious things in the entire world, and something you have been dreaming for for months. You have also had months and months of mental preparation! This pain though, comes suddenly, without any mental prep, and you have no idea when it will stop. Not to mention you dont get to bring a precious baby home. Nope, you just get a shot in the arse.
So this pain I speak of....
I have a head cold and for all last week it kept getting steadily worse and OTC drugs did nada for it. I knew something was up when around 10:30 am Friday morning I went deaf all of a sudden in my right ear. Completely deaf. I had this odd feeling that I should maybe, just maybe, get a Drs appointment "just in case" seeing as we were going to be stormed out starting that evening and the entire city would be shut down for at least the weekend due to *gasp* snow. I made an appointment for 1:15 and went about my day with the boys.
By 11:30am I went from deaf to OMFG WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH MY EAR HOLY HELL SOMEONE PLEASE RIP MY EARDRUM OUT NOW AND LET THE PRESSURE OUT!!!!!!!. No joke. I tried for a day to come up with a good explanation for how it felt and the only thing I can think of is to imagine one of those balloons that clowns use to make balloon animals stuffed up into your head and being blown up and filled with jagged glass, and trying to pop out of your ear, but your eardrum is in the way and pushing back saying "oh hell no you can't come out this side" but the balloon filled with jagged glass wont stop blowing itself up and there is this war going on in your ear canal and you are just a witness to it and cant do anything to help.
And even that barely covers it.
I'm not saying I am awesome with pain. I admit I can be a baby sometimes. When I first get hurt I need people to back off and leave me be until I can get a handle on myself. If people bother me I explode. J has learned this early on that when I say I need a moment, I need a moment. It's kind of like having a mini panic attack that I need to both defeat before I can go on to dealing with my pain. Xavier is the exact same way as I am in confronting pain. Both of us need a moment for that initial impact to pass.
But this time the pain didnt fade. It only got worse as time went on, if that was even possible. And so while also dealing with this OMFG WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN MY EAR STOP STOP ANYBODY MAKE IT STOP pain, I also was dealing with that panicky attack thing nonstop. And I readily admit that it was the one time in my life that I was doing all I could to not drop to my knees and bawl on the kitchen floor. I couldnt because that would have scared the hell out of the boys but Oh God I wanted to more than anything else until the pain was taken away.
By the time 1 pm rolled around I was gasping for breath, constantly holding my ear, and in the Drs office filling out paperwork. Seriously, WTF people? I get that paperwork needs to be done, and I get that as I havent been to the DRs since I found out I was pregnant with Soren that it needed to be updated. But if you see a grown woman holding hear ear with tears in her eyes and she can barely talk from the pain, do not make them fill out paperwork until you have filled them with pain meds!!!!! I can not concentrate on my flipping name let alone my insurance information or who can have my medical records.
After all is said and done, and I finally meet the Dr,it's determined I have "THE RAGING EAR INFECTION OF 2010" (thats what I have titled it). She decides to inject me with steroids, supposedly to stop the pain in 20 minutes (har fucking har har. It took 2 hours before I could unclench my body and 4 hours before I could say I was pain free). And I get the shot in my arse, the first time ever in my life. Then I'm given a list about 3 feet long of all the meds I have to take for the next ten days, including steroids, antibiotics, and 800mg of Motrin throughout the day.
I get home, J sweetly rushes out to get my prescription filled and I sit on the couch trying to hold Soren who is whining, and my ear at the same time, rocking back and forth. J comes home an hour later with a sobbing Ashe (tantruming) and rushes out again because of course Target is out of Motrin due to the Tylenol recall. I cant take it anymore. I rush through our cupboards and find the codeine left over from when Soren was born and shove two tablets in my mouth.
J comes home and rushes back up to work. And as soon as his office door shuts, Ashe begins to sob. Soren follows suit. And I, still in pain that just will not let up, decide to join in too. Sometimes, you just need to let it all out.
It's now 3 days later. The pain is gone (and that is ALL I care about), but I am still deaf. J likes to quip it's nothing different, and that he's used to me being deaf anyways. I'm hoping to get my hearing back soon, but then again, there is a positive to being partially deaf. The screaming and fighting of the two boys stuck in the house due to the snow (I hate snow days) is muffled and not as ear piercing. I do try to look on the bright side of things once in awhile.
But I had better never have to go through this crap again. Ever. I might lose what little sanity I cling to now if it happens again. Forewarning, people.