...my child sold your honor student the answers to the test...

Friday, March 12, 2010

Back In The Ring

I promised an update on the Social Security situation. I havent had the heart until today to post. But after a day of reeling in shock and hurt, I'm now pissed and even more determined to ensure this gets heard.


Wed morning, I arrived at the office with Xavier and Soren at 9:45 am. I called Mr. F, the manager of Social Security to let him know I was outside. While getting the kids out of the van I met with Mr. M, the Federal Protection Service Agent who is handling this case. I handed him my written statement and then he showed me a statement from an employee. In the statement it said that the guard  was perfectly professional the entire time and that I verbally attacked him with racial slurs. It also stated that this employee was told by others that while waiting I was pointing at the guard and telling my 3 year old son to point at the monkey, while laughing.

I can not properly express the shock, hurt, and anger I went through reading this false accusation. The many people who do know me can attest I abhor racism, and this would never have come from my mouth ever. I think the only thing that came out of my mouth that could have anything to do with animals was when Ashe asked me to quietly sing Old McDonald and we went through the litany of farm animals he knows. Oh and I also sang Baby Beluga by Raffi. We went through quite a few repetitions of these songs, trying to keep an active 3 yr old quiet and seated. When asked if any of this was true I vehemently denied that the accusations had any truth to them. After reading the statement Mr M took it back and escorted me inside. Soon after I was called by voice speaker by name and I went to the blue hall room where I met Mr. F. He said that some things came to light after we last spoke and wished to know if I had said anything that could be considered a racial slur. Again, I said no. I was then escorted to have my application filed.

As I was leaving I met with Mr. M one more time. I asked him if there was anything I could do. He told me that he would start tracking down people who were in the waiting room and get statements from them and could I describe anyone from that day. I specifically remembered 3 other people who stood up to the guard and described them. Mr. M told me he would look into it and that was all.



I went home in utter shock and in pain. I stayed calm while there, trying to keep a brave face in front of Xavier and not to make him nervous. But once my friend K called me in the car, driving home, I burst into tears. To be attacked with such viscous and untrue accusations, so blatant, descriptive, and completely fabricated, and in the one way anyone who knows me would never ever happen, was like a physical blow.  I entered into the conversation against my will when I was singled out in the office just for having children with me, after the guard treated the set of parents before me unfairly before the waiting room. I could be someone who ignored it, but I do not ever wish for any other parent to feel singled out and attacked just for being a parent. Being a parent to children is not a crime. It is a wonderful thing, but is also a very tough job, with no time off, and little help from the outside. To add this negative behavior on top of it is just cruel.

To be viscously and falsely attacked for something so atrocious when I was standing up for my rights as a tax payer, person, and parent, and to use the race card as a weapon is downright shameful.  I detest racism in its true form, and to see it used falsely only cheapens the cry when racism is real.


After a day of dealing with the shock, and with a lot of outpouring of support from my friends (THANK YOU ALL SOO FREAKING MUCH!!!) I woke up yesterday angry. Really pissed. Fists swinging. I'm not going to lie down and let this go. SO after talking with some friends and getting advice I wrote up a document with all the information that has happened so far, and emailed it to the local news stations, my governor, the mayor of Raleigh, and my congressman. I posted in Craigslist looking for anyone who was there at the time so I can send them to the FPS agent. And I am letting all of you know.

My ultimate goal is not to get the guard or anyone fired. I'm not doing this to be vindictive, or petty. I have two reasons that made me stand back up to fight. One is knowing that if I can make just one parent not have to go through this because I spoke up and did something, I helped someone. No one should have to go though this. The second reason, and one I think I already accomplished, was to teach Xavier an important lesson in life. Sometimes life isnt fair. Sometimes people abuse their power and authority. But if you see that happen you do have a choice to try and make it right. And it might be a hard battle, but doing what is right is not always the easiest path.

I might fail in this. Nothing may ever come out of it. But at least I can look my son straight in the eye and say I did everything I could to right a wrong and that's what really matters.

3 comments:

The Mrs. said...

how disgusting.

keep me posted please!

Keren said...

I feel so sad that that man pulled that stunt on you. One, because I'm black and if someone were really being ugly to me it's people like that that would make my story hard to believe. Two, because I have a little one who doesn't like to sit still. I think he knew you were probably going to report him so he was trying to beat you to the punch so that he wouldn't lose his job. He sucks and congratulations on standing up for yourself

Rhaven said...

Thank you both. I really appreciate your comments. Keren, thank you. It's been a week tomorrow and I'm still really hurting, but I'm working on getting past that. As I stated in my blog I have a huge abhorrence for racism and prejudice of any kind. I think that's why this blow hit harder to me. It was probably the lowest blow someone could hit me with, without them even realizing it. And like you said, when people really do deal with racism or prejudice, stuff like this only hurts those who really do suffer through it. And in the end, it hurts us all.