You Know You're A Parent If....

• You keep extra underoos in your vehicles cup holder without batting an eye
•  You throw laundry in the washer and a pair of googly eyes fall in
•  You giggle when you hear the word European
•   You keep a stock of Boogies Wipes within hands reach and you DON’T giggle at the name
•  You think a Nutella sandwich, juice box, and a banana is a perfectly acceptable lunch    
• You are willing to fix a Burger King crown in the middle of the night, just to stop the crying so you can haul ass back to bed
•  Your car CD player has They Might Be Giants ABC on repeat and not Guns N Roses
•  You actually wonder if Toy Story 3 might be too scary
•  Your idea of heaven is to sleep the whole night through, in your own bed, and wake up naturally
•  Your bed has turned into a trampoline
• You put serious thought into creating a sign to wear that says “I AM NOT A FREAKING JUNGLE GYM”
•  Lego’s are your nemesis and it is your burning ambition to destroy each colorful block you come across
•  Instead of that new car smell, your vehicle smells like old milk, no matter how much you clean it
•  The thought of wiping shit off someone elses ass doesn’t make you start gagging
•  You start looking at duct tape in a new light
•  You have more plastic cups than glass cups. In fact, you may not even remember the last time you had a bowl that doesn’t have a suction cup on the bottom
•  You kick ass at candy land
• All board games you own, no matter how new, are missing at least 5 pieces
•  Your vacation destination is to meet a giant mouse instead of that beach on Tahiti
•  You know what Monster Spray is and how to use it    
• You think Mr. Clean and his magic erasers are the best invention since sliced bread.
•  You have stock in Johnson & Johnson company. Or you should considering how many products of theirs you use on a daily basis
•  Your BS detection skills have soared, and you can spot a BSer within twenty paces
• You hit scan on your car radio and claim to have magical powers , turning the stations without touching the dial
•  You’ve thought about putting googly eyes on the back of your head to scare little people into thinking you really DO have eyes there
• Silence is NOT a good sign!
•  You have stock in coffee and alcohol   
• You have had wine out of a sippy cup and thought nothing of it   
• Despite the fact you don’t own a single item of clothing without stains, you’re tired all the time, and your house will always look like a tornado went through no matter how often you try to keep it clean, you wouldn’t have it any other way

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