...my child sold your honor student the answers to the test...

Friday, April 27, 2012

BIP!

3AM
CRASH!
"WHOAWHOWHATTHEHELLIS...XAVIER WHAT IS GOING ON???!!!"

J and I leapt out of bed from deep slumber to freaking out in 0.02 seconds as Xavier crashed open our bedroom door in the middle of the night. Xavier stood there, eyes wide as dinner plates.
"Dad.... there's a bip."
"A what?"
"A bip. Something keeps beeping like a bip."
"Duuuude, it's (squinting over at the clock) 3AM!!!"
"There's a bip, Dad! I swear!!"


BIP

We all cease movement immediately, heads all tilted to the side, listening.

BIP

One of our smoke detectors has gone rogue in the middle of the night.

Our second floor ceiling are ginormously tall. Like 15 feet high. And of course, we don't own a ladder. Don't ask me why. I keep meaning to stop at Home Depot to pick one up, but I always forget. And now we have a smoke detector that is bipping and we all know that none of us will sleep until we A> find out which one is the culprit and B> rip it out of it's socket until the next morning.

Since J is the tallest of the family, and will have to do the most acrobatics to fix this problem, he votes to leave it to the next morning. Xavier and I outvote him loudly, knowing that going down that road will only cause complete crankiness the next day due to severe lack of sleep as we all focus on the BIP sound.

So J and I throw on some clothes and start investigating which detector needs to be put down.

BIP

We pause in the hallway upstairs and try to pinpoint it's location.

BIP

Downstairs? Let's check it out. We stumble down the stairs, peering at each detector as we go past, looking for a flashing red light or anything that may make it stand out from the others.

BIP

Upstairs. Crap, I hope it's not in the younger boys bedroom. We scuttle up the stairs, eyes roving in every direction.

BIP

Ok not the hallway. Our room? No, it wasn't that loud.

BIP

Xaviers room. Ahh yes, there's the piece of shit that's disturbing our sleep. And oh look, it's on the highest point of our 15 FOOT HIGH CEILING!!! How could it not be?

BIP

We cringe, because now that we're below it, the sound is REALLY loud. Yes, Xavier and I were right in forcing this task to be done now. Because there is no way Xavier could have slept through this annoying blast of sound every 45 seconds.

BIP

J and I start looking around, trying to figure out how to get up that high? The bed? Sure try the bed. J jumps on the twin mattress and reaches, about 4 feet too far away.

BIP

We glance at the office chair. No, too risky. First it's only about a foot higher than the bed. Plus it's known to swivel fast and furious.

BIP

How about these crates? The ones that act as a dresser and stuffed animal pen. Think we could put them on top of each other? I promise to hold J steady, both of us knowing it's more for show because if J goes down there is nothing I could really do.

BIP

No choice. We have to try. J dumps everything out of the crates to Xavier's alarm (I mean really, his parents ARE destroying his room) and starts to carefully climb up the contraption of two crates stacked on top of each other, while I hold his leg steady, enjoying the view.

BIP

Slowly, he stands straight, and then reaches his arm out to the offending detector. And you have got to be fucking kidding me. He's an inch too short. "What the f..."

BIP

The sound covers my verbal slip. Thankfully Xavier didn't hear me. I focus my attention back to J, who is trying to carefully hop up a little to grab the bottom of the gadget. I cringe each time, waiting for him to fall and kill himself (and me).

BIP

I hear a scrape of skin and a muttered curse as J thrashes his hand in the air. I see blood. This can't be good.

BIP

Growling, J stares at the detector, focusing all his anger and frustration on the round piece of plastic. I know that growl. I know that look. I know that very shortly I will not only have to buy a ladder, but a new smoke detector.

BI.....

J lunged and snatched at the ceiling.A ripping sound silences the bips, and J comes crashing down with the smoke detector in his hands. He smiles in victory while Xavier and I cheer, helping him down and hugging him. Xavier goes back to bed, I mend the battle wounds with a band aid and a kiss, and we all snuggle back into bed, where all is again silent and right in the world.




4 comments:

JMS said...

OMG this happened to us one night in our master- high vaulted ceilings, no ladder. We moved into the guest room! Ours beep for about an hour to let you know to change it and then stop- this happened about a week ago in the upstairs hall. After the hour was up, we forgot until around 10:30p when it started up again for good. What do you know- out of 9volts. To HT DH went. Those lifesaving devices are super annoying!
Great story telling as always!

SRM said...

We went to the replace the batteries the following day and found out that it only takes duracell. Is it bad that they are still hiding in a closet underneath a bunch of coats?

mylifewithkidsnchaos said...

I haven't laughed this hard in AGES!! Been there, done that, but the danged thing took me 20 minutes to open...I took out the battery and just left it til the next day :)

Jen said...

Too funny, I would have ripped it out too! One night in a brand new rental unit we were living in while on assignment for a job, the smoke detectors had a freak electrical malfunction. They would systematically go off every 20 minutes loudly, no bipping, instead loud wailing and then go off 10 minutes later. It was awful because even disconnecting all of the units didn't solve the problem. We sat in the living room with our 2 babies and would cover our ears during the 10 minute wailing and then sleep for 15 minutes. I still cringe when thinking about that night.
Glad to have found your blog!
Jenifer
http://www.practicallyperfectprincess.com/