My Little (Creepy) Pony

There are some super creepy toys out there. I always wonder what drugs toy companies are on when they make some of them. Obviously movie makers think the same thing. Chuckie, anyone?

I remember when I was four, my father thought it was a super idea to sit me down and make me watch Poltergeist with him. Now I KNOW he was on drugs (full on hippie from the 60's, Woodstock and everything). But that movie has forever scarred me, and to this day I have a horrible aversion to clowns. Why? Because I had a similar creepy clown in my bedroom at the time, and in Poltergeist, the clown tried to strangle a kid.

Imagine watching that movie as a little tyke and then try to sleep in the same room with this:

Clowns are NOT allowed in my house. Ever.

As a parent, I try to keep creepy toys out of our house. Sometimes though, they enter our house whether we wish it or no. Recently, we had a creepy addition to our household. I dubbed it "My Little (Creepy) Pony", or MLCP for short.

MLCP came from my mom while she was visiting the other weekend. My mom is a preschool teacher and I guess this toy was going to be tossed out. She thought the boys may enjoy it, since Ashe broke his stick horse, Epona. Looking at it, MLCP seems cute and ordinary. Just a small toddler rocking horse with cotton candy pink fur. The boys adored it at once, and they rocked it all over the living room

When we sat down to dinner, Soren brought MLCP over to sit beside him on the floor. He started playing with it's ears and that's when we realized it did more than rock: it also sang and talked. Now, if it was just a whinny, that would have been ok. But nooooo. This thing sings in a really creepy male voice. And then it says creepy things about how it likes to be brushed in a creepy effeminate voice. Not only does it say creepy things, but it's also got multiple personalities.

"I'm a little pony. Clippity clop. Clippity clop.

Such a pretty pony. Clippety clop. Clippety clop."

"I love it when you brush my hair!"

As we listened to the multiple things MLCP said, the kids were excited while the adults around the table just looked at each other silently. Then we all shuddered at the same time. Mom was kind enough to promise to take it home, but the kids freaked out and insisted it stay for awhile. And now, it's still here.

I find myself nightly turning the pony away from me when I'm upstairs by myself. I don't want that thing looking at me when I'm all alone. I swear if it starts singing on it's own I'm going to take a kitchen knife to that horse and make it stuffed dog food. And there have been a few times, late at night when I hear our house creaking in the wind, that I get an image in my mind of MLCP slowly rocking up the stairs with a meat cleaver in it's mouth, coming for me. It knows I hate it. Only one of us will survive.




MLCP creeping up the stairs





I can't get rid of it or the kids would be devastated. They play with it every day. They even play nicely with it, sharing, taking turns, petting MLCP, and feeding it invisible apples. But I know it's only a matter of time before they lose interest and MLCP is forgotten in the corner. And when that time comes, my friends, there will be a throw down. I will take MLCP out of its misery, and save my family from creepy toys. I shall prevail.