As we drove along, passing multiple graveyards, J turns to me and starts us down the path of an odd conversation.
J: Have you ever thought about where we should be buried when we die? Do you have a preference?
Me: Well, we live here now. I don't really have any ties back in Massachusetts, so somewhere here.
J: Yeah, I feel the same way.
Me: I just don't want to be buried on one of those cemeteries where you have to have a flat stone. When I go out, I want my rock big and badass!
J: You still want the dragon headstone?
Me: Hell yeah! I want my giant dragon sleeping over my decaying corpse. And I want my epitaph to read "Still waiting for a rez". (Gamer joke)
J: That's going to cost a lot of cash, you know.
Me: Good thing you took out a big life insurance policy on me then, huh?
J: What about if your dragon is styrofoam. It would cost less. (I glare daggers at him) No?
Me: No. I want my rock to last. Tell you what. I've been thinking of going green. How about you forgo formaldahyde and all that jazz, wrap me up in a shroud and toss me in the ground under my big rock? You can use one of our spare bed sheets as a shroud. I'm fine with that.
We're silent for a bit, contemplating mortality and what it means. I realize then that J has never given me clear instructions on what he wants. I've always wanted my dragon headstone and made it crystal clear I would haunt J's ass if he didn't grant my last wish of a badass dragon headstone.
Me: So how about you. What do you want when you die? Cremation? Burial at sea? Want a badass dragon stone with me?
J: How about a burial at sea in a giant shoe?
Me: I could do that. How's your life insurance policy? Could it handle the expense?
|Flaming shoe burial from movie "Passion of Darkly Noon"|
J: I think it should cover it.
Me: I wonder if I'd need a special license to bury you a la flaming shoe?
J: Dunno. You think they have flaming shoe burial licenses?
Me: I highly doubt enough people want to go out via a flaming shoe to have a specific license for that.
We drive along for awhile. At one point, we pass by a taxidermist.
Me: That's it!
Me: How about I get you taxidermied?
Me: yeah! And then I can have you wear that awesome viking hat you wore at the Museum of Natural history in New York!
J: I like my shoe idea better.
Me: Fine: I'll bury you in a flaming shoe. You just make sure you don't skimp out on my badass dragon headstone.