Cool Lost

I lost my Mom cool the other night. I admit it. But I'll also say in my defense, it's very hard not to lose you're cool when you're trying to talk to a naked ten year old boy who is unnaturally freaking out....while naked. Did I mention he was naked? Just checking.

After a long day of three kids in the house, surreptitiously trying to kill one another, J and I had finally sat down having conquered bed time. We were sitting on the couch, sipping wine and reading our kindle and Nook, relaxing for the first time all day.

After ten minutes of relaxation, the house decided that we had had enough. For no reason at all, the smoke detector beeped. Now those damn things have either had their batteries recently replaced or were ripped off the ceiling if you remember our last debacle regarding night time detector issues. So this shouldn't have happened!!! One loud BIP, just to piss us off. Both J and I tensed, waiting for Ashe to come running down the stairs sobbing. He never did make an appearance. Instead, it was Xavier, butt naked with his boxers in hands, sobbing.

"OH MY GOD WHAT HAPPENED???"
"Its ok, it was just the smoke detector malfunctioning. See, it's all done."
"BUT WHY WOULD IT DO THAT??? OH MY GOD!! IM SO SCARED!!!"
"Zavi, it's ok. There is nothing to be frightened of. The smoke detector just made a little bip. And ummm, why are you naked?"
"I WAS GOING TO THE BATHROOM!"
" Can you, maybe, put your boxers on? Please?
"BUT IM FREAKING OUT! wHY DID IT DO THAT? ARE WE GONNA DIE??"
" Dude, put your clothes on. Go to bed. You're not going to die."

And yet he continued to freak out, while I continued to hold in my frustration that was growing because I couldn't get it through to him that everything was fine, it was a fluke and WOULD YOU PUT YOUR DAMN UNDERWEAR ON FOR THE LOVE OF BOB???

I actually had to step out on the deck before I lost it entirely. I let J take over before I did something stupid, like start yelling and making things worse. One of my biggest failures as a parent is having no patience after repeating myself more than three times. And when Xavier is off meds and is freaking out, I know there is nothing he can do about his anxiety. But holy hell man, I can't help if he can't calm down enough to let me. It's a vicious cycle I can't get out of during these moments.

Fortunately J is super patient man and can do things I think only super heros are able to do. Which is calm Xavier down enough to put his pants on. And get him back to bed without the use of duct tape.

On one hand I feel bad that I lost my cool. On the other hand, I wonder how the hell this kid is going to survive as an adult if he continues to have these issues of anxiety. Am I going to have phone calls in the middle of the night from a naked grown up child screaming "OH MY GOD A FIRE TRUCK WENT BY! IS MY HOUSE ON FIRE? AM I GOING TO DIE???" Because I seriously can't think of how he is going to cope, all on his own, when things go bump (or Bip) in the night.

And no, he is not staying here as an adult.