...my child sold your honor student the answers to the test...

Sunday, June 23, 2013

Sex Ed: Talk About It!

This morning I was sipping coffee and surfing through Reddit when I came across a post on the parenting forum. A mom posted that her 8 year old daughter just came and asked her what sex was. She wanted to know if she could "Just shirk her duties and have her daughter ask the bad girls at school"?

I sat there and stared at my computer screen for a moment, entirely disbelieving what I was seeing. And then I saw red. Rage red, where the adrenaline kicks in, and you start shaking, and it's hard to type on the keyboard because of this shaking, but the only way to let it out is to do something about it. So I did. I told this woman to grow up and parent her child and answer her questions and do not dare to shirk responsibility of something so important.

Listen up parental units. I don't normally judge differing parenting styles. I know that we all have our unique ways of teaching our kids about the world around us. I know that we each have our own insecurities, and areas of parenting that freak us out. That is NORMAL! But FFS, I DO judge you if you are a pansy ass who will do your children wrong by refusing to do your duty as a parent. Do not put your children into a position where they feel that they can not come to you with questions, even if it is an uncomfortable subject. Whoever said that parenting was easy? No one! And sexual health is one of those subjects that is awkward, embarrassing, and hard! But you know what? You have to answer those questions!!! IT IS YOUR JOB!

I have blogged many times of my own stories of when my children asked sex questions. I have felt that uncomfortable "Oh crap" moment, when one of my little guys looks up at me with puppy eyes and asks what is sex?  I have squirmed when I discussed the details about penis meets vagina. And I lived through it. And my kids walked away with knowledge: knowledge of the questions they asked, and knowledge that I would answer their questions, no matter how awkward.

I recently wrote about Xavier coming home from sex ed at school, thinking that wet dreams meant dreaming of things that were wet. If I had "shirked" my duties, he would have continued to believe this inaccurate information. What kind of mother could do that to their child, knowing that one day he would wake up wondering what was wrong with him?!

My mother did not teach me sex ed. I learned through books, through horrible sex ed in school, and through girls talking in the school bathroom. It was unfair for me to have to try and learn by myself. It made me awkward, believe incorrect things, and I never felt that I could talk to my mom about anything important.

 I refuse to do that to my children. No parent should do that to their children.

So for me to see, in this day and age, a mother who is asking if it's ok for her to pass her responsibilities to others, including "bad girls at school", it makes me rage. So to answer you: NO! YOU CAN NOT! Do your damn job as a parent. You made the choice to become a parent, and that includes all of the bad icky stuff that makes you squirm. Put your big girl panties on, or find your ball sack, and answer the damn questions! Don't you dare make your child feel awkward or dirty for asking something that makes you feel embarrassed. That is your issue, not theirs. Don't make it theirs because you don't want to deal with it. That is absolutely piss poor parenting, and it breaks my heart to know that there are kids out there whose parents would actually consider refusing to talk to them about something so damn important.

Grow up.


Rebecca Moree said...

Wow! How could you even think about "just leaving it up to the school"?!? That is crazy!

Thanks for the post! I love your blog and can't wait to read some more!

<3 SouthernMessMom.blogspot.com

in pursuit said...

Bravo, bloggy friend!! Well said! It's so easy to avoid any of the tough stuff whether it's conversations or discipline. But it's part of the job we signed up for!
Nice work!
(The Pursuit of Normal;) in case you weren't sure which "Vicky";)

Diplo_Daddy said...

If parents don't discuss the subject with their children, you can best bet they'll learn about it from another unreliable source; another child.

Sort of makes you wonder how and where they first heard about it themselves.

Becoming Supermommy said...

Good for you. What an awful plan,

That said, I do kind of wish I didn't have to say "we don't touch our vaginas at the table" on the daily.

SRM said...

Rebecca, welcome to my blog! Leaving it to the school is bad enough on its own. But this woman went further and asked about leaving it to the "bad girls" in school. I want to know, how many bad girls are there at age 8? And someone else in the forum brought up a good point: the girls who have answers are the ones whose parents talked to them. But even then, it's easy to get information incorrect. Having personally gone through my childhood given no information but what I could scrape up myself, I realize that this is a big trigger topic of mine.

V I know who you are! I missed seeing you here. Thanks =)

Diplo, nice to meet you! I agree with you on your observations. If I had to make an educated guess, I would bet that this particular mother grew up in a household where sexual health discussions were taboo. That being said, it's still unfair to continue that perpetuation down to her child because she is scared. You're right, the daughter will learn. What I am afraid of is what she will learn. I remember hearing a story back in high school of a girl who got pregnant. She thought she wouldn't so long as she peed right after sex. /sigh

Becoming, thank you. I hear you. Although I don't deal with mini vaginas around here, the amount of times I have to talk about playing with penises in the appropriate place is astounding.